Tune My Heart (Chaos Book 1)

by K. R. Reese

  I helped load the bus with all the things we’d personally need. Haven didn’t have very much, so her bags easily fit with everything else. She’d agreed to stay with us instead of wasting money on hotel rooms, but she wasn’t happy about it and let us all know by slamming doors whenever possible.

  We were halfway through the tour now. It’d been a few months since she’d run off and obviously been mugged. Haven didn’t talk about it and none of us brought it up anymore. Bryce had tried asking where she’d gone and if she remembered anyone, but she refused to answer questions.

  She had woven her way into our tight band of friendship. She’d stolen all our attention and seemed genuinely happy most of the time. Sometimes a look would pass over her face, though, and she would go hide somewhere. While Trey, Bryce, and Zane treated her like a little sister, I couldn’t. She was comfortable with me now, leaning against me a lot, and sitting in my lap. But, she did that with all of us, which made me wonder if she felt the same way I did.

  Walking up the steps, I could see Trey behind her. His hand was around her waist, making sure she isn’t going to fall. A surge of jealousy runs through me, but I stamp it down. He knows how I feel, and wouldn’t make any moves.

  When I reached the first booth, I slide against the window and lift my right leg against the cushion. Opening my arms to invite Haven to sit, she slowly slides in beside me. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her against my chest. This was normal for us now. She’s been sitting this way with all of them after one night of drinking around a bonfire. I welcomed it and tried not to get jealous when she did it with Bryce, Zane, or Trey.

  “Where are we going, exactly?” she asked after an hour into the trip.

  “We’re going to stop in Flagstaff for three days before continuing on to Phoenix. There are cabin rentals that we’ll enjoy. We should get there later tonight, and we’ll leave early Thursday morning to get settled in at the hotel before the show.”

  I couldn’t deny my attraction to Haven. I’d tried time and again to ignore it even though she’d tore down my defenses in less than a day. I’d passed it off as harmless lust, but this, feeling all her curves as she cuddled against me in the seat, was the best feeling in the world.

  Haven’s involvement in the tour made us nervous. She’d been seen with all of us, and some of the pictures floating around, particularly with me, could be dangerous and perceived as something they weren’t. I’d only ever done one-night stands with plenty to account for. But being seen in an intimate moment with any of us could mean jealous or enraged women.

  She fell asleep about four hours into the trip, her head resting on my shoulder and her hand wrapped around my thigh. The feeling of her hand spiked my heart rate and I had to remember to breathe frequently. This situation would be more comfortable if my erection hadn’t been lying on her back for the past three hours.

  Haven began to stir as we pulled into the resort. I hoped she wouldn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. I’d prepared myself for the embarrassment, but wasn’t sure if she would rat to the entire bus. It had already been arranged that she was staying in the same cabin with me, and I didn’t want her to be left alone in case anyone recognized us.

  “I slept the whole time? And missed all the landscape! Why didn’t you wake me?” She sat up and adjusted her shirt, now wrinkled from hours of sleep. Haven smacked my chest and I feigned hurt which brought a smile to her face.

  “You were tired. We all stayed awake last night and were up before sunrise this morning. I figured I’d let you sleep. There’ll be plenty of opportunities for you to see everything.”

  Glad she’d moved abruptly, I adjusted my legs to hide the tent in my jeans. I didn’t know how Haven was going to react about the sleeping arrangement, but it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve shared a bed. And won’t be the last.

  Damn it. These thoughts that kept running through my mind were dangerous territory. Innocent. Wrong. If I kept telling myself that, maybe my body would start to agree.

  Often, she could always be found fast asleep in one of our bunks, depending on who was up late with her that night. By morning, though, she’d end up in my bunk, curled under the blanket.

  After our belongings were in the designated cabins and we were in for the night, Haven took off into the bathroom to relax. I undress, climb into bed, and stare at the ceiling.

  The bathroom door opens with a loud squeak – something I’d have to remember later to not wake her – and I had to do a double take when she stepped out of the door with her bag.

  “What the fuck is that?” I didn’t mean for my words to come out harsh, but I’d never seen Haven in something as skimpy as what she currently wore.

  Her face fell at my reaction and I rushed toward her. “I didn’t mean for it to sound like that, pretty girl. I’m just surprised, that’s all.” She still wouldn’t look at me. I cup her cheek and drag her gaze to my face. “You’re beautiful. Never question that. Let’s get some sleep.”

  I tug her to the bed and lay her beside me. She faces away in the darkness. I didn’t like the distance between us, and I knew I had just upset her with my remark on the pajamas she wore. It contained a tiny pair of shorts that left little to anyone’s imagination and a cami top that showed more cleavage than I’d ever expected to see from Haven. Was she wearing it on purpose? I needed to reroute my thoughts before I embarrassed myself.

  I roll to my side, scooting closer to her. Skating my arm around her waist and pulling her into my chest, I tuck her head under my chin. She slowly relaxes.

  “I didn’t want to upset you, pretty girl. You caught me off guard.”

  Haven turned in my arms. A sense of relief washes over me when her eyes meet mine in the dark. “I didn’t think about how you would react. I can change if you want me to.” She bites her bottom lip, as she often did, and I couldn’t help but groan.

  “Don’t you dare,” I growl and tighten my grip on her hip. Her cheeks flush and a brightness appears in her eyes. She slowly brings her hand to my chest, and I follow the outline of her shirt strap with my finger.

  We all knew she hasn’t been with anyone. Her virginity had been a topic of discussion while she was drinking. A topic she likely doesn’t remember. I didn’t want to move too quickly, but I place my lips over hers and the electricity zings like it always does. Haven gasps, opening to the kiss and I dive in, sweeping my tongue with hers.

  Her hips angle against me and I tug her closer. Tearing at her shirt, I lift it up and over her head. Haven was wearing a silky red bra underneath, her nipples peaking against the material. She was watching intently. I stare at her, waiting for confirmation. A small smile appears on her face. I unclasp the bra and throw it aside, cupping her breasts in my grasp and close my mouth over a nipple. The gasp that escapes her lips ends with a moan and I smirk. I’m sure to give the other nipple the same attention and Haven’s hips jerk against mine, searching for friction.

  I stop and stare at her. Giving her one last kiss, I go in search of her shirt. I didn’t want to move too fast and scare her off.

  I tuck her back into my side and kiss her head. “Go to sleep, pretty girl. We’ve got a long day tomorrow.”

  I wake to the smell of fresh coffee and the sound of water running from the bathroom. Jumping out of bed and walking over to the kitchen, I pour a cup and sit at the table. When the bathroom door opens, I freeze.

  Lukus stood in the doorway with a towel wrapped around his waist. I feel the blush spread through my cheeks and look away.

  “Morning, pretty girl. How’d you sleep?”

  I clear my throat a few times before answering. “I slept okay.” It was the only thing I could muster until he put clothes on. When he turns back around, he’s fully dressed, and I let out the breath I’d been holding.

  “Let’s go see what Trey’s making for breakfast. I’m sorry, but you know I can’t cook.” He winks and heads back to the bathroom.

  I slump against the counter. I’m in so much troubl
e. Overnight, I’d fallen in lust with someone completely out of my league. I was only kidding myself. I’d been in lust with him from the moment I woke up beside him a few months ago. Last night had only intensified my physical attraction to him. He’d given me something I had never experienced before, and my body betrayed me by wanting so much more.

  After a long day of hanging out and hiking, Trey started a bonfire. Some of the security, Kevin, and a few women had sauntered down to where we all sat around the fire. I didn’t have a high tolerance for alcohol. Honestly, I hadn’t drunk any until meeting Chaos, and while it was a little better, it wasn’t much. I knew I was drunk because I couldn’t pay attention to any of the conversation going on around me.

  I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or my attention on the scene playing out in front of me that made me lose focus, though. One of the women who had introduced herself as Sheryl earlier was sitting beside Lukus, flirting for everything she had. He wasn’t discouraging her, though.

  Zane threw himself on the ground beside me and pulled at my hair. Turning to stare at him, he leaned to whisper in my ear. “He isn’t drunk, sweetheart. He’s just not one to be rude.”

  I tried to ignore the pain radiating through my chest and nodded at Zane, focusing on the bonfire instead. This was jealousy. I knew I was jealous. The emotions building inside were stronger than anything I’d ever felt, and because of the alcohol flowing freely through my system, I couldn’t keep them under control.

  “Sweetheart, don’t let this bother you.” Zane wraps his hand around mine and squeezes. His words weren’t reassuring, and I blinked away tears. “Shit,” he whispered. I looked up to find Sheryl crawling into Luk’s lap and nibbling on his ear.

  The anger I didn’t know I carried caused red to cross in front of my vision. I had no right to be jealous. Last night hadn’t meant anything to him, and he wasn’t mine to claim. I hadn’t given him any indication that we were any more than friends.

  “Z, can you take me back to the cabin? I don’t think I can make it there on my own.” I stumbled up from the chair and Zane quickly followed, guiding me by the elbow away from everyone.

  Lukus hollered and I could see his shadow following. My anger soared all over again.

  “Wait up! Z, I’ll take her back.”

  Zane stopped and looked down at me. He was asking if it was alright without saying a word. I nod, but don’t turn around. Zane kisses the top of my head and walks back toward the party.

  Lukus stayed close as we made our way to the cabin. I go to the bed and sit, glaring at him. “You can go back to the party. I didn’t ask for your help, but you ran Zane off.”

  “What the fuck has gotten into you? You’ve been fine all day, and now you turn into a bitch?”

  I couldn’t even look at him. My emotions were already running high, the alcohol intensifying everything, and to hear Lukus call me nasty names was beyond devastating.

  “You know what, Luk, go back to your…” I stopped to gulp in air, looking him dead in the eye. “Go back to your groupie and room with her tonight. You’re an asshole and I don’t want you to be here right now.”

  Lukus looked about as stunned as I felt. I didn’t feel bad though. He did call you a bitch. The side of my mouth pulls into a smirk before I compose my face and glare at him.

  “Go, Luk, I don’t want you here. Send Trey, Bryce, or Zane. Just go!”

  I watch as his eyes darken, and he goes to say something. He must have changed his mind because, instead, he turns and leaves the cabin, slamming the door on his way out.

  I slump on the bed and curl into a ball. I’d shared this bed with him last night, and he’d made me feel amazing things by the smallest of touches. Now, it was all turning into a nightmare and I didn’t know how to stop the catastrophic chain of events.

  I close my eyes and will my brain to shut off. The cabin door reopens a few minutes later and Zane comes into focus. At the sight of him, tears form in my eyes again and I break down.

  He doesn’t talk, just crawls in behind me and tugs me against him. I fall asleep sobbing into Zane’s chest, his hand rubbing small circles on my back.

  I wake to bright sunlight streaming through the bus windows. My head was pounding, and, for a moment, I forgot where I was. Then the memories of the night before rush back.

  I’d called Haven a bitch, and in return, she’d called me an asshole and kicked me out of the cabin. Zane had gone to check on her and never came back. The thought scared the fuck out of me, but I didn’t think Zane would do anything while Haven was drunk.

  Of the four of them, Zane was more reserved and quiet. He didn’t interact with others a lot, which was why it was such a surprise when he accepted Haven so quickly. I knew the band didn’t see her as anything but a sister, but the thought of Zane holding her all night was nagging at me. I knew what that felt like, and how my body responded. Zane’s could easily respond the same way while he slept.

  Pushing the thoughts away, I hurry to get dressed. We were pulling out early today, and I’m amazed no one had come to wake me yet. Stepping outside to find everyone packing, my eyes automatically land on Haven standing with Trey. He had her pulled into a hug, talking low in her ear. I wanted to be angry, but after last night, I couldn’t.

  Haven had clearly gotten jealous. I wasn’t drunk and knew exactly what I’d been doing, but as far as I knew, she didn’t want to be anything more than friends. That probably didn’t make it right to do it in front of her, but I didn’t understand her reaction.

  There wasn’t time to ponder it because we loaded onto the bus and left for Phoenix. Haven intentionally sat with Trey in the back booth, arguing over their music playlists. It was a weekly ritual now and never got old. I was a bit annoyed that she hadn’t said a word to me, but I knew I deserved her silence.

  “What’re you frowning for, man?” Bryce walks up and sits across from me. He arches an eyebrow and then his eyes lock toward the floor.

  I hadn’t noticed I’d started tapping my foot again. It had been happening a lot more often lately, and it made me anxious. Two years in a rehab facility should’ve curbed my body’s appetite for the adrenaline rush, but it seemed my brain hadn’t quite caught the memo. Trey had noticed, and now Bryce was noticing.

  “You okay, Luk?” He glanced down at my feet again. I willed my foot to stop tapping and it did, but it took a lot of restraint.

  “I’m fine. I’m just anxious to get this show started.”

  Bryce nods and sits back in the booth, pulling out his phone. I look out the window and start tapping again. I couldn’t sit still, and it was driving me mad. Haven was still ignoring me, and now she was cuddled against Trey’s chest asleep. Zane had been staring daggers since I entered the bus, and he hadn’t stopped.

  We all got our own rooms at the hotel, including Haven. Zane showed her to her room, leaving her bags, and she’d slammed the door in my face. I wanted to beat on it until she answered, but knew it was pointless. Until she cooled off, it was best if I left her alone.

  The concert was an hour away and we were in the arena setting up. No one had talked to Haven yet, and I was unsure if she was going to show. I didn’t think she’d abandon her job, but after the way I treated her, I wasn’t so sure.

  Right before we go on stage, Trey nudges my foot. I’d been tapping it again. Meeting my best friend’s eyes, I see the concern flash in his features before it disappears. Haven was tearing down my barriers and my body was reacting the only way it knew how. Don’t think about it. You can’t go back there.

  We make our way to the stage, plugging in my bass as I pass. No matter what happened with Haven, I couldn’t let it rule my actions. The drugs had destroyed me, and almost taken my entire family, too. I couldn’t do it again. But if Haven walked away and didn’t forgive him, I didn’t know if I could resist much longer.

  I sat and debated for an hour whether I was going to show at the concert. I knew there was security stationed at my door should I change my mind.
The concert would be starting now, and I hated that I wasn’t there to give them a thumbs-up.

  In the brief time I’d known Chaos, Bryce, Zane, Trey, and Lukus had become my family. I didn’t know how much I missed having my mom until that moment. That’s what is making my decision for me. Throwing on clothes I’d picked out, I pull open the door and ask security to take me to the arena.

  Once I’m backstage, I find Kevin sitting behind the curtain.

  “How much have I missed?” He glances sideways before looking back.

  “About twenty minutes. But Luk’s off. It may be the nerves of being onstage again, but this isn’t the first show, so I doubt that. I don’t know. He just doesn’t seem himself.”

  I see the worried look in Kevin’s eyes. There was something he wasn’t saying.

  “What is it, Kev?”

  He grimaces and sighs. Kevin obviously hadn’t wanted me to notice his worried expression.

  “How much do you know about Chaos leaving for two years?”

  I think back to everything I’d researched with Carissa. The tabloids had covered it for months, each guessing and claiming to have ‘inside sources’ with the band giving them information. At the time, I hadn’t known what was true or what was false. But then I’d overhead Trey and Lukus talking. I wasn’t going to tell Kevin that, though, so I lie.

  He was still watching the stage. “The tabloids never got it right. Lukus was in rehab for two years for drug abuse. We gave him an option. He had to clean himself up or we weren’t going to resign the contract with Chaos. I think he agreed, for the others, but nonetheless, he did.” He stops short and peeks a glance at me. I nod for him to continue. “The last time he did a concert like this, he was high. I don’t know if he would’ve got something from someone here, but it’s always a possibility. I just wanted to give you a heads up for later.”