Peregrine's Progress

by Jeffery Farnol

  CHAPTER XIX

  HOW AND WHY I FOUGHT WITH ONE GABBING DICK, A PEDDLER

  "You won't be wantin' ever a broom, now?"

  Starting up in no little amazement, I beheld a man who bore a bundleof brooms upon his shoulder and a pack upon his back, while round hisneck dangled ribbands and laces of many colours and varieties; asmallish, grizzled, plump man with an ill-natured face.

  "You won't be wantin' ever a broom?" he repeated.

  "No, thank you," I answered; "though indeed I should think it wassufficiently obvious."

  "Nor yet a mop?"

  "No!"

  "Why then, a belt? 'Ow about a fine, leather belt wi' a good steelbuckle made in Brummagem?"

  "I couldn't buy anything of you if I wished," I explained, "because Ihave no money."

  "Eh--no money?" said the man, turning to spit into the road. "Nomoney--eh? Then wot about 'er, the Eve as you was a kissy-cuddlin'--"

  "I was not!"

  "Oh!" he exclaimed, "then if not, why not? Yah, ye can't gammon me!She's a Eve, ain't she, an' all Eves loves a bit o' kissy-cuddly. An'she looks a nice warm armful, so why not try? Better soon nor late!"

  "What d' you mean?" I demanded, trembling with indignation.

  "I mean as she's a Eve, an' all Eves loves a bit o' kissy-cuddlyan'--"

  "That will do!" cried I, clenching my fists. "I've told you I canpurchase none of your wares, so pray have the goodness to cease yourimportunities and go."

  "Go?" said the Peddler. "An' why should I go? I ain't a-trespassin' onyour private property, am I? No, because 'tis a public 'ighway. Verygood! An' England's a free country, ain't it? It is! Very good again!I ain't a-goin' to go until I wants to go; you can't make me go nornobody else. So 'ere I waits till your Eve comes back. An' why? 'Causeif you ain't got no money--she 'as, I'll lay, an' I've ribbands an'laces, rings an' garters as no Eve can say 'No' to. Besides, she looksa fine gal as Eves go, an' there's enough o' the old Adam inside o' meto--"

  "Are you going?" I demanded.

  "Not me!" he answered, turning to spit at a butterfly that hoverednear. "I'm a free-born Briton, I am, as scorns the furrin' yoke!"

  Hereupon I rose, that is to say, I forced my unwilling body upon myshaking legs and faced him.

  "Then I must do my best to make you!" said I, with as much sternresolution in voice and look as I could summon.

  "What--you?" exclaimed the Peddler, regarding me with eye of scorn."You--eh?" he repeated. "Well, burn my neck, there's imperence forye!"

  "Put up your hands!" said I.

  "What--fight, is it?"

  "It is!" said I. "Unless you prefer to depart immediately."

  "Well, twist my innards!" exclaimed the Peddler, laying aside hisbrooms. "The owdacious young willin'! Wants t' fight! An' 'im sich ayoung whipper-snapper!"

  He was a middle-aged man, squat of figure with short, plump legs, butI thought him formidable enough and felt the old nauseating feargrowing upon me as I watched the determined manner in which heprepared for the approaching combat. Having removed his pack and themultifarious articles that draped his person, he took off his coat,folded it neatly and laid it by, which done, he slowly rolled up hisshirt sleeves, eyeing me fiercely and scowling portentously the while.Now as I watched him, my sweating palms tight-clenched, my jawshard-locked to prevent my teeth from chattering, the thought occurredto me that the hurts I was about to endure and endeavour to inflictshould not only save Diana from evil, but might also prove to her (andmyself) if I were indeed possessed of that thing she called'game-pluck.'

  At this moment my opponent rapped himself soundly upon the chest andnodded fiercely; quoth he:

  "I'm a-goin' t' gi'e ye two more black heyes to start wi', and 'avingdraw'd your claret an' knocked out a tusk or so, I'll finish the jobby leatherin' ye wi' one o' my best leather belts wi' a fine, steelbuckle made in Brum--"

  But here I launched myself at him and, forgetting all caution in mytrembling eagerness, beset the fellow with a wild hurly-burly ofrandom blows, one or two of which found their mark, judging by hisgrunts; then his fist crashed into my ribs, driving me reeling back sothat I should have fallen but for the friendly tree. This steadied me(in more senses than one) for in this moment I remembered Diana'sadmonition, and, seeing him rush in to finish me, I stepped aside andas his fist shot by my ear, I smote him flush upon the side of hisbristly chin; and lo, to my wonder and fearful joy, he spun round andcame violently to earth in a sitting posture! For a moment he satthus, staring wide-eyed at nothing in particular; then I steppedforward and tendered him my hand.

  "What now?" he gasped.

  "Let me help you up!" I panted.

  "Whaffor?" he demanded.

  "That I may--knock you down again--as speedily as possible," Ianswered.

  "Not me!" he answered, feeling his chin in gentle, tentative fashion."I'm jolted sufficient an' the ground's danged 'ard 'ereabouts! An'wot's more--why, burn my neck--it's Anna!" he broke off and pointedwith stubby finger. Turning about, I beheld Diana on the other side ofthe hedge. And she was looking at me!

  "Ha, well done, Peregrine!" she exclaimed; at which, and because ofthe expression in her eyes, I felt again that strange sense of joyousexhilaration which had thrilled me once before, insomuch that I feltalmost sorry the combat was ended so soon. Then, before I might aidher, she was through the hedge and shaking my hand as a man might havedone.

  "Lord love me!" ejaculated the Peddler, scrambling to his feet. "Soyou've turned into a Eve at last, 'ave yer, Anna? You as couldn'tabide a man! An' 'ere you be in a nice little garden o' Eden along o'your Adam, eh? Found yourself a lad at last for kissy-cuddly, eh? Youas was so prim! What'll folks say when I tell 'em?"

  "That you'm a liar, Gabbing Dick, as big a liar as ever you was."

  "When I tells folk as Anna's took up wi' a lad at last--an' 'im such awhipper-snapper! When I tell 'em as 'ow you--"

  "That's enough!" cried I passionately. "Take your things and go beforeI endeavour to kill you--"

  "Lord, Peregrine!" said Diana, viewing me in big-eyed wonder. "'T isonly Gabbing Dick, and he must talk dirt, but nobody minds."

  "Well, I do, and if he doesn't depart immediately--"

  "Depart's th' word!" nodded the Peddler, and taking up his pack headjusted it, shouldered his brooms and then paused to spitthoughtfully. "What'll folk say when I tell 'em as I see youkissy-cuddlin' a whipper-snapper--"

  Clenching my fists I took a step towards him; saw him shrink away,staring, not at me, but the knife in Diana's hand.

  "Hop, Dick, hop!" said she, making the blade flash and glitter evilly,whereupon the fellow, clutching his wares, made off with suddenalacrity; but being at a distance he stopped and turned.

  "I 'opes," he cried, "I do 'ope as your Adam tires o' ye an' leaves yedespairin'--danged soon, an' that's for you, Anna! An' I 'opes as shepokes out both your eyes for ye--both on 'em, mind--an' that's foryou, young whipper-snapper!"

  Then he spat towards us, nodded, and hasted off along the road.

  "And now, let's have dinner!" said Diana.

  "Dinner?" I repeated, frowning after my late antagonist.

  "Beef, Peregrine!"