by Natalie Dean
"Let me see what the responses were. We set a test for the two ladies we wanted. Our nurse thinks discipline and education are the most important and our housemaid believes love is the most important thing a child needs," Cecilia looked around as she put the responses down. "Everyone agree on love being the most important?" she asked, and everyone nodded. It was settled. Sarah Smith was coming to Bannack.
Within a week, Sarah was on a train heading out of the city. She hadn't much in the way of belongings. She was delighted to find that a ticket had been purchased in her name and she was going to travel relatively comfortable. It was a good start into the unknown. She didn't even know where Montana was, but it was going to be the start of a new life for her. The final leg of her journey was by stage coach. She missed the rickety comfort of the train. She was thrown about in the stage coach. She could hear the call out for Bannack.
She stepped off the stagecoach and looked around. There were two women, a man and two children standing close together. The taller of the women moved forward to greet her.
"Miss Sarah Smith. Welcome to Bannack, I'm Cecilia Dexter. This is Carson Edwards, my good friend Lottie McLennon and here are the children, Billy and Jane."
Sarah's eyes were transfixed on the little girl. She was the spitting image of her dear sister, Katie. The likeness took her breath away, and she became faint. Carson caught her before she hit the ground.
"Carson, carry her to the hotel. Let's get her freshened up. That journey is an ordeal," Lottie said as she fanned Sarah with her handkerchief.
"What's wrong with my new mama?" Jane asked, and Carson frowned. Sarah felt uncomfortable in the man's arms. He was very strong, but it wasn't exactly the first impression she wanted to make.
"I'm quite well. I can walk. It's just the little girl reminds me of someone." Sarah reached out to Jane who was in Lottie's arms, and the little girl went to her.
"That's odd. Jane usually makes strange with people when she meets them first," Lottie observed.
"Hold me too," Billy said, not wishing his sister to get all of the attention. Sarah carried a child on each hip as Carson took her bag.
Chapter Four
Sarah was tired but happy as she sat with them. The children were adorable and friendly.
"Is this the new arrival?” quipped Mrs. Lavery.
“Yes, my name is Sarah. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“I'm Mrs. Lavery. My aren't you a lovely little thing?" Mrs. Lavery said as she served them tea and sandwiches.
"Sarah, we chose you because you understand what the children need. Their mother's death was tragic, and we miss her every day. But as Mr. Edwards has a farm to manage, he can't cope with the children as well. Until now, Mrs. Dexter and I have been taking turns caring for them," Lottie said.
"I'm not afraid of hard work. I look forward to taking care of your children, Mr. Edwards. You live on a farm?”
“Yes, mam.”
“Will have I have my own quarters in the home or will I live somewhere else? I really don't need much space," Sarah said to the amused looking faces.
"You'll stay in the homestead with the children and me," Carson said, wondering why Sarah was confused.
"I don't know what goes on out here, but in the city, we do things properly. I can't live with a man I'm not married to," Sarah said indignantly.
"But you are here to marry Carson, I mean, Mr. Edwards. It's all arranged for in a few days’ time. We thought you'd like to settle in first," Lottie said.
"Married! You said nothing about getting married," Sarah screeched, unsure of what was going on.
"We thought you understood that. That's why we placed the advertisement in the Matrimonial Times. And anyways, it's marriage in name only. Our main concern is that the children are loved, as their mother would have wanted," Cecilia said.
"You didn't say anything about getting married. I thought it was just about taking care of the children. I'm sorry. This was a mistake. I figured it was a job. I suppose I should have asked about the pay. Oh no, what am I going to do? I've given up my job." Sarah became upset.
"What's she going on about? She didn't know it was supposed to be a marriage?" Carson was annoyed. It was a silly idea. The very notion that someone would come from a city just to take care of the children. She wanted a job. The children needed a mother.
"Carson, you go and find Hamish. She looks very pale to me," Cecilia said as Sarah looked all clammy. He was glad of the excuse to leave. He would never understand women.
"Sarah, we're sorry for the misunderstanding. I know you don't know us, but Carson is a good man. He would never act improperly. We need the children to have a stable home life. If they were older, it would be different. They could help on the farm, but they are too young. You can stay here in the hotel as we planned and get to know Bannack. The children seem attached to you already," Cecilia said, and it was true. Sarah hadn't eaten anything as the children sat on her lap, cuddled into her.
Sarah looked down at the little faces who looked up at her. Jane was so much like Katie, even with the mark on her forehead. Sarah's heart almost burst. It had been a face she had missed.
"I'm not sure about getting married, but the children do seem to have taken a shine to me. If I'm here for a while, I may as well be useful," Sarah said to the delight of Cecilia and Lottie.
"You get settled in and come over to my place when you're ready. I own the tea shop," Cecilia excused herself and looked for Mrs. Lavery to make arrangements.
"I think you should stay, Sarah. The children need love, and I feel in my heart that you are the one to give them this. There's something special between the three of you already," Lottie said as she patted Sarah's arm.
Sarah missed that touch of another. Someone to acknowledge her. She had seen the bond Katie and Nancy had. Lottie and Cecilia reminded Sarah of them. It was something she had never experienced. All she got in service were beatings. She shivered as she remembered the whippings Cook had given her. The scars were still there, but Sarah had managed to forget about them. Funny how a caring touch could remind of such pain, she thought.
The children didn't want to be wretched away from Sarah. And deep inside her, she didn't want to let them go either. "Why don't you leave them with me? We can get to know each other," Sarah said, and Lottie smiled as she watched Sarah and the children go upstairs.
"What do you think? Will she stay or go?" Cecilia asked Lottie with Mrs. Lavery in tow.
"The children have decided, and I don't think she'll have the heart to refuse them. Now if only we could get Carson on board."
As Sarah put the children on her bed, she noticed Jane yawning and it made her want to yawn too. Soon the three of them were laying together on Sarah's bed and fell asleep. It was so long since Sarah had a bed, she had forgotten what it felt like, but she'd never known anything like this. The children snuggled into her, one at each side and she felt content. Her heart was full of love for them. How could she love them already? Sarah knew she could never leave them. It would mean she would have to marry Carson. He didn't seem happy at the idea and rightly so if his wife wasn't long dead. It was a good sign of a man.
She fell asleep again, and in a dream, Katie came to her. But Sarah couldn't hear what she was saying. When Katie smiled at her, Sarah felt a touch of someone's hand on her head. It was something Katie used to do. Sarah woke and sighed. Someone was touching her head. It was Billy who had stretched out, and his little arm rested on Sarah. She smiled and drifted off to sleep again.
"Wake up, wake up," Billy was pulling up Sarah's eyelids. He was crying.
"What's wrong Billy?" she asked as she sat up. Jane was looking at her.
"Mama didn't wake up from her last sleep," Billy sobbed, and Jane corrected him, "this is Mama, my Mama."
"This isn't Mama," Billy admonished his sister, who then started to cry and wail that Sarah was her mama.
"Hush, now. I'm here to take care of you both. I wonder what time it is. Should we look f
or your papa?"
Billy nestled in beside her and said, "Papa is sad all the time. He isn't fun anymore. I miss Lola." The little boy began to cry.
"Who is Lola?" Sarah asked, wondering if there was another child no one had mentioned.
"She's Mama's dog."
Sarah hugged them. She decided it was time to get out and see what Bannack had to offer. She and the children made their way to Cecilia's tea shop.
"I was going to come looking for you," Cecilia said. Apparently, they had slept for hours. "Carson has gone back to the ranch. It's a little late to go there now. We'll go tomorrow. Lottie will join us later. Sit and tell me about yourself, Sarah. It's difficult to get to know a person from a wire. You said your mother passed when you were a child?" Cecilia asked as she poured some tea and set a cake in front of Sarah. The children dived into the cake she gave them.
"I was twelve. She died in childbirth, and the baby did too. We lived in Ireland at the time. My father sent my sister and me to New York after that. He wanted us to have a new life."
"So, you have a sister and what does she …" Cecilia paused as Sarah's face clouded over. Something was wrong.
"My sister, Katie, died when I was fifteen. I went into service then." Sarah didn't say anymore. She couldn't as the tears began to pour out. It had been so long since she had spoken of Katie to anyone.
"We all have some sadness in our backgrounds. I think that's why we're looking for a clean break here. I do hope you'll stay, Sarah," Cecilia said as she looked at the children. "Maggie was a dear friend and a wonderful mother. She loved these children so much. I think you understand that. The need to have someone that's yours and to love and be loved."
Sarah nodded as she dried her eyes. The good Lord was giving her the chance to take care of children. She was too young when Katie died to care for those twins. Sarah understood that. Now she would love these children as she hoped her niece and nephew were loved.
"Sarah, we'll have to help you with your clothes. You're somewhat shorter than Maggie although I don't think Carson would like you wearing her clothes. Lottie is a similar size. I'm presuming you can cook, but we don't have the same choice as in the city. You'll find dust your main annoyance. I lived on a farm when I first came here, and it wasn't fun. That's why I opened this place. See it as a place to come and vent," Cecilia continued telling Sarah about difficulties she would encounter out here.
Sarah was happy. She had never talked so much in the last three years. Cecilia was kind to her. They returned to the hotel and were joined by Mrs. Lavery and Lottie. Sarah felt she belonged here, but she was still cautious about revealing too much about herself. She had been trying to stifle a yawn, but one finally escaped.
"She's exhausted," Mrs. Lavery said. "Lottie, you take Billy and Jane for tonight. Let Sarah have the night to herself. You go have a bath before bed, and you'll sleep much better, Dear."
Sarah smiled as she watched Lottie and Cecilia take the children. Mrs. Lavery was in charge, but unlike the cook or her mistress, Mrs. Lavery was motherly towards Lottie and Cecilia. And Sarah could feel that Mrs. Lavery's motherly way included her. It felt good.
"That sounds lovely," Sarah said as Mrs. Lavery took her to a steaming bath that was already prepared; the scents were heavenly. Sarah sunk into the bath. The flaming fire was making her cheeks rosy. She was grateful to be in Bannack, and she prayed this good feeling would never end.
Chapter Five
Sarah realized Cecilia wasn't joking about the dust as they traveled by wagon to what would become her home, should she decide to marry Carson. Not being used to having friends and someone to confide in, Sarah kept her own counsel when it came to her life. Cecilia and Lottie didn't push her for answers. Similar to their own stories, Sarah had arrived in Bannack, and things weren't as she expected.
The morning had started with a message to go to Lottie's house. Sarah didn't know what to make of the assortment of clothes Lottie laid out for her to try on.
"We reckoned there was no need for you to buy clothes until you make a decision about whether you'll stay or go. They are only of use out here," Lottie said as she held a pair of trousers against Sarah. She had never worn trousers before, even if it was just a skirt divided into trouser legs.
"It's much handier for getting on and off the wagon. There's a cow to be milked in the homestead. She serves the house, and many of the wives look after the horses too, the ones for the wagon. Also, there's usually a horse that the husband rides. Are you feeling nervous about today?" Lottie asked the pale Sarah who seemed a little overwhelmed by what was ahead.
She nodded, and Lottie gave her a hug. "You know Cecilia couldn't cook when she got here. We all have to learn something new. I was a nurse in the city so caring for a home wasn't something I was accustomed to doing. We'll help and don't be afraid to ask if you need it. Carson is a good man, I want you to know that."
"Everyone ready to go?" Cecilia shouted up the stairs. She and Lottie planned to drop Sarah off at the Edwards farm. They figured she needed time alone with Carson and the children. It was the only way she'd know for sure if she could cope. However, Sarah was unaware of their plan. Cecilia thought it best not to spook her.
Sarah pulled at her collar as they rode out in the sun. The heat was stifling, and despite Lottie and Cecilia's advice to open her collar, Sarah hadn't. She was feeling the heat now. It was getting hard to breath.
"Look, Sarah, there's the homestead now," Cecilia said. Lottie sat in the back of the wagon with the twins.
As she looked ahead, Sarah wasn't quite sure what she thought of the little cabin. This would be her new home. There was also a barn and a well. She was used to indoor plumbing in the city. Her breathing became more shallow as she thought about the enormity of the task ahead. Cecilia was going on about how to milk a cow, how to feed the horses, how to manage the laundry. Sarah's head was spinning from the information overload.
"Papa, Papa," the children squealed with delight as they saw Carson. Despite her headache and heat exhaustion, Sarah was happy to see the bond between Carson and his children. It reminded her of her father.
"Did you grow since yesterday, Billy? I'm sure you’ve gotten taller since I last saw you," Carson teased as Billy puffed out his chest.
"Pa, I'll be able to go riding with you soon," the little man said as Carson lifted him into the air and onto the ground.
"Don't forget me, Papa," Jane said as Carson lifted his daughter out of the wagon. She put her little hands around his neck and kissed his cheek. "Papa, Mama Sarah is staying with us," she smiled so sweetly as she cuddled into her father.
"I've prepared a basket of food for the day," Cecilia said as she jumped off the wagon. Lottie was busy carrying the children's belongings. They were walking towards the cabin when Jane cried out. "Mama Sarah."
They turned to see Sarah slump over, and she was about to fall off the wagon but Carson, depositing Jane on the ground, ran to break Sarah's fall as she fainted.
"I've got you," Carson said as Sarah's eyes opened. She looked into his strong face. She had never been so close to a man before. She'd never been held like this, and her heart skipped a beat as he looked into her eyes.
"Let's get you out of the sun," he said as he maneuvered through the doorway of the cabin. He sat her on the rocking chair where Maggie used to sit at night doing the mending.
"Have some water. You forget how the newcomers find the heat too strong," Lottie said as she got some water and a cloth to bring down Sarah's temperature.
Sarah could feel something wet touch her hand, and as she looked down, she saw a dog. "Hello, there, Lola." Lola wagged her tail at the new arrival and seemed to want to jump on Sarah's lap.
"That's odd," Carson said, "she usually growls at strangers."
"Well, dogs are good judges of people. So now we know you're a good person, Sarah," Lottie chuckled. She was happy this was working out well so far. It was going to be down to Carson and Sarah to make this arrangement work.
>
"We must go," Cecilia announced as she looked at the petrified look on Sarah's face. "One of us will be back for you later, Sarah."
"I don't think I should be here alone. Please stay. I don't know what I'm doing," Sarah pleaded as she followed them out the door but Lottie and Cecilia told her she'd be okay. She had Carson and the children to guide her on what she needed to do.
Carson and Sarah stood awkwardly on the porch, neither knowing what to say or do. Billy broke the ice by demanding something to eat.
"Let's see what's in the basket," Sarah said. Carson watched her with the children. She was a natural. Anyone observing the interaction would easily assume Sarah was their mother. There was an ease between them. The children even had the same dark hair as Sarah. He and Maggie were fair-haired. He was used to comments about the children's hair being so dark.
While he didn't agree with their methods, Cecilia and Lottie were right. The children needed someone to love them, a warm woman who would cherish his children. He knew that love didn't depend on being blood related. His love for the children was a testament to that. He prayed that Maggie was approving. It seemed so soon and yet life needed to go on. Tears came to his eyes as he thought of his Maggie. If only he'd left the dog behind that day. He had replayed that day over and over.
He couldn't watch what should be Maggie's role. He had to talk to his wife and beg her forgiveness. Sarah looked back at Carson, only to see him walk away. She wondered what she'd done wrong to cause Carson to leave.
"Where's your papa going?" she asked.
"Probably to talk to Mama. He goes out there when he's sad. He doesn't know I know that," Billy said as he bit into one of Cecilia's cakes.
"Billy, we have to share," Sarah said as she took the cake from him, "but first we need to wash our hands. Help me get some water from the well." Sarah was a little relieved that Carson wasn't watching her first attempt at lowering the bucket into the well. Billy and Jane laughed as Sarah went to grab the full bucket of water, releasing the rope too early and causing the bucket to plunge back into the well. Sarah soon got the knack of it and set about boiling some water. Carson had a fire going, so she hadn't to worry about lighting a fire.