The Woman with One Hand, and Mr. Ely's Engagement

by Richard Marsh

  CHAPTER XI

  AN ENCOUNTER IN THE TRAIN

  Mr. Ely's last journey from Shanklin up to town had not been exactlyof a cheerful kind. Mr. Rosenbaum's appearance on the scene had put adamper on to that. The tale of the six daughters had banished peacefrom the successful wooer's mind. The journey from town to Shanklinwas not exactly pleasant either. Under the best of circumstances Mr.Ely was not the most cheerful of companions. Under existingcircumstances he was the most cheerless man alive.

  He showed his mettle at the start.

  "First-class smoking," Mr. Ash suggested to the guard.

  Mr. Ely pulled up short.

  "Not for me."

  "What do you mean?"

  "No smoking carriage for me. I've got enough on my hands already,without having to disinfect myself immediately I arrive."

  So they were shown into a non-smoking compartment. Mr. Ash wished hisfriend at Jericho. The idea of a journey to Portsmouth without the aidof a cigar did not commend itself to him. Besides, he knew that MissTruscott had liberal-minded notions on the subject of tobacco. But hedeemed it prudent to refrain from treading on the tail of the coatwhich Mr. Ely was obviously trailing on the ground. And he had hisrevenge!

  Just as the train was actually starting there was a cry of "Stop!"Some one came rushing down the platform, the door was opened, andfirst a lady and then a gentleman were assisted in.

  "That was a narrow squeak!" exclaimed the gentleman. Then he turnedlaughing to the lady: "That's a nice beginning, Mrs. B." The ladylaughed at him again. "It's a matter of no importance, but I supposeall our luggage is left behind." He put his head out of the window tosee. "No, they're putting it in! In such a style! What a scene of ruinwill greet our eyes when we reach the other end."

  He drew his head into the compartment and took a survey of hissurroundings.

  "What, Ash! What, Ely! Here's a go! What brings you two thieves inhere? Quite a happy family, my boys."

  The gentleman extended one hand to Mr. Ash and the other to Mr. Ely.Mr. Ash laughingly grasped the one which came his way; Mr. Ely acidlydeclined the other, but the gentleman did not seem to be in the leastcast down. He gave Mr. Ely a resounding thwack upon the shoulder,which doubled him up as though he were some lay figure.

  "Ely, my boy, you look as though you had been living on sour applesfor a week! What's the matter with him, Ash? Been induced to lend hisaged mother half a crown? He'll never get over it, you know."

  "Mr. Bailey," gasped Mr. Ely, "I'll trouble you not to play yourpractical jokes on me."

  Mr. Bailey laughed. Behind the cover of his paper Mr. Ash laughed too.Mr. Bailey--better known as "Jack" Bailey--was also a member of the"House," and as such known both to Mr. Ely and to Ash. One of thosehearty, healthy Englishmen, who having not the slightest reservethemselves have no notion of the existence of such a sense in anybodyelse. He was Mr. Ely's particular abhorrence. When Mr. Bailey had donelaughing, he turned to the lady who accompanied him. She was afeminine repetition of himself: a tall, strapping, buxom wench,with bright black eyes and bright red cheeks; the very embodiment ofhealth and strength; the sort of damsel who is in her element on thetennis-lawn or on the river, or doing four-and-twenty dances off thereel.

  "Who do you think that is?"

  The lady laughed.

  "Jack! shut up," she said.

  "Just hark at her! We've not been married an hour, and she's beginningto order me about already! Allow me to introduce you to my wife,Mrs. Bailey--Miss Williamson that was. Married this morning in theChurch of St. Michael and All Angels, six bridesmaids, and such awedding-cake! Only we couldn't stop to eat this wedding-cake, we hadto catch the train!"

  Mr. and Mrs. Bailey laughed again. Mr. Ash laughed too. But Mr.Ely--he turned green. Mr. Ash raised his hat and bowed to the lady.

  "Allow me to offer you my congratulations, Mrs. Bailey. Am I justifiedin supposing that you are starting on your honeymoon?"

  "Justified! I should think you are!" Seating himself, Mr. Baileyslipped his arm about the lady's waist. "I say, Bess, it's lucky we'vefallen among men I know. I should have had to apologise for kissingyou in front of strangers."

  He kissed her then. But the lady only laughed.

  "You know Jack," she explained. "Every one knows Jack! He has a way ofhis own."

  "I should think I have got a way of my own!" cried the gentlemanreferred to. And he slipped the lady on to his knee. "I wouldn't givea button for the man who hadn't; eh, Ely, what do you say? I say, Ely,why don't you go in for something in this line?"

  And he nodded towards his wife.

  "I'm afraid I do not understand you."

  "He says he doesn't understand me, Bess. Isn't that a funny man?"

  "Are you not married, Mr. Ely?" inquired the bride of an hour.

  "I have not that happiness."

  For the life of him Mr. Ash could not have resisted the chance whichoffered.

  "But he's going to be--he's engaged," he said.

  Mr. Ely turned the colour of a boiled beetroot. But Mr. and Mrs.Bailey quite mistook the reason. It was not because he was shy; it wasbecause the exigencies of civilisation debarred him from cutting Mr.Ash's throat.

  "I wish you joy!" exclaimed the gentleman.

  "When's it going to be!" chimed in the lady.

  "I'll be best man!"

  "If you promise to send me a piece of the cake I'll let you have apiece of mine."

  Mr. Bailey turned to his wife.

  "To look at him you wouldn't think he was engaged, now, would you?"

  "Why? Is there anything funny about the looks of a man when he'sengaged?"

  "Funny! I should think there is! Ely, what do you think? Don't youfeel funny? You ought to if you don't."

  "May I inquire, Mr. Bailey, what you mean?"

  There was such a savage tone in Mr. Ely's voice that even the notquick-witted Mr. Bailey was struck by it.

  "Hallo! What's up now? I say, Ash, you ought to tip a fellow the winkwhen a man's had an unfortunate misunderstanding with his best girl."

  "Mr. Bailey--I beg Mrs. Bailey's pardon,--but I suppose that in thepresence of a lady you take it for granted that you may permityourself the utmost license of speech."

  Mr. Bailey whistled, Mrs. Bailey laughed, then looked out of thewindow with a look of innocent surprise--that look of innocentsurprise which means so much. Mr. Bailey nudged his wife with hiselbow.

  "Beautiful scenery, isn't it?"

  They were then passing a long, level stretch of what seemedturnip-fields. Mrs. Bailey laughed again.

  "Ah, it's a serious thing to have a misunderstanding with your bestgirl!"

  Mrs. Bailey laughed again.

  "It's all very well to laugh, but I've had more than one, and nobodyknows what it feels like who hasn't gone through it all. Poor chap, nowonder he feels down!"

  "Mr. Ely," explained the lady, "never you mind Jack, it's a way he'sgot; he will always have his joke." Then she showed the tact for whichwomen are so famous. "I hope that there really has been nomisunderstanding with--with the lady?"

  "S--sh!--Bess!--For shame!--I'm surprised at you! I wouldn't haveasked such a question, not for a thousand pounds!"

  "Mr. Bailey, if the worst comes to the worst, I feel quite convincedthat you will be able to provide Mrs. Bailey with an excellentestablishment by becoming a professional buffoon."

  This was Mr. Ely's final word. The train just then drew up atGuildford. Mr. Bailey rose with the air of a martyr.

  "I'm afraid, my dear Bess, we must really tear ourselves away. Weought to find a separate compartment. Our friends are most anxious tosmoke, and the presence of a lady prevents them, you know."

  When the pair were gone, Mr. Ely turned upon Mr. Ash with somethingthat was very much like a snarl.

  "I have to thank you for that."

  "For what? What do you mean?"

  "You know very well what I mean. For that clown's impertinence--great,lumbering buffoon
!"

  "Good gracious, Ely, you don't seem to be in the pleasantest of moods.What did I tell him? I only said you were engaged. What harm is therein that? I don't know what good you expect to come from keeping ithidden from the world."

  Mr. Ely turned the matter over in his mind. He gnashed his teeth, notfiguratively, but very literally indeed.

  "By George, I'll make her marry me, or I'll know the reason why!"

  "One way to that desirable consummation is to compromise the lady'sname. Advertise the fact that she has promised to be your wife."

  "If I thought that, I'd stick it up on every dead wall in town."

  "Let's try milder means at first. Leave more vigorous measures to alittle later on. Unless I'm much mistaken, you'll find the mildermeans will serve. There's a little misunderstanding, that is all."

  "Little misunderstanding you call it, do you? I should like to knowwhat you call a big one, then."

  If they did not actually come to blows they did more than one littlebit of figurative sparring on the way. Mr. Ash found it best to keepquite still. Directly he opened his mouth Mr. Ely showed an amazingdisposition to snap at his nose. For instance, once when the trainstopped at a station--

  "This is Rowland's Castle, isn't it?"

  "No, it isn't Rowland's Castle. I should like to know what on earthmakes you think it's Rowland's Castle. I wonder you don't say it'sColney Hatch."

  Mr. Ash gazed mildly at his friend, and subsided into his paper. Hefelt that with things as they were conversation might be labelled"dangerous."