On Location

by Jen Calonita

  "Tough workout, Katie-kins?" Dad booms cheerfully. Sus piciously, I keep my eyes on Laney and Mom. "Well, they've got to get you souped up for this role," he adds. "Can't run an engine without oil, honey"

  I nod, even though I'm not sure what Dad's hokey car speak means. Dad's a producer now (he usually works on my films, but he won't be on this one. Hutch usually sticks with the same producers on all his films), but the terminology lingers from his car salesman days.

  "What's going on?" I demand as Mom and Laney begin whispering again. Laney opens her mouth to answer and promptly shuts it as our waiter appears again with my tea.

  "Thanks." I gratefully pour some tea, then turn back to Laney, who is rapping her long nails on the table while she stares at me.

  Oh I know! Maybe they're annoyed I didn't change my outfit. "I'm sorry," I apologize. "I didn't have time to go home and shower." I'm still wearing my eggplant-colored velour warm-up suit from stunt training and my hair hangs in a high, sweaty ponytail. Hey, but Dad's not dressed up either. Though Mom and Laney are in pant suits, Dad's wearing his standard golf shirt and pleated khakis. Humph.

  "It's not that, sweetie." Mom eyes me up and down. "Al though it wouldn't hurt to leave an extra pair of jeans and a sensible blazer in the car for emergencies."

  "Emergencies? What's happened now?" I groan, instantly feeling even more tired.

  "I wouldn't say emergency," Laney explains hurriedly nar rowing her eyes at my mother. "More like an unexpected change in plans. Nothing you can't handle."

  I don't say anything. I know from experience Laney will spill the bad news when she's ready. But before she can con tinue, her cell phone rings. She looks at me apologetically, then turns towards the glowing fireplace behind us. "I told you, Beth, hold my calls," she hisses. "Unless it's Reese. Or Russell. Or Julia." She snaps shut the razor-thin cell phone, a gift from Usher. "Your mom and I just came from a meeting with Carol Ingram and Drew Thomas's people," Laney ex plains after a long pause. "She outlined your pre-publicity requirements for The Untitled Hutch Adams Project."

  "Is this movie ever going to have a name?" Dad asks as he mulls over the menu.

  "Oh, is that all?" I thought something major happened, like Hutch wanting me and Sky to change roles. (I had that nightmare last night.) "Drew and I did some press together at the Xbox party last weekend. It wasn't so bad."

  "See? She doesn't mind doing appearances with Drew." Mom nudges Laney. "Speaking of the Xbox party, I thought you were supposed to be studying Saturday night." Mom raises her right eyebrow.

  I hide my head in my menu. Crab cakes, mouth-watering risotto, and vegetarian pasta. Hmm...I have to wear a bathing suit for the swim meet scene we're shooting on Sun day. Maybe I should have a salad. When I close the menu, our waiter is waiting.

  "I'll have the calamari and watermelon salad," I order. When the waiter leaves, I get down to business. "Let me have it."

  Mom looks at Laney. "Let's talk about some good news, shall we?" Laney suggests. "Seth called this morning and said your film rider was approved. A NordicTrack elliptical trainer will be delivered to your trailer on Sunday."

  HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER FIVE: Film riders--those phantom documents that contain all of a celebrity's de mands for a film, TV show, photo, or music shoot--are the icing on the status cake. A-listers typically have contracts that allow them 30 to 40 perk points, each of which involves some sort of financial compensation, like $1,500 a week for an on-set nanny or $1,000 a week for a trainer. I asked for an elliptical, which will not only help me stay fit for filming but also provide stress relief, and a supply of tea and Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf fat-free vanilla Ice Blendeds. Studios are used to the requests, but they still triple cross their fingers that stars' demands don't spiral out of control. I know a for mer costar who insisted on eight-hundred-thread-count sheets on her hotel room bed, $75 vanilla candles burning in the bathroom, and chilled raspberries on the nightstand every night.

  "Your elliptical request was nothing compared to what Sky asked for," Laney whispers, sliding her Louis Vuitton shades over her eyes to block the bright sun. "In addition to completely organic meals, and Evian stored at a slightly chilled temperature, Sky demanded oxygen be pumped in her trailer to keep her refreshed."

  Mom rolls her eyes. "Anyway, Seth also said to tell you that Liz has been added to your payroll and that the studio is going to pick up the tab."

  "Wow, that's awesome!" My hungry eyes follow the waiter as he places a bread basket on the table. Mom catches me staring and raises her right eyebrow again. I wouldn't dream of taking a piece under her watch, even if it has been hours since Bruce made me a banana shake that tasted like chalk.

  "Kate-Kate, next time you want to add an assistant you should talk to Nadine about it beforehand," Dad warns. "She was a little upset to hear that you were hiring Liz for the shoot."

  "She was?" I thought Nadine liked Liz. "She's always so busy on my film shoots that I thought she'd welcome an ex tra pair of hands."

  "You know Nadine," Mom says briskly and pushes her hair behind her shoulders. "She likes to take credit for do ing all the work herself."

  Dad clears his throat. "Honey, Nadine told me she's worried that she and Liz are too different to be your joint assistants. She doesn't mind Liz hanging out on set, but she said when it comes to a job, they have different ethics and backgrounds."

  "Liz wouldn't be caught dead with a shopping bag from Discount World, if that's what Nadine means," Mom chides. Laney snorts.

  I shoot them both a warning look. Discount World is one of those superstores where you can buy everything from dishwasher detergent to polyester blend clothes. Nadine loves their bargain finds. She got most of my school disguise clothes there. "She's not leaving me, is she?" I suddenly panic. "I thought she wasn't ready to apply to business school!"

  "She didn't say she's leaving," Dad soothes me. "But talk to her about Liz, okay, sweetie?"

  "The bottom line is you have two assistants this summer and you're going to have a great time shooting this movie," Mom throws in gushingly. I knew it! Something is wrong. Mom is too happy for a woman who is missing a great sale at Maxfields to have our lunch.

  "There is one more thing," Dad inserts delicately. "The studio wouldn't budge on letting you use Paul and Shelly for hair and makeup."

  I frown. Paul and Shelly have been with me forever on Family Affair. They're good company and I trust them com pletely, which is why I try to use them for all my work. They helped me come up with my high school look.

  "Hutch has the same artists work on all of his films," Mom explains.

  "It was a long shot," I say sadly.

  "Now the less-than-great news," Laney says, putting her bony tanned arms on the table and leaning forward. "You're going to have to do a lot of press for this movie, Kaitlin, and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT."

  "Okay" I shrug, reaching inside my bag for my whirring Sidekick. I pull it out and look at the message. It's Austin.

  WOOKIESRULE: Hey. Miss U. I'm in Mrs. Desmond's and we're playing French hangman. What's the word 4 book? Le Book?

  He's so cute.

  "...and most of it is going to be done with Drew. Kaitlin?" Laney scolds as I type back.

  PRINCESSLEIA25: It's le livre, Meyers!

  "Drew, got ya." I giggle, not looking up.

  "KAITLIN, THEY WANT IT TO LOOK LIKE YOU TWO ARE DATING." Laney spits out loudly.

  "WHAT?" I screech, startling the poor waiter. My salad al most flies off my plate as he places it in front of me. "Carol wants us to pretend to date?" My heart starts racing.

  "Now that I have your full attention, no, Carol didn't come out and actually say that," Laney back-peddles, "but I'm not stupid. I know that's what she was getting at by insist ing you arrive at several major upcoming events together without dates. It's a terrible idea, but there's no arguing with her." Laney shudders. "You should have heard her: 'I'm trying to help your client, Laney.' Ha! I'm sure she's just trying to de stroy me through you."


  "Why would she want people to think we're dating?" I ask, clutching my Sidekick to my heart. What will the world--namely Austin--think if I start popping up everywhere with Drew? "I won't do it. I don't have to do anything that's not in my contract."

  "Dating Drew is not in your contract, but unfortunately following Carol's publicity requirements is," Laney states. I look at Mom, who handles all my contracts.

  "How could I know what Carol was up to? I thought any publicity for the film was good publicity." Mom nervously pats her hair, which is straightened.

  "I don't get it. Why would she think us dating would help the movie? Whenever people hook up on set, it usually ends horribly," I remind them. "Couples break up and refuse to do post-production publicity together, and the bad blood is all over the weeklies."

  "I almost think she's hoping you two fight in public," Laney says grimly. She seems quite calm, almost beaten, which is so not like her. "Carol doesn't think bad blood means bad publicity. She believes tabloid coverage is great free press. As long as it's juicy and not slanderous, then it helps create buzz about a film, whether the couple is real, fake, or broken up." Laney stabs a piece of cucumber with her fork.

  "She wants to get people talking," Dad suggests. "It's not such a bad idea, sweetie. It will keep both you and Drew in the public eye while you're off TV screens for a few months."

  "Carol's approach is too aggressive," Laney counters. "The way to get a star good publicity is to have them do high-profile films, avoid excessive partying--which only leads to catfights and dark circles under your eyes anyway--and arrive on the red carpet looking drop-dead gorgeous."

  Who knew Laney was so sensible? I've never been so grateful to have her as my publicist.

  Laney raises her orange-tinted sunglasses and looks around to make sure no one is listening in. "Carol's philoso phy isn't unheard of though," Laney whispers. "You won't find many in this town who would actually admit it, but there are people who believe staged romances help box office re turns. I've heard the rumors for years about aging Holly wood stars signing contracts with young, beautiful ones who'll date them for a year to boost both their star appeal."

  I let out an audible sob. "No one is going to believe that Drew and I are a couple," I insist. I bite my lip hard. "It's ob vious I can't stand him."

  "Yeah, well, not to everyone." Laney slaps the latest issue of Hollywood Nation on the table. On the cover is a picture of Drew throwing me in the air at the Xbox event, me smiling away, and next to it is a shot of Austin, alone playing lacrosse. How'd they get that? The headline says:

  WHO'LL CAPTURE KAITLIN BURKE'S HEART? HOLLYWOOD'S NEW BAD BOY OR THE HIGH SCHOOL HEARTTHROB?

  I flip to the story on page eight and scan it. Drew and I are costars, blah, blah, blah..."STOLEN MOMENTS WITH THE FAMED PLAYER WHILE AUSTIN STOOD GLUMLY IN THE CORNER." I read on. Xbox party, blah, blah, blah..."THE TWO DATED LAST YEAR."

  OH MY GOD. Now I have to tell Austin about Drew!

  Noooo. I can't do that. The breakup is still too painful for me to talk about, and this publicity plan...It's too compli cated to get into. Austin will never understand why I have to go along with it. But if I don't tell Austin something, some one else will. Like Lori. Austin's ex was always hiding Holly wood Nation in her textbooks.

  Okay, I know what I'll do. Austin doesn't need to know everything I do at work. It's a known fact stars have to do some publicity together. I'll just make it clear to Austin that the events will be minimal. Austin will understand that part. As for Drew's and my relationship, I'll just tell Austin we went out once or twice. My Sidekick whirs again.

  WOOKIESRULE: Nice, Burke. Can U meet 4 dinner? Slice of Heaven? U, me, and Rodney?

  "Who are you e-mailing?" Mom demands. "Austin?" I nod. Mom turns to Laney and Dad as if I'm not sitting right next to her. "She spends more time e-mailing Austin than she does memorizing her lines."

  "That's not fair," I counter, looking up from my Sidekick.

  "You said that I could have more free time and this is how I want to spend it," I reason. "It's not like I'm neglecting my work." I push the Xbox party out of my mind. "I'm going to be working six days a week starting Sunday so I won't be see ing Austin as much as I am now. What's wrong with having a boyfriend, anyway?"

  Mom purses her lips and Laney nudges her. "Nothing, I guess," Mom says quietly. "Austin seems like a nice boy. But how well do you know his family? What if the tabs offer them money to talk about you?" She waves her spoon at me. "Would they do it?"

  "No." I shake my head firmly.

  "I just don't think it would hurt to put this thing with Austin on the back burner and concentrate on the Adams Project and Carol Ingram's publicity plan," Mom declares.

  "Kaitlin, what you do in your personal life is your busi ness," Laney disagrees. "Carol can't control that." My stom ach muscles begin to relax. Go, Laney!

  "You don't have to date Drew," she says firmly. "You just have to make Carol look good. Her initiative is the first of its kind at Wagman and she wants it to succeed. You don't want to be the one to cross her." She shrugs. "Fly beneath the radar. Go with Drew to the events Carol wants and let me worry about the rest. I'll make sure she doesn't overstep her bounds. Besides, there are enough hot parties around here that you can take both Austin and Drew and still have enough left over to last a year."

  WOOKIESRULE: Burke, helllllooooo? Dinner??

  Okay.

  "I'll play along," I agree reluctantly. Mom and Dad breathe a collective sigh of relief.

  "Good. Now let's change the subject." Laney finally re laxes enough to take a bite of her crab cake.

  I bite my lower lip. "Does Hutch know about Carol's plans?"

  "She said he approved it." Laney seems surprised herself. "Every last detail."

  Humph. I hope Hutch knows what he's doing. I look down at my Sidekick and type quickly.

  PRINCESSLEIA25: Sorry! Dinner @ 7.

  For now at least, Drew and Carol can wait.

  THURSDAY 6/14 NOTE TO SELF:

  Have Nadine book weekly deep tissue massages @

  Massage Therapy Center

  Stunt workshop w/Drew--Sat. @ 8

  Final swimsuit fitting Sat. @ 12

  Highlights and eyebrow wax @ Fredric Fekkai/Sat. @ 3

  **Movie Start Date: MONDAY! Call time: 5 AM.

  SIX: Day 1 and Counting

  Ever hear the expression "hurry up and wait?" That's perfect for describing a movie set.

  The Untitled Hutch Adams Project is no exception, and we're only on day one of filming. My call time for hair, makeup, and wardrobe was 5 AM. It's now close to three and I've only filmed for an hour. Hutch is so busy shooting various angles of the same scene that he's needed me once so far. Below where I sit in the bleachers of the Santa Rosita Olympic Swim Center, a crew of about twenty-five people is bustling around the deck setting up the lighting and the micro phones with stand-ins. (Stand-ins are paid to walk through the scene while the director and lighting team test the shot. That way the stars of the film don't have to hang around in costume getting annoyed. Great, huh?)

  "Whose brilliant idea was it for the first day of shooting to be on location?" A sleepy Nadine grumbles as we sit on the blue plastic bleachers sipping green tea with Rodney (who is drinking a vanilla protein shake).

  The ceiling rises almost two stories above the bleachers, which are illuminated by fluorescent lanterns hanging above the pool's dozen or so lap lanes. It feels a bit cool in the cavernous arena and I pull the white terrycloth robe covering my costume around my shoulders. I'm not sure if I'm really chilly in the red tank suit--my character's fic tional high school, Park High, is emblazoned in big white letters across my chest--or if I'm just nervous about this movie. Despite Drew's touchy-feely tendencies and the last-minute addition of Sky I was excited to work with Hutch before Laney dropped the publicity bombshell. I can't stop thinking about why Hutch would agree to Carol's strange request. What director wants the public to think his costars are hooki
ng up? Hutch doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would welcome the presence of the paparazzi on set, but that's what is going to happen if they think Drew and I are dating. They'll start hanging around locations to catch a shot of Drew and me making out (for the cameras, of course). Why would Hutch want the added commotion?

  My director is down below watching the chaos on the pool deck with a scowl on his face. Our assistant director, or A.D., Hank, is yelling at the second A.D. about today's call sheet while the cameramen, gaffer (who works with the cinematographer on mood and lighting), grips (manpower), and best boy (helps the gaffer with electric. FYI: best boys can be girls!) work around them to continue setting up the shot by the pool. They seem to be trying to move the equipment as close to the water as possible, risking getting it wet. After a few minutes of shouting among everyone, Hutch throws his hands up and dives in dressed in a Van Halen tee and swim shorts, splashing the nearest crew members. The crew instantly grows quiet.

  "Hand me the camera." He wades over, shaking water out of his hair like a wet dog, snatches the plastic-covered cam era from a gaping cameraman, and rests it on his shoulder. "If you can't get this simple task right, I'll test the shot myself."

  "He must have first-day jitters too," I reason.

  "Maybe. Or maybe he's just mental," Nadine whispers.

  Across the pool, the extras that are paid to fill out the swim teams are practicing their cheers with a PA. (produc tion assistant). Drew is keeping a bunch of giggly blond ex tras entertained with grunt-worthy push-ups and jumping jacks. When the girls applaud, Drew removes his white tee to reveal his ripped chest and red Park High trunks.

  Sky, however, is nowhere to be seen. She must be relaxing in her trailer. I wish I could do that, but I was too nervous to wait in mine to be called. I'd just pace up and down, trying not to throw up.

  Liz says the first day of shooting a movie is nothing like the first day of school. In class, you have a week or so to ease into your new schedule and get used to your teachers. On movies, day one is just like day thirty-seven--you're shoot ing a scene, ready or not. I always find the first day scary. I'm worried about what Hutch will think of my performance and how I'll mesh with my costars, whom I'm supposed to have great acting chemistry with, even if we practically hate each other. And it always makes my head spin when we start shooting a scene from the middle of the script.