The Lily Harper 8 Book Boxed Set

by HP Mallory

  I wasn’t sure if Streethorn’s information qualified as “good news” but at least our plans could finally move forward. “Well, I’m back on the clock.”

  Bill’s cackle was loud, followed by a coughing fit that lasted a good twenty seconds. “Bet Skeletorhorn hated every second o’ tellin’ ya that.”

  “Yeah, he didn’t exactly sound happy to be relaying the information.” I put the phone back down on the coffee table. “Should I assume the only reason this is happening is because of Poly and Sally?”

  “You know it, yo. It’s like Poly was sayin’ during that conferensation call. Being VP in AE does come with some handy perks.”

  The bedroom door opened and a still-groggy Tallis stumbled out. “Dinnae ye know how tae be any quieter, man?”

  I went back to the wall to grab my sword, still unsure if I could lift it after the hardcore workout I just put myself through. “We’ve got a new soul to retrieve. This one’s stuck somewhere between the Seventh and Eighth Circles.”

  Bill palmed his face while Tallis looked up at the ceiling. Okay, not the reactions I was expecting, I thought. “I take it that’s a bad place?”

  Tallis turned his eyes from the ceiling to me but the weariness remained. “Naught in an’ of itself, Besom, but that’s a lot o’ territory tae go traipsin’ aboot in. I dinnae s’pose Streethorn had anything specific tae say ‘boot where ye’re s’posed tae find this soul?”

  I swallowed hard. “Just what I told you.”

  Bill glanced between me and Tallis. “Ya thinkin’ this could be a trap, Tido? Maybe an ampush?”

  Tallis gave him a grim nod. “Aye, just like the setoop tae git that damned crown or maybe even worse yet.”

  With ominous thoughts like that, there was no point in denying the potential danger we were headed towards. “Well, after all the stunts we pulled on our last trip, you gotta figure Alaire would step up his game,” I said.

  “Even so, Besom, I was hopin’ it’d be something we’d know how tae better prepare fer.”

  I cleared my throat and tapped my chainmail pants leg with my sword as if to say ‘case in point’. Tallis shook his head.

  “Aye, that set o’ chain can block some blows, even a few bullets. But it’s nae enough tae stop the schemin’ o’ types like Streethorn an’ Alaire.”

  Bill sighed and rubbed his face. “Look, Conan, Danger Zone Defcon aside, what else is new? Lils was set up to fail since the very first day she wound up in Skeletorhorn’s office. So all that’s happenin’ right now is they’re uprising the stakes to finally nail her—and us—.”

  My bladesmith rubbed his cheeks before dropping his hands with a growl. “Well… nae sense in delayin’ the inevitable. Ah’ll cook us up some breakfast an’—”

  Another call came through my AE cell. The Caller ID said it was from Alaire. Speak of the devil and the devil will call!

  I gestured towards the phone before tapping the button to put it on speakerphone. “Alaire.”

  “Good Morning, Ms. Harper. And a fine morning it is.” Alaire’s silky, smooth voice boomed out through the tinny speaker. “Judging from the amount of background noise I’m hearing at present, may I assume you’ve got me on speaker mode?”

  From his position in the kitchen, Tallis glared at the phone. I would have liked to see him reach into it and squeeze Alaire’s neck. “Anythin’ ye’ve got tae say ta Lily, Ah wanna hear meself.”

  Bill leaned right next to it before he added his own shout. “Ditko, dickhead!”

  Alaire’s laugh sounded anything but worried. “Oh, that suits my purposes just fine, gentlemen. After all, it would be such a bother to have to contact you on your oh-so-traceable burn phones that you wasted perfectly good money on.”

  I did my best to suppress my discouragement. The whole reason for getting the burner phones was to have a way of calling people without worrying the Master of the Underground City was listening in. But if Alaire knew about the phones, obviously they were tapped. It made me wonder how much of last night’s conference call was actually secure.

  Taking a page from Don Draper, I decided to change the conversation. “You’re sounding pretty chipper for a guy who was just swinging a pair of axes at my face two weeks ago.”

  Alaire laughed again. “Oh, that? That was nothing, really, a bit of impassioned sparring that I allowed to go too far.”

  “Impassioned sparring?” I repeated glumly.

  “If I had to blame that situation on any one thing, I’d say it was a delayed reaction to the fallout of the whole Persephone affair, which I freely admit, was not one of my finer plans. As such, shall we just let bygones be bygones?”

  Not in a million years, I thought but Tallis answered for me as he cooked the eggs. “Ah’d be thinkin’ that ‘delayed reaction’ had more tae do with that Urn we managed tae filch from ye.”

  After a few seconds of delay, Alaire spoke again. “You know, it’s a rather curious thing, Yeti. I was expecting Pandora’s most infamous wedding present to be quite easy to locate. So imagine my surprise—nay, my complete and utter shock—over the fact that I still have not located its whereabouts.”

  That looked like a perfect place to throw in a jab as I paced around the coffee table. “Maybe you’re not as smart as you think you are.”

  “Or maybe I haven’t analyzed every factor deeply enough” Alaire returned, his tone of voice conveying the fact that he wasn’t offended. “Upon reflection, leaving the urn in the care of the Department of Requisitions or some other obvious culprit was something you must have thought out well before I did.” He added a dramatic sigh that sounded like a long-suffering parent asking their incorrigible kid to behave. “I don’t suppose I can persuade any of you to explain the trick behind the urn’s continued absence?”

  Bill got a smug grin on his face. “Sure, Blondie! The trick is: ya don’t know everything!”

  “Shall I take that as a no?” Alaire asked.

  No one responded. Tallis just tended to the eggs while Bill and I kept staring at the phone. Finally, when my bladesmith put the first serving of eggs on a plate, Alaire decided to change the conversation. “I understand you’ve been officially cleared for duty as of today, Ms. Harper?”

  I sneered at the phone. “Did Streethorn tell you all about that before or after he called me?”

  “Does it matter? Timing doesn’t change the fact that I know.”

  Then Alaire did an excellent impersonation of Streethorn, his voice hardening. “Another immutable fact you should keep in mind, I still control everything that happens inside the Underground City. Therefore, any ability to take action within that environs is only because I allow you to do so. While I have found the three of you to be amusing in varying degrees in the past, you’re all currently in peril of crossing over into the nuisance category. And I must warn you that I don’t like nuisances.”

  His little speech made my blood boil. It took everything I could muster to reply instead of smashing the phone against the nearest wall. “Yeah? Well, I don’t like threats.”

  “Oh, I never threaten anyone, dear Lily, I just announce certain guarantees and possibilities. And I guarantee you this: I will eventually retrieve everything that is rightfully mine. That includes Donnchadh, whom I assume you still carry inside your delectable personage.”

  He was dead wrong on that count. Tallis’s former spirit passenger was presently safe and accounted for inside Pandora’s Urn with the rest of his fellow Spites. “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me,” I responded.

  That earned me one of Alaire’s damnably cheery chuckles. “Touche, Ms. Harper, how very droll indeed.”

  “Ha!” Bill called out. “I get it now!” Then he started laughing as I took a deep breath and just shook my head. “Where’d you hear that one, Lils?”

  “My mother said it to me a long time ago,” I muttered.

  “Your mother sounds like a wise woman,” Alaire said. “It makes me wonder if a future introduction might be a worthwh
ile endeavor, seeing as you’ll be otherwise occupied. I’m quite certain your mother and I should share a great deal in common.”

  “Ye stay away from Lily’s family!” Tallis roared from the other side of the room.

  A ball of ice formed in my stomach as I stopped dead in my tracks. I wanted to snarl back that Alaire wouldn’t dare contact my mother, but my recent past experience prevented me from making that mistake.

  Alaire allowed his words to sink in for a few seconds before adding, “And this is when you hang up.”

  I stared daggers at the phone without making any move towards it. If he wanted this call to end, he could do it himself. A minute later, I heard him humming and the cell chimed when the call disengaged.

  I immediately snatched up the phone so I could pull up the keypad. Bill’s eyes widened. “Lils, what are ya doin’?”

  I glanced up at him while my fingers dialed a number I’d memorized since I was six. “I’m calling my mom… she needs to know if Alaire is going to reach out to her.”

  “Um, you’re s’posed to be dead, Nips, remember? So how are ya—”

  “She needs to know if Alaire is going to call her, Bill!”

  “And what are you gonna tell her? That you’re her dead daughter calling from the grave to tell her some fucking asshole is gonna call her or show up at her door?” Bill demanded.

  Tallis’s large hand grabbed mine, covering up the phone so I couldn’t finish dialing. “Nae, not like this she don’t, Besom.”

  I tried yanking my hand out of his, but Tallis’s grip was too strong. Drawing from his combat lessons, I rolled my wrist against his thumb. Even with that extra leverage, I barely managed to break my hand free. My struggle gave Bill plenty of time to get on the coffee table and take a flying leap at my phone. The extra weight of Bill landing on my arm, combined with the chainmail, made both of us crash down loudly on the hardwood floor.

  Sliding a short distance away from me, Bill made another lunge at my cell. Thankfully, my ex-guardian angel was a lot easier to push away than Tallis. But no matter how many times I knocked him back, the scrappy, little guy wouldn’t stop getting between me and the keypad.

  “Dammit, Nips, stop it! This isn’t one o’ them ideas you just make! You needs ta think about this shit before you go and do it!”

  I finally pushed Bill pretty hard, making him trip and fall on his back, right over the couch. If I’d been in a better mood, I might have laughed at the ridiculous sight. Sensing the opportunity, I grabbed my phone and returned to dialing.

  I’d just gotten the last digit punched in when a pair of large arms wrapped around mine and the phone dropped out of my hands, landing on the coffee table. This time, I had no leverage to get Tallis off me, and struggling was useless. He looked down at me with understanding firmness.

  “Settle down, Besom! Ye know ‘tis a mistake!”

  I exhausted all my strength trying to wiggle out of his grasp but it was no use. After that, it was easy for Bill to scurry around and pick up my phone from the floor.

  Tallis looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. “Now are ye done with all this nonsense?”

  Helpless as I was, I couldn’t let that one go. “You heard Alaire! He… threatened… my… mom. I can’t just let that pass, Tallis! I… I have to warn her!”

  “Ever think that’s what Blondie’s countin’ on, Lils?” Bill asked. “Or did ya amnesiate the part in yer contract that AE had ya sign? Remember where it says ya can’t contact any members o’ yer family an’ friends from the good old days?”

  In the heat of the moment, I actually did recall that fact. But, I didn’t care about it. Before, I only found that clause a bit painful. Now that Alaire was threatening to approach Mom, however, it was sheer agony. “Don’t pretend you didn’t hear Alaire too! My mother’s in imminently serious trouble if he keeps his word.”

  “Neither o’ us are disputin’ what ye are sayin’, me lovely. But there be a right way an’ a wrong way tae do everything.”

  Bill nodded at his verbal sparring partner. “Yo! Righteously said, Tido.” Then he faced me. “If you fly off the handle an’ reach out to yer mom, guess what happens? AE’s gonna give you an all-expensives-paid vacay to Shade fer the next hundred years.” Then he faced me. “Not the most ideal way ta help yer moms, is it, Nips?”

  The hell of it was: they were right. I knew it, but the thought that Alaire would actually ruin my mother’s life in addition to mine…

  I looked into Tallis’s deep, understanding eyes and nodded. He stepped away, giving me a chance to catch my breath.

  “Maybe I can reach out ta Poly an’ Sally,” Bill offered. “My burner’s hooked up to a VPN, so—”

  “Nae, stookie angel. However yer plannin’ tae git in touch, that’d still be something Ah’d wager Alaire would be lookin’ fer. An’ any official inquiries, however discreet, could well git back tae him.” Then Tallis looked at me. “We have nae way o’ knowin’ if Alaire is even serious aboot gettin’ in touch with yer mum. For all we know, he could jist be sayin’ as mooch tae git oonder yer skin, Besom.”

  “What he said,” Bill responded with a nod. “Alaire’s just tryin’ to freak you out, Lils. Don’t let him!”

  “Aye,” Tallis continued. “Whit business would he have with yer mum anyway?”

  “That’s true,” I said as I started to calm down. It really didn’t make sense for Alaire to reach out to her. What would be the point, other than causing me more pain?

  Tallis nodded slowly, and a distant look shone in his eyes. “Ah think we got more urgent matters tae attend to now.”

  “Like breakfast,” Bill answered and his stomach started groaning.

  I nodded. “No arguing that.”

  Every inch of my battered skin hurt as I walked up to the counter and took my seat on the stool closest to me. I couldn’t remember pain and exhaustion this bad since I fell down on an ice rink when I was a kid. Still, I did my best to ignore it.

  “So, how soon can you two be ready after breakfast?”

  FIVE

  Tallis

  Be it ever so humble, I thought as we traipsed through the Dark Wood.

  ‘Twas nae until the end of the first day’s journey that I realized how much I missed me Dark Wood. This twisted collection of trees and brambles was nae comparison to Fergus Castle, nor could it ever boast the safety of Besom’s apartment. But to feel the mossy ground beneath me boots, and smell the distinctive scent in the dank air, hear the familiar growls, mating calls and challenges of the deeper woods’ nastier inhabitants, it felt more honest and real than all the nights I spent in Lily’s bed.

  Bran forgive me, but I had come to love The Dark Wood such that it was.

  As for Besom, she had learned to carry the weight of her new armor faster than I expected.As always, Besom kept surprising me with her willingness to endure whatever pains she incurred. Great Morrigan, how could I nae love this woman?

  The stookie angel kept insisting on leading us the whole way. Never mind that only I knew how to find me cabin. I had to steer him back on the proper course more than a few times. He was bound and determined, saying he was willing to be the first to receive any harm should trouble find us.

  Aye, I knew he couldnae die by regular means but I wasnae certain whether to admire the wee fellow’s guts or curse his recklessness. I couldnae find it inside me to dislike him for his pluck. Even now, thrown down in disgrace by his superiors, and all but forgotten by those that should have called him brother, he was still intent to shine as the guardian angel he should have been all along. In a more just world, he would never set one foot in the Underground City.

  At this point, there was naught but a couple of hilltops left to cross before me cabin came back into sight. Given the way we left it, I fully expected we’d have to slay one beastie or more that were now calling it home. But what I saw instead made me jaw drop straight down to me breast.

  The front door was firmly shut and the chimney wafted a thin stream of
smoke. A quick sniff of the air told me ‘twas hot food being fixed over the fire in the stove.

  I squinted and noticed gaps in the fallen leaves around the cabin, indicating the ground had been disturbed. I used one hand to tap the fool angel on the shoulder and me other to point at the nearest spot. “What do ye make o’ that, stookie angel?”

  Aye, the angel did some squinting too, which I knew from past experience allowed him to see the cabin better than I could. When he stopped, he began stroking his chin.

  “I dunno, yo. Looks like someone’s been diggin’ in the ground, arrange-rovering a neat circle with all the spots they dug out.”

  Lily pulled her breath in as she unsheathed her blade. “Like someone’s been digging graves?”

  Seeing the good sense in her caution, I pulled me own blade free. “Aye, possibly. We best be cautious whilst takin’ a closer look.”

  Every one of our steps from one hill to the next was as measured as our heartbeats. Even the stookie angel took great care with each slow footfall he planted. In due course, we came close to the upturned soil, enough that I could crouch next to one of the mounds.

  Intoning words I learned long ago on the shores of a distant loch, I buried me hand in the dirt, slowly rolling it around before pulling it out again. The scent that came back to me was one of decay and primal savagery.

  Whoever came here had apparently buried each of me dead beasties beneath this ground. Judging from the arrangement of the graves, the beasties were still guarding me cabin even in death… but by whom, I wondered?

  I was about to speak when Besom put a hand on me shoulder and squeezed. When I looked up, she removed her hand and pointed at the cabin. I spotted a light coming from under the door, which grew brighter by the second. I rose to me feet, me blade at the ready. The angel stepped in front of us, his stubby arms vainly trying to block us from the squatter.

  “Hey, yo, this here’s private property! An’ since ya ain’t on the guest A-list, git yer ass outta there!”