Of Fur and Ice

by Andrea Marie Brokaw

  There's something from Warren.

  Smiling and suddenly feeling a world better, I click on it.

  Reading, I stop smiling.

  “Michaela.

  "Weres have an interesting relationship to the moon. We love it. It's beautiful. It's part of us. The joy of the change is a high that humans can only imagine. But we also hate it because it robs us of so much, of inhibitions and sense and of our own personalities. We can't think straight. I guess you could say the moon is a drug and we're all addicts.

  “Sorry to be boring you with my philosophy. I'm just trying to explain what happened tonight. I would never have treated you like that any other time. I'm sorry. Forgive me?”

  He's apologizing for kissing me. Blaming it all on the moon.

  Disgusted by the tears pricking at my eyes, I turn off the machine without replying and go to take a shower, letting myself sob as I stand in the stream of steaming water.

  How could he possibly kiss me like that and then say he didn't mean it?

  The moon made him do it? Because in his right mind he'd never want anything to do with me?

  “Damn you, Warren. Damn you for making me feel this way.”

  I shudder. “And damn me for letting you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I wake up as exhausted as when I passed out last night and drag my weary body out of bed about an hour after the start of classes. Before going downstairs to see if I can get some breakfast, I stop by Aliah's, not sure if she's up here or if she's still down in the nurse's office. Tod opens the door, huge circles under his eyes and his hair looking wind ravaged. “Hey.” He steps aside for me to enter and closes the door after me again.

  The room is lit by sunlight drifting through the windows. Decorated all in whites, it feels open an airy. Sitting on various surfaces, there's an endearing collection of plush arctic animals, mostly foxes. Even the paintings are predominately white, being oil renditions of local landscapes in winter. The exception is a vibrant portrait of a red fox placed prominently in sight from the bed. I have to smile at it. The painting looks just like him.

  “How is she?” I ask softly, mindful of her sleep.

  “Healing.” He sits beside her on the bed, in a spot already rumpled. “She hasn't been awake much. I haven't been able to get her to eat anything, so she might need an IV later.”

  “And how are you?” I narrow my eyes at him.

  “I slept.”

  Very little from the looks of him.

  “Did you eat?”

  He shakes his head. “I'm not hungry.”

  I sigh. “I'll be back in a few minutes with breakfast.”

  “I'm really not-”

  “This is me leaving.” I slip out the door, letting it click shut behind me.

  The student kitchen doesn't have anything more nutritious than bagels this morning, so I go over to the main kitchen to see if there's a chance of getting something there.

  The kitchen staff sits at a table, cups of coffee in front of all three of them. They smile when they see me and two of them clap. “The hero awakens,” the lone male says cheerfully.

  Hero? I nearly look over my shoulder.

  “You must be hungry, what can we get you?”

  Shrugging, I finish walking over to them. “Actually, I'm here to get something for Tod.”

  The women trade glances. “For Tod?”

  “He's keeping watch over Aliah,” I explain. “The poor guy hardly slept. He keeps saying he's not hungry, but I don't know when the last time he ate was.” I'm not sure if he had lunch yesterday or not, but I'm certain he skipped dinner. And he only picked at breakfast. He may have had something at the coffee shop, I can't remember.

  “I didn't see him yesterday,” the younger of the women, a wolf, says, and the others shake their heads as they get up from their seats.

  “We'll get him fixed up,” the female bear assures me. “And you need to eat, too.”

  “What about Aliah?” the man wants to know as he takes a stack of beef from the fridge.

  I sigh. “She's not awake yet.”

  Worried frowns appear at the news. The wolf girl sighs. “Well, at least Tod's finally come to his senses, right?”

  “About time,” the bear chimes agreeably.

  I blink, startled the staff cares so much about student love lives. Beef sizzles as it hits a pan on the stove.

  Ten minutes later, I'm heading up the stairs lugging an unbelievably heavy tray piled with rare steaks, broth, potatoes, bread, milk, ginger ale, apples, and chocolate cake. My arms ache from the weight. I could never be an old-fashioned, serving maid... or even a waitress.

  “Here, let me help.” Vivianne Fox rushes up a few stairs to grab one side of the tray. “How is she?”

  Paused, I watch Viv for a few seconds before starting up the stairs again. “Sleeping mostly, but Tod says she's healing. She needs to eat though.”

  “And how's a sick person supposed to eat all of this?” She smiles at the plethora of food, which is, indeed, way too much for Aliah. Even if she'd been well, it would be too much for Aliah.

  “I'm feeding Tod, too,” I admit.

  “How is he?” The look that accompanies the question is fearful.

  “All things considered, he's doing alright.” I stop and knock on Aliah's door.

  The door swings open, and Tod's eyes narrow on his mother. He turns his back without saying anything to her, cleaning a space on Aliah's desk for the food.

  “Tod...” Tears lurk in Vivianne's voice. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Micheal.”

  “You should be.” He hands me one of the plates I brought up and motions towards the food. “That's not why I'm mad at you though.”

  Her shoulders slump. “What else have I done?”

  Tod sits on the edge of the bed, giving her a long look. “It is about Mike, but not about you not telling me you were his life mate.”

  The older, masculine Mike. Not me. The conversation has absolutely nothing to do with me.... Trying not to stare at the action, I move a few pieces of beef and a potato onto my plate while I contemplate fleeing the room.

  “I never did anything with him, Tod. I never betrayed your father.”

  “Betrayed my father?” he sputters, aghast. “My father? You don't owe him anything. You betrayed Michael Atherton!”

  “Betrayed Mike? What-”

  Tod's on his feet now, glaring down at his mother. “You are his life mate, Mother. You mean more to him than anything else in this universe, and you abandoned him because you were too immature to accept that the easier choice, the political choice, was the wrong choice.” He takes a step closer to her. “And to make things worse, you run to him every time something goes wrong. You let him pick up the pieces for you, and then you leave again, breaking his heart all over. And he has to let you, because you're his life mate.”

  Her breath quivers when he's done, her lips tremble as the words sink in. Then she whispers in a voice chaotic with emotion, “What makes you think you know so much about it?”

  His reply is deceptively soft. “Because like your father, I'm wolf enough to know my life mate. And I nearly lost her last night. And don't think for half a second I wouldn't have lost myself, too.”

  Vivianne's expression softens. “You...”

  “Yeah.” Tod nods, and then they stand staring at each other until tears start to run down Vivianne's face.

  “I...” She chokes and has to start over. “I...”

  “Have no respect for the concept? Yeah, I know.”

  “No! That's not what I meant!” She grabs at his arm, but he jerks it away, leaving her finger to brush through the fabric of his sleeve. “I-”

  “Mom, save it.”

  “No. Tod...” She's sobbing so hard now I can't make out what she says after that.

  “There are words for what you are,” Tod tells her coldly. “But they aren't words you say to your mother. So I'd appreciate it if you would leave and let me take care of my mate.
”

  “Tod!”

  “Later, Mom.”

  She sniffles, rubbing her hands against her face. “Later?”

  “I'm not disowning you.” He sighs loudly. “I'm just pissed off.”

  Still sobbing, but doing so less nosily now, she nods and makes a quick retreat.

  Tod looks to me, his eyes tired, but I move my gaze significantly to the bed. He turns, going still when he sees Aliah looking up at him.

  “Hi,” he whispers. I can almost hear his thoughts demand to know what she just heard when he thought she was sleeping.

  “Is that true?” Aliah asks, her voice weak.

  With a little cough to clear his throat, he shifts from foot to foot. “Is what true?”

  “That you think you found your life mate?”

  “There's no thinking,” he skirts the question. “It's a matter of knowing.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah.” He inches around the edge of the bed. “Yeah, but I doubt she wants anything to do with me.”

  Her eyes locked on his, she raises her brows. “And why wouldn't she want you?”

  “Because I'm an idiot,” he whispers. “I spent the last two years chasing her sister.”

  “Did you?”

  “Yeah.” He kneels down beside her, taking her hand in his. “And I have absolutely no idea how I could ever make that up to her.”

  She smiles softly. “You could try telling her you love her. She might like that.”

  He takes a deep breath. “I love you, Aliah.” Her smile widens. “I am so sorry, and I don't– ”

  Her fingers lay against his lips, cutting off his words. “You can grovel later.” She moves her hand. “I love you, too.”

  My heart flutters, and I find myself grinning inanely.

  He leans over, kissing her. Slowly and gently, but with very serious intent.

  I grab one of the milks, the chocolate one, and take my breakfast back to my own room, somehow holding off on the jubilant laughter until after I've closed my door.

  My computer screen shows half an email to Warren before I even realize I'm typing to him, filling him in on last night and this morning.

  I stop and stare at the computer.

  Why am I bothering? It's not like he cares. It's not like we're friends. It's not like he meant to kiss me. It would have changed everything if he had, but he hadn't....

  Besides, it's after the full moon. He's back at school now. He'll be there at lunch, brooding at his table under the window.

  I finish the email anyway and hit send.

  He's not in the dining room when I get there, but it isn't until the room starts to fill most of the way up that I start to worry maybe he won't show up.

  While I'm staring at the empty spot that Warren's supposed to be in, the chair beside me slides out and Sam sits down, her tray landing with a dull thump. Despondently, she jabs her fork into a salad, mixing the greens around without giving off any indication she's planning on eating them.

  “What's wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  Uh huh. I don't press the issue though because Seth and Bryce are sitting down with us.

  The boys say hi, but then go back to conversing about hockey. It's not a subject I know much about. Sam, on the other hand, would be avidly contributing right now if there were nothing wrong.

  At some point while I'm engrossed in eating my stew, worrying about Sam, and wondering where the heck Warren is, the conversation shifts. Dimly, I realize Bryce is talking about the dance tomorrow. And, more specifically, he's talking about the bear he's taking to it. Frozen, I stare at my food.

  “Mike!” Seth says urgently, jerking my attention to him. “How's Aliah?”

  Aliah? Oh, right. They went to class. No one else here knows what happened this morning.

  “And why are you grinning like the Cheshire cat?” the leopard continues, a smile teasing his lips.

  “Aliah's fine.” I fold my hands primly on the table, struggling without success to stop grinning. “She's healing quickly and receiving excellent care.”

  “And...” Seth leans forward, his gorgeous eyes dancing. “Where is your illustrious den father?”

  If I was grinning madly before, I must look deranged by now. “Dutifully watching over his little kit, of course.”

  “So the rumors in the staff room have some amount of truth in them?”

  I blink. “Rumors in the staff room?”

  Seth shrugs. “I had to use the photocopier. People were talking.”

  I doubt very much that Aliah realizes how many people care about her. And she will die of embarrassment if she ever finds out that even the faculty is gossiping about her romantic entanglements.

  “Um...” Sam, pale and gloomy, finally joins the discussion. “Are you guys saying what I think you're saying?”

  “That your brother and your best friend are the official It Couple of the year?” I ask. “Yep.”

  “Since when?” she demands.

  I give an easy shrug. “Since the obvious hit Tod hard enough in the head that he started paying attention to it?”

  Despite her mood, she smiles. “Good.”

  “More than good,” says Bryce.

  He looks confused when Sam gets up and wanders off without further comment. “What's her problem?” he asks me. I don't have the heart to tell him, so I just shrug and eat my food.

  The rest of lunch is strained, and Warren never does show up.

  My afternoon class is held outside of the building I have been ordered not to leave, but that unfortunately doesn't get me out of attending it today as it's been moved inside for everyone's safety. I wind up not only having to attend it, but I find myself giving the lecture.

  In the dining hall, where class has convened today, I tell the freshman about my experiences last night, about how I knew where to go and what to do at various places. I'm not sure how useful the information will be to them since Kim is the only other person in the room who will ever have the option to change into whatever she can think of, but everyone acts interested in it.

  Everyone except Warren. He's so disinterested he doesn't even show up.

  Warren's not around at dinner either. Not that he's expected at this point, although that doesn't stop my eyes from locking onto his table and refusing to leave it for more than a few seconds.

  There's an email from the wolf when I get back to my computer though. My heart beat speeds up when I see it. I'm smiling as I move the mouse over the message, but there's fear in me, too. The last time he wrote to me, it wasn't exactly something I wanted to read.

  Why do I care so much?

  The message is simple. “Way to go. How did you manage to pull that off?”

  That's in response to a quote about Tod and Aliah. He doesn't say anything about why he wasn't at school today. Maybe when he told me 'after the moon' what he meant was Monday.

  He doesn't say anything about me going after Aliah last night either, even though I told him that part of the story. I suppose he figures his disapproval is a given that doesn't need expanding on. Possibly because I actually used the phrase “your disapproval is a given” in my email.

  And he, thankfully, fails to point out how I never said anything in response to the message he sent me after the gathering. Even though he knows I had to have read it because the address I wrote to was the one I got off of that and not his school account.

  I opt not to answer this email and go over to Sam's room to watch a movie with her. Neither of us broach the subject of Bryce. Or of Warren, even though I'm thinking about the wolf all evening, and I'm sure her thoughts are with the bear.

  On waking the next morning, I stretch and wonder how I should spend the day. I check my email, but there's nothing new from Warren. There is something from my dad, who says he's accepted an offer on the house. The news that he's that much closer to moving up here should make me happier than it does. All I can think is how much I hope it's safe for him.

  There's also som
ething new from Amanda Heathly, a friend of mine from my increasingly distant Seattle days. She asks me to call her because Alaska isn't covered by her free long-distance plan, and she's not sure what the time difference is anyway. She doesn't say what she needs to talk about, but I'm free all day and can spare a few minutes for her.

  I run downstairs to grab some cereal, and then I sit down to call Washington.