Affinity: A Salvation Society Novel

by Harlow Layne

  “Is your brother going to come in?”

  “He was asleep, so we left him out there. They haven’t been getting along all that well, and with how anxious Alex looked, I thought it was for the best. I’m glad I did because he doesn’t know the circumstances of how we got married, and I don’t want him to.”

  “Got it. We were going to put you downstairs, so you’d have some privacy, but now that you can’t get around easily, we thought you might want to stay on the ground floor. We can give your brother the room you were going to stay in.” Luke leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “I want you to know you’re safe here. Everyone in this neighborhood is vigilant about not letting in people they don’t know. The gates are closed at all times unless you put in a code or are buzzed in. Plus, we have a state-of-the-art security system. No one, and I mean no one, is getting in. Hopefully, when your brother sees how safe you are, he’ll relax, and things won’t be as tense between the two of them.”

  “That may be the case, but Paul isn’t stupid. He’s going to realize something is wrong the moment he sees me.”

  “Do you want me to go get Jenner? I can show you to your room so you two can talk before your brother comes in, or do you need separate rooms?”

  “I’m sure Paul would love it if we had separate rooms even though nothing is going to happen.” Luke raised a brow at my comment. “Doctor's orders.” My gaze went to the window even though I couldn’t see Jenner. “I don’t think he wants to talk to me.”

  “How do you know if you don’t try? He’s feeling vulnerable right now. Something he’s not used to.”

  Could he make me feel any more guilty?

  “Go get him.” I leaned back and relaxed into the soft leather of the couch and waited.

  It didn’t take long before Luke and Jenner came into view. They were deep in conversation as they came to the door and stopped. Jenner’s head hung the entire time as they spoke. When he looked up, our gazes collided. I could see the conflict etched across his face.

  Luke opened the door, and I grabbed my crutches and stood. I was a little wobbly, but I managed. I was happy we wouldn’t be staying downstairs and have to climb the stairs.

  Giving me a thumbs up, Luke guided us to the room we’d be staying in. “I’m going to check on Alex. If you need me, that’s where I’ll be.”

  “Thanks, man. I appreciate everything.”

  “Not a problem.” Luke clapped him on the back. Turning to me, he winked. “If your brother comes in, I’ll show him to his room downstairs.”

  “Thanks.” I gave him a nervous smile as I situated myself on the bed.

  Jenner sat in a chair in front of the window with his hands clasped together, staring at the floor. “I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”

  Our eyes locked, and I asked. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

  “I didn’t want anyone to find out. It was a secret I was planning to take to my grave.”

  Scooting myself back on the bed, I lay down and stare up at the ceiling. “I’ll try my best to make it seem like everything is normal between us around my brother, but I’m not sure how successful I’ll be. I’m not an actor like you.”

  I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him shift in the chair. “Is that it? You’re giving up on me?”

  Closing my eyes, I try to forget about the defeat I heard in his voice. “I’m not sure?” I didn’t mean for it to come out as a question, but it did. “All I know is I can’t get over it in a matter of minutes. I need time to process that you . . . ” I didn’t want to say it. He was a drug addict. I would never have guessed. “Right now, I feel betrayed.”

  “Betrayed?” he choked out.

  “I can’t help how I feel, just as I know you can’t help your past. Like I said, I need time, and then I hope you’ll be willing to answer some questions.”

  I heard movement, and then the bed dipped underneath his weight. “Abbi, please. Ask me now. Ask me whatever you want.”

  I didn’t even know where to start. He blew my mind only minutes ago with this revelation.

  “When did you start?” It came to me and flew out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

  The bed shifted as he leaned back against the headboard. “It was after Poppy was gone and totally unintentional. I was in the bathroom looking for the damn toothpaste and found a little baggie of white powder.” Turning my head, I look over to watch as he covers his eyes with his arm. “I wanted to see why she chose it over me, so I tried it. Well, I had to look up how to do it first, and then I tried it. Everything and I mean everything, fell away. For a month, I sat in the house I’d shared with my ex, and did nothing but my new friend, the powdery white substance.”

  After a few minutes of quiet, I asked. “Then what happened?” I knew this wasn’t easy for him, but I had to know everything.

  “I wanted more. I needed more. I was a mess. I couldn’t sleep, eat, and then someone sent me a picture of Poppy standing on the side of the street looking utterly out of it. I realized that it could be me if I didn’t stop. I didn’t want to be lost in drugs and ruin other people’s lives, even though I had no one in my life. I kept looking at her picture, at how awful she looked. Her body was emaciated, her skin was broken out, and her skin tone was uneven. I’m not conceited about my looks, but I didn’t want to fall down that pit and never get it back.”

  “So you checked into rehab under the guise of an alcohol addiction?” I couldn’t look at him any longer. I’d been heartbroken when I found out that my relationship with Greg had all been a lie, but never once had I thought to turn to drugs. Would I have tried it if I found it in my bathroom and wondered what all the hype was about? Doubtful, but in a strange way, I understood.

  “After losing a big movie role, Catherine thought it was best.”

  “Catherine knows?” I wasn’t sure how I felt about Catherine knowing. I understood it wasn’t her place to tell me, but damn, I couldn’t wrap my head around all of this.

  “She’s the only one who does know. Well, did know until now,” he confessed.

  “What are you going to do about Poppy’s story?”

  “I haven’t thought about it. You and Alex are more important. I need to make this right with the two of you first–if that’s even possible.”

  “Help me sit up,” I ordered.

  Jenner pulled me up with so much gentleness that it brought tears to my eyes. Twisting on the bed, I let my eyes roam over him. His feet hung off the bed, and his long, tanned legs splayed out, while his arms hung at his sides. That wasn’t what made my breath catch in my chest. It was how every feature of his face drooped with sadness.

  “I think you should call her and figure things out even though I’m sure she’s already on it.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He got off the bed and came around to my side. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to my forehead. He left them there as he muttered, “I’m sorry I fucked up. Again. I’m going to go outside and give you some space. If you need me, I’ll have my phone.”

  He spun it in his hand as he walked out of the room. The swagger he usually held in his steps was gone.

  Why did I feel like I’d broken him, broken us, when he’d been the one with the secret?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Jenner

  I felt like a creepy stalker as I sat there and stared at Abbi from across the yard. Her head was tipped back and backlit by the fireworks show Luke and Alex’s neighborhood was putting on for everyone. She hadn’t spoken a word to me unless her brother was in the room since I told everyone the truth about Poppy’s accusations.

  Catherine was already on it by the time I talked to her, but that didn’t matter. I’d done irreparable damage to my relationship with both Abbi and Alex. They looked at me with deep pain in their eyes every time they looked my way. If there was a good thing to come of this, it would be that it had made Alex and Abbi bond over how much I’d hurt them.

  Movement to my right and left caught
my attention, but I paid it no mind. Instead, I kept my stare directed at the one person I wanted to look at me.

  “Is she still not talking to you?” A deep rumbling voice that belonged to Jax Stone sounded from my right.

  “He’s getting the cold shoulder from both Alex and Abbi,” Luke sounded off at my back.

  “But, you’ve forgiven him?” Holden’s rough voice came from my left. They’d surrounded me.

  “There was nothing for me to forgive, but I understand why Alex is upset.” He came to stand off to my left beside Holden. “She begged for him to tell her what was going on. She would have understood if you’d told her man.”

  “And she would have been disappointed.” With my forearms on my thighs, I hung my head and dug my fingers into my hair. “I never wanted anyone to find out. I can promise I will never do drugs again, but it’s not enough. The worst part is I’m not sure how I’m ever going to get them to forgive or trust me again.”

  “That’s a tricky one.” Jax shook his head with no real answer.

  “I was dying to drink until I passed out and keep doing it until they were ready to talk to me, but I knew I couldn’t with Abbi’s brother around. He already hated me enough as it was.”

  Holden shifted, looking straight at me instead of the fireworks. “Maybe you need to get vulnerable with them. Explain to them the way they’re pushing you out of their lives is causing you to want to drink. If they care, which they obviously do since they feel betrayed, they’ll respond, and then you can talk it out.”

  The man had a good plan.

  “Trust me, when I was injured, all Gabi wanted was for me to talk to her and tell her how I felt. If you can do that, I think it will be a big step in the right direction.”

  “How is that even going to happen when they won’t talk to me?” Looking over, I saw all the girls watching us. The second they were caught, everyone but Abbi turned back to the firework show going on. She stared at me for another beat until Paul wrapped an arm around her shoulders, then she looked away.

  “I’ll talk to Alex.” Luke stood as if he was going to do it that very moment.

  “Sit down, man, or better yet, all of you go sit by your women. I don’t want to ruin the show for them. I’m not going to run off and get drunk while everyone is enjoying the night. I promise I don’t have a problem with drugs or alcohol, but I’ve also pledged to myself that I won’t use them to deal with my issues either.”

  “Smart man.” Holden clapped me on the back. “I’m going to take your advice and go be with my woman.”

  “See ya.” I saluted him.

  “Are you sure you want to be alone?” Luke asked, his mouth in a thin line.

  “I’m sure. Enjoy the night with your family.”

  “Once everyone disperses, I’m going to tell her.” He gave me a pointed look, one that said I better be ready or there was going to be hell to pay. I was sure it wasn’t easy for him to stay neutral when his wife was upset with me. I appreciated it more than he’d ever know. It would have been a rough day if everyone had been pissed at me and making me feel like a pariah.

  Giving him a thumbs up, I sat back in my chair and looked up into the night. Colton Patrick had gone all out. This had to have been one of the nicest shows I’d seen on the Fourth of July. Not that I’d seen many, but no matter how down I was feeling, I couldn’t help but enjoy watching color after color bloom across the night sky. The feel of the boom through my seat as each firework launched into the air and waiting to see what it produced was exhilarating.

  After five minutes of nonstop explosions, it was over. The sky was heavy with smoke, and the night was filled with excited voices talking about their favorite firework.

  Not feeling sociable, I left the front yard and headed to the back. Slipping off my shoes and socks, I sat on the edge of the pool and let my legs hang in the water as I looked out into the backyard. The trees were filled with lights that I knew Alex had hung herself and loved looking out at. The air was fragrant with flowers even over the smoke in the air. It was beautiful here with nothing to see but rolling hills and trees, even just their shadows in the dark. Still, I liked my view at home better. I loved looking out onto the city and seeing its lights twinkle at night.

  “What are you doing back here all by yourself?” Abbi said from somewhere behind me.

  Without looking over my shoulder at her, I moved my feet through the warm water. I wanted to jump up and go to her since I knew how difficult it was for her to get around on her crutches, but I stayed in place. “Enjoying nature. Why are you back here and not with everyone else?”

  “They all went inside,” she said as she moved closer.

  Jumping up, I helped her over to one of the chairs and then moved back to my spot. “And Luke talked to Alex?”

  “He did. I thought it would be best if I approached you first.”

  My hackles rose at her comment. Did she even want to be here, or was she here out of a sense of obligation? “I’m not some wild dog that will attack if provoked.”

  “Of course, you’re not, Jenner. I misspoke.” I heard her curse under her breath even with the few feet separating us. “Approach was not the right word; more like I wanted to be the first to talk to you even though you’ve known Alex longer. I feel I have a right since we were sharing a bed.”

  Pulling my legs out of the water, I turned to look at my wife, possibly my soon-to-be second ex-wife. “Past tense? Are you through with me? For something that happened before I ever knew you?”

  Her face was shrouded in sadness. “I didn’t come back here to fight with you. I wanted to make sure you’re okay. Luke said that you confessed to him that you felt like drinking.”

  Throwing my hands up in the air, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Of course, I feel like drinking. I want to do something to make the time more bearable since I’ve been ostracized on my own vacation.”

  “Jenner,” she said my name so sadly and quietly that my heart stopped beating for a split second, “I never wanted you to feel that way. All I wanted was some time to wrap my head around what I learned.”

  “And what now? How long is it going to take for you to process that a little over a year ago, I used coke and wrecked my life? I can promise you like I promised myself, I will never go down that road again no matter what happens.”

  “You say that, but you never know what could happen. How bad could things get? Like tonight, you want to drink.”

  She had a point. Abbi didn’t know if something down the line would cause me to slip just like she didn’t know how much conviction I had deep down in my gut. “I’ve never had a problem with alcohol.” At her raised brow, I held up a hand and continued. “But I vowed to myself I would never again use alcohol or drugs as a way to cope through any situation. Good or bad. If you want me to take a drug test every week for the rest of my life, I’ll do it, but I wish you could trust me.”

  “I want to trust you, and it’s been killing me inside to have this distance between us, but—”

  “You can trust me, I promise you,” I interrupted to implore her to forgive me. Normally I wasn’t one to beg, but I’d do anything for Abbi to believe in me again.

  It should have been a testament that I’d been sober since she’d shut me out, and the amount my heart ached each second of the excruciating thirty-six hours we’d been here.

  Did the pain I’d felt mean I was in love with Abbi?

  It couldn’t be. It was too soon.

  “We’re good together. You make me want to be a better man each and every day that I wake up with you in my life. Give me the opportunity to do the same for you.”

  I watched as her eyes filled with tears, and she brushed her cheek with the back of her hand.

  “I hate this damn broken leg. I can barely move around.” She held out her arms to me.

  Not one to waste an opportunity, I shot to my feet and had Abbi in my arms. She let out a gasp before her arms wrapped around me. In that moment, I felt whole fo
r the first time in forever.

  Pressing my nose into her hair, I inhaled her apples and cinnamon scent. Fuck, I’d missed her smell. “I think I’m in love with you, Abbi.” I felt her stiffen in my arms, so I tried to explain. “I know it’s too soon. Everything between us has happened at warp speed, but deep inside,” I pulled back and brought her hand to my chest, “in here, I feel like I’ve known you forever and not nearly long enough at the same time.”

  Abbi looked up at me, her eyes shimmering in the moonlight. “Don’t say those types of things unless you mean them. I don’t think I could take it if you didn’t mean it.”

  Her words gave me hope.

  Groaning, I pulled her closer until the side of her body meshed to mine. She was right. Having a broken leg was making what I wanted to do to her difficult. “I’m not going to fuck this up again. I’m going to sound like a girl here, but if you don’t feel that way about me, it’s fine. I understand, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer and had to tell you how I felt after you were willing to give me my thousandth chance.”

  Resting her head on my chest, her arms tightened around me. “Sometimes I forget you’ve been in a relationship before. I know it wasn’t a good one and that you were away for a lot of it, not that I fault you for the demise of your marriage. She knew what she was getting into.”

  I had a feeling she wanted to add ‘unlike me’ to what she was saying, but I kept that to myself.

  “There are times when I still feel guilty, but then I remember she could have come with me on any one of my movies. It’s not like she had a job. Instead, she sat around the house I bought, spent my money, and then started cheating on me and doing drugs.”

  Burrowing her head further into my chest, she spoke. It was muffled, but I still heard every word she said. “Are you sure you can promise me you’ll never do drugs again?”

  It was times like now when I realized we hadn’t known each other forever. Abbi had every right to not trust me. “If I do, I’ll give you all my money and the house.”