The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  A bullet whizzed past my head and my hair was blown forward by the close proximity.

  Wait, forward?

  Just then, the shot echoed from behind me, followed by another and then another.

  I glanced back into the auditorium and saw Alex leading a contingent of vampire guards toward us. Though he still held a sword in hand, the vamps following him had apparently ditched the ceremonial silver stakes for weapons with a bit more range. Beyond him, I could see the last of the survivors leaving through the exits.

  He’d made good on his word. They’d fought their way through the monsters still in the room before we’d cut them off, and now he was actually coming to help us. As much as I hated the fucker, I had to admit it was good to see his arrogant asshole of a mug.

  Whereas Farley’s men had seemingly been mostly newbs, Alex’s guards were not. Several of the traitor vamps took headshots and immediately exploded into dust.

  Although bullets weren’t great for killing the Jahabich, they weren’t half bad for slowing them down. The monsters themselves didn’t seem overly fond of taking a round in their empty glowing eye sockets.

  It wasn’t much, but it was enough.

  A few seconds later, Yehoshua shouted, “Go!”

  I didn’t need to be told twice, taking off with Gan at my side. She quickly took the lead, and I understood why. The battle had finally taken enough out of me that her blood was wearing off, but I most certainly had enough left for one last super speedy sprint.

  We raced through the rapidly closing portal with a few feet left to spare.

  Theodora was next. She stopped behind us and turned. “Hurry, Joshua!” Gone was her typical arrogant tone. I was actually surprised to hear what sounded like genuine concern in her voice. Guess maybe some of the Dracs still had a few of their emotion circuits plugged in after all.

  The door’s momentum was carrying it the rest of the way. Sheila let go and stepped to the crack of an opening, raising her sword. “Come on; I’ll cover you.”

  At last, Yehoshua appeared in the doorway. He stepped through and...

  Sheila’s aura flared to life around her in a brilliant flash of white flame.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  The crack of rifle fire sounded a scant second later, but I barely noticed it. Yehoshua had been too close to her. The powerful magic coursing through her flung him back, his body catching aflame as he flew through the last remaining feet of open doorway into the sea of angry orange eyes beyond.

  Theodora cried out, but it was too late. The blast door shut and the hollow thud of the bolts engaging sounded throughout the room.

  What happened next was quick, almost too fast to make sense of it.

  I turned back to find one of Alex’s guards still pointing his gun at Sheila, the barrel smoking. Before I could say a word, though, Theodora crashed through me and Gan, knocking us to the ground as if we were inconsequential. “You traitorous whore!” she screamed.

  Dazed, I watched as Sheila raised her sword defensively. She spoke rapidly, telling Theodora it was an accident, but the ancient vampire was having none of it.

  Thea swung her claws, connecting with Sheila’s sword. Sparks flew, but she continued her assault, seemingly not caring when her hand ignited from the impact. She swung again and once more it was parried, if just barely.

  The attack nearly knocked Sheila off her feet, her foe too strong even for her. She continued to give ground until her back was against the now locked portal.

  “Stop,” I cried, but it was too late. Her opponent cornered, Theodora leapt - no doubt intent on finishing things.

  Sheila just barely ducked in time as Theodora’s claws sank into the metal framework. She sidestepped, swinging with her blade, and nearly bisected the elder vamp with the blow. White fire exploded out from the weapon and Theodora instantly immolated from the inside out in a brilliant explosion of fire, sparks, and dust.

  Within seconds, one of the oldest creatures on the planet was no more.

  Gunfire caught my ear from behind and I spun to find Alex pointing accusingly at the guard who had fired upon Sheila. The other soldiers at his command emptied their weapons into their former comrade, destroying him instantly.

  Alex’s eyes met mine, but where I expected to see sympathy or perhaps confusion, he instead momentarily flashed me a confident grin.

  It immediately became painfully obvious.

  The whole ordeal had been a setup and we had played our parts as pawns perfectly.

  Deck the Halls

  I half expected us to be rearrested immediately. However, I’d forgotten there were still plenty of Jahabich left to deal with. Alex and his men, all apparently loyal to his cause, quickly vacated the room - the fight not over yet.

  By the time I got back to my feet, only me, Sheila, and Gan remained in the auditorium.

  Gan was dusting herself off, obviously only barely inconvenienced, but I paid her no heed. I stepped toward Sheila, who wore a shocked look on her face. Her sword clattered to her feet as she backed away from the pile of scorched remains that had been Theodora.

  “What the hell just happened?”

  “Alex,” I replied, wanting to reach out and comfort her, but not quite daring to, as she was still aglow.

  “Huh?”

  “It is quite simple,” Gan said from behind me. “Theodora has obviously been a thorn in Alexander’s side for these entire proceedings. He could not directly punish her, but when he saw an opening to do so with minimal damage to his own reputation, he took it. I have to say I am impressed he was willing to sacrifice another of his council so easily.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Oh, beloved?”

  I opted to ignore her continued infatuation with me - instead mentally replaying the earlier memory of me clocking her. Oh, yes; that one was going to be a keeper every bit as much as Sheila in her towel.

  I took a quick look around, confirming we were alone, and then replied, “Both Theodora and Yehoshua were working against Alexander.”

  “How do you know?” Sheila asked.

  “They told me.”

  “Okay. Ask a stupid question...”

  “They weren’t open about it, though. I think they were relying on me to be an X-factor in Alex’s plan. An agent of chaos, if you will.”

  Gan perked up. “You do excel at such, my love.”

  “Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

  “Where else would I wish to be other than by your side?”

  I pointed toward Sheila’s sword, then at my chest. “Right here, if you’d do me the favor.”

  “The time of your destiny is not yet at hand, my love,” Gan chided.

  I gave Sheila the stink eye for chuckling, then tried to steer us back on track. “Anyway, I don’t think it’s a coincidence what happened. I have a feeling Alex purposely sent Theodora with us. Hell, he probably even assumed that Yeho...fuck it...Joshua would follow. In the middle of a battle, with those fucking monsters rampaging about, and the Icon smack dab in the midst of things, it would be a simple matter for something to conveniently go wrong.”

  “Or for Alex to subtly compel one of his guards to shoot the Shining One, knowing how her power would react,” Gan added.

  “Exactly.”

  “But doesn’t that weaken his position...or at least, the leadership of the vampires?” Sheila asked.

  “Yes and no. Losing two ancient vamps is probably not going to be great for morale. On the flip side, getting rid of two conspirators is great for him personally. The fucker’s so full of himself he probably thinks he can win the war alone.”

  “It would make sense to remove both,” Gan added. “Should someone slay you, Dr. Death, my vengeance upon them would be never-ending.”

  She had a point, in her disturbingly single-minded way. It was painfully obvious those two had had a thing for each other.

  “If Alex managed to off one, but not the other, he
would be potentially looking at a vengeful lover to deal with. A pissed off, grief-stricken vamp would probably have no fucks left to give with regards to screwing over their tormentor as badly as possible. With both gone, though, he’s pretty much free to do as he pleases. You saw the rest of them. Nobody there was willing to raise so much as a peep against Alexander. Even if they did, he has the perfect stooge to point a finger at and blame.”

  Sheila raised her eyebrow at that.

  “In a manner of speaking, of course.”

  I glanced back at the blast door. I really hadn’t known Yehoshua from a hole in the wall, but he’d been slightly less of a dick to me than some others. I could respect that. I found myself hoping his was a good death, because I shuddered to think of the alternative if he was brought to the Jahabich’s lair and their glowing pool of goop.

  Oh well, he was beyond our help now, but others weren’t, and I for one had no intention of letting them down. “We need to find our friends, and then we need to figure out a way to get the fuck out of here.”

  As far as plans went, it wasn’t much, but it was all we had to go on at that moment.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  A small part of me was convinced I was going insane. With Gan’s power rapidly draining away, I was easily the weakest of our trio. Thus, leading us back into the fray was probably one of the stupider tactics I could have adopted. Of course, I kept those little facts to myself.

  I still could taste Gan’s creepy little preteen tongue...ugh! Who the fuck knew what she’d try to do if she thought I needed another power-up.

  Unfortunately, it was difficult for me to think of blood at that moment without also thinking of that human I’d drained.

  I glanced back at Sheila, wondering if I was worthy of her anymore - a difficult proposition considering I wasn’t sure I’d been worthy of her even before being turned into a bloodthirsty creature of the night.

  “What is it?”

  Oh crap. I’d been staring. Shit! I opened my mouth to make up some excuse or other - maybe rock monsters coming down the halls behind us. Instead, I surprised myself and said, “I’ve done some things lately that I’m not proud of.”

  “Huh?”

  “I...I’m not what I hope to be. I keep trying to be a good person, but inside there’s this monster...”

  “You really want to do this now?”

  “Well...”

  She smiled and stepped up to me, putting a hand on my shoulder - one that wasn’t currently burning with holy fire, thankfully. “We’ve all done some questionable things.”

  “But...”

  “Myself included. I’m no saint, trust me. Besides, remember what you said when you first found me with the Templar?”

  “That I was there to rescue you?”

  “No. You told me that this world is what we have and it isn’t a very nice place to be. That it was bloody and dangerous and only going to get worse.”

  Oh yeah, that. I’d just been blathering, not realizing anyone had been listening.

  “I didn’t want to believe you at first, but I’ve seen a lot more since then, and I think you’re right.”

  “I am?”

  “Yes. We’re going to have to do bloody and dangerous things if we’re going to have any hope of surviving, much less making things better.”

  “I want to make things better.” I left off “between us” but hoped it was implied.

  “Me too.” Her grin widened. “But for now, you need to grow a set.” She clapped me on the shoulder and let loose with a laugh as she strode in front of me.

  I couldn’t help but smile after her...not even staring at her ass as she walked - much, anyway.

  “I echo her sentiment,” Gan said. “Also, when you finally do grow a set, I would very much like to see them.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Are you certain I cannot kill them?”

  “For the last time, Gan, they’re my friends. They’re off limits.”

  “Very well. Their lives shall be my betrothal gift to you.”

  I caught Sheila’s eye and mouthed “Kill me” to her, but sadly, no such luck.

  It had quickly become obvious that my intentions to rescue my friends weren’t worth shit in the maze of tunnels we attempted to navigate. We tried to avoid fighting whenever we could hear it up ahead but still wound up running into some of the creatures.

  Thankfully, that was one area where Alex hadn’t been full of shit. Fighting them was easier in a boxed-in area...at least it would be until our luck ran out and we ran into a large force of them - which I was sure we’d eventually do.

  Much to my equal parts delight and chagrin, though, Gan was able to offer assistance right when I was about ready to give up. Her nose had proven freaky in its ability to allow her to track me down. She wasn’t as intimately familiar with my friends, but had been around them enough to have a general idea of their scent. Even better - sorta - she apparently saved a special mental file for her enemies, and thus locked onto Christy’s smell fairly quickly.

  Now I just had to hope those two didn’t decide to gut each other on sight.

  It was hard to tell how things were going for our side - which wasn’t really my side, but was as close as I was going to get in this prison. However, we passed many dead and dismembered Jahabich along the way - some in their natural states, others in whatever other form they’d chosen. It gave me hope that perhaps we were driving them back. Although after all was said and done, who knew what our fate held?

  At last, Gan pointed to a reinforced door. “Her scent leads there. Beyond it, I cannot tell.”

  “That’s as good as we’re going to get, I suppose.”

  The door had an airlock crank on it. I grabbed the handle and gave it a try. It turned, which made sense. If this was indeed the prison cell where they’d been kept, there would have been no reason to lock it - nobody should’ve been aware they’d teleported back to it.

  “Stand back,” I warned, mainly addressing Gan. “If they’re in there, they’re with an angry, hormonal witch. Best not to excite them.”

  “If the mage attacks us, I will be forced to respond with deadly force.”

  “Hence why I want you to stand back. Let’s not give her a reason.” Duh!

  I turned the handle and began to pull the door open. Just as the crack of an opening appeared, I shouted, “Don’t shoot, it’s m...”

  Something akin to a runaway train hit the other side with tremendous force. Sadly, the hinges of the door were on the outside, giving it a full range of motion. It flew open and took me with it, slamming into the concrete wall next to it with enough power to ensure I would have an indentation of the crank in my chest for all of eternity.

  “Sorry,” came a cry from inside.

  “S'okay,” I gurgled, spitting up a generous amount of blood from my shattered insides.

  Sheila and Gan grabbed the door and pried it off of me - stuck as I was like a bug on a windshield. I gave a thumbs-up once they were done and promptly passed the fuck out.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Do not touch him, witch. His healing will suffice.”

  “She’s not trying to hurt him, you little creep.”

  “I promise you, Gansetseg, this is only a little jolt to wake him up.”

  ZAP!

  “Holy shit!” I sprang up to a sitting position, as if a hornet’s nest had just been shoved up my ass. Had I still a beating heart, I’m sure it would have popped out of my chest.

  “Are you okay?”

  I blinked, the light from the fluorescents of the facility a bit too bright for my tastes, and looked around. My trio had been augmented into a...um...sextant or something - whatever the fuck it was called. Gan had been right on the money with her nose.

  She and Sheila stood to one side of me, but I got the impression Sheila was there in case trouble broke out. On the other side stood Christy and my roommates. Tom and Ed looked down at me as Christy and Gan
busied themselves by glaring daggers at each other.

  “Ah good, you are awake,” Gan said, as if my being smashed to shit by a ton of door was an everyday occurrence. “I was just informing the witch of my displeasure at learning the whore had lied about her survival.”

  “Oh, believe me, the feeling is mutual,” Christy shot back. “Next time you take a hundred-story swan dive, try a little harder to land on your head.”

  “Such heights are child’s play for one such as me. Although if you would like to experience the sensation personally, it would be my pleasure to show...”

  “Okay, enough,” I croaked, my body still knitting itself back together. “We’re on the same side here.”

  “I am not on the same side as this...”

  “Listen up, Gan. If you want to hang with me, then you’re on the same side. If not, you’re free to catch the next plane back to the Gobi Desert.”

  “Very well, beloved. I will tolerate her continued existence on your behalf. What of her human paramour?”

  “Him too.”

  “Thanks,” Tom said, offering me a hand.

  “Don’t mention it.” I got back to my feet, wincing. It felt like all my internal organs were shifting around. Inclining my head toward the door, I asked Christy, “Same trick you used at your apartment?”

  She smiled, obviously pleased at seeing her handiwork acknowledged. “A variation of it. I figured it would be more effective with this door.”

  “Trust me, it was.”

  “Wait, when did you...”

  “Oh, Sally and me tried to break in last year around the time when you and Tom first started dating.” Quickly glancing at Sheila, I added, “Don’t ask.”

  Leaving them with appropriate looks of confusion on their faces, I stretched - feeling the last of the injuries healing - and addressed the group. “Glad to see that everyone is okay. It’s still not safe, though.” Considering where we were, I quickly added, “Even less safe than usual. We gave those fucking things a bloody nose, but they’re still swarming the halls.”

  “You had to make a deal about not escaping, didn’t you?” Christy asked with a sigh.

  “Sorry. It was a heat of the moment type thing,” Sheila replied sheepishly.