Montana Cherries (The Wildes of Birch Bay Book 1)

by Kim Law

  Was that even possible? They were a cohesive family unit!

  But . . . it hadn’t always been that way.

  Dani eyed Gabe then, who remained standing, arms crossed, several feet from her. He returned her stare, but didn’t utter a word. He’d been their mom’s favorite. She remembered that with sudden clarity. He could do no wrong. It had led to jealousy between them. Fights. Dani had hated him for a long time.

  Had that carried over into his college years?

  She couldn’t remember. She only knew that at some point things had righted themselves between them. She’d thought their fights had come from the stress of all they had to handle together, but had it actually been latent rivalry built up by their mom?

  Bits and pieces of other arguments flashed through her mind. Some between her and Cord, others as heated debates between Cord and Gabe. There had definitely been a time when the three of them hadn’t gotten along. But wasn’t that normal teenage behavior?

  Finally, Gabe lowered his arms and loosened his stance. “Don’t you remember how hard you tried to please her?” he asked. His words were spoken with only the tiniest hint of softness, and Dani could sense it was his way of reaching out. To help her see these “facts”?

  “No.” Dani shook her head. What they were saying wasn’t right. Her mother had loved her. She’d loved all of them.

  “You could make straight As in school,” Gabe said, “but it wasn’t all perfect hundreds, therefore you let her down. You won Miss Cherry Blossom, but she was ashamed of the dress you wore. Said it wasn’t respectable and didn’t represent a true Wilde. You—”

  “Stop.” Dani held a hand up in front of her. “I don’t want to hear any more.”

  “She always claimed to have headaches,” Nate said from the phone. “You had to take care of her. And us. You raised me, Nick, and Jaden, Dani. From the beginning. Never her.”

  “I—”

  She was so confused.

  “She pretty much stayed in bed the first few years of Jay’s life,” Nick added.

  Dani closed her eyes as memories began to creep in, but she didn’t like what she saw so she opened them again.

  “Psychosomatic and emotionally needy,” Jaden added when her gaze landed on his. “She faked illnesses to get what she wanted. She required attention to be directed her way. Always. But, she never handed any out. Why do you think I went into psychology? I had a mother who never mothered me. I needed to understand why.”

  She pressed a hand to her mouth as more pictures tried to push into her head. She didn’t want to remember. She didn’t want to know.

  Cord moved to her side, but she jerked out of his reach, backing blindly away from all of them. She couldn’t breathe. Nothing she’d done had ever pleased her mom. She remembered that now. Nothing. Her mom had hated her.

  Yet, after Dani had come home from that trip with Aunt Sadie, her mother had decided that she and Dani should be best friends. At first Dani liked it. If her mom was her friend, that had to mean that she finally liked Dani. Maybe even loved her.

  Only . . .

  “Oh, God,” she moaned as more memories surfaced. The things that had been shared with her about her parents’ relationship. She couldn’t block the visions out. “No.” She shook her head slowly. “NO.” She wrapped her arms around her stomach and rocked in place.

  Her brothers had all gone quiet, and she forced her eyes open once again. Each one of them stood, pain painted across their faces.

  “We need to call Dad,” Gabe said.

  “Does he know too?”

  Every one of them nodded.

  “God,” she moaned again. “Why have you all kept this from me?”

  “We were protecting you,” Gabe answered. He had a phone in his hand. “We did the best we could.”

  “Stop it!” she shouted, throwing her arms up. “Just, stop it. I never needed protecting. I shouldn’t have been excluded from things.” She pointed a finger at Gabe. “And put that phone down. I’m not ready to talk to Dad yet.”

  He paused before slowly lowering the phone.

  “Why do you think suicide?” She had to know.

  All eyes turned to Cord.

  He swallowed, then he moved off to stand by himself. His face was the hard steel he’d perfected over the years, but now the light had even gone out of his eyes. He looked like the shell of a person that Dani felt, and that scared her even worse. Whatever he was about to say, she instinctively knew it was why their mother’s death had hit him the hardest. It was why he’d changed. And likely why he’d never change back.

  “The first time she hurt herself was when you went to New York,” he said. “I found her,” he added. “I always found her.”

  Always?

  Dani felt sick. She sank to the couch and pulled her feet onto the cushion. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she listened with horror to the stories her brother told.

  Her mother had sliced the tip of her finger off that first time. They’d rushed her to the hospital, and the doctor had managed to save it. She’d wanted to call Dani to come home, but their dad wouldn’t let her. She’d screamed at them for days to call Dani. Her dad had even removed the phones from the house until Dani had returned.

  “That’s when Aunt Sadie quit taking me places,” she muttered to herself. “And coming to visit.”

  Cord paused, his eyes shifting to Gabe, and Dani suddenly realized another truth. She’d questioned for over a year as to why their aunt had quit visiting. She’d asked her parents—had even gone to her brothers for answers. No one had a clue. Or so they’d claimed.

  But now she could see that they had, in fact, had a clue.

  Their mother had hurt herself because Dani was off having fun, then the source of that fun disappeared from their lives. Every last one of them had likely known exactly why Aunt Sadie quit visiting.

  Yet not a single word was ever uttered to her.

  Had their mother accomplished that, too? Keeping Sadie away, as well as keeping her brothers’ mouths shut?

  Probably. If everything else they were saying was true . . .

  The second “accident” had been after Dani’s graduation, Cord explained.

  Dani remembered. “Mom didn’t make it to the ceremony because of a headache. Then she had an allergic reaction to a new medicine she’d taken. She had to go to the hospital.”

  “Where they pumped her stomach,” Cord explained. “She’d swallowed a bottle of pills about five minutes before I was supposed to pick her up. She knew I’d find her in time to save her.”

  “We canceled my graduation party and spent the night at the hospital.”

  “All of us making her the center of attention. Just like she wanted.”

  The rest of her brothers remained silent. It was just her and Cord now, sharing what they remembered.

  “The third time was the wreck,” he stated flatly.

  “You found her.”

  “She knew what time I’d be coming through there.”

  Surely her mother hadn’t been that scheming. “But why do you think . . .” She quit talking. Her brothers were smart. Whatever Cord was about to say, she knew they hadn’t come to the conclusion lightly. Her mother had committed suicide while trying to screw with their heads. And Dani had revered her for years.

  She had no idea how she’d been so blind.

  “She’d hit someone else,” Cord said. “Totaled this other car. When I got there, Mom was sitting in the driver’s seat, the air bag having deployed due to the tree she’d run into, and her seat belt locked into place. She was angry. She couldn’t get out of the car because of the seat belt not releasing, and the air bag had left white dust on her outfit and given her a nosebleed. Also, her purse was on the floor and she couldn’t reach it. Therefore, she couldn’t ‘fix herself’ before the ambulance arrived.

&
nbsp; “When she saw me, she informed me that the other car wasn’t supposed to be in the way, then she said, ‘Call Dani. Tell her to come home.’” Cord shook his head. “I refused.”

  Their mother had called the day before the accident to ask Dani if she would come home and take care of the kids if anything ever happened to her. Dani had never told anyone about that phone call because their mother had also begged Dani to fly home that weekend. She’d claimed a migraine coming on.

  Dani had refused. She’d been invited to her first party as a college student, and she hadn’t wanted to miss it.

  Nor had she any desire to travel cross-country for her mother.

  She remembered that conversation clearly now. She’d been thrilled to finally be away from home—away from her mother—and the last thing she’d wanted to do was come back and spend the weekend being made to feel less than enough.

  Only, if she had come home, their mother would still be alive today.

  She sat, unblinking, arms still hugging her knees, alone on the couch. Her mother had manipulated her until the end.

  And she’d killed herself because of it.

  “I went to check on the second vehicle,” Cord continued his story. “I stayed with the other driver because she was young and pregnant and Mom seemed fine, but mostly because I was angry and I didn’t want to go back over there. When the ambulances arrived, I watched the EMTs head to Mom’s car. They began working on her, but then they just stopped. She’d died while I wasn’t looking. Traumatic aortic disruption. The impact with the seat belt and air bag had caused a rip between the aorta and the heart, and she’d quickly bled out.”

  Dani remembered that part of it. A freak accident, the doctor had said.

  Or was it karma having the last laugh?

  Either way, their mother had died and Cord had stood by while it happened. Chances were good he felt he should’ve been able to save her.

  “The pregnant lady?” Dani inquired about the other woman.

  “Was fine.”

  She nodded. That’s what she thought. “You couldn’t have saved Mom,” she told him. What could a sixteen-year-old have possibly done with an internal bleed that he didn’t even know about?

  His jaw tensed again, and she shivered at the hardness in his eyes. “That’s just the thing. Probably I couldn’t have. But the truth is, I’m not sorry I didn’t.”

  And neither was Dani, though she’d forgotten that part until now, too.

  She’d not been sorry that their mom had died.

  She chewed on her lip before saying the only thing she could think of. “No wonder you never want to come home.”

  “It’s a wonder any of us ever do,” Nick added solemnly.

  Dani looked at Nick then. He appeared as ripped apart as the rest of them.

  “We come home for you,” Jaden told her.

  Tears slipped down her cheeks. “To protect me?” Because she’d been so out of touch with reality, she hadn’t even remembered how destructive their mother had been. She didn’t understand how she’d blocked that out for so long.

  “Because we love you,” Nate corrected.

  chapter fourteen

  The rest of the house had gone quiet, and it ate at Ben to sit in his room and wait them out. Dani’s mother had killed herself?

  He would never have guessed that.

  He’d hung out in the hallway after Cord’s proclamation, long enough to hear the words Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Then he’d come into his room to google it. The stories he’d read over the past few minutes had turned his blood cold. It was hard to imagine a mother who not only didn’t love her own kids, but also by turns ignored, bullied, criticized, and manipulated them, all to feed her own needs.

  It made him think of his own mother. And Lia.

  He didn’t think it was the same for them. He hoped it wasn’t, for Haley’s sake. Those two seemed more like they simply had no time for others rather than needing to use others for their own gain.

  Dani’s mother, though. She sounded like an emotional vampire. As if her children had been pawns in a very strange game of making sure the world revolved only around her.

  He wondered how badly that had messed them all up. But he wondered most about Dani.

  And what he could do to help.

  Because he couldn’t leave her alone to deal with this on her own. He’d already been playing with the idea of suggesting they see what this thing was between them. And yes, there was a thing. Even if they were both pretending it didn’t exist.

  He’d spent approximately sixty hours away from her over the past three days, and she’d appeared in his thoughts a surprising number of times. He’d missed her. He’d wanted to tell her all about his days with Haley.

  Hell, he’d just wanted to talk to her.

  So yeah, there was a thing. And he’d come back to Montana giving serious consideration to letting her know how he felt.

  But now he couldn’t tell her anything. What was happening out in the family room was far more important than his feelings, and it sounded like something that would have long-term effects.

  Which meant, Dani was priority number one. This thing between them? This thing had to be forgotten.

  His door suddenly opened, and Dani stepped into his room.

  In the next instant he had her in his arms. Her hands lifted as quickly as his, closing around his waist and holding tight. She buried her face in his chest.

  They stood like that for several minutes until her brothers’ low murmurs registered from the other room. Ben shifted the two of them so he could quietly close his door. This was no time for one of her overprotective siblings to decide they needed to safeguard her against him.

  She continued clinging without uttering a sound. She wasn’t crying, and she was so quiet he couldn’t even hear her breathing. But he felt her heartbeat against his chest.

  He scooped her up, her arms going around his neck, and a whimper finally slipping from between her lips. Then he carried her to the chair in the corner of the room. After he settled them both on the cushion, she buried her face in his neck and her body began to tremble.

  “Ben,” she moaned.

  “Shhh.” He rocked her in his arms. “I’m here, baby. I’ve got you.”

  He crisscrossed his arms around her back, holding her close, and they sat like that for a long time. She never completely broke down, just let out the occasional sob. Finally, her body quit shaking and she lifted her face from his neck. Watery eyes sought him out.

  “My mother,” she whispered.

  And he felt like he’d died.

  Her gorgeous blue eyes pleaded with him. As though begging him to fix it. But he had no clue what to say. What to do. He’d been as floored as she. “I know,” he finally muttered. He squeezed her to him and buried his nose in her hair. “I know,” he said quietly once again.

  “I hate my brothers,” she muttered.

  He gave a sad smile because he understood. She was a proud woman. She’d come home and taken over the care of her family, and they’d kept life-altering information from her. No doubt it had been done with the best of intentions, but now they all had to live with the outcome.

  Her eyes were still on him, watching him carefully. The moisture had slowed, but the sadness remained abundant. He pressed his lips to each eyelid, one at a time, tasting remnants of tears and wishing he could do more.

  “I need . . . something,” she murmured, sounding lost. “I need . . . you.”

  “You’ve got me.” He hugged her tighter and resumed his previous rocking. “I’m not going anywhere.” He would hold her until tomorrow if he needed to. Or longer. Whatever it took to make her not seem so destroyed.

  “No.” She shook her head and peered up at him. “Not like that.”

  He halted his movements. “What’s wrong? Tell me and I’
ll fix it.”

  “I just need you,” she stressed. “All of you.”

  “I don’t—”

  Her fingers touched his lips then, and he saw in her eyes what she meant. She was hurting. Desperate to feel something other than pain.

  And that something was him. Sex.

  Pleasure.

  Oh, Christ.

  “No, babe.” He shook his head while his lower body woke up. “That isn’t what you need right now. Just let me hold you.”

  “Please,” she begged, and he almost broke in two. The word was filled with so much misery. “Make love to me, Ben.”

  He stroked a hand over her arm, fighting with himself to do the right thing. “That isn’t what you really want. You’re just hurting.”

  “It is what I want.”

  “Babe.” He momentarily closed his eyes. “You just turned me down out at the beach thirty minutes ago, remember?” He tried to tease her. “You wouldn’t even let me flirt with you.” He stroked the back of his finger over her heated cheek. “If I made love to you right now, you’d only regret it like you did the last time.”

  “I didn’t regret it last time.”

  Her words were spoken clearly, and as bad a person as it made him, he desperately wanted to believe her. He desperately wanted to make love to her.

  But he knew better. He remembered the past precisely.

  “You disappeared from my bed that night, Dani. You were gone before I woke up. Gone the entire next day. I had to leave for school, and I didn’t even get to tell you good-bye.”

  After he’d taken her virginity.

  She shook her head. “I didn’t regret it. I cherished it. I still do. But I was ashamed.”

  His eyes narrowed in surprise.

  “I’d used you,” she explained, the words spoken softly.

  “You didn’t.”

  “I did. I threw myself at you out on the dock, and after you turned me down, I still came into your room uninvited. I used you because I wanted to lose my virginity that night. Because I was tired of being different than other girls, and tired of not getting to do anything but be right here raising my brothers. And now I understand why I thought it was okay to do that. I manipulated you to get what I wanted because that’s what I’d grown up with.” Her brows scrunched together as if in contemplation before she groaned. “Oh, God. I’m just like her.” She shook her head in denial and pushed at his chest. “I should go.”