by Tabatha Kiss
I look down as a gray rock settles in my stomach.
“What’s wrong, Mel?” he asks across the table.
“Nothing,” I say, pausing. “I’m… I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For not believing you,” I say. “For not being there for you.”
“I got by,” he says with a shrug.
“But it could have been easier. You didn’t have to do that alone. I wasn’t there when you were in pain and I am sorry.”
Robbie smiles. “It’s okay, Mel,” he says. “I forgive you.”
My hand twitches toward my fork, but I leave it be, my appetite suddenly dissolving.
Robbie reaches across the table. I look up as he sets a white box next to my plate. It’s small, rectangular shaped, and held together by an adorable red ribbon.
“What’s this?” I ask, my lips twitching into a smile.
“It’s a surprise,” he says. “An early Christmas gift.”
“I thought the spaghetti was the surprise.”
He shakes his head once. “Open it.”
I snatch it up, never not excited to open a gift. The ribbon feels like velvet in my hands as I pull it loose and set it down on the table. Robbie sits back, calm yet excited. I stretch the moment, waiting until I just can’t stand it anymore before sliding the lid off.
A silver key sits inside, nestled in a bit of white foam.
“It’s a key,” I say.
“It’s my key,” Robbie says. “A key to my place, I mean. This place. I figure since you’re spending more and more time here, you might as well take my spare.”
I nod slowly. “Uh-huh.”
“And after the holidays, you can come here and work if you get too stir-crazy in your condo. I’m out most weekdays now, so it’ll be quiet. You can sprawl out, get comfortable, and sprint until I get home. Then… I don’t know.” He gestures at the table. “We can have dinner, chat about my day or what you wrote, whatever.”
I set the box on the table. “Sounds like you want me to move in with you, Rob.”
“No.” He exhales. “Obviously, that’s not what this is. We’ve been having a good time together lately. A real good time. And I don’t see that changing soon. Do you?”
I look at him as my mouth closes. A lot will change, actually. Soon, my entire life will be different. A different condo in a different city. A completely different life.
A life without him.
When are you leaving?” Robbie asks.
I nearly flinch. “What?”
He abandons his napkin on the table as he sits back. “New York, right?”
“How did…” I sigh, easily assuming the obvious. “Dad told you when he dropped off the boxes.”
“Were you going to tell me if he didn’t?” he asks.
“Of course, but I didn’t want to make a thing out of it until after New Year’s.”
His brow grows heavier. “So, it’s true?”
I take a breath. “Yes,” I answer. “I’m moving to New York.”
“Why?” he asks.
I shrug. “Why not?”
He stutters at first. “You have everything here. Your family. Your friends.”
“My family is fine. My parents are living their best lives. My brother’s going to college next year, not that he ever needed me for anything to begin with. And my friends? Come on, they don’t need me anymore.”
“That’s not true.”
“Nora has Clive and their kinky new lifestyle. Trix has Lance, Haley, and the baby soon enough. They’ll be fine without me. I’m mostly just a fifth wheel these days, anyway. There’s nothing keeping me here.”
“What about me?” he asks.
“What about you?”
“I think I have a right to know if my wife is moving across the country!”
I shake my head. “I’m not your wife, Robbie.”
“That’s…” He pauses, stung by my words. “That’s not what I meant.”
“No, I think you said exactly what you meant,” I say, keeping calm. “I thought we were on the same page about this.”
“What page?” he asks. “The page where you dangle everything I’ve ever wanted in front of me just to bail whenever you felt like it? That page?”
“No strings attached. Remember? That’s what this was. You said it first.”
“Well, that’s not good enough for me!”
“It was working just fine for me.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it, Mel.”
“No, it’s not. Rob, I left you.”
“I never left you,” he says.
“Exactly my point.” I sigh. “I left you… but I can’t go anywhere in this city without being reminded of you. Or seeing you. I want to move on, but I can’t do that here.”
Robbie goes quiet, his lips pressed tightly together.
“Look, can we…” I raise my hands, surrendering. “Can we not do this right now?”
“Sure.” Robbie scoffs. “Let’s change the subject. How about we talk about how you lied to my face about this? Really liven up the mood in here.”
I bite down, my gut churning. “You’re really going to lecture me about lying? You?”
He flexes his jaw. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what? Ask an extremely valid question?”
“That’s not fair,” he says. “You know how hard I’ve worked to be who I am now.”
“And I’m just supposed to forget who you were before?” I ask, my voice breaking. “Just forgive you like magic?”
“Someday, yes. I hoped we’d get there, but we can’t if you’re not here, Melanie.”
“Wow,” I whisper, threatened by tears. “So, one of us has a picture in their head for how we should be and the other one isn’t there. Sounds really fucking familiar.”
“Well, what do you see?” he asks, leaning forward again. “Where do you see us going? I’m here now. Let’s do this.”
I look away. “Rob, please.”
“We’ll work toward it together. You and me. We’ll try again.”
“I don’t want to,” I say, my words coming quickly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to try again. I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
A tear falls down my cheek. I wipe it away, silence falling over me.
“It won’t be like before,” he says, his face screwing up. “And I know you’ve heard me say that a hundred times, but I mean it. This time will be the time I get it right. I promise, Melanie.”
I exhale slowly, completely. I want to believe him. Part of me even needs to, but I can’t bring myself to fall for it again.
I push out of my chair. “I think I should go…”
“No.” He stands up, too. “Mel, wait.”
“We want different things.”
“That’s not true.”
“I mean, I want to leave and you don’t want me to leave, so it’s kinda true right now.”
Robbie steps toward me. “Please, don’t leave. I want to talk about this.”
I ease back, crossing my arms. “Don’t…”
He stops, giving me space. “Melanie, I know you. I love you. I knew that if you were here with me again and it was perfect, you’d realize that this is us. It’s always been us.”
“Is that why you did this?” I ask. “Because you thought I’d change my mind and stay in Chicago with you?”
“Yes,” he says.
I step around the other side of the table. “I need to get out of here…”
“Melanie, stop.”
“I can’t do this.”
Robbie quickens his pace and cuts me off from the door. “We’re meant to be together, Mel.”
“Rob, please.”
“Nora can see it. Trix can see it. Your parents. Me. You are the only one who can’t.”
“And you are the only one who’s ever made me feel hopeless,” I say, letting the tears fall. “You think I don’t know this? I do. You’re the only man I’ve ever wanted, but I ca
n’t let myself fall for you again because it’ll be up to me to pick up the pieces again when you inevitably fuck it up.”
“I won’t,” he says. “Not this time.”
“I would like my coat, please.”
“Melanie, don’t leave.”
“Please.” I look at him through tears. “Just let me go.”
“Are you coming back?” he asks.
My throat tightens. “I don’t think we should do this anymore,” I whisper.
Robbie deflates. His face goes hard and expressionless as he reaches behind him and grabs my coat off the door. “Goodnight, Mel,” he says, handing it over.
I take it. “Goodnight, Rob,” I say, biting down to keep myself from sobbing.
He steps out of the way, letting me leave.
Twenty-Nine
Robbie
I rush up the stairs, taking them two at a time until I reach Trix’s floor. A neighbor shuffles to the side as I pass by, nervously glancing at me before heading down the way I came. It’s not my intention to freak anyone out, but I can’t apologize right now.
I need answers.
I roll a fist and pound on Trix’s door. The sound echoes throughout the empty hall, but I can hear someone moving on the other side of the door. I knock again.
“Trix, open up!” I say.
The lock turns, and the door opens, but it’s not Trix standing there with a baseball bat clenched in her hand.
“Hey, Lance,” I say.
He stands tall. “It’s Robbie,” he says, but not to me.
Trix quickly appears over his bare shoulder and exhales hard. “Jeez, Rob,” she says. “Way to scare the hell out of me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.
She pats Lance’s shoulder, silently telling him it’s okay to let me in. He nods, but annoyance never leaves his expression as he marches into the bedroom across the apartment.
“Tell you what?” Trix asks as she closes the door behind me.
“Melanie,” I say. “Why didn’t you tell me she was leaving?”
Trix adjusts her robe, tying it off a little tighter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says.
“You didn’t know?”
“I’m more than a little lost here, babe.” She lowers into a chair at the kitchen table. “Sit down. Start from the beginning. Where is Melanie going?”
Guilt clenches my gut as I glance around. Shirtless Lance. Trix in a silky robe. Obviously, I interrupted something here, and it wasn’t even justified if Trix really was as in the dark about Melanie’s plans as I was.
I slowly sit down in the chair across from hers. “New York,” I say. “Melanie is moving to New York.”
Trix furrows her brow. “She is?”
“She told me herself last night.”
“Why?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “We have to stop her.”
“Well...” She breathes a laugh. “If she wants to leave, she’s going to leave. You of all people know that.”
I scoff. “Cute.”
“But true. What exactly did she tell you? And why?” She squints. “You aren’t fucking again, right?”
“No,” I lie.
“Because we had an intervention with her about that already.”
“Yeah, she told me about that, too, which, by the way…” I glare at her. “Rude.”
“It was Nora’s dumb idea,” she says. “What was I supposed to do? Tell her it’s fine, that you’ve been secretly sending her roses for months, and that we should just let it happen?”
“You should have minded your own business, yes.”
“Bitch, have you even met me?”
I roll my eyes. “She said that she had nothing keeping her here,” I say, exhaling hard. “That you had Lance, Nora had Clive, and she was just a fifth wheel now.”
Trix blinks. “She said that?”
“And I...” I bite down. “She said that she can’t go anywhere in this city without being reminded of me. Like it was a bad thing.”
“Well…” She bites her lip, hesitating.
“Well, what?”
“She kinda has a point, doesn’t she?”
“No,” I say. “She doesn’t.”
“Rob, come on. You went to her parents’ Christmas party.”
I scoff. “So?”
“And my family’s auction.”
“You invited me to that.”
“She can’t even go to brunch without you popping in and annoying her.”
“Roger gets me free bear claws,” I say, shrugging.
“You’re always there,” she says, her smile fading. “Put yourself in her shoes for a second. With the way things ended between you guys, would you want to constantly turn around and see you smirking, too?”
“I...” I look down at the table, unable to face the truth. “I didn’t think she hated me that much.”
“She doesn’t hate you, Rob.”
“She clearly doesn’t love me, either.”
“I think some relationships are more complicated than that.”
“Yeah, well, they shouldn’t be.” I lean back. “If you love someone, you stay. You don’t abandon them the moment things get hard. You make sacrifices.”
“You get clean and sober?” she asks.
“Yes!”
“And how many times did Melanie have to beg you to do that before you actually did it?”
My stomach twists. “That’s not the same.”
“Isn’t it?” Trix tilts her head. “Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s words. It’s actions. And I hate to put it like this, Robbie, but you didn’t love her, either.”
Fuck.
“I do now,” I say.
“Now might be too late.” She sighs. “Look, I’m shocked about this, too. I don’t want Melanie to leave, but if she feels like she needs a fresh start to be happy then that’s her choice.”
“And I’m just supposed to respect that?” I ask. “Let her move on after everything we’ve been through?”
“If you really love her, yes.”
I sit back, far too pissed to reply further.
The bedroom door opens and Lance walks out, this time fully dressed in a suit and tie.
“Back to work?” Trix asks him.
“Yeah,” he answers. “I’ll be home for dinner.”
She looks up at him and smiles. “See you then.”
He tilts forward and kisses her. “Love you,” he says.
“Love you, too.”
He nods at me. “Good to see you, Robbie.”
“You, too,” I say, feeling guilty. “Hey, you’re pretty taut for a lawyer, my friend. You work out?”
“I run about thirty miles a week,” he says.
“Nice. Keep it up.”
He chuckles awkwardly before grabbing the briefcase by the door. “Well, bye.”
“Bye, hon,” Trix says, eying me with amusement.
He closes the door, and I cringe.
“Sorry I interrupted your nooner,” I say.
She waves. “It’s all right. I think we’ll make it through.”
I glance around her apartment again. “Okay, why are you still here?” I ask.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you two are having a baby.”
She nods. “Yeah.”
“And you’re engaged.”
“Right.”
“So...” I turn up my hands, “why do you still have this apartment?” I ask. “Shouldn’t you be moving into his house?”
Trix sneers. “Do I have to?”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“I like my space!” she says. “Also, Lance and I are still relatively new and very affectionate.”
“And that makes living together a problem... because?”
“You try hooking up with your boyfriend in a house where his teenage daughter could literally walk in at any moment,” she says. “Keeping the apartment is necessary. Trust me.”
I
scoff. “What is it with you women?”
Her jaw drops. “What do you mean you women?”
“It’s your way or no way, isn’t it?”
“Generally, yeah.”
“So, compromise just isn’t a thing anymore?” I ask.
“Um...” She squints. “Lance and I want frequent sex. Haley’s a lovable pain in the ass. Keeping the apartment is the compromise.”
“And it doesn’t even matter how hard he’s worked. You’re content to throw it all away and leave because that’s what you want. His feelings don’t matter, so why even have the discussion at all? You’re just going to do whatever the hell you want, anyway.”
“Ah.” She nods. “We’re not talking about me and Lance anymore, are we?”
“No,” I say, rubbing my eyes. “You know, next time, I think I’ll just go to Nora for the relationship advice.”
She laughs. “She’d probably just tell you to tie Melanie up. Though, that might not be the worst suggestion.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“All jokes aside…” she says, swinging back to her sympathy tone, “unless there’s something you haven’t told me, then you know how this story will play out. You and Melanie aren’t together anymore, you haven’t been for a very long time, and you don’t really get a vote on her decision.”
I cross my arms. “Yeah,” I murmur.
“There’s... nothing you haven’t told me, though, right?” she asks.
I look at her. As tempting as it would be to spill it all, every warm kiss and embrace of the last few weeks, I’m not about to betray Melanie’s trust again. Even if it was all for nothing, I don’t want to lose the trust I’ve earned.
“No,” I say. “No, there’s nothing else.”
“Then, there you have it.” She stands. “You want some coffee?”
No.
I need something stiffer than that.
I shake off the thought as I rise from my chair. “I think I’ll just go home. Thanks, though.”
“Rob.” She shifts a step toward me. “Are you going to be okay?”
No.
No, probably not.
“I’m fine, Trix,” I say.
“Are you sure?”
No.
I’m very much not sure.