The Husband Checklist

by Miller, Jasmin

  Once my nerves have calmed, I flash her a smile, already knowing how much I like her. “Thank you.”

  Her gaze flickers past me again, and this time I turn too, stiffening when I see Ollie’s and Carter’s eyes on us.

  “Ollie told me your best friend moved to Australia, and I’m known to be a good listener if you ever need one. Or if you want to meet up for coffee.” She holds up her hands. “No pressure or anything, I promise.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Perfect, I can’t wait.” Her gaze flickers to the guys again. “We probably should go over there before they get too suspicious, huh?”

  I chuckle. “Probably.”

  We all say goodbye, Cora giving me an extra tight hug with a whispered “Good luck” in my ear before Carter and I watch them walk to my brother’s car, leaving the parking lot a moment later.

  Only once the red taillights have faded into the distance do I dare glance at Carter. Without a word, he takes my hand and pulls me to his car.

  Thankfully, the ride home is quick and quiet, and Carter’s giving me space, not pressing me to talk. My brain’s a busy enough place as it is. Not only with my jealousy over his date that never happened but also my conversation with Cora, both giving me plenty to think about.

  Once we’re home, I try to get to my room as fast as possible, somehow afraid to have a confrontation with him when I’m still so unsure about everything.

  It’s undeniable. I’m insanely attracted to him, and he’s always had a special place in my heart, which is what scares me the most. If I hadn’t known him for so long, and I didn’t know what an amazing person he is, this might actually be easier.

  But what are the odds of coming out of this unscathed if we continue our little cat and mouse game? For goodness’ sake, I’ve crushed on him for years. Add our insane chemistry and the way he makes not only my body but also my mind sing—like he’s made it his life’s goal to know every detail of how I tick—and I’m in so much trouble.

  So much trouble.

  “Not so fast.” Carter grabs me by the wrist and spins me around before I can reach my door, but giving me some room when I face him. “What’s going on, Jules? And don’t insult me by pretending everything's okay. We both know it’s not. Talk to me.”

  I stare into his beautiful eyes, the connection I have with him already pulling me under like I’m in quicksand.

  When it’s only the two of us, everything seems so easy. That right there will probably be my downfall, because I don’t know how to say no to him. Most of all, I don’t want to say no to him. Completely losing myself in him for a weekend brought me more happiness than I’ve had in years.

  Then I remember one thing I promised myself after I read one of the self-help books. To be real with the people in my life if I wanted to turn mine around. And I want that. I deserve that. Even if this thing with him is only temporary. Or not, depending on how he reacts to my honesty.

  Unable to keep my mouth shut, I throw my hands in the air. “I got jealous when Ollie mentioned your date, okay? I obviously didn’t know how to deal with it, and it bugs me. Happy now?”

  He takes a step closer to me. “Why were you jealous, Jules?”

  Warmth flushes my cheeks. “Do I really have to say it? I’m pretty sure you know exactly why.”

  “Tell me.” His voice is low and husky, the mere thought of what it does to me in the bedroom burning a hotspot in the pit of my belly.

  He keeps coming closer, so I keep walking backward until my back hits the wall.

  “Because it’s not as easy to forget what happened between us as I thought it would be.” The words come out in a whisper, and his eyes widen in response.

  He’s momentarily distracted, so I use the chance and escape into my room, not sure which thought is louder in my head. Or worse for that matter. The one that hopes he won’t come after me, or the one that hopes he does.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Carter

  Julia’s door is barely closed when I open it again.

  She’s only made it a few steps into the room, putting her purse down on the white desk. When she looks at me over her shoulder, I see the same heat in her gaze that I feel boiling inside me, and I wonder if she expected or even wanted me to follow her.

  “What does it mean you can’t forget about what happened between us?” My voice sounds raspy, but I don’t give a shit. My body, my brain, every last cell is strung tight at the minuscule chance I might have her again. Even though I know I shouldn’t, I crave her with my whole being.

  There’s an almost innate instinct when it comes to this woman that I can’t ignore, and I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that she’s been in my life for so long.

  Despite being surprised at her confession, I’m also incredibly pleased.

  Relieved I’m not the only one feeling this pull.

  “I honestly don’t know, Carter.” She grabs a few pieces of clothing from her bed and goes into the bathroom. She leaves the door ajar, and I listen to the faucet turning on and off several times while she brushes her teeth.

  The urge to go in there while she changes is almost impossible to resist, but somehow I manage. There’s that little voice in my head telling me it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. Not at this point when things are still unclear between us.

  But shit, do I want to see her naked again.

  Now. Tonight. Tomorrow . . .

  When she comes back in a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top, looking as cute as ever, I have an idea.

  Holding out my hand, I hope like hell she won’t refuse me. “Come out to the deck with me?”

  She hesitates, the vulnerable look in her eyes almost too much for me to bear, but then she nods.

  The tension in my body eases when she takes my hand. Since I don’t want to give her any time to change her mind, I pull her after me, out of her room, through the living room and kitchen toward the large glass sliding door.

  Julia startles when I unlock it, squeezing my hand like she’s trying to crush it. When I turn around, her eyes are shut, her parted lips releasing long breaths.

  Pulling my hand out of hers, I place both of mine on her upper arms, giving her a gentle squeeze. “You okay there?”

  She swallows and nods. “Yeah. I just haven’t . . . It used to be my Mom’s favorite spot.”

  Damn it.

  I’m such an idiot.

  That was the last thing I thought of tonight. According to Ollie, she’s barely set foot in the house over the last few years. If she did, she never stayed long. Usually, they met up in other places or at the apartment she shared with Michelle. Clearly, she’s gotten over the aversion of spending time here, but I didn’t realize it might only be the case for certain parts of the house.

  Pulling her into my side, I give her forehead a kiss, and even though I’ve done that hundreds of times over the years, it feels different. Right. “It’s a special spot. I remember how much she loved watching the waves and listening to the ocean. It never gets old.”

  “It really doesn’t.” Stepping out of my embrace, she links her fingers with mine once more before sliding the door open and leading me outside. When she walks across the expansive second-story wooden deck and over to the rail, I quietly follow her.

  This is clearly an important moment for her, and I give her the time she needs, even if we’re out here all night long. The more time passes, the more my eyes adjust to the lack of light, the almost full moon offering enough brightness to see her features, at least partially.

  Her gaze is still focused on the vast darkness beyond the deck, where the waves hit the shore in a soothing pattern, contrasting her voice that’s thick with emotion. “I should have come here more often to cherish my parents’ memories instead of grieving in the darkness, trying not to think about them.”

  Without waiting for a signal from her, I pull her into me. “They loved you so much, Jules. They were the epitome of what parents should be like.”


  A single tear runs down her face, and I wish for nothing more than being able to alleviate her pain.

  All of it. Forever.

  But I know that’s impossible.

  “They were the best.” Her voice is quiet, but I can hear the strength in it too. It’s something I’ve always admired in Jules. Her strength. So much like her mom’s.

  She walks to the oversized lounger, and when she lies down on it, I climb on too, eager to close the distance between us. Because there is no other option. I yearn to be by her side, to be her comfort, the one she turns to. Even if it’s only for tonight. Although, I know in my heart I’ll always want to be there for her.

  “Come here.”

  Julia moves into my arms, and I tighten them around her. I used to do this sometimes when we were younger and she got hurt. We were always there for each other, all three of us.

  Funny how fast things can change. Literally in the blink of an eye.

  I have a feeling Oliver wouldn’t be okay with this right now though.

  But he isn’t here, spending the night with Cora.

  “I feel so lame and stupid that I allowed my life to slip away from me.” Her words are a faint whisper before she pushes her face into my shoulder, her hands clenching my shirt.

  “Hey. No crazy talk allowed. You’re neither lame nor stupid.” My head rests on top of hers, and despite the topic, I enjoy this moment. “You just took things a bit easier and scaled back. Nothing wrong with that in the slightest. Everyone grieves differently, and that was your way of dealing with things as best as you could.”

  Moving around, she settles in with her cheek pressed on my shoulder. “Thank you. You know, you’ve been a huge help these past two weeks. I’m not sure I would have managed everything so well since the Nate debacle if it wasn’t for you.”

  I squeeze her, inhaling her sweet scent. “There’s nothing you need to thank me for. I’m always happy to help any way I can.”

  We stay silent for a while and my thoughts wander, this whole conversation with her eliciting some of my own regrets. “I should have been there more for you. I should have tried harder to reach out even when you kept pushing us away. I’m really sorry about that, Jules. I was an awful friend.”

  “What are you talking about?” She pulls out of my embrace, and I immediately miss the warmth of her body. “None of this is your fault, not in the least. There’s nothing you could have done to make the situation easier for me, not when I didn’t want that. I hated keeping my distance, but it hurt too much to see you guys. Your faces reminded me of my parents and how awesome life used to be.

  “I couldn’t avoid Ollie, at least not once he and my uncle practically forced me into family therapy with him, but I could escape you. If anyone has to apologize, it’s me. No one should treat their friend this way, especially when they’re only trying to help. But I didn’t look out for you. I know how much my parents loved you and how much you loved them. You lost them and me too, and for that, I’m so, so sorry.”

  My stomach tightens at her words, and time seems to stop. This pain and guilt she carried around all these years makes my head spin, and I have to swallow past the lump in my throat. “You were trying to survive. Don’t worry about me for even a second.”

  “No. You were just as important, and I should have been there for you the same way I knew you’d be there if I really needed you. Just like you’ve always been. You never truly gave up on me, and I won’t ever be able to tell you how much that means to me.”

  All I see on her face is trust, her eyes shining beneath the stars. I’m so mesmerized that all conscious thought flies out of my mind until there’s nothing left but my yearning for this woman and the need to lean in and press my lips to hers.

  Even though I initiated the kiss, intending to keep it light, Julia quickly takes over and becomes the aggressor.

  She pulls me half on top of her, pressing me into all her gorgeous curves.

  Both her mouth and body invite me to take what I’ve been longing for so much. Her touch, her smell, her whole being surrounds me, and I’m drowning in desire. Need. Want.

  Pulling back, I kiss down her neck, spending some extra time at the sensitive spot under her jaw.

  My body reacts to her instantly, my dick straining behind my zipper. I might lose my mind if I can’t have her in the next few minutes, the sudden urgency making my movements sloppy as I trail my finger toward her breasts.

  “Carter.” My name leaves her lips in a breathy plea. “I’ve missed being with you like this so much. It feels like it’s been years.”

  “Fuck, I know. I want you, Jules. Being around you without touching you has been pure torture for me.”

  At my words, she arches her back, thrusting her chest in the process. “I feel the same.”

  Our confessions are the last straw, and a moment later, we’re a flurry of clothes.

  When we’re both naked, I pause and look at her body in the moonlight. She is, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Luscious curves, the softness of them driving me to the edge of insanity. I momentarily forget everything else, the sound of blood rushing in my ears the only thing I can hear.

  When I line myself up at her entrance, I realize I’m still bare. Groaning in frustration, I sit back on my legs. “I don’t have a condom.”

  Julia pushes herself up, wrapping her hands around my neck. “I’m okay without one if you are. I’m on birth control and clean.”

  “I am too.” The words rush out in a quick breath. “Are you sure?”

  She nods, and before I know it, I suck at her nipples and plunge deep inside her.

  This.

  I’ve missed this.

  I can tell by the way she bites her lip that she’s trying to be quiet, but a moan slips out of her mouth anyway. “Yes. This is exactly what I need.”

  I doubt anyone can see us in the darkness, but someone could definitely hear us. Which neither one of us seems to care about.

  Our bodies work together like magic, causing pure ecstasy to pulse through my veins as I pump into her faster and faster.

  Midway, we switch positions, and the sight of her on top of me is glorious. The way she pushes her hands on my chest as she switches between moving up and down and rocking back and forth drives me out-of-my-mind crazy.

  I’m lost in her, there’s no other way to describe it. She’s all I can see, feel, and taste, making this experience as unbelievable as the other times with her.

  My grip on her hips grows possessive, and something feels different this time. It’s more intense than any other encounter I’ve had before, not just with her, but with anyone.

  With both of us being so on edge, it doesn’t take much longer for our orgasms to claim us, the shudders of pleasure rushing through me so strong, I see spots in my vision.

  She collapses on top of me, and we’re both quiet as I pull the blanket from the back of the lounge to drape over us, absentmindedly drawing circles on her back.

  Lying here with her in my arms under the night sky takes this experience to a whole new level, because she fits so perfectly. The touch of her skin feels right, and hearing her soft breaths makes me want to hold her in my arms every day, if only to hear her breathe.

  I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt this content, like there’s nothing missing, for once.

  That’s probably the reason why it takes me a few moments to realize she’s talking to me and for the words to sink in.

  “I’m going to move out soon.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Julia

  This must be exactly what people mean when they talk about having an out-of-body experience.

  Yes, the words came out of my mouth, but it’s like my brain hasn’t fully caught up yet.

  Despite that, I have this burning sensation in my gut that tells me this is the right thing to do.

  Even though it seems a bit crazy.

  And most likely, it wasn’t the best moment to blurt it out
a minute postcoitally, but it’s too late to take it back now.

  Carter’s still frozen under me, his body as tense as a board while he stares at me. A moment later, I start to untangle myself from him, sliding out from under the blanket to stand up.

  “What are you doing?” Carter’s voice is flat.

  My movements lack energy as I try to find my clothes in the dark. “Getting dressed.”

  If I ever find my clothes that is, since I have no idea where the heck we threw them. For a moment, I consider leaving them out here until tomorrow, but I’m not sure if my brother will stop by in the morning or not.

  I look at Carter’s face, immediately regretting it when I notice his surly features. It was barely a minute ago that I left his embrace, and I already crave his touch and closeness again.

  Which is exactly why I have to move out. With each passing day, this gets harder, and I don’t want to get to a point where it becomes too much. Especially when we seem to lust after each other like this. It’s only a matter of time before this goes south. Either my brother will find out or my stupid heart will get involved.

  With my luck, probably both.

  Might as well try and put some distance between us now, and hope like hell we’ll eventually be able to go back to a normal relationship again.

  I finally find both of our clothes and throw Carter’s to him.

  He grabs them, maybe a little too harshly. “Are you really going to move out? You just got here.”

  There’s a rough edge to his voice, and it makes my stomach roll.

  I can’t tell if he’s upset that I’m moving out or because I brought it up right after we had sex and it hurt his pride.

  Can’t really blame him for the latter. That definitely wasn’t my best moment.

  When I’m finally dressed, I feel collected to be able to look at him. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I think it’s the right thing to do. Whatever’s going on with us scares me, and I think it might be good for me to live on my own for some time too. Maybe I won’t like it, but I’ve never really tried, so I wouldn’t know.”