Prisoner of My Desire

by Johanna Lindsey

  momentary surprise that his touch was gentle. She was simply too frightened to

  feel more than that.

  He played long with her breasts, flicking at the soft nipples, squeezing and

  pulling on them by turns. But when he ended with a frown, Rowena thought she

  would die of fright. She did not know it was because he had been unable to make

  her nipples tighten in response to his caresses, not even a little, not even

  once. With that frown still terrifying her, he brought a hand between her legs

  and thrust his finger inside her.

  She groaned at the sharp discomfort she felt. His frown got darker.

  ?So you would deny yourself the shame that was visited upon me? I think not,

  wench.?

  Another threat, but she was lost in the dark this time, nor could she ask him to

  explain.

  She had no idea what had so displeased him, or what shame he thought she was

  denying herself that he wanted her to know. She would have done aught that he

  wanted her to at that point, just to get that terrifying scowl off his face. But

  there was naught that she could do, chained to the bed.

  She began to tremble, not as greatly as when she had thought she was about to

  die, but enough for him to notice and growl ?Close your eyes, damn you. You do

  well to fear me, but I will not have you reacting to my every frown, not now. I

  will do to you no more than you did to me, and you already know the way of it,

  so put your fear aside. I order it.?

  He was mad to think she could do that, no matter what reassurance he gave her.

  He was mad anyway, for by his own words, he wanted her to fear himbut not now.

  What difference when, for God?s mercy? But he had ordered it. Ah, God, how, how

  could she comply?

  She closed her eyes. He was right in that respect, that she was reacting to the

  dissatisfaction clearly written on his face. Not even the fear of being unable

  to anticipate what he would do next was as bad as seeing those scowls. And what

  he did next was as he had said, no more than she had done to him. He began

  caressing her, not just her breasts, but all over.

  She stopped trying to reason why he was touching her when it was not necessary

  to his purpose. His hands were soothing, and she welcomed his touch as a means

  to appease him. Somehow, she began to relax. She began to feel things other than

  fear: the texture of his hands, callused yet gentle; his warm breath whenever he

  leaned close; gooseflesh when he neared a sensitive area.

  She was so relaxed when his mouth came to her breast that she felt only a moment?s

  alarm that did not last. Heat engulfed her then, and a sharp tingling that

  shriveled her nipple and sent a strangeness to the pit of her belly. She did not

  mind the feeling. It reminded her of those not unpleasant things she had felt at

  times when she had caressed him. Had he felt them, too, at the time? Did he feel

  them now?

  His caresses became slightly rougher now that he had drawn a response from her

  that he wanted. She did not mind that either. In fact, unknowingly, she was

  arching into his touch, on her breasts, over her belly, as if she suddenly

  craved it. But when his hand drifted back toward the juncture of her legs, she

  stiffened again. Only he did not attempt to thrust his fingers inside her this

  time. He merely continued his caresses there, softly now, and he was touching on

  something hidden in that area that produced the most deliriously languorous

  feeling. She relaxed more, forgot why she was being done so, forgot who was

  doing it. The sensations were exquisite, coursing and commingling into that

  secret core of her.

  She was not even aware of him moving over her, but when she felt his thick

  manroot sliding slowly yet easily into her warmth, her eyes flew open in

  surpriseand met his above her, so filled with male triumph that she inwardly

  cringed. He was leaning over her with the full length of his arms extended, so

  that the only place he touched her was where he filled her. She did not look

  down at their joined bodies. She could not take her eyes off his.

  ?Aye, now you know how it feels to have no control of a traitorous body,? he

  almost purred in his satisfaction.

  ?You made me want this, despite my fury, so I have made you want it, despite

  your fear.?

  She shook her head frantically, but he only laughed and thrust more deeply into

  her.

  ?Aye, deny it as I did, but the proof is the ease with which I entered, the

  wetness that surrounds me now. That is what I wanted, wench, to force you to

  readiness as you forced me. And the shame of being unable to deny me will be

  yours each time I take you.?

  The pleasure he felt in achieving his revenge was as hard for her to witness as

  his anger. Rowena closed her eyes once more against it, but that was a mistake.

  It let her feel the fullness of him deep inside her, which was no new .experience,

  except before she had never been ?readied? for him. The difference was beyond

  description, as day to night. Each slow plunge made her crave the next, harder,

  deeper, more? until she finally screamed against her gag as the full pleasure

  exploded and carried her beyond anything she could have imagined.

  She was left limp and sated, and a while later, when thought returned, as shamed

  as he had wanted her to feel. It was inconceivable that she had found pleasure

  in that ordeal, pleasure at the hands of her enemy, a man who despised her with

  his every breath. And now she truly knew what he had felt, all of it, and hated

  him for showing her.

  Chapter 17

  That first day in the lord?s solar continued endlessly for Rowena, despite the

  fact that de Chaville had left her the very moment he had finished with herjust

  as she had always done with him. Of course, she was to remain chained to the bed.

  Like for like. And if he kept exactly true to what he had endured at her hands,

  then he would not force her again that day. Verily, she was surprised he had not

  waited until the middle of the night to summon her to him, for that was when

  Gilbert had taken her to him that first time.

  That first time? she had suffered terrible pain in giving him her maidenhead,

  made worse because of her ignorance. To be fair, however, he had caused himself

  pain each time he had fought her, onlyhe had suffered none today. And she had

  received no pleasure in taking him, while he had received his man?s pleasure

  each time. Yet in order for him to rape her here, he would still receive his man?s

  pleasure, and there was naught fair in that. In fact, she resented it bitterly,

  that he would have his revenge and that pleasure.

  Like for like. If he did keep true, she could expect to be chained to this bed

  for three nights, then to be released on the third morn. She could also expect

  him to force her three times the second night, and the thirdif he could manage

  to do so without her caresses to coax him to it. If he could not manage it on

  his own? she refused to think of what he might do.

  Hours passed with no sound to disturb her. Without realizing it had happened,

  she lost all feeling in her arms. ?Twas when she stretched that she noticed, and

  then the feeling rushed back with ting
ling discomfort. She carefully shook her

  arms periodically after that, and could only imagine what it would feel like

  after she had slept for long.

  Sleep was a long way from coming, however. The chamber darkened with the

  approach of night, but she did not close her eyes. She had to relieve herself,

  but fought the feeling until it passedand began to fret that she would shame

  herself on his bed if someone? Oh, God, she thought, he had never been released

  from his chains to relieve himself. Mildred had attended him, and when Rowena

  thought of how, her skin burned with mortification, and it had not even happened

  yet to her. But it had happened to him, another humiliation that he had suffered

  that she had not even been aware of. Yet if she had considered it at the time,

  what could she have done to prevent it? Gilbert had not wanted anyone but her

  and Mildred to know of his presence in the keep, so she could not have sent a

  manservant to him to make it easier for him to bear.

  Twas almost as if he could read her mind, even through the thick stone walls,

  for the Lord of Fulkhurst returned then, and he had a maidservant with him,

  bearing a tray of food. He came directly to the foot of the bed. The woman

  stopped short as soon as she noticed Rowena, her dark eyes rounding in surprised

  horror. He had not even covered Rowena when he left her, while she had always

  drawn that bath sheet he had arrived with back over him before leaving him.

  ?Put that down, Enid, and go fetch what else is needed,? he told the woman.

  Enid did not hesitate and left in a great hurry. Her lord did not notice, for he

  was watching Rowena. She would not return his look, however, until he ran a

  finger along the side of her foot, his way of demanding her attention. So she

  gave it, but with all the hate he was forcing her to feel.

  ?Oh, ho, what is this? Finally do you show other than a faint heart?? He smiled,

  but ?twas not true humor, was no more than a further indication of the triumph

  he was still gloating over.

  ?Notice your antipathy does not displease me. Nay, I welcome it.?

  She closed her eyes so he could not see the hatred that pleased him, one small

  retaliation on her own part. He would not allow even that.

  ?Look at me,? he ordered harshly, and when she immediately complied, he said ?That

  is better. Whenever you are in my presence, wench, you will look at me unless I

  tell you otherwise. Do not make me repeat it.?

  Another threat. He was so good at making them, without naming the consequences.

  This time she showed him how she felt about it with another baleful glare. Why

  not, when he welcomed it?

  But he was off on a new subject, the one that had brought him there.

  ? Twould seem I needs make still another allowance because of your gender. You

  sent a female to attend me. I would have sent you a male, make no mistake, but I

  could think of no man I could trust to see to just your needs and not his own as

  well, when the sight of you as you are would stir any man to lust. So Enid will

  see to you, as she is used to tending the wounded and bedridden, and without

  carrying tales, for she lost her tongue long ago when another held Fulkhurst for

  a time.?

  His expression changed to the cruel visage she had seen earlier when he was in a

  high rage, the face of a man capable of committing any atrocity. Since she had

  done naught to cause it, she had to assume that it was that mention of Fulkhurst

  Castle being held by another. And she had thought only she and Gilbert had his

  enmity? She pitied that ?other,? if he or she were not already dead.

  But his black look did not last; it returned to that smile that was not a true

  smile.

  ?I find, however, that I will not be satisfied unless you have every humiliation

  that was mine. So I will lend you my own presence while Enid attends your needs,

  and as I have already warned you, you will keep your eyes on me. You will not

  try to ignore me or close your eyes against my presence. Do you understand??

  Rowena was too appalled even to nod, but she would have screamed invective at

  him if she could. And now she knew a further thing he had suffered, the

  frustration of being unable to answer back, with curse or otherwise.

  Enid returned all too soon and began her new duties without being told. Rowena,

  cognizant of Warrick?s threat, kept her eyes only on him where he leaned against

  the bedpost. But she did not see him. She concentrated on Enid instead, and on

  the brief glance she had had of her, picturing the servant in her mind. Despite

  her gray hair, the woman was not really old, mayhap only two score in years. She

  had a slightly crooked nose, but otherwise her features were fair, her skin

  smooth and unlined. And she had gentle hands that were swift and efficient, for

  which Rowena would be forever grateful.

  The worst was finally over, but that violation of her privacy had been worse

  than the rape. At least with the rape, he had been naked, too, and with her

  sense of fairness, she felt she deserved it. But not this. Warrick, through his

  twisted logic, had given her two people to witness her shame, when he had had

  only one.

  She tried to remember that he had suffered the same thing, the same feelings,

  and that was why he was forcing them on her. It made no difference. This she had

  not deserved. And the very moment her gag was removed, she cleared her vision of

  her self induced blurring and told him what she thought of him, damn the

  consequences.

  ?You are the most despicable, cruel man alive, a thousand times worse than

  Gilbert!?

  His answer was to tell the servant ?I do not care to listen to her, Enid, so

  keep the food in her mouth so she has no time to do aught but chew it.?

  ?Bast?

  She nearly choked on the food, there was such a large spoonful of it shoved in

  her mouth. And before she had half finished chewing it, another took its place.

  Enidhad she thought she could be grateful to her?obeyed her lord to the letter.

  And before Rowena had a chance to say another word, a new gag was being tied in

  place.

  The servant was summarily dismissed after that. And Warrick left the foot of the

  bed to come to the side and lean over her. His face was almost handsome again,

  it was so without emotion.

  ?Stupid wench,? he said blandly.

  ?That was a clever trick, to distort your vision. But had you obeyed me, you

  would have seen that I lent only my presence, not my attention. Only now you

  have earned a punishment for your willfulness. Can you guess what it will be??

  His attention? Nay, more than that, for his hand went right to her loins, his

  fingers pushing painfully into her dry heat and staying there. Her lack of

  response did not bring a frown this time however, for he had the memory of her

  earlier yielding to assure him that she could resist no longer than he.

  Slowly, with supreme confidence, he began to undo the ties on his chausses with

  his free hand, while the other remained tightly pressed between her legs. And by

  his order she had to watch him do it.

  ?Fight it, little thief,? he commanded softly.

  ?Fight it as I did, and learn that the body cares naught about hate and r
age and

  shame. It is but a simple vessel, with simple but powerful instincts, and one of

  the most basic is the age old instinct to procreate.?

  His flesh sprang loose beneath his tunic, and by the bulge against the black

  cloth, she knew it was already full grown. That very knowledge flooded her

  insides to wet his fingers and she groaned, knowing now what the moisture

  signified, though his triumphant laugh told her as well.

  He did not touch her anywhere else, and he mounted her immediately to slide so

  easily into her body. This was a punishment, not part of his revenge, not part

  of his like for like, for he was not supposed to have forced her again until the

  morrow. Her body did not care. It was providing the means to avoid pain,

  welcoming the means to procreate, despite the fact that she had already

  fulfilled that basic instinct. But it was also welcoming another thing, and

  although she fought it this time, denied it with her whole will, screamed in

  rage against it, there was pleasure in the deep thrusts rocking her that could

  not be denied. And, God help her, Warrick was watching her when that pleasure

  culminated and burst into throbbing radiance, her total surrender to his mastery

  writ clearly for him to savor. But she was watching him this time, too, for the

  first time, and when the same pleasure took him, the cruel lines on his face

  vanished for an instant, showing her again the truly handsome man beneath the

  mask of hatred.

  She did not want to see that, closed her eyes against it, and did not care if he

  killed her for it. All he did was collapse against her, his forehead to her