Say You Love Me

by Johanna Lindsey

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  tion, but the rest, well, as I said, there were debts that needed taking care of."

  She hoped he'd leave it at that, but of course he didn't. "Whose debts did you feel obliged to pay off?" She could lie or avoid the question as she'd done before. But she really didn't want to lie to him any more than she already had, so she fell back on the excuse she'd used previously. "That's a private matter I don't feel comfortable discussing, if you don't mind."

  His expression said he did mind, nor was he dropping it completely. "Is your mother still alive?" "No." "Your father?" 'No. "You've no other relatives?"

  She knew what he was doing, trying to figure out for himself who she might have given the money to, but that was

  information she couldn't afford for him to ever find out, so she said, "Derek, please, this subject is very unpleasant for me. I'd as soon not discuss it."

  At that point he sighed, giving up-for the time being anyway. But then he leaned over and patted her hand. Only that must not have been enough for him, if it was comfort he was trying to offer her, which it seemed to be, because he then pulled her over into his lap.

  Kelsey stiffened slightly, remembering what had happened the last time she had sat thusly. But Derek merely put his arms around her and rested his cheek against her forehead, surrounding her with his pleasant scent and the soothing, steady beat of his heart. "I have a feeling, m'dear, that you and I are going to become very close," he said so softly it was almost a whisper. "So the day will come when you will feel comfortable telling

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  me anything. I'm quite patient, you know. But you'll find I can also be quite determined."

  In other words, this discussion would come up again in

  the near future? "Did I thank you for the carriage you sent me?" she asked him.

  He burst out laughing at her so obvious change of subject.

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  DRESSMAKER DEREK TOOK KELSEY TO WAS CERTAINLY not what she'd been expecting. The woman's establishment was very elegant. Satin couches and chairs filled the front room, where several of her more magnificent formal crea-

  tions were on display, as well as dozens of books featuring the latest in fashions. It was a comfortable room for the gentlemen to wait, if they were so inclined, while their ladies made their selections.

  And ladies did frequent this shop. But then Kelsey found that Mrs. Westerbury had many private fitting rooms, so she had little problem keeping her affluent customers separated from her less savory ones. She was in the business of making money, not casting judgments. She didn't turn down customers just because she might frown on their professions, though she did probably suggest to some that they use the back door rather than the front for their visits.

  But considering that the establishment appeared to cater to the upper crust of London society, Kelsey was no longer sure how Derek would like her to be outfitted. Of course, his

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  bringing her there could simply be because he knew of no

  other dressmakers.

  She decided to leave the matter entirely in his hands and told him so. He hadn't been expecting that, but accepted the responsibility and went off to have a few private words with Mrs. Westerbury. When he came back, it was to tell her he was leaving her in capable hands and would return for her

  in several hours.

  Which told Kelsey absolutely nothing about what she was

  to order, how much she was to order, or anything else. But hopefully the dressmaker had those answers, and hopefully Kelsey wouldn't be too appalled by them. Derek had only looked slightly embarrassed from the encounter, after all, a

  bit of color riding his cheeks. But he'd quickly escaped any further embarrassment, too.

  Mrs. Westerbury soon returned and led Kelsey into the back of her shop for measurements and selections. Not by a

  single look did the woman reveal that she'd been told Kelsey was Derek's mistress and she should be dressed accordingly.

  The measuring didn't take long, with one of the shop as-

  sistants whisking her tape around and along Kelsey's limbs and quickly jotting down notes, chatting amiably all the while. The selection of materials, designs, and accessories, though, could have taken all day, Mrs. Westerbury had so

  much on hand to choose from.

  But there wasn't really a choice. The woman made suggestions, and Kelsey merely nodded or shook her head. And it wasn't as bad as it could have been. The suggestions were

  mostly in vibrant colors and combinations that Kelsey would never have chosen for herself, but at least the actual finished gowns weren't going to be anywhere near as gaudy as that

  red gown had been.

  They weren't quite finished when another customer ar-

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  rived, a beautiful young lady who declined Mrs. Westerbury's assistance, claiming she was only changing the material of the ball gown she'd just ordered. However, she was friendly enough to introduce herself to Kelsey, who would have been extremely rude not to do likewise, uncomfortab@e as it made the dressmaker.

  The young woman made her selection within moments, but she didn't leave immediately. Kelsey didn't realize the', lady was watching her until she spoke up again. "No, no, that color isn't you a'tall. It's much too-well, too green, don't you think? These silvers and blues over here, even the sapphire, would do wonders for'your eyes."

  Kelsey smiled, agreeing wholeheartedly. She had been eyeing that stack of blues in varying shades and materials wistfully. And Mrs. Westerbury was forced to concede the point, with the lady still standing there, awaiting a response to her advice. "Quite right, m'lady," the woman said, and moved to dig out several bolts from the stack, including the bright sapphire velvet, which would make a lovely new spencer and outing dress, and one silver and gray satin brocade for evening wear.

  But the lady still didn't leave, waiting to see what trimmings would be offered for each material. And because of that, Kelsey completed her wardrobe with some very elegant creations that even her mother would have been proud to see her wear. She would have liked to have gone back and changed the earlier selections too, but that would have been pushing her luck. Mrs. Westerbury had her instructions, after all, from the one who would be paying the bill.

  Derek had also arranged for one completed ensemble that she could leave in, as she discovered when she was almost finished. And that had likely cost him quite a bit extra, the gown having to be taken from another customer's order and

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  altered to fit her while she'd been busy with her selections. And obviously, the customer whose order it had been taken from wasn't the kind who'd ever be required to come in through the back door.

  it was a dinner gown in a thick lavender silk with darker, delicate magenta eyelet lace trimming the short puffed sleeves, neckline, high waist, and hem. It came with a matching mantle in the same lavender hue, though of heavy velvet. Wearing it as she returned to the front room, Kelsey felt like her old self again.

  Derek wasn't there yet, but a few other gentlemen were lounging on the couches, and each gave her an admiring glance. That young lady who had offered advice in her se-

  lections was also there. She was just putting on gloves in preparation of leaving, and gave Kelsey a friendly smile. "All done then?" the lady asked cheerfully. She too had noticed those admiring glances, which was possibly why she added, "Perhaps you could use a lift somewhere? My car-

  riage is just outside."

  Kelsey would have loved to say yes. The lady seemed genuinely friendly, and Lord knows, she could use a friend in this large city. But of course she couldn't say yes. Nor could she risk being friends with a member of the ton, who would despise her if she knew what Ke
lsey was.

  So she was forced to say, "'That"s very kind of you, but my escort should be here shortly."

  That should have ended the conversation, but the lady was too friendly for that. "Have we met before?" she asked curiously. "You seem vaguely familiar to me."

  How discerning. Kelsey had been told numerous times how closely she resembled her mother, and her parents had frequently come to London to enjoy the social whirl. "A coincidence perhaps," Kelsey offered. "I doubt we have met, though. This is my first time in London."

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  "You must be quite excited, then." "Intimidated, to be more exact." The lady laughed. "Yes, it is a big town, isn't it? And ve easy to get lost in, until you've been here a few times. Bu here"-and she reached into her reticule to pull out a calling, card, which she handed to Kelsey-"if you should need an

  for assistance, or just feel like having a chat, do stop by at

  t visit. I'm not very far from here, just over on Park Lane, and" will be for another week or so." "I'll keep that in mind," Kelsey said.

  But of course she wouldn't, and for a brief moment. she was heartsick that she couldn't. The young lady could, and obviously did, make friends so easily. A few weeks before, Kelsey could have too, but not anymore.

  She shook off her regret. Bemoaning her new lot in life was pointless. She'd walked into it with open eyes. She just had to learn to live with it.

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  - , MNED FETCHING." Kelsey had smiled, assuming that was a compliment-of sorts. It was all Derek had said when he returned to collect her, and that was after staring at her for a good twenty sec-

  onds first without a word. It made her feel quite beautiful, something she'd rarely felt before.

  In the carriage again, though, he seemed-well, to be having some sort of dilemma as he continued to stare at her. The frown he was wearing finally made her uncomfortable enough to ask, "Is something wrong?" "Do you realize you look like a bloody debutante in them togs?"

  She blushed. She nearly squirmed on her seat. Mostly, she wished he hadn't noticed that. But since he had, it would be prudent to get his mind off it. "And how did I look that night wearing the red gown?" she asked.

  As hoped, his frown smoothed out a bit. He even grinned sheepishly, catching her meaning-or at least she assumed he did. just to make sure ...

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  "There, you see?" she continued. "It's the clothes that g i , e the impression, not the person wearing them. As it hippened, this was the only gown available to alter for me orl such short notice. I believe Mrs. Westerbury was under the impression that anything would do as long as it was suitable for evening." "Yes, I did tell her something to that effect. Well, no matter. just changes my plans somewhat." "What plans were those?" "I thought dinner in some quiet, out-of-the-way place would be just the ticket, but dan-Ln me, hate to waste you looking so spiffy."

  Again she blushed. Compliments from him were really very pleasant, making her feel warm all over. But she certainly didn't want to inconvenience him.

  Reasonably, she said, "Please, you needn't change your plans just because-" "Not a'tall, dear girl," he interrupted. "I've been meaning to check out the new chef at the Albany anyway. And then I thought perhaps a visit to Vauxhall Gardens to top off the evening."

  Even she had heard of Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens, her parents having mentioned it more than once in one light or another. By day, it was quite respectable, with its shaded lanes, vendors, and concerts. But at night, all those narrow lanes with benches were ideal for lovers, and any lady worth her salt wouldn't be caught there after hours. Which, of course, made it a perfect place for a gentleman to take his mistress, she supposed.

  Derek had had other plans as well. It being too early yet for dinner, they visited several more shops, and the carriage became quite full of packages before they were through. Bonnets and shoes, parasols for summer, and he made certain to not forget more negligees, which had been an extremely em-

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  barrassing experience, since he wanted to pick each one himself.

  Kelsey was feeling a bit exhausted by the time they reached the Albany, which turned out to be a hotel on Pic-

  cadilly. The dining room there was lovely, though, and she began to relax with her first glass of wine. The only problem was, Derek was recognized there. But he must have known he would be, because when he introduced her to the two gentlemen who came over, separately, to pay their respects, it was as the widow Langton.

  And the second gentleman was surprised enough to say, "Not the Lady Langton who shot her husband?" Derek was forced to explain that she came from a different family altogether, and the lie sounded much better coming from him than from her. Of course, his not knowing it was a

  lie gave it credence.

  She did ask toward the middle of what turned out to be an excellent dinner, "Why a widow?" "Well, widows tend to do as they please, don't you know, whereas young debutantes, which at the moment you cer-

  tainly appear to be at first, second, and even third glance, require chaperonage. And I'm deuced if I make a good chaperone. Anyone who knows me would quite agree."

  He grinned unrepentantly. "That wouldn't be because you do more seducing than chaperoning, would it?" she teased him. "But of course," he said, his eyes turning lambent witih sensuality.

  But then they were interrupted by a pair he wasn't expecting.

  As both Jeremy Malory and Percy Alden sat down at their table, uninvited, Derek demanded, "How the devil did you find me?"

  It was Percy who answered as he avidly surveyed the food

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  on their plates. "The youngun here had to deliver a note to your Uncle Anthony from his father. That being just down, the street, it was rather hard to miss seeing your carriage out front. By the by, how's the food? Good as they say?"

  Derek looked disgruntled to say the least. "Haven't yo two something better to do this evening?" "Better than eating?" Percy seemed aghast.

  Jeremy chuckled. "Might as well fetch your waiter ove cousin. You don't really want to deny us such lovely co

  pany for dinner, when you can have her to yourself at a

  other time. Have a heart." "He's been pining for the sight of her all week," Percy added in what should have been a whisper but wasn't. "Might as well give in gracefully, old chap."

  The table suddenly jumped as someone kicked someone else under it. With Percy and Jeremy now glaring at each other, it was a good guess who did the kicking.

  Derek sighed. "If you're going to stay, behave." Kelsey had to bring a hand up to hide her smile. Jeremy was beaming now that he'd got his way, and he turned that stunning smile on her. She had forgotten how unbelievably handsome this young man was.

  For several long moments, she was quite dazzled, staring at him, until he asked her, "So how's this clod been treating you, sweetheart?"

  She blushed, and not just because he'd managed to mes- merize her, but because the subject he'd introduced was too

  personal by half.

  But she replied neutrally, "He just today spent an amazing amount of money on me, refurbishing, or rather supplying me with a new wardrobe."

  Jeremy dismissed that with a wave of his hand. "He'd have done that in any case, but how's he treating you? No

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  need for rescuing?" he asked hopefully. "I'd be glad to, you know. if

  The table jumped again. Kelsey couldn't help it, this time

  she laughed aloud, because it was Derek doing the kicking now. And Jeremy wasn't as circumspect as Percy. He howled, drawing dozens of eyes in their direction.

  He also mumbled, "Hell's bells, a simple no would have sufficed."

  Percy chuckled. "Gads, Jeremy, ain't you learned th
at if

  you're going to try to steal someone's lady, you shouldn't do it in front of him?"

  Jeremy snorted. "I wouldn't steal from my own cousin. He knows I was just teasing. Don't you, Derek?" At Derek's stony look, the lad hooted, "I don't believe it! Derek jealous? But you never get jealous." "Better protect the other knee, lad," Percy warned, grinning.

  Jeremy immediately scooted his chair back, nearly toppling it over, and scowling, said, "Bloody hell, I got the point the first time. I'll be wearing it for a week. No need to make it again.//

  To that, Derek shook his head, muttering, "Incorrigible scarnp. f I

  Jeremy heard him and grinned. "Well, of course. Any other way is no fun a'tall."

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  LSEY COULDN'T REMEMBER EVER LAUGHING SO mucli, or having so much fun, as she did that evening with Derek and his friends. The teasing and bantering among them had gone on mercilessly. Derek had aptly termed Jeremy an incorrigible scamp. But she could also tell how fond he was of his cousin, and vice versa.

  Close familial ties were good. She felt them strongly herself, or she wouldn't be where she was now, Her sister' jean, was her responsibility. She loved Jean dearly. She loved her Aunt Elizabeth, too. Uncle Elliott-well, she'd lost what respect she had for him, but she would reserve further judgment until he proved he could be responsible again. And if he couldn't be, after what she had sacrificed, well, she just might take a leaf from her mother's book and find herself a pistol.

  The laughter hadn't ended with dinner. Kelsey had inadvertently mentioned they were going to Vauxhall afterward, and both Jeremy and Percy swore upside and down that that was exactly where they'd intended on going, too. Which was

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  patently untrue, of course. But Derek finally gave up the idea of trying to get rid of them.

  And they had likely regretted their determination to tag along when they were both beset with shivers-though watching their antics to keep warm was hilarious. Derek had brought along a greatcoat, and Kelsey had her velvet mantle, which kept her warm enough with the addition of Derek's arm around her shoulder. But Jeremy and Percy were dressed for going from heated carriage to indoors and back, not for an outdoor excursion late of an evening in the winter.