The Secrets We Keep

by Kimberly Blackadar

Ian, Courtney, and I dance in the middle of the family room of Chris Somebody’s house. Thumping techno encourages me to let loose, and I wave my arms, swirl my hips, and let the music move my body. Ian dances with both of us, keeping unwanted guys from entering our trio. A gyrating jerk tries to hump my backside. Ian shoves him to the side, and I mouth a “thanks.”

  Ian leans over. “This would be a helluva’ lot easier if you had a date to fend off these guys.” He smiles broadly. “Someone like—”

  “No offense, but I don’t want to go out with any of your friends.”

  Ian shakes his head, but I just close my eyes, lifting my arms into the air, feeling the music, letting it erase the people around me. This will be my last night here, my last night living a lie. Tomorrow will be my day of truth. I will wake up and tell Courtney about Tennessee before I drive back to Riverside to face the packing process. Sadness pulls at my stomach. I dance a few more songs until my bladder signals me to stop.

  I slip off the “dance floor” and head down the narrow hall, joining the immobile line of girls. I lean against the wall, wishing I had not waited until the last possible moment. I feel like a little girl, keeping it in, while my father drives along a highway “just a bit longer.”

  Someone taps my shoulder, and I turn to find Vicki, that slutty chick from the burger joint. “You know Ian, right?”

  “Yep,” I answer sharply.

  “Is Ryan here?”

  I shrug, feeling the squeeze of emotions at the mention of his name.

  “Do you know Ryan?”

  I shake my head, not really lying. What I know about him could fill a 3 x 5 notecard, and my knowledge base will never expand beyond a measly ten facts, his three sports, his favorite basketball movie, and his propensity to speak French fluently.

  “Hmm,” she weighs. “I heard he was out with some girl last night. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

  I turn, annoyed. “Vicki, right?” She nods. “Yeah, I was out with him last night, but it doesn’t matter. It’s over now.”

  “Yeah, and why’s that?” She twirls a strand of hair around a finger.

  I push out a breath. “Because I’m geographically undesirable.”

  “Huh?”

  “And you’re intellectually insufficient.” Her mouth gapes open as she decodes my insult. “He’s really, really smart, did you know that?” She shrugs, and I continue, defending Ryan. “I get that he’s hot, but he’s much more than that. And unless you can see him for more than a gorgeous face and some killer abs, then you don’t belong with him either.”

  The door opens in front of me. “Thank God.” I head in, do my business, and exit, giving Vicki one of those mean-girl glares.

  I reenter the family room where it has morphed into couple skate at the roller rink. Slow songs croon from the speakers, and Ian has Courtney wrapped up in his arms. On my way toward the long couch with the other single ladies, some random guy stops me. “Wanna’ dance, babe?” He slurs.

  “No, thanks.”

  I decide to exit the scene, maybe get a breath of fresh air, but I take one look back as I near the French doors. The drunk random guy found some random girl, and they are dancing, real close now.

  I open a door and walk into a conversation on the patio. “Dude!”

  I slip past, unnoticed. “No way, dude.”

  “Yeah, dude.”

  I take the stairs down to the beach and remove my shoes when I reach the bottom step. I carry my strappy sandals in my hand as I stroll toward the water. The whirring winds drown out the conversation on the porch. I amble across the cool night sand as the ocean silences the party behind me. I reach the water’s edge, lost in quiet thoughts for a few glorious minutes.

  *****