Say You Love Me

by Johanna Lindsey

  very big one."

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  "Hasn't it occurred to you yet that I don't give a bloody damn if there is?" "You say that now, Derek, but what about later/ when it actually happens? And what about your family, who would also be affected? They'd have something to say about being dragged into that kind of scandal, I'm sure."

  Which gave him the idea to put it to his family ahead of time. His father had just made a monumental announcement about his divorce. Derek could make one about his plans to marry-and find out just which way the wind blew.

  He decided that Christmas dinner was the perfect time to announce his plans, with everyone gathered in the same

  room. The mood was festive. There was a great deal of laughter. But Derek couldn't do it, not when it would spoil the day for at least a few of them.

  But the very next day he didn't hesitate. It was again at dinner. And not quite everyone was present this time. Diana and Clare had returned home that morning with their husbands. Their brother Marshall had left for the day to visit a

  friend in the next shire and hadn't returned yet. And Aunt Roslynn was upstairs attending to a very fussy Judith, who had come down with a cold. But that was all right. A few missing people wouldn't make much difference.

  The rest of the family were gathered, and again the general mood was excellent. The women were discussing holiday recipes, babies, and fashions. James had sent a few digs at Warren, but his brother-in-law had laughed them off, and James didn't seem unduly annoyed. Nicholas and Jeremy were having a good-natured argument about Nick's stallion, which had lost that day at the races.

  Edward and Jason were discussing one of Edward's new investments. They'd apparently made peace over the divorce issue-which Derek took as a good sign. The one nice thing

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  about his family was they didn't carry grudges, at least within the family. There had been one exception, when James had been disowned for a good ten years, but even that had ended amicably.

  So before dessert arrived, Derek stood up and said, "If I may have your attention for a few moments, I have some good news to impart, or at least what I consider good news.

  Some of you may not agree, but"-he shrugged, though he glanced down at the end of the table to his father when he added-"I've decided to marry Kelsey Langton."

  Jason just stared at him, too incredulous for words. Anthony coughed. James rolled his eyes. Jeremy covered his.

  Into the silence of that statement, Georgina said, "That's wonderful, Derek. She seems like a very nice girl."

  And Aunt Charlotte asked, "When do we get to meet her, Derek?"

  Edward, sitting a few seats down from Derek, leaned over and clapped him on the back. "That's splendid, m'boy. Know Jason's been gnashing his teeth over when you'd be settling down."

  Amy, beaming at him from across the table, said, "Why didn't you decide a bit sooner? We could have had a double wedding."

  Jeremy was chuckling and shaking his head at the same

  time. "Wouldn't want to be in your boots just now, cousin."

  Nicholas nodded in complete agreement with that. "He does know how to dig a deep hole, don't he?"

  Reggie poked her elbow into her husband's side and hissed at him, "You should have been this romantic when we met."

  Nicholas frowned at her, then burst out with the realiza-1 tion, "Good God, how did you find out?" drawing several curious looks their way. "Never mind," Reggie whispered. "But I think it's very

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  brave of him to ignore convention and let his heart lead him in this matter." "You would." Nicholas smiled at his wife.

  Derek didn't hear any of that, and he said nothing more. He was still staring at his father, braced for the expected explosion. It didn't come.

  Jason looked furious, no doubt of that, but his tone was quite calm when he said simply, "I forbid it." And that started an uproar. "Goodness, Jason, why ever would you do that?" came from Charlotte. "Sounds like he knows who the wench is, don't it?" James said to Anthony. "That would be my guess," Anthony replied.

  But Edward had heard that and repeated, "'Who she is'? Why, who is she?" "Kelsey is Percival Alden's cousin," Georgina put in helpfully. "Actually, George, she's no relation to Percy a'tall," James told his wife. "I say, can someone tell me what's going on here?" Travis asked in confusion. "Like to know that myself," his father said gruffly, looking toward Jason now.

  "Might be appropriate, puppy, if you add a bit to your announcement," Anthony said to Derek. "You've gone this far, might as well spit the rest out."

  Derek nodded curtly. "It's true that Kelsey isn't Percy's cousin, as some of you supposed. She's my mistress." "Oh. dear," Charlotte said, and took a quick sip of her Wine.

  "Egads, have you flipped your gourd, cousin?" Travis asked incredulously.

  And Amy said to her brother, "Men have been known to

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  marry their mistresses, especially when the lady is otherwise suitable for marriage." "But that ain't the case here, squirt," Jeremy told his cousin.

  At which point Amy mimicked her mother's response. "Oh, dear." "I don't see how that makes a bit of difference," Georgina said. "If he wants to make an honest woman of her, I say good for him."

  James rolled his eyes at that. "You're thinking like an

  American again, George." "I should hope so," Warren said in defense of his sister, giving her a wink. "That might not raise any brows where you come from, Yank," Anthony remarked. "But here it just ain't done."

  Warren shrugged. "So he marries her and moves to America, where it is done. He might just enjoy kicking off the shackles of convention." "It's a thought," Derek agreed, grinning. Not that he would consider it, but ... "I forbid that, too," Jason said. "Well, that settles that, don't it?" James said dryly, because, in fact, it settled nothing.

  Edward pointed that out in case anyone had missed the sarcasm. "He's old enough, Jason, that you can't just forbid it, much as you'd like to. Why don't you try talking some

  sense into him instead?"

  Tight-lipped, Jason nodded curtly, stood up, and left the room. Derek sighed. This was the part he hadn't been looking forward to.

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  N HAD GONE TO HIS STUDY. DEREK ENTERED IT AND closed the door, fully anticipating that this would be one of their louder discussions. And Jason did look like thunderclouds about to burst, standing behind his desk with his hands braced against it. He had restrained himself in the dining room. He wouldn't there.

  Derek made an attempt to forestall the diatribe. "There's nothing you can say that will change my mind. If Kelsey will have me, I'm going to marry her."

  That changed Jason's expression quite a bit. "If?" he asked hopefully.

  Derek's own expression turned chagrined as he admitted, "She's refused me." "Well, thank God for small favors. At least one of you has some sense." "You're saying I have no sense because I love her?" Derek said stiffly. I

  Jason shook his head. "It's all right to love your mistress. Lord knows I do. It's even all right to share your life with her, if you can manage it circumspectly-"

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  "As you have?" "Yes," Jason said, then stressed, "but it is not all right to marry her when you have a responsibility to marry within your class-and you do have that responsibility, Derek, as

  the future Marquis of Haverston." "I know my responsibilities. I also know that it won't be easy, the path I'm choosing. But a scandal is not the end of the world, Father. I am a scandal, have been one since the day I was born. I survived that; I'll survive this."

  Jason sighed. "Why didn't you tell me of this foolishness when we last spoke?" "Because I knew this would be your reaction. But I'm going to follow my heart. I have to. I love her
too much not to. So I will ask her again, and again, until she agrees."

  Jason shook his head. "You're not thinking clearly in this, Derek, but at least she is. And I can hope she will continue to-'/ "Jason!" Molly burst into the room all aflutter. "I just heard that Derek wants to marry ... his..." She fell silent, blushing furiously as she noticed Derek there. "Oh, forgive me, I thought you were alone."

  It was the blushes that gave them away, because Jason was now wearing one, too. "Good God, she's your mistress?" Derek guessed.

  They both said "No!" at the same time, and with too much emphasis.

  Derek just chuckled, not fooled in the least. "Damn me," he said. "Never would've figured it was you, Molly." And then he glanced toward his father, grinning. "You should have married her. I wouldn't have minded calling Molly m'mum, indeed I wouldn't. In fact, she's been more of a mother to me than Frances ever was."

  At which point Molly burst into tears and ran back out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

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  Derek blinked. What had he said? "Bloody hell," he mumbled to himself. "Didn't mean to make her cry." And he looked to Jason for an explanation. "She-er-gets rather emotional during the holidays. Happens every year." "That's too bad. But assure her that I'm not shocked or anything-well, I am shocked. Never would have suspected it was Molly. But I am fond of the old girl. It will just take some getting used to, I suppose." "Why don't you not get used to the idea?" Jason suggested, he thought reasonably. "I would as soon you forget about it entirely."

  Derek grinned, shaking his head. "Can't do that. Puts you in the same boat with the rest of us imperfect males who just can't resist the fairer sex. I rather like that, damn me if I don't." "Bloody hell."

  The discussion hadn't ended in the dining room after Derek and Jason left. If anything, it got more heated after Jeremy let it slip that Derek had bought Kelsey in an auction and explained where that auction had been held.

  Reggie had a devil of a time keeping her promise to Kelsey, but keep it she did. However, knowing the truth, she was in full support of Derek's decision and made no bones about it. Her Uncle Edward was the loudest against it, but that wasn't a bit surprising, conservative as he was.

  That her two youngest uncles were also against it was an-

  noying, though. She knew damn well that if they were faced with the same decision as Derek, they would have done ex-

  actly the same thing, and to hell with public opinion. "She could be the sweetest,'nicest gel this side of creation, and it still wouldn't work," Edward said. "It would be dif-

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  ferent if no one but the family was aware of the facts, but that ain't the case." "She was also quite innocent before Derek got his hands on

  her," Reggie pointed out, perhaps a little too bluntly. "I suppose that makes no difference, either?"

  Edward went red-faced. James chuckled. Jeremy sat up, blinking. "Hell's bells, cousin," the lad said. "The elders are present."

  Reggie was already blushing herself by then, but Anthony further admonished her, "You're too much the romantic, puss. You know Eddie boy is right on the mark. That room full of gents who watched Derek buy her weren't around later to hear if the chit was innocent or not, nor would they bloody well care. But they sure as hell ain't going to forget her. And if Derek ends up marrying her, you think the story of how he got her won't spread even wider?"

  "That was certainly a mouthful, old chap," James said. "Could have just summed it up with the simple fact that the wench will never be accepted by the ton."

  Reggie snorted. "This family has weathered many a scan-

  dal, most of which can be laid at the door of just two of its members." She looked pointedly at Anthony and James as

  she said this, before adding, "I hardly think that one more

  is going to break us." "Won't hurt us a'tall, Regan," James agreed, and for once

  his brothers didn't jump immediately down his throat for using the pet name he had for Regina. "Kelsey is the one

  who won't be able to overcome that sort of scandal, and neither will Derek. Society will shun them both. In my case-

  and Tony's, for that matter-we did the shunning, so it

  didn't bloody well matter to us whether we were accepted or not. But Derek don't feel that way. He's a social creature,

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  always has been. And if Kelsey cares anything at all for the lad, she won't take that away from him." "Quite a mouthful there yourself, brother." Anthony chuckled, to which James merely shrugged.

  But Reggie sighed. Derek hadn't mentioned that Kelsey had refused him, so she couldn't introduce that fact either. And the whole argument was pointless anyway, since Kelsey wasn't going to marry him.

  So she defused the subject by pointing out, "I believe Derek said he wanted to marry Kelsey, not that she had agreed to marry him. She could well refuse him, and that would be the end of that." "Refuse Derek, prime catch that he is?" Edward snorted. "Don't see that happening, 'deed I don't." "It's possible, Uncle Edward," Reggie replied. "You haven't met her, but she strikes me as a very sensitive sort, and not at all grasping. I'd wager that she'd rather leave Derek than cause him any harm. And she'd consider his so-

  cial ruin as harm."

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  EN KELSEY OPENED THE DOOR TO HER ROOM AT THE inn, she was expecting Derek, not his father. And it was definitely his father. Jason Malory introduced himself immediately, leaving no doubt who he was, not that she'd had any. He also marched right into the room without an invite. But he so intimidated Kelsey with his formidable size and his harsh expression that she wasn't about to point that out.

  She was quick to say, "Derek isn't here," hoping that would send him on his way.

  It didn't. And she was so flustered by his presence that she only realized after the fact that she shouldn't have volunteered that information. But obviously he knew. "Yes, I just left him at Haverston," he said. "Figured you'd be nearby, with him as smitten as he is and this the closest inn./I

  She was already blushing as she asked, "Then it's me you wish to see?" "Indeed," he said. "I want to hear what you think of this nonsense." "Ah, which nonsense would that be?"

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  "Derek wanting to marry you.//

  Kelsey gasped. "He told you that?" "He told the whole family that." Kelsey grasped the nearest chair and worked her way into the seat. Could she expire of shame? It certainly felt as if she could. "He shouldn't have done that," she said in almost a whisper. "I agree-but why do you think so?" "Because, as you say, it is nonsense. I have no intention of marrying him. I told him so." "Yes, he mentioned that, too. My concern is, how serious are you in your refusal? Because he isn't going to give up the notion." "If that is all that worries you, Lord Malory, you needn't let it. I am aware of the scandal that marriage would cause, and it's not only Derek I wish to protect from that but my family as well." "Your family?" He frowned. "I wasn't aware that you had any family. Who are they?" "That isn't important," Kelsey told him. "It is enough for you to know that my family means everything to me. I am in this position because-well, that isn't important either, but I knew when I did what I did that I would never be able to marry. Suffice it to say, a scandal of this sort would harm my family as much as it would yours, and I have no intention of letting that happen."

  Jason's expression relaxed considerably. He even looked sOrnewhat embarrassed himself. "I begin to understand," he said gruffly. "I'm sorry there is no solution to this matter. I have a feeling you would have made Derek an excellent wife, if it were possible for him to rnarry you.,/

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  "Thank you. But I will endeavor to make him happywithout marriage."

  Jason sighed. "I neve
r would have wished my own situation on my son-but I'm glad he has you."

  That was the nicest compliment she could have had from him. He didn't stay to embarrass either of them with further sentiments. He rushed off, actually, probably because he didn't want to run into Derek. But she figured that Derek already knew, that he must have seen his father in the hall, when another knock came only minutes after Jason had left.

  But again, it wasn't Derek standing there, nor had Jason decided he had more to say to her. This time it was Derek's mother. But Kelsey didn't realize that at first, not until she had a chance to note how identical a few of their expressions were, how they had the same smile, and how worried the

  woman was.

  "I'm sorry to disturb you at this late hour, Miss Langton," the woman began. "Do I know you?" "No, there's no reason why you should." The woman

  smiled. "I'm Molly Fletcher, the housekeeper at Haverston. I've only just found out about you, and Derek's just found out about his father and me-and, well, I need to talk to him."

  Kelsey was blushing again, furiously. Derek's damned an-

  nouncement had obviously traveled through the servants' quarters already, but ... "You and his father?" The answer came to Kelsey before she got the question out. "Oh! I'm sorry. No need to explain. But Derek isn't here." "He's not? I saw him leave Haverston. I thought surely he was coming to you." "And you assumed I was nearby." "Why, yes, I did."

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  Kelsey shook her head in amazement. Did all men travel with their mistresses? Or was that just standard practice for the Malorys? "Well, if he's not at Haverston, I have no idea where he is." "Then he's gone off to be alone," Molly said, wringing her hands. "I was afraid of this. It's what he always did as a

  child when he was upset. He'd go off alone to brood." "But why would he be upset?" Kelsey asked. "He's been mad with curiosity lately to find out who you were, that is to say, who his father's-well, I would imagine he's relieved to finally know." "He wasn't supposed to know, Miss Langton. He wasn't supposed to ever find out. But since he has, well, I don't want him to think badly of me."