Always Love Me: A Standalone Second Chance Romance

by Derrick, Zoey

  Neither one of us says anything as we drive toward the hospital. I have a sneaking suspicion today is going to be a very long, trying, and emotionally taxing day. It’s clear Rebel feels it, too. She fidgets more with her hands the longer we drive and the closer we get to the hospital.

  I’d been able to hide everything I was feeling in the little bubble of anger I pointed at Skylar for Jax and her keeping him from me. As soon as she was out of my sight on her way to her hotel room, the anticipation kept me going. All the little things between Skylar and I last night, our little tête-à-tête where we pretty much let it all spill out to us falling into bed together. Now that we’re moving past that and closer to the hospital, reality starts to slide in like hot tar.

  Though, I’m no longer angry at her for Jax, I’m still hurt. I’m hurt that I have so much time to make up for with my little man, but I take comfort in knowing I have plenty of time to make it right before he’s truly old enough to remember.

  On some level, I’m still riding on the blissful bubble of knowing that she loves me.

  At least, I was until we got to my house and I saw Randy and Kathy’s house. I let the tour of the houseboat distract me until it consumed me when we came back inside.

  Everything I said to Rebel upstairs, I meant. Kathy has always been there for me, a mother figure when I didn’t have one, and more importantly, when I needed one most.

  My mom was hurting. She was in so much pain that living every day was impossible for her to manage. Living one minute to the next was how she survived, or at the very least, how she managed to keep breathing. The day she ended her life was not her first attempt. In fact, it was her fifth. Until I saw the prescription she swallowed, I’d just assumed whatever she took had knocked her out. At the time, the only thing I could really think was she was finally at peace. She was finally back in Jack’s arms. She was finally happy. No matter how it made me feel, I knew she needed to be happy. I’d hoped like hell she could just hang on a little while longer, then maybe I could have given her something to be happy about. A grandbaby, a daughter-in-law. Something, anything, that would have given her a sense of hope.

  She held out long enough for me to graduate high school, even if I wasn’t yet 18. She held out long enough to know I was fully and completely taken care of.

  I can’t help wondering if Kathy needs to hear that, too. To know that her adopted children—me and Skylar—have found each other, have possibly found a happiness together. To know that neither one of us will let Randy fall into the same trap my mother fell into. If she will take comfort in knowing Randy will be as happy as he can be once she’s gone.

  Kathleen, more than anyone, knows just how difficult the loss of a loved one can be. She lost her parents years ago, then her brother. If it wasn’t for Randy holding her up, I don’t think she would have survived to this point.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Skylar asks, breaking my thoughts.

  I give her a sad smile. “Just thinking about my mother,” I say on a sigh, “And Kathy.”

  She turns in her seat, toward me. “What about them?” Her voice is soft, comforting.

  I swallow hard and breathe in deep before I tell her about Sarah. “My mother, she died by suicide, but when she succeeded, it was her fifth attempt. I hate that I wasn’t home, and I hate myself even more because I didn’t even try to revive her.”

  “Would it have made a difference?” she asks. It’s the same question I’ve spent many moments trying to answer for myself.

  “For who? Her or me?” I counter.

  “For her?” she questions.

  “Yes, because if I’d been able to save her, I would have just been delaying the inevitable. After the first time, I thought she just wanted some attention. So, I got her some help. Granted, I was only 15 at the time. It seemed to help, but then she gave up on going and seemed to continue to give up more and more. She would try four more times over the next year and half. Then something changed in her. I thought maybe she was finally coming around, but now…” I pause, pulling in a deep breath. “Now I think she was just trying to make a huge milestone a happy one for me.”

  “What was that?”

  “Graduation. I graduated about three weeks before she…” I don’t need to explain the rest. “I think she planned it. Quietly. She was doing everything she could to ensure I had a great day. That I was able to celebrate it.” My voice cracks a bit. “Then she waited until she had a fresh prescription, she was drunk out of her mind, and I was out of the house.”

  “Deidrick, I’m sorry,” she breathes.

  “You haven’t called me that…you’ve never called me that.”

  She chortles. “That’s because I could never say it when I was younger.”

  I chuckle softly. “It’s kind of a mouthful, isn’t it?”

  She laughs. “It is.” She settles and sighs.

  “To answer your question, no, it wouldn’t have made a difference. In a way, I was relieved that she’d finally found her peace, her quiet, and ultimately, Jack, again. She also knew I would be taken care of. Between life insurance and the money she hadn’t yet managed to drink away, and the house, I could take care of myself. She also timed it so by the time the hubbub of the autopsy and her funeral was over I’d be 18 and able to be on my own.”

  I finally pull into the hospital’s parking garage and take the ticket before pulling in and finding a place to park. I put the truck into park, and I kill the engine, turning toward Rebel. “It took me a very long time to understand and accept that’s what she was doing. In fact, it wasn’t until I was at Walter Reed after losing my leg that I came to terms with it.” I pinch the bridge of my nose between my fingers. “It wasn’t until I woke up and I saw your damn bunny that I realized I went into the Marines a little boy and I was coming out a broken shell of a man, but a man, nonetheless. A man who had a purpose. Without that purpose? I’d have followed my mother.”

  I don’t see it, but there’s the telltale click of her seatbelt and the ting of metal against glass before she’s in my lap, her hands cupping my cheeks, her eyes burning with intensity and emotion pouring into mine. Tears shimmering in them. “A bunny?”

  “Your bunny,” I remind her.

  “I don’t know how to do this,” she whispers.

  “Yes, you do,” I counter.

  She shakes her head. “No, Xavier, I don’t. I’ve never done this. It’s scary. I’m scared as hell, and I’m fighting every fiber of who I am to stop myself from running again.”

  “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” I murmur.

  “No, but we don’t have that kind of time.”

  “Yes, we do.”

  With that, she slants her lips over mine, and I slide my hands around her, holding her to me. Pulling her in as tight as I can manage. My breathing is a mess. My cock is raging hard, and it takes everything I have not to lay her out on the bench seat and bury myself inside her.

  She whimpers into our kiss.

  Our tongues dance and slide along each other. I release her in favor of the lever that will put my seat back and we slide. I shift, bringing her with me, and I lay her out on the seat. I break our kiss. “I need to me inside you, right now,” I growl.

  “Yes,” she moans.

  Her hands go to the waist of her pants, and she pushes them down. I shift enough to give her some room as I unbutton my jeans, pulling the fly down, and then she’s pushing them down my hips just enough to reach in and pull my cock free.

  “Please?” she mewls, and I line up my cock with her entrance and slam into her.

  “Fuck,” I growl, and I move hard, fast, and quick.

  Not caring that there are probably people and cameras. Not giving three shits that we could be caught at any moment. Only caring about the warm wetness surrounding my cock as I move in and out of her.

  “Oh god,” Rebel moans, then pulls her bottom lip between her teeth the way she did last night and on the boat. I know she’s trying to be quiet.

  I l
ean down, claiming her mouth with mine, and I feel her pussy pulse and clamp down as a flood of fresh warmth slides over me. She freezes up and moans loudly into my mouth as she explodes. I groan. Her release sends me over the edge.

  As my orgasm subsides, all I can think about is how I’ll never be able to look at this truck the same way ever again when she leaves me.

  We get dressed awkwardly and climb out of the truck in silence. When I come around the truck, I take her hand in mine. I’m determined to ignore the last thought that came into my head as we finished.

  The last thing I want to happen right now is for her to run from me, but if I’ve learned anything these last 20 plus years about Skylar Rebel McKay, she doesn’t do emotions, and I’ve just unloaded a shit storm full of them onto her.

  If Kathy pulls through this, we might get through this, but if not…

  “I need a bathroom,” she giggles.

  Giggling is good. “We’ll find one.” I smirk at her.

  Maybe not. Maybe she won’t run.

  Nope, not a chance.

  Skylar

  The truck.

  It was real.

  It was raw.

  It was…fuck, what am I supposed to do now?

  The more time I spend with him, the more vulnerable I see him, the more I feel for him, and I…I wasn’t lying, I have no idea how to do this. To be more than just myself. I learned, adapted easily enough, when Jax was born, but he’s different. Jax depends on me for everything. I love Jax more than my own life. It’s what we do as parents—we love our children.

  Am I really capable of loving another human being like that?

  “Here’s one,” Xavier says when we find a restroom on our way up to the intensive care unit.

  “Thanks,” I say as lightly as I can manage.

  Something shifted in him as we finished in the truck. Realization or just an overwhelming amount of emotion bouncing around between us, I’m not sure.

  I take care of business and clean myself up from our little tryst in the truck and pull myself together as best as I can manage before leaving the room and finding Dirk.

  He’s leaning back against the wall, his hips holding him up, his leg crossed over the other, his hands in his pockets. His hair a mess around his face. There are two nurses passing him and giggling as they look at him. They’re young, attractive, and look like they’re ready to eat him for lunch.

  But his eyes are on me and me alone.

  I look from him to the girls and back before I wiggle my eyebrows at him with a smirk on my face.

  He shakes his head. “Not even close,” he says as he wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side.

  A perfect fit.

  Walking onto the ICU floor brings with it a somber, sober feeling.

  The nurses talk quietly. There’s no one in the hallway. The waiting room we pass has a family gathered around one another, tears spilling from their eyes and sadness radiating off them in waves that can be felt from the hallway as Xavier and I walk past on our way to Kathy’s room.

  When we step into the room, Randy’s sunken, swollen eyes meet mine. There’s heartbreak written all over his face when he looks at me. “Hi, Uncle Randy,” I say softly and leave Xavier’s side in favor of Randy’s.

  “Hi kid,” he says softly.

  I sit next to him. Both his hands are on Kathy, one holding her hand and the other resting gently against her thigh. “Any change?” I ask. He just shakes his head.

  “Has the doctor been in?” Xavier asks.

  “No, the nurse came by about 10 minutes ago, said he’d be by shortly with some test results.”

  I nod, taking in Kathy and her broken state. The bruises that were only beginning to form yesterday are now in full force. Her face, neck, and shoulders are all covered in ugly black, blue, and purple bruises. The gentle hum and release of the ventilator the only sound in the room. “Did you get any sleep?” I ask softly. Randy shakes his head. I gently squeeze his arm, reassuring him that I’m there. “After the doctor comes, would you consider letting Xavier take you home for a bit? Shower, change, take a nap even?” I know the answer, but I really need him to know that we’re both here for him. “I will stay with her.”

  “I don’t…” He doesn’t finish. I know he’s going to argue with me, and I won’t push him to make that kind of decision. I know how much it means to be here with her.

  “Will you at least let me buy you some breakfast?” Xavier asks.

  Randy looks up at him and nods slowly.

  I give Xavier a small smile and nod, thanking him for offering.

  Half an hour later, the doctor leaves us to process his news.

  It’s not good news.

  Kathy’s organs are shutting down.

  They’d said as much yesterday, but I think we were all hoping for some kind of a miracle. But the reality is, Kathy is no longer with us in any form besides physically, and I have to find a way to convince Randy that it’s time to let her go.

  I had followed the doctor out of the room to confirm a few things and what we would need to do if Randy decided to let her go. He explained the process and left me to my thoughts. I take a deep breath before I return to the room.

  I find Dirk comforting Randy where he sobs in the chair next to his beloved wife.

  Tears form in my eyes as I realize the complete and total devastation and exhaustion consuming him. His eyes find mine. “It’s time,” Randy murmurs.

  I nod, unable to find my voice.

  The next few hours fly by in a flurry of activity.

  I call Diem and request that he pick up a few things for Randy before coming to the hospital. We were finally able to convince him to at least take a shower and change his clothes before we set into motion the chain of events that would transpire that day.

  Phone calls are made.

  Kathy’s room turns into a revolving door of visitors coming to pay their respects and say their good-byes. Randy takes comfort with some of his closest friends, so Xavier and I take a step back. Melody and Diem come up to the hospital with Jax, and he occupies our time, attention, and our minds while Randy spends the last few hours with the love of his life.

  By 8:30 that night, she’s gone.

  Chapter 37

  Skylar

  I offered to stay with Randy. He refused.

  I offered him a hotel room so he wouldn’t have to go home alone. He refused. He said he needed to begin accepting that she’s gone, and the only way he was going to be able to do that is to go home.

  We parted in front of the hospital. Diem driving me back to the hotel. Xavier driving Randy home. Neither one of us wanted to have him drive himself home. Xavier promised to stay with him until he knew for sure Randy was going to be alright. We parted with the promise of being at Randy’s in the morning.

  Once in my room, I check on Jax. He’s sound asleep and sleeping sweetly like he always does. His little arms up over his head and a sweet little smile on his face that tells me he’s dreaming of something happy. Melody fills me in on their evening, and then I leave her to rest.

  I finally manage to find the strength to text Ryleigh.

  To Ryleigh: She’s gone. Passed away about 8:10 tonight. After they disconnected the vent, she went quickly.

  From Ryleigh: I’m so sorry hunny. How are you doing?

  To Ryleigh: I’m a damn mess. It doesn’t help that X was at the airport yesterday.

  From Ryleigh: How’d he handle it?

  To Ryleigh: better than I could have ever thought possible. He’s more hurt and upset at the loss of time than he is at me. He hasn’t left my side.

  From Ryleigh: That’s a good thing, Rebs

  To Ryleigh: I know.

  My phone rings, and Ryleigh’s pretty face appears.

  “Hi,” I say answering the phone.

  “Hey,” she says softly, the sadness can’t be hidden. “I thought this warranted a conversation.”

  “Yeah, I don’t know, Rye, I feel like
shit. Not just because of Kathy.”

  “I warned you this would happen.”

  “I know. I tried, Rye, I really did, but I wasn’t ready.”

  “I know that,” she says, “but are you ready now?”

  “No,” I admit.

  “Why?”

  “Because my love is dangerous,” I confess.

  “What do you mean by that?” she grumbles.

  “Everyone I’ve ever loved has died.”

  “That’s not true, and you know it.”

  “Really? My mother, my father, now Kathy. Dirk works in one of the deadliest professions there is. I nearly lost you.”

  “I’m right here, Skye.”

  The tears threaten again, but I blink them back. I’m not ready to break down just yet. “I know, but your threat isn’t over. I’m so scared, Rye.”

  “Stop, there’s nothing you can do, and you’ve given me the best possible protection you possibly could.”

  “No, Diem did that.”

  “You’re paying for it,” she reminds me.

  “Yes, but it’s because you need it. Rye, I can’t lose you.”

  She sighs into the phone. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I know,” I breathe.

  “You need to take a deep breath, Rebs. I know you’re scared, but you can’t let that fear run your life anymore. It’s controlled you for over 20 years. It’s time to let it go.”

  “I don’t know if I can do that,” I confess softly.

  “You need to try.”

  “I will,” I say, and I mean it, though, I don’t know if I can really let it go. The last thing I can stomach right now is the thought of losing Dirk or Randy…that would kill me.

  “Good, now who is picking me up tomorrow?” she asks, changing the subject.

  “Scott, I believe. If not him, then Diem. We’ll be at Randy’s.”

  “Okay, good, then I will see you in the morning.”

  “Thanks, Rye.”

  “Always, sweetheart.”