The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  “STAND DOWN!!” James commanded. “CEASE ALL HOSTILITIES!!”

  Oh...I had completely forgotten about compulsion. Duh! Yeah, I guess that would probably be a bit less messy than fighting them.

  Or maybe not.

  His compulsion was powerful as all fuck. While it couldn’t control me, it could most certainly make me feel as if somebody had set off a hand grenade in my skull.

  The vampires before us barely shrugged, though. Additionally, whatever hostile actions they had planned sure as shit didn’t cease.

  “What the fuck?”

  “An apt question indeed, Dr. Death,” James replied, confusion evident in his voice.

  Your end has come, dismembered by the claws of destiny.

  My roommates and I all spun around. Even James turned his head as Harry Decker’s voice once more cried out from nowhere.

  Only Sally seemed unfazed. “Oh, will you shut the fuck up already?”

  What the...?

  Unfortunately, the feral vamps converging upon us picked that moment to charge forward.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  The battle was brief, but brutal - helped in part because they all ignored us and went straight after Ed. It wasn’t until we got in their way that they engaged us.

  I doubted a dozen newly risen vamps would have been a match for James were he alone, but he wasn’t. Sally and I were there to back him up, while my roommates made sure we weren’t flanked. There was no strategy to the attack. The vamps in question acted like little more than rabid animals. Hell, a few of them even tried to bite me and James, seemingly not caring that doing so would reduce them to quivering balls of puke.

  Had they their wits about them, they might have realized that was the kinder fate. Sally snapped off a desk leg and dusted two of them. I managed to take down one. James, though, provided a perfect reminder of why he was on my “do not fuck with” list. He’d barely extended his claws before four plumes of ash exploded where there had been vamps a moment prior. The remainder leapt upon him en masse...for all of two seconds.

  “That was most disturbing,” he said a moment later, dusting himself off.

  “You ain’t shitting us, dude,” Tom replied, wide-eyed. “You fucked them up before they even knew they were being fucked.”

  “I wasn’t speaking of that, sadly.”

  “You mean how they ignored your compulsion?” Sally asked, echoing what the rest of us were probably thinking.

  “That in of itself is worrisome. But it is how they were able to do so that disturbs me most.”

  “Why?” I asked, curious.

  “As I mentioned earlier, these vampires were freshly risen. The blood upon them, their own, had barely dried. I wouldn’t hesitate to guess they were still turning as we entered the building.”

  “Okay, so they woke up hungry.”

  “No,” Sally said flatly. “They woke up compelled.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “What do you mean, woke up compelled? I’m not following.”

  “Good to see you haven’t changed...” She stopped and gave me the once over. “Did you lose some weight?”

  “Well, I’m not one to brag, but...”

  “Children!” James snapped. “What is it with you two? The problem, if I may be allowed to address it, is that whoever compelled them did so before they were fully turned - quite possibly as they were being attacked.”

  He turned toward my roommate. “They came to this floor specifically, it would seem, to attack you. May I ask a question? Were you, perhaps, bitten earlier by the cultist we are searching for?”

  “Wait, what cultist?” Sally asked.

  “All in good time, my dear. Please answer the question.”

  “Yeah,” Ed replied. “He tried to take a chunk out of me...back when he was still looking like Skeletor. It definitely hurt him, but obviously not as much as that HBC vamp.”

  Sally raised a curious eyebrow. Obviously, I was in for a long night of bringing her up to speed - amongst a million other things.

  James waved her off for now, though, his expression becoming more serious by the moment. “This is all painting a very grim picture. The art of compelling a victim before they have fully turned is both subtle and powerful. In the past, vampire lords were known to do so in order to plant assassins amongst their enemies. That I couldn’t easily undo the compulsion speaks to that power.”

  “So why me?” Ed asked.

  James appeared to mull this over. “My knowledge of the Cult of Ib is limited. The purge of their existence was quite thorough. Only members of the First and their closest advisors are allowed access to those archives, and I must admit to being a bit distracted since ascending to their ranks to continue my studies of ancient history. That I suspected them at all is pure luck, gained through whispers heard when I was in service to the Khan. All that being said, I believe his motivation could be quite simple. To him, you are an aberration.”

  “I’ll try not to be offended.”

  “Don’t be. The Cult of Ib were said to be purists of the highest order. I dare say, had they survived, they would have found the standards of Hitler’s Aryan Nation to be, how do you say it, wishy washy.”

  “So they were racist assholes?”

  “Something of the sort. Within our kind, they acknowledged only two variants: normal vampires and Freewills. Dr. Death, do you remember when I mentioned compiling a list of extraordinary vampires for the war effort?”

  “Yeah. Gan was on that list for being a creepy little psycho or something like that.”

  “Close enough,” he acknowledged. “Well, I believe the Cult would have allowed no such thing. Had they been in power, she would not have made it out of her formative years.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not a vamp,” Ed pointed out.

  “I would not be so certain if I were you.” James leaned in for a sniff. “I do detect the faintest hint of our taint upon your person.”

  Ed turned to me. “Remind me to never hug you again.”

  I reached up to scratch my head with my middle finger. “Remind me to keep my door locked so you don’t go touching my taint again.”

  “Yet there is something about you that channels faith magic,” James continued, ignoring us. “In accepting Freewills, it seems logical that the Cult may have likewise acknowledged Icons as honored enemies. Such things are not unheard of. You are neither, though. To them, you would be...”

  “An abomination?” I offered, remembering the word Chuck had spoken earlier.

  James didn’t reply. His look said it all. The shit pile we stood in was getting deeper by the minute, and I had a feeling the bottom would soon drop out beneath us.

  Headquarters is Where the Heart is

  James spent the next hour combing through the wreckage of the office - including the elevator as he surveyed the damage done when I’d been trapped with the unluckiest tourist ever. A few more newbs came searching for us during that time, all intent on tearing Ed a new asshole, but Sally and I took care of them fairly quickly.

  All the while, I brought her up to speed - making sure to give an edited version of my tale, at least for now while James was in earshot.

  “So you really can’t turn into that thing anymore?”

  “Not right now anyway.”

  “Pity. It was kind of cute.”

  “Really?” I asked, my interest most definitely piqued.

  She held a straight face for about two seconds and then cracked up laughing. Bitch!

  Damn, it was good to have her back.

  Sadly, she wasn’t quite as forthcoming as to what she’d been up to, insisting she’d just grown tired of waiting for me and needed a change of venue. I might not be the most clued-in fellow walking the planet, but I could smell bullshit when it was being spoon fed to me.

  She kept glancing sidelong toward my roommates while telling her tale, which was likewise a bit odd. I could understand it with Ed - sorta - but she kep
t looking at Tom as if expecting him to say something. What, had she gotten into a drunken threesome with him and Christy while I was gone?

  I was busy mulling that over, considering the concept from all angles - especially the ones requiring a great deal of flexibility - when James rejoined us.

  “I believe I have a solid lock on our quarry’s scent.”

  “That’s great,” I said. It was the first real break we’d gotten all night. A vampire like me could perform reasonably well as a tracker. One as old as James, though, would be like a shark sniffing for blood in the water. Hell, Gan was half his age and she seemed to have the infuriating ability to track me down from miles away, like some kind of micro-chipped pet.

  “Perhaps not.” He stepped toward the broken windows and breathed in the early morning air. It was still saturated with the smell of smoke. I’d been so focused on our task that I’d forgotten about the outside world. Sirens still echoed through the corridors of this vast concrete jungle: a mix of police, fire, and ambulance alike.

  How many people were in the hospital right now? Hell, how many weren’t even that lucky?

  And what was I doing? I was on a snipe hunt for some crazy-ass vamp. Sure, the guy was dangerous, but he was just one small threat in a world that seemed to be rapidly filling with hostile monsters.

  “What’s happening out there?”

  “Is it not obvious?” he replied, still staring out. “It has begun.”

  “So this is it?”

  “This is nothing. A few advance scouts causing chaos for the sake of chaos. Soon, the brunt of the attacks will begin - small skirmishes will level towns and major battles will leave behind a wake of destruction not seen since the last World War. Our forces will meet those of the enemy and...”

  “Speaking of our forces,” Sally interrupted, “why is this clown compelling the shit out of my coven and those HBC assholes?”

  “Your coven?” I asked.

  “There’s only one vamp here right now who’s a coven master, and it ain’t you.”

  “There’s also only one tramp here who’s a...”

  “I am not sure,” James replied, cutting off our banter. “All I do know is that if he is here, he has hidden himself quite well.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes. I couldn’t be certain earlier, but now that I have isolated his scent, I realize only lingering amounts have been present in the places we’ve been tonight. Whoever our friend may be, I would venture to guess he’s vacated this city. Wherever he has gone, it is entirely likely he may have brought your compelled coven with him.”

  “But what about those vamps that ambushed us?”

  “Those were nothing. Cannon fodder left behind as an afterthought, if I had to guess. The recently turned know nothing of us or our ways. Most of our kind would sacrifice them without a second thought.”

  “Go ahead and eat one. We’ll make more,” I commented under my breath.

  “More or less, true.”

  “Well, let me grab a few things and then let’s get going,” Sally said. “We need to find this asshole and get our people back.”

  “Oh, is that caring I hear creeping into your voice?”

  She shot me a glare, but to my amazement, it softened as she replied, “Starlight’s the best admin I ever had. Would be a shame to let some other employer have her without at least making a counteroffer.”

  I decided to keep any asshole remarks to myself for once. Her tone betrayed her words and I understood what she meant. There were also Dave and Firebird to worry about. Hell, even the HBC vamps probably deserved...

  While you idle like fools, your seat of power shall burn around you.

  My roommates and I jumped again at the disembodied outburst. Damn, that was getting annoying.

  “And that’s one of the things I need to grab,” Sally blithely said as she stepped back toward her office.

  “Yeah, about that,” I called after her. “Any chance you care to explain why I keep hearing Harry Decker’s fucking voice reverberating around in my head? It’s starting to creep me out.”

  James turned away from the windows, his eyebrows raised. “That was the Magi we temporarily aligned with, was it not?”

  “Also the one who blew the shit out of most of my coven,” I helpfully reminded him.

  “The one and the same,” Sally said over her shoulder. “He was one of the unfortunate casualties of that little adventure.” Her tone conveyed that she found his passing to be about as sad as I did. “Once the dust settled and our alliance dissolved, I figured nobody would mind if I made an ashtray out of his noggin.”

  That was surprising enough for me, but it definitely caught Tom’s full attention. “Oh, shit, Christy’s gonna fucking flip when she hears that.”

  “Well then, make sure she doesn’t find out. Loose lips sink dipshits.”

  James stepped forward, his look thoughtful. “Are you saying you have the skull of an Arch-Magi?”

  “Sounds like it,” I said. “Pretty fucked-up. Although I can’t say I’m not tempted to put out a cigar in that dickhead’s eye socket.”

  “No,” he replied, following Sally toward the back. The rest of us joined him, intrigued as to where this was going. “These outbursts, have they happened before?”

  “Been happening on and off since I got him,” Sally said, stuffing items from her former desk into a shoulder bag. “Used to really freak the others out.”

  She picked up the skull I’d seen earlier and packed it away. Harry Decker, former VP of marketing at my old job, I presume. I was half-tempted to steal it and mail it to the CEO of Hopskotchgames. Let it serve as warning to all overpaid, but nigh useless, executives.

  James, however, seemed to have a more practical use in mind. “I think we may be able to deduce where our friend is going.”

  “How so?” I asked. “For all we know, he just got freaked out by all the technology around him and decided to head for someplace simpler - maybe hole himself up in a barn or some shit.”

  “I don’t think so,” he replied. “My sire once told me a tale of how his father used the bones of a sorcerer to help plot out his campaigns, learning his enemies’ weak points so as to strike them down more efficiently. We have not been at odds with the Magi in centuries, so I have not seen it personally, but I have no reason to believe he was lying.”

  “Really? How?”

  “The Magi are able to tap their own essences into extra-planar forces. It is said an experienced mage’s entire being will become infused with that magic the more they utilize it. It is why witches were often burnt at the stake - to ensure no part of them remained viable. It is why it was once customary for chieftains to devour the hearts of any captured shamans so as to absorb their power.”

  “So you’re saying this thing has residual magic in it?”

  Sally stopped what she was doing to roll her eyes. “Well, duh. How many other screaming skulls have you come across? When most people put Grandpa’s urn up the mantle, they don’t expect it to keep yelling at them to get off the lawn.”

  “She has a point,” Ed needlessly replied, no doubt trying to work his own form of magic on her. And yet they dared call me pathetic.

  “A short while ago, the skull declared that we’d be attacked. That came to pass,” James said, refusing to allow the rest of us to sidetrack him. He began to pace, his brow furrowed in thought. “Earlier, it told us our downfall would be by one of our own. Perhaps it was picking up what we were beginning to suspect about the danger of this cultist.”

  “Didn’t it say something about the prophecy being bullshit?” Tom asked.

  “Yes, but alas, we are already aware of that. The Icon’s death has proven the future is malleable in ways...”

  “It said something to me earlier, too,” I interrupted, hoping to steer the conversation elsewhere. “Pretty much told me I’d get my ass kicked, and then voila...I got my ass kicked by this guy.”

  “I
t happened to me, too,” Sally said, her eyes wide. “A couple of weeks ago, it said something about drowning in filth. I just never made the connection.”

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “Let’s just say the Las Vegas sewer system isn’t a great place to be when a flash flood hits.”

  “Ewww.”

  “You have no idea.”

  “Okay, so this thing can somehow see things...sometimes before they happen,” Ed surmised.

  “Yeah, but why is it only bad things? I mean, it hasn’t spit out any winning lottery numbers, has it?”

  “I wish,” Sally muttered with a sigh.

  “Perhaps it has become an oracle of doom,” James said. “Or, more likely, some part of its owner’s spirit remains.”

  “And said spirit pretty much couldn’t stand any of us,” I pointed out. “The only thing the asshole seemed to like better than trying to kill me was gloating about it. Sounds like a logical theory to me.”

  “So, going with that,” Ed said, “any time it speaks up, we’d do well to listen because shit is probably going to get real.”

  James nodded solemnly, his gears obviously spinning.

  “Where’s my gun?” Sally asked, still going through the drawers.

  “Err...I think that guy stole it,” I replied, earning a dirty glare from her. She no doubt saw through my lie. “Um, let’s not worry about that for now. What was that thing Decker was just talking about?”

  “Something about a seat of power being burnt to the ground,” Tom said.

  “Yeah, but that already happened. That asshole took down this place hours ago, unless there’s some other super-secret coven hangout I don’t know about.” I looked toward Sally for that last part.

  “Nope. I’ve been concentrating on recruiting, not real estate, these past few months.”

  “Maybe its City Hall,” Tom stated, looking smug, as if he’d just solved a Rubik’s Cube in record time. “He’s gonna declare himself Duke of New York.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering how he came up with this shit. “This guy’s been stuck in a jar for God knows how long. I’m pretty sure his first order of business upon kidnapping our coven wasn’t to sit down with them and watch Escape from New York.”