The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  Sheila began to advance upon them and I realized what she was doing. She was the bait. That meant I was supposed to play the part of the hook.

  I was no Sasquatch, but forest fighting tended to favor those who could move quickly and strike hard. I’m sure silence played a part in it, but with the various explosions going on around us and the haze of smoke starting to settle in, I liked my odds.

  Control was what I needed to remember. The people out there were glass cannons. You could punch most vamps as hard as you wanted. The Feet, too. So far as I’d ever seen, though, mages weren’t any more physically imposing than a normal person. I needed to rein myself in and not let my temper get the better of me. These people might be frothing at the mouth lunatics now that their progenitor had returned, but I wasn’t so callous as to opt for wholesale murder.

  Also, I kinda liked the stolen jacket I was wearing and didn’t want to get blood and brains all over it.

  I took off perpendicular to Sheila, keeping low but accelerating as much as the forest floor would allow. Angling my movement, I started to curve around back to where I’d sensed the group of Magi. There came the sound of wood splintering nearby and I turned to see one of the mechanized monstrosities knocking over a tree as it advanced. Alex wasn’t fucking around.

  And still no sign of our friends. Fuck!

  This whole plan of ours had long since graduated from shit show to complete fuck-up. If things got any more out of hand, I might have to give up on the elaborate schemes and start spelunking down caves until I got lucky.

  First things first, though. If we could capture a mage or two, maybe we could get a lead on freeing Christy and the others. Maybe we couldn’t find Sally and Tom in this chaos, but they certainly could. Yeah, that sounded like it had potential.

  There! Just up ahead, judging by the spacing of their shots, was a fairly tight knit group. A poor strategy, but one didn’t need to be a trained soldier when one had magic dust in their pocket.

  I crouched down and prepared to make my move. If I attacked them from the side and got lucky, I could take them all down before they knew what hit them.

  They fired off another volley at Sheila, the flash of her aura visible even from where I stood. Subtlety thy name definitely wasn’t Icon.

  And it was about time it wasn’t mine either. I took off at full speed while they were distracted, spreading my arms wide so as to tackle the shit out of as many mages as I could.

  Ten yards to go.

  Five.

  Another few steps and...

  The world seemingly exploded just as I reached the mages. A wall of fire rose up where they’d been standing, followed by deafening sound and a shockwave that launched me at far greater velocity than I’d been running.

  Shrapnel tore into my body as flames washed over me.

  I landed in silence, my eardrums blown out and the broken asphalt of the forest floor doing little to cushion my fall. I tumbled end over end until finally skidding to a halt.

  Pain racked every inch of my shattered body. When the bliss of unconsciousness finally called out to me, I gratefully let it take me away.

  Part 3

  Altared State

  “He’s waking up.”

  “What should we do?”

  “We gave our word. It is our bond, so we will follow it.”

  “But this ... this...”

  “Be at peace. This is but another test of our faith. We shall weather it as we have all that have come before.”

  Faith? Was that ... no. The conversation had started out low, hollow, barely audible, but it gradually gained volume and clarity. Sheila’s voice didn’t have a low raspy quality to it. This one sounded like the owner had spent a lifetime chain smoking Pall Malls.

  Wait, I knew that voice – Bernadette?

  “Look at all the blood. I ... I can’t take my eyes off of it.”

  “Turn your thoughts to Heaven, brother. Draw strength from it. Resist the temptation, great as it might be.”

  Shit! There were only a few things that tempted the Templar where I was concerned, and they all involved staking my ass six ways to Sunday.

  My eyes popped open, painful consciousness returning to every inch of my bruised body. Guess my healing was still playing catch up from that tank shell. Nevertheless, it was best to get my ass back in the game before this debate took a slightly more lethal turn.

  Smoke and haze filled the air of the forest, but it wasn’t nearly thick enough to hide the circle of red-robed zealots staring down at me ... an odd mix of disgust and over-eagerness filling most of their faces.

  Bernadette stood directly over me, her plump legs to either side of my head. Thank whatever gods there were that she wasn’t wearing a skirt. I’ve seen a lot of disturbing things, but there were some memories I didn’t want haunting me until the end of time.

  Despite being in prime position to shove a cross down my throat and stomp it in nice and deep, she took a step back and actually offered me a hand.

  “Um, thanks,” I replied, feeling my jaw snap back into place. Rapid healing; it never stopped being weird.

  I let her help me to a sitting position, then almost screamed when I looked down at myself. I was covered head to toe in gore, like I was a victim in a Saw movie. It was sorely tempting to ask if any of the Templar might be good enough to dial 911 for me, until I realized I felt a hell of a lot better than my appearance suggested.

  The blood wasn’t mine.

  That’s when I remembered I’d gotten hit by the shockwave of a tank round, and apparently the messy fallout, too.

  I let out a bark of laughter at the realization, which the Templar duly frowned at. Humorless fucks.

  Climbing gingerly to my feet, I glanced around, a frown of my own forming once I saw who was or, more precisely, who wasn’t with us. “Sheila?”

  “Be at peace,” Bernadette said, averting her eyes from mine. “She fights still, over yonder.”

  “Good,” I replied, relief evident in my voice. “We should go help her.”

  “The Blessed One requires no help from ones such as us.”

  “What?”

  “I mean, she is best equipped among us to deal with the treachery of the Magi. It is her destiny, after all.”

  Oh, not this shit again.

  Problem was, Bernadette had a point. Sheila hadn’t started out with a grudge against mages. Hell, even taking recent events into account, I still didn’t see how her attitude could change so drastically to wanting them wiped out, but even I couldn’t deny things had taken a disturbing turn with regard to that particular prediction.

  “They’re spread out in the forest,” another Templar said, a guy by the name of Vincent or Victor ... V something. He seemed to be Bernadette’s second in command from what I’d seen when last we’d all been together. “I think those tanks caught them by surprise.”

  “They’re not the only ones,” I replied, my ears still ringing.

  He looked me up and down, seeming to take measure of me, then too averted his eyes and spoke as if I were sitting somewhere else. Bunch of weirdos. “What I meant is that we would best serve the Blessed One by doing the same, so as to better engage them.”

  While I didn’t like the idea of leaving Sheila off on her own, what he said made sense. If we bunched up together, it would only serve to give the Magi a chance to take us all out at once. Hell, depending on what Alex’s orders were, one of those tank jockeys might give it a go, too.

  “Fine,” I said. “Time to put those paintball skills to use, but first...”

  “What are you doing?!”

  Oh, Jesus Christ. We were in the middle of a goddamned supernatural war zone. Not the best time for them to act like fucking prudes. I stopped licking the blood off my fingers long enough to reply, “Waste not. Comprende?”

  Figured I might as well grab a snack since I was covered with enough of it. Hmm, not too bad, but a bit of a burnt aftertaste.
/>   ♦ ♦ ♦

  We could still hear tank fire, but it was falling behind. Between the forest and the Magi wising up, Alex’s tactics had limitations.

  That said, I wasn’t sure whether his intention had been to destroy them outright or give them a bloody nose and drive them back. If the latter, he’d succeeded, mission accomplished. If not, though, if he truly meant to level the entire fucking forest and everything in it, then it was only a matter of time before phase two got underway. That could be bad. If Alex had access to tanks, there was no telling what he could call in next.

  I, for one, didn’t care to be napalmed in an airstrike.

  The Templar must’ve been thinking the same thing because, much as I liked to make fun of them, they kept up with me. Swords and guns at the ready, they moved through the forest both adeptly and quietly. Vampire powers were great, but one should never discount actual training.

  Even Bernadette managed to surprise me by keeping up. I’d have bet good money that the tubby Templar would have stopped for an Oreo break long ago.

  Mind you, not all of this was a good thing. Though we were technically allies in this endeavor, I knew where I stood with them. I kept looking over my shoulder just in case one of them decided baby Jesus wanted me dead after all.

  Still, that they hadn’t abandoned my ass and flocked to Sheila for some righteous ass-kissing was admirable. Who knows? Maybe the holy rollers were finally beginning to realize I wasn’t a piece of shit from Satan’s toilet, waiting to splash my havoc upon the innocent asses of the world.

  Don't get me wrong. It was still gonna be a while before I offered to pick up the bar tab for this group.

  I took a sniff of the air. Crap. There was too much smoke. Everything smelled like burning. Of course, that might have just been me. Boston was surrounded by rivers. Despite not wanting to swim in the waterways of any major American city, it might not be a bad idea to take a dip and clean off before...

  “Bill!”

  Huh? I spied some foliage moving off to my right barely a moment before Sheila pushed through. I hadn’t noticed her closing in. Served me right for daydreaming. At least this time, I’d gotten lucky and it had been a friend as opposed to a foe.

  A big smile crossed her face, then she doused her aura, ran up, and gave me a hug. Oh yeah, so much better than a punch to the face.

  “Thank goodness! With all the magic and the tanks, I lost track of you. I thought maybe, well...”

  “Nah,” I replied cockily. “These losers take me out? No way.”

  She stepped back and crossed her arms, looking me up and down.

  “Okay, fine. I got the shit blown out of me. But thankfully, your God-squad buddies were around to help.”

  “You mean the Templar? You found them?!”

  “More like they found me. Points to them, though. They didn’t immediately stake me and bury the ashes.”

  “Be nice,” she chided. “Bernadette can be a little ... intense, but she’s a good woman. Her heart is in the right place.”

  “Hey, so long as my heart’s still in the right place.”

  She chuckled. “Where are they?”

  “They were right...” I looked around, noting the eerie stillness of the forest. “They can't be far.” I took another sniff of the air to no avail. “They said something about spreading out, not wanting to give the Magi a good target by bunching up.”

  She appeared to mull it over. “That makes sense. I’m just glad to hear they’re all right. After seeing what happened back there, I was kind of worried.”

  “Bad pennies always turn up.”

  She slapped me lightly in the arm. “Still, it’s a good plan. I would have said the same thing.”

  Yeah, it was a good plan. Pity we weren’t following it, standing there and talking as we were. If anything, we were making ourselves a good target in the process.

  So, when a group of Magi dropped their glamours right in front of us, we had no one to blame but ourselves.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I knew the drill. Jump back and let Sheila’s power act as a magic sponge. Only this time, I wasn’t quite fast enough. That, or the Magi were getting wise to it.

  I backpedaled, but one of the mages anticipated it and sent a bolt of red-hot death my way. It grazed my side, knocking me on my ass and making my ribs feel like they'd been barbecued.

  Three wizards attacked Sheila simultaneously from different sides, each striking the ground just outside her aura with explosive force. I wasn’t sure what they hoped to accomplish until I saw the very earth collapse beneath her feet. She dropped into the sinkhole and was lost from sight. Shit! I’d forgotten that we weren’t actually fighting in a forest. Just a few days ago, this had been northern Boston.

  The witch who’d seared me wasn’t content to let the others have all the legend-killing fun. She let loose a multi-beamed volley my way just as I scrambled back to my feet. Off balance as I was, I barely managed to stay ahead of it.

  The others turned their power upon the trees surrounding the hole they’d created, sending them toppling down upon it. I didn’t know how much weight Sheila’s aura could support, assuming she hadn’t been hurt in the fall, but the mages seemed intent on burying her alive.

  Shit! Where the fuck had the Templar gotten off to?

  No. I couldn’t wait for them to pull our asses out of the fire, as if they even could. I was the only one here who could turn this around and quickly.

  I gritted my teeth both from the pain and now with anger, once again feeling that darkness stir within me. Letting it out was stupid. I could end up causing a bloodbath before I got it under control again. But maybe that was what needed to be done.

  Thanks to my association with Christy, I’d developed an aversion to killing mages. In my mind, they were as human as anyone else ... just capable of doing some extra weird stuff. It was hypocritical, though. Had these assholes been vampires, I’d have had no problem dusting them.

  I didn’t have to like it, but it was time to take the kid gloves off. If I didn’t, there was little chance of walking out of this mess.

  First, I needed to take out the witch who had a bead on me, then go after the others. Yeah, that was the ticket.

  I waited for her to let loose another volley of energy. The moment she did, I ducked beneath it and charged forward with everything I had. Head down, shoulder out, I slammed into her with enough force to ensure she’d be eating through a straw for weeks to come. She went tumbling head over heels and landed unmoving.

  Now for...

  A light blue glow enveloped me before I could get moving again and every nerve in my body seized up. It was like being hit by a taser hooked up to a lightning bolt. Guess the other mages hadn’t been as focused on Sheila as I thought.

  I was pretty sure my eyeballs were beginning to smoke when the spell abruptly ended and I fell to the ground in a useless twitching heap. Residual sparks of energy continued to course through me.

  The wizard who zapped me stepped over, a look of pure rage upon his face. “You killed Melinda.”

  I wanted to correct him in that it was very possible she’d survived. That, and also tell him I’d fucked his mother. Sadly, my tongue didn’t seem to want to do much more than hang out the side of my mouth.

  Energy began to gather around him. Oh, crap. This was gonna hurt.

  “For the glory of The White Mother, I send you to the Hell you...”

  Red flashed before my eyes, but rather than hitting me, it slammed into the mage. At first, I thought maybe one of our friends had escaped and was sending this asshole a taste of his own medicine, but then I realized I wasn’t seeing a spell. It was a cloak, the crimson cape of a Templar.

  And not just any Templar.

  I could do nothing but watch wide-eyed as Sister Bernadette bent the mage’s head to the side. Her eyes turned black as coals and she sank her teeth into his neck.

  Holy Molars

  “Wh
a da fuh?”

  That was the best I could manage as two more of the Templar joined Bernadette in taking care of the mages that had been focusing on Sheila.

  Limbs were broken, necks snapped, and bodies drained as sharp teeth sank into them.

  At what point had I stepped into the fucking Twilight Zone?

  Okay, maybe that was a stupid question. It was painfully obvious what had happened. More important was when, why, and who had done so; all questions I wasn’t going to get answered lying helpless on the ground.

  Finally, the eldritch stun gun effect began to wear off. “Um...” I still had no idea where to begin. “Guys, I think you got them.”

  My entreaties were ignored, however, as the Templar leader and her two knights continued to feed. Soon it was difficult to tell where the color of their robes ended and the blood of the now quite dead Magi began.

  I’d seen this before. It was bloodlust, something most freshly turned vamps couldn’t fight. Once they got their first taste, they didn’t want to stop. It was why so many of us were little better than monsters.

  I pulled myself to my feet. We didn’t have time for this, not with Sheila trapped under several tons of lumber.

  “Come on, that’s enough ... whoa!” I stepped back as Bernadette snapped at me, dragging the mage out of my grasp. Guess somebody hadn’t ever been taught to share. “I don’t want your...”

  This was pointless. There was no trace of humanity in her eyes as she continued to chew on the wizard, desperately trying to get every last drop. Jeez, I could only imagine how many bags of potato chips had suffered a similar fate at her hands.

  At least this explained the Templars’ odd reaction to me waking up covered in blood. They hadn’t been disgusted at my appearance. They’d been barely able to keep themselves from licking me clean.

  I paused as I pictured that. No way was I sleeping soundly anytime soon with that thought in my head. Eww.