Never Enough

by Elliott, Kelly

  Alone.

  No explanation as to why I’d freaked and left.

  Hell, I hadn’t even been back home. Mama was riding me hard for not seeing Blayze. Ty hadn’t talked to me in three days, and I’d gotten six text messages from Kaylee, describing in detail what she was going to do to me when I got back to Hamilton. The last one might have scared me a bit.

  “Hi, how’s it going?”

  I glanced up from my beer to see Jenny Webster standing there. She was Lloyd’s daughter, and Lloyd was one of my sponsors. “Hi, Jenny.”

  “You look like you need a friend. Or maybe a warm body?”

  I knew it had been a mistake sleeping with her a couple of years back. I’d had no idea who she was, and my first thought had been that she was just a buckle bunny. Until I fucked her and she told me her name afterward.

  “I’d rather be alone.”

  Her hand landed on my arm. “The girlfriend didn’t last long? What happened? She tell you to stop riding bulls?”

  I pulled away from her and took a long drink of my beer before setting it down and turning. “Jenny, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I’m not interested.”

  She frowned. “She doesn’t have to know.”

  Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my wallet and pulled out a twenty. Tossing it onto the bar, I tipped my hat at her. “Have a good evening, Jenny.”

  Before she could say anything else, I walked out of the bar and into the casino. I had to stay an extra day in Vegas for an event Wrangler was putting on. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out. It was a text from Dirk.

  Dirk: Where are you, Brock? I’m worried about you, dude.

  Dirk had been trying to babysit me all damn weekend. I’d told him about what had happened in the barn, and how I’d freaked out and left after I’d told Lincoln I couldn’t do it.

  To say he was disappointed in me was an understatement. To his credit, though, he never actually said anything; he simply let me talk it out.

  I typed back my reply—In the casino. I’m fine—and shoved the phone into my back pocket.

  Making my way outside, I dragged in a couple of deep breaths and then reached for my phone again. I pulled up Lincoln’s name and stared at it.

  How in the hell can I tell her the idea of making love to her without a condom freaked me the fuck out? It had been so soon, and for her to suggest it had completely thrown me for a loop.

  It was in that very room in the barn where Kaci and I had decided to try for a baby. I had made love to my wife on that very bed in an attempt to save my marriage.

  When I had glanced around and realized what in the hell I was about to do, it almost felt like déjà vu. Not that Lincoln was trying to get pregnant; I knew that. In my mind, though, nothing had made sense at the time.

  Making love to Lincoln without a condom would have meant things were different between us. The only woman I’d ever had sex with without a condom was Kaci. And, even then, it had been in an attempt to save our marriage.

  Guilt ripped through my body. I had wanted to make love to Lincoln in that barn. In that room, without a condom. When Lincoln said she was on the pill, I realized in that very moment that I wanted her more than I had ever wanted my own wife.

  I felt something so much stronger for Lincoln than I had for Kaci. But how could I make love to Lincoln in a place I’d had sex with my wife as well?

  When I recognized the one emotion that had surfaced in that tack room, I panicked. I wasn’t ready to let love in yet. And realizing I wanted to make love to Lincoln with no barrier between . . . I’d wanted to feel what she felt like more than I’d wanted my next breath.

  “Kaci, I’m so sorry.”

  Pushing my hand through my hair, I closed my eyes and cussed. Lincoln had laid her heart out for me, and I’d destroyed it. When she’d looked at me with tears in those green eyes and said she was sorry, I’d wanted to tell her that I loved her.

  When I’d realized that, I’d had to leave. Needed to get out of that room. The emotions of everything had hit me so hard all at once, I’d felt like I was drowning in them.

  I’d let my guilt over falling in love with Lincoln hurt her. I’d not only let Kaci down, but now I’d let Lincoln down as well. When I’d told Lincoln I couldn’t do this, I had meant I couldn’t betray Kaci. But was I really betraying her by falling in love again?

  “Fuck, I’ve messed everything up.”

  I owed Lincoln an explanation.

  Hitting her number, I took a deep breath.

  Her voice mail picked up. “Hey! This is Lincoln Pratt. Sorry I missed you. Leave your message, and I’ll call ya back!”

  The sound of the tone alerting me to leave a message made me jump.

  “Hey. It’s me, Brock. I need to talk to you. Explain why I left. I’m, um . . . I’m still in Vegas until tomorrow. Please call me back.”

  I hit end and then dialed my mother’s number.

  “Daddy!”

  A warmth completely filled me to hear the sound of my son’s voice.

  “Hey, buddy. What are you doing? Where’s Grams?”

  “I just finished riding! Grams is talking to Miss Lincoln.”

  My heart stilled in my chest. “Lincoln is there?”

  “Yep. She came by to ask if me and Uncle Ty would look after Thunder, her horse.”

  I swallowed hard. “Why?”

  “I dunno. Something about her going back to Atlanta.”

  Nearly dropping the phone, I tried to keep my legs from going out from underneath me. “She’s going back to Atlanta?”

  “Yep. Her and Miss Kaylee.”

  I scrubbed my hand down my face. “Hey, can you take the phone to Grams? Fast?”

  “Okay! Are you coming home tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, buddy, I’ll be home tomorrow.”

  I heard him yell out in happiness. “Grams! Grams! Daddy needs to talk to you. Fast!”

  Nodding, I said, “That’s it, Blayze!”

  “Hello?” My mother’s voice was tight and held no emotion. That was how she’d spoken to me for the last two weeks, since I’d left for Ohio.

  “I need to talk to Lincoln. I tried calling her cell, but it—”

  “She left already.”

  It felt like my heart had plummeted to the bottom of my stomach. “She left?” I repeated.

  “Yes. What time does your plane get in tomorrow?”

  I couldn’t even think. I wanted to ask my mother a million questions. Is Lincoln coming back? Is she just taking Kaylee back home? Is it a one-way ticket or a round trip?

  “Brock? What time do you get in? I need to let Ty know.”

  Rubbing the back of my neck, I said, “Ten.”

  “Okay then, we’ll talk after you get home. You have some explaining to do. I know I raised better men than this. I don’t think I have to tell you how upset I am with you. Disappointed is a better word to use.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” It was all I could say. I knew every word she spoke was the truth. “Is Lincoln coming—”

  The line went dead. She hadn’t even said goodbye. Or to have a safe trip. Nothing.

  I felt sick. I instantly ran to the side of the building and threw up.

  The moment I stepped out of the airport, I took in lungsful of crisp mountain air. It didn’t take me long to find Ty. He was leaning against his truck, a smug look on his face. As I made my way closer, he pushed off and walked over to the front and climbed into the driver’s seat. I put my stuff in the back and then made my way into the passenger seat.

  “Hey, bro,” I said, shutting the door.

  Ty looked at me and shook his head. Then he pulled out of the parking spot.

  “You want to tell me why you’re pissed at me?”

  He laughed. “I think I’m the last person you need to worry about. Our mother is on a damn tirade and ready to blame you for the collapse of everything right now.”

  “Why?”

  Ty glanced my way, a look of disbelief on his face. “Are you f
or real? You left, Brock. You only said goodbye to Blayze, and you took off for two weeks. And I don’t know what you did to Lincoln, but she walked around town for a solid week in a daze.

  “Kaylee was ready to rip your head off, and since you were nowhere to be found, guess who she came after? Me! That’s right. She unleashed on me about how you broke her best friend’s heart. How all men were dirty, rotten bastards, and how she wanted nothing to do with this town. So then I got pissed, and yelled back at her, telling her she didn’t belong here and needed to take her happy little ass back to Atlanta . . . which was not the right thing to say, because that’s exactly what she did.” His voice went from angry to sad at the end.

  “Why did you tell her to leave?” I asked.

  He took off his cowboy hat and dropped it next to us. “I don’t know. She made me mad. She’s always making me mad, and I have no idea why.”

  “Maybe it’s because you like her and don’t want to admit it.”

  Ty didn’t respond at first before he let out a frustrated sigh and spoke again. “Anyway, when Kaylee said she was going back to Atlanta, Lincoln wasn’t far behind.”

  A heavy thickness grew in my chest, and a feeling of sickness hit my stomach. “For good? Is she going back to Atlanta for good?”

  He shook his head. “No. Lincoln isn’t. I’m not sure about Kaylee, though. Lincoln told Mom she would be back Sunday night.”

  I breathed out a sigh of relief. The thought of not seeing her for another four days gutted me.

  “Warning, though, little brother: I don’t think she’ll be anxious to talk to you. Her sadness turned to anger. When Tanner took them to the airport last night, he said he asked about you, and Lincoln told him you’d made it perfectly clear you were no longer interested in her, and she informed him that she was going to move on—and had a date on Monday night.”

  Balling my fists, I gritted my teeth. “What? Who with?”

  Ty shrugged. “I don’t know, and Tanner didn’t ask.”

  Lincoln has a date? Well, that’s just great. I’ve messed things up more than I thought.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  LINCOLN

  “You sure you’re okay?” I asked, closely watching Kaylee as we stood near the security line at the Atlanta airport.

  “Yes.”

  “I’m going to miss you not being in Hamilton with me.”

  She gave me a warm smile. “I need to get everything settled here, and I promise I’ll be back. Except this time, I plan on finding my own place. It’s time I started to build a new life. Maybe find someone who wants to help with that.” Kaylee waved her hand around in the air and laughed. It didn’t reach her eyes. I knew deep down she had been hurt when Ty told her to leave. She hadn’t been acting the same since that day.

  “Kaylee, he didn’t mean it when he told you to go back to Atlanta.”

  She scoffed. “Who? Ty? Whatever. Okay, I admit I had a crush on him when we got there. He’s the opposite of . . .” Her voice trailed off.

  A sadness swept over her face, but I didn’t get the feeling it was for John. She liked Ty more than she was letting herself believe.

  “I don’t think Ty Shaw is the type of guy who wants to settle down, and that’s okay. I’m not looking for that.”

  Lifting a brow, I sighed. “You’re coming, though? Promise me you’re moving to Hamilton. I know you liked it there.”

  “I did, a lot. That’s why I finally decided it was time to come back home, face reality, and handle my stuff. I’ll be there soon. I promise, Lincoln. Are you going to be okay? Dirk said that they had the next few months off, and that both he and Brock were back home now.”

  I chewed on my lip. The idea of seeing Brock made my heart drop. I wasn’t sure if that was because I wanted to see him or if I didn’t want to risk seeing him. “The idea of seeing Brock is . . . well, I don’t know what it is. I spooked him; I know that. But for him to just leave me like that, to say he couldn’t even try . . . I don’t know if I can risk falling more for him and having him make me feel like that again.”

  She gave me a knowing look. “You said he called.”

  “Yeah, I could hear the sadness in his voice.” Tears threatened to spill. “I’m not sure I’m enough for him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I shook my head, lost in my own confused thoughts. “I don’t know if Brock Shaw is willing to let me into his heart.”

  “He is,” Kaylee said with more confidence than I could muster.

  “Kaylee, all I mentioned was having sex without a condom,” I whispered. “He freaked. He ran so fast from me, it made my head spin.”

  “As much as I love you, and I’m on your side, Lincoln, y’all hadn’t been dating that long. For some guys, that’s a huge step in commitment. For women too. Now add in Brock’s past and imagine what was going through the guy’s head. Not to mention you said he sort of seemed to realize where he was when he looked around the tack room. Maybe the idea of being in there was what freaked him out.”

  I blew out a frustrated breath. “I know; I know. I messed up and shouldn’t have suggested it. Especially knowing how gun shy Brock is. At any rate, I’ve got a date tomorrow night with a really nice guy. I’m not really looking to start dating anyone, but I think I’ll still go. Maybe that’s what I need to move on.”

  Her head tilted as she studied me. “Even though you’re head over heels for Brock? You might not want to admit it, Lincoln, but you’ve fallen in love with him.”

  When I opened my mouth to disagree, nothing came out. Instead, I said, “I’d better go get checked in. I’ll see you soon?”

  She nodded, pulling me in for a hug, and her voice cracked as she replied, “I’ll see you soon.”

  When I walked out of the Hamilton airport a few hours later, I smiled at the sight before me. Tanner Shaw and Chance Miller, his team roping partner, were both there with signs that had my name scrawled across them.

  I shook my head. I’d gotten to know them both pretty well the last two weeks while Brock was MIA. Chance had gotten hurt, so they had taken a few weeks off from the circuit and had been using my corral to practice in.

  “How did you know when I was coming back?” I asked the younger Shaw. He looked so much like his older brothers. The only difference was, he had hazel eyes instead of the blazing blue that Ty and Brock had.

  “Mom. She told us to get our lazy butts up here to pick you up. Plus, she was worried Brock might try to be here, and she wasn’t sure you were ready to see him.”

  I swallowed hard. “Is he still in town?”

  “For now,” Tanner answered.

  “For now?” I asked, trying not to seem like I really cared.

  “He’s riding in a rodeo on Friday night.”

  “A rodeo? Why?” I asked.

  Chance laughed. “It’s for a benefit. They called him and Dirk up and asked if they wouldn’t mind doing it. Help raise money for a little girl in the community who has cancer. With two big names like Dirk and Brock, both in the top five of the PBR, they’ll bring in a lot of money.”

  My chest squeezed at the thought of Dirk and Brock doing that. I knew Brock had mentioned wanting to give his body a rest, and Dirk was ready to be home for a couple of months. “How far away is it—where they’re riding?”

  Tanner took my small bag and put it in the back seat of his truck, next to Chance, while I slipped into the front seat.

  “Ah, hell, not far from us at all, just down the road. Most of Hamilton will be there in support of the little girl,” Tanner stated as he started up his truck.

  “Y’all aren’t riding, are you?”

  Chance sighed. “I’m not, but Tanner’s got him another heeler, so he’ll ride.”

  “Not much on the line. Not doing it for money. It’s mostly just to help the family out. Honestly, it’s Brock and Dirk who will be bringing in the money. Mama said Brock made a donation at the bank the other day, but he told them not to say who it had come from.”

>   My heart melted. “That was sweet of him.”

  “Yeah. I wasn’t supposed to tell you, but if I have to watch my brother mope around another day, I might go insane. He’s been home only a couple of days, but this is crazy. You guys need to make up.”

  Chance leaned forward between Tanner and me. “Yeah, he wasn’t even this depressed when his wife died.”

  “Chance!” I shrieked.

  “What? He wasn’t! He was feeling bad; don’t get me wrong. But this is a hell of a lot different. Ain’t that right, Tanner?”

  Tanner simply shrugged and looked at me.

  I sat up straight. “Well, I still have a date tomorrow night, and I don’t intend on breaking it, so I’m not at all concerned about what’s going on with Brock’s issues.”

  “With who?” Tanner and Chance both asked.

  “Nathan Kesler. It’s nothing serious. He asked me to dinner to get to know me, since I’m new in town and he works for the city.”

  Tanner pulled over to the side of the road and slammed on the brakes of his truck. “Nathan? You’re going out with Nathan?” He laughed and shook his head. “No way in hell are you going out with Nathan Kesler.”

  Folding my arms over my chest, I arched a brow. “And why not?”

  “Nathan Kesler makes Ty and Dirk look like virgins!”

  I rolled my eyes. “I find that hard to believe.”

  “No, I’m being serious, Lincoln. Listen, I like you a lot, and you’re the first girl to pull Brock out of the nightmare he was living in. I want to see you get back together; that’s no secret. But I’m not warning you away from Nathan for selfish reasons. He’s a douche. He’s the city manager, and he’s a dick. Seriously, he treats people like shit, and I can’t tell you how many secretaries he’s banged on his desk and then had to fire because they wanted more.”

  I stared at him while his words settled. I shook my head in disbelief as I replied, “The Nathan I met in my office was a gentleman who asked me to dinner to get to know me, and that was all. It’s nothing serious. I’m not looking for that. It’s bad enough I fell for your brother as hard as I did.”