Veracity: The Veracity Diaries

by E. M. Bernal

  “Listen Robert maybe we should cool it down for a little bit.”

  “Cool it down?” He asked confused.

  “We agreed to be friends, let’s just stay friends. We just need to stay separate for now.” I suggested.

  “What? WHY?” Robert got upset and sad at the same time.

  “I’m falling in love with you.” He stated without hesitation.

  I stopped and paused to look at him. As beautiful as that sounded I was scared to hear it or have to deal with it. I don’t feel the same and I don’t know how to tell him, but maybe I shouldn’t say anything at all.

  “I do care for you Robert. But, I don’t know right now. Maybe we should wait till graduation.” Those were the only words that come out of my mouth. I didn’t want to lose him at the same time.

  “Don’t do this. I’ll protect you.”

  “This is not a good thing Robert.”

  “Veracity, this is not my fault!” He slightly raised his voice.

  “You could have told me this from the beginning, but you kept it a secret.”

  “It’s not a secret…I just didn’t think it mattered.”

  “I don’t believe that. You knew it mattered.”

  “If you don’t want to talk to me at school, if you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine. I can’t force you to love me back. But, I know you’re not following your heart right now.” Robert stated with deep intensity.

  Robert was right. It was possible that I could love him. But not with all this drama and confusion. Yet, the truth was if I loved Robert, I would not be curious about Ren, regardless of the Drexy issue.

  Robert didn’t know what else to say or do and hugged me.

  “I’m going to go.” Robert said when he pulled himself off me with a dramatic sigh. He kissed my forehead, and I walked him to the door with nothing left to say.

  FALLING IN LOVE

  Diary 10

  It was going to be hard seeing Robert at school, but it was for the best. To my surprise Drexy didn’t utter a word about what happen to anyone. Trisha must have really scared her. Even though I couldn’t make sense of anything, I decided that it didn’t matter. It was probably all in my head anyway from the anxiety I get at times.

  Everyday seemed like the sun was coming up and moonlight coming down within an hour of each other after we parted. But, I filled them up with Unity, studying, reading, music, cleaning and sometimes hanging out with the crowd on weekends. It was the best way to keep my mind off any real matter. But from time to time, I would wonder if he was okay. I sometimes start a text just to erase it and never send. It made me feel better, but then it made me feel worse at the same time. We hardly ran into to each other in the halls because it was easy to avoid him with the size of the school.

  Robert switched classes too after a while, but I understood. We still did see each other at lunch when they didn’t go outside or skip. Still, he kept his word and stayed away. Deep down I was happy that nothing else unusual happened as time went on, and even though Drexy wasn’t nice to me, she simultaneously stopped being mean, which was weird. But, ultimately, again, I was happy the rumor didn’t spread. It made life a little easier.

  In the end of all that drama and reality, my heart always yearned to see Ren again. The mystery that filled my heart was confusing and depressing with a ton of questions. I didn’t know what to do with all these emotions but after reading some books by Stuart Wilde, I decided that prayer was a good source of energy I never tried. The greatest thing about it is that you can do it alone, and considering I’m an expert in solitude, this just might work. I laid flat on my bed and I even placed my hands in prayer mode.

  “Please bring Ren back to me. Let him know I need to know who he is.” I felt a peaceful feeling come over me when my soul begged for that. It felt good to trust that something could hear me. I turned over to crunch my pillow with my blanket to comfort me, and I immediately went into a deep sleep when a dream emerged.

  Soft white smoke was all around following in waves. I was held in Ren’s arms, feeling safe. We were at the garden but when I blinked we were in the dark sky not too far from the moon. It was blissful because we were silent. I was happy. I was calm. But, the dream was too short as my alarm interrupted annoyingly.

  ******

  The next day, the hallways were crazy. Football season is on. Melissa was constantly busy. It was hard to get in a word with her unless we were in class, and even then, the bell rang over and over again when we finally got one sentence out to notify rallies on top of changing classes. Since the school was a maze, as stated, it was easy to avoid Robert in the halls, but on this particular day we crossed paths, and I knew it had to come.

  “Hey.” I smiled. I kept walking hoping he wouldn’t say anything. I didn’t want to cause him anymore pain. Besides, I was wrong for leading him on. I knew it would be hard for me to love because of my parents, and it was wrong for me to have tried. Realizing that, a part of me is glad that I didn’t see Ren anymore too, even though my heart yearns insensibly for him. In the end, my curiosity just kills the cat instead of it flourishing into love like it should.

  Robert stared back at me when I said hello and he followed me to my locker. It was frustrating and sad at the same time.

  “Can we talk?” He hoovered over me. I turned around to look at him.

  “Yes. How are you?” I said in low tone of voice.

  “No, Veracity, how are you?” He counteracted.

  With a deep sigh, I said, “I’m good. Lots of homework this week.”

  I wanted to keep the conversation simple.

  “I miss you…” Robert said, avoiding simple.

  “Hey, I have to go.” I said as I looked away. I wanted it to stop.

  Robert blocked my path, and I had no choice but to look up and face him.

  “Don’t.” I responded quickly with a low voice.

  He moved out of my way and watched me walk off, leaning his head back against my locker.

  ******

  The weekend came too fast. The group was heading to the lake and I needed to force myself to get out of the house to keep my mind off things. It was a little breezy, but the weather was nice. I put on shorts, a thin hoodie and dark black Levi tennis. It was nice to dress down once in a while now.

  I was walking towards the door, waving my mom goodbye when I thought about my red peacoat jacket. I decided to take it just in case. I needed to stop at the grocery store too. I promised the group that I would bring some sodas.

  I got to isle 16 and started to look for a 24 pack of Big Red and Coca-Cola, when I felt someone behind me. But, when I turned around, no one was there. A strange feeling came over me and I grab two cases to get out of the isle quickly. Probably just in my head, but still, it was eerie.

  The cases were heavy, but I still decided to carry them instead of taking a cart, which slowed me down. I paid and headed out at the self-checkout stand. My eyes were mostly fixated on the ground when the sliding doors opened, but when I looked ahead, Ren was leaning against the outside wall staring back at me. I practically dropped the cases. I stared back but with a disappointed look. I was trying to forget our encounters since he had been missing for months, and I didn’t want to act like I cared.

  “Hey, how are you?” I tried to stay in a confidence voice.

  “I’ve been thinking about you.” He said.

  “Hmm.” I smiled and shut down the conversation.

  “I have to go. Meetings some friends.” I said and kept walking.

  “Hey!” He tried to stop me, but I pretended not to hear.

  I got in my car and didn’t look back. I wouldn’t say I was mad, but that coincidence doesn’t change the fact that he disappeared after he asked me out. Besides, I don’t need any more secrets in my life revealing themselves, and it’s probably for the best. I made it to the lake where the party was at and had a blast, trying to forget about Ren. But, in the back of my mind, love was on it. I tried to convince myself that I was g
lad Robert and Ren were both done with. It would probably just end up like Unity and Luke anyway.

  The night ended with us building a small fire and the girls dancing around it.

  ******

  I tried to avoid going anywhere Saturday and Sunday, but I had errands to run for my mom. And, believe it or not, Ren kept showing up in different places all weekend. I ignored as hard as I could, but the guy was like a ghost and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I tried everything, even being as rude as possible, but he didn’t care.

  “Would you stop?” He asked each time.

  “No.” I answered each time.

  A part of me became annoyed. Was he stalking me now? It was starting to get strange, but it was hard to fight the feelings I felt when I was near him. Why is he doing this now? After all this time?

  One of my last stops on Sunday was Walmart. Unity needed some cleaning stuff. I finally got to my car outside of Walmart and there he was standing next to it AGAIN.

  “Ren, stop.”

  “What? Why? You can’t just keep avoiding me?” He replied as if he never disappeared.

  “I just stopped seeing someone and I don’t really have time…” I tried to explain, but he didn’t let me finish.

  “Listen, I have something to tell you. And, it will hopefully not scare you… I’m sorry I disappeared but I thought it was for the best. But now I realize we met for a reason and I can’t fight it anymore.”

  “Fight what?” I asked with confusion.

  “The desire to be with you.” He answered without hesitation. My heart felt that answer because he had me at hello, even though he never said it.

  “Meet me at the garden tonight?” He asked.

  “Are you going to be there this time?” I wondered outload.

  “Yes. I promise. No more disappearing on you.” He assured.

  I tried to hug him, but he stepped back. “Wait, till tonight, okay?” He walked backwards and then turned to walk off. I didn’t know what to think. I abruptly looked away. I was disappointed but turned to put the groceries in my trunk and said goodbye. When I looked back up to see where he parked, again he was gone.

  ******

  I put on some dark jeans with a black and red fitted top, straightened my hair and put make up that made my eyes pop with eyelashes. I wanted to look my best for him but not too obvious, so I only wore flat boots. I was almost ready to go but I needed something to eat first, rushing down stairs, I ran into Unity in the kitchen.

  “Hey mom, I’m heading out.”

  “Oh, where are you headed?” Unity asked while she dug into the refrigerator for something to eat.

  “I have a date.” I grabbed a red apple with a smile from the basket.

  “Oh, how is Robert doing?” Unity asked.

  “No, not Robert.” I replied sadly.

  Unity looked up. “Did you break up?”

  “Mom, we were never together. Robert and I were friends.”

  “Ah…! you could have fooled me…” Unity responded sarcastically.

  “So, who’s the lucky guy?” Unity asked.

  “His name is Ren and he is…” I realized I was at a loss for words.

  “Okay, honey, have a good time.” Unity grabbed her sandwich, staring at her phone. I realized someone was on hold, and she was longer curious, not to my surprise.

  ******

  It was almost night fall and most of the students that go to the garden on Saturday’s didn’t go on Sunday nights. So, it was empty. I got there and the lighting on the flowers were just as beautiful in the evening. I spotted him sitting on a stone bench closer to the back of the garden near that same walkway he took me down. I smiled and walked towards it. Ren returned one and asked me to sit. When I crouched down, he scooted over so I wouldn’t be too close to him as usual.

  “Why do you keep doing that?” I finally had to ask with a tad hint of frustration.

  “Listen, I want you to be opened minded, if possible?” He asked.

  “Are you really going to avoid the question?” I said in a soft but retaliated voice.

  “I’m not. Let me explain.” He answered while he stayed sitting in his spot like he was in a bubble but turned to look into my eyes. His hazel green eyes went well with his bad boy image. He had a perfectly structured face. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t shaved. He skin was a little pale but somehow glowed against his green eyes that luminated by any light. I finally have a type, I thought.

  “I’m about to tell you something that sounds crazy.” Ren started off with that statement but then took a big sigh.

  “What?” My curiosity went wild as I stared at him.

  “I’m dead Veracity.”

  I looked at him waiting for him to finish the joke, but nothing came. I stayed silent. OMG, this guy is crazy. He’s going to murder me. My instincts told me to leave.

  “Okay, I’m leaving.” I said, getting up from the bench.

  “Veracity sit down. Please hear me out.”

  “This is not funny Ren. Why didn’t you look for me like you as promised?” I ask because I still wanted answers.

  “Do you remember when I didn’t respond at the theatre at first, and that I sounded strange?” He asked.

  “Yeah, like right now?” I said and asked with my hands inside my jacket, not sure what to think…

  “I don’t want you to touch me because I don’t know if you can.” He explained.

  “Okay, what does that mean? Do you have a girlfriend Ren?”

  “No. Veracity, I’m not of this world and I want to prove it to you but please don’t be frightened.”

  To be honest I started to become weary of his sanity and I just wanted to leave again. And at this point I was beyond frightened.

  “Please don’t move.” He said and then unexpectedly turned in to a white filtering smoke all around that faded slowly. I frantically looked around, trying very hard not to move. I don’t know what just happened. I realized I was alone with this guy and this was scary. But then, I taught maybe he was a magician or something.

  “REN! Ren!” He reappeared 2 seconds after I yelled his name. “Hey, I’m right here.” He answered, appearing behind me in one solid piece.

  “Is this a game you are playing?” I asked, still frightened.

  “No, Veracity, I’m a ghost… I died when I was 20 years old. I had a heart condition that needed a transplant when I was alive, and they finally found a donor but then I died less than a year later in a car accident. I’ve been living in another dimension, refusing to come back in human form. I’m your specter.”

  “What do you mean come back? A ghost? Wait…I’m confused…” To my surprise I didn’t run or scream. I just stood there, hoping it was a joke.

  “Try to touch me.” He requested by putting his arm out. I reached out to grab his hand but mine went right through it. I immediately made a slight choking sound.

  “This can’t be happening. What is going on?”

  “I don’t know how you can see and hear me, but you can.” He tried to explain.

  I was in shock and I couldn’t speak. I wanted to walk away but I still felt paralyzed.

  “Are any of your family psychics by any chance?” He asked quickly to try to snap me out of my shock.

  “What?” I finally was able to respond.

  “Psychics… They can see the dead. They can talk to the dead.” He said.

  “No! Are you crazy!?!” I still wanted to believe he was playing a joke on me.

  “I’m sorry, Veracity. I don’t know how to explain this.”

  “So, I can’t touch you at all?” I started to accept that maybe this was real and decided to ask more questions.

  “Yes, I can force my energy onto something, if I concentrate hard enough in your dimension but not for long periods of time. Maybe 5-10 minutes or so.”

  “Okay, do it again.” I asked.

  “Do what?” He asked, tilting his head.

  “Come close to me. Make your body go through mine.”
>
  Ren stayed straight face and came closer. My breaths got deeper and deeper because he didn’t look transparent, but he was. His image went right through mine, and when I turned around he was gone in white filtering smoke.

  “Oooo my god, this is not happening.” I said out loud.

  He reappeared on the bench. A filter of white smoke was in the air each time but then faded quickly, like cigarette smoke.

  “I feel a connection with you but if you want me to leave you alone, I understand.” He spoke not looking directly at me. I became frustrated because that this was not explainable.

  “I want to leave. And, don’t follow me. Don’t come near me, do you understand?”

  I didn’t know what else to say or think but I wanted to be alone.

  “Veracity, I’m sorry!” Ren yelled when I ran off.

  I ran towards the gate exit and straight to my car. I slammed the door and locked it immediately, frantically trying to put my keys in the ignition. The unexpected emotions made me realize that real love may never make any sense because I’m literally going crazy. Tears started to flow down my face from the intense confusion when the engine finally turned out.