Veracity: The Veracity Diaries

by E. M. Bernal

  “His name is REN.” I corrected her.

  “He’s a specter, not a human!” Unity yelled out.

  “So what! What does it matter?” I recanted.

  “CLAM DOWN.” My grandmother stood in between as we were five feet apart.

  “Veracity, please tells us what happens when you’re with him.” My grandma asked.

  “Nothing, just teenage stuff.” I said without realizing how that sounded.

  “What?” Unity asked concern.

  “Mom, we can’t touch each other. We just meet and talk about simple stuff. Our life, and that we like each other. Nothing major.”

  “City, did he touch you.” Grandma Amelia corrected me.

  “Well, he hasn’t.” I assured her.

  “Is he trying to harm you in anyway?” Grandma Amelia asked.

  “No, he doesn’t try to harm me. If anything, I think I’m in love with him. For some reason I feel extremely compelled to be with him.” I couldn’t believe I admitted that but today felt like no-hold-backs.

  “Is he trying to make you go to the other side? Did you tell him you tried to commit suicide?”

  Right then, I realized I had told him a lot about me. I was disappointed in myself for opening up to him. I always kept my story to myself about who I am and what I’ve gone through but there I was talking to ghost about my personal problems.

  “Yes.” I answered with a slow timer on those words.

  My mom and grandma looked at each other.

  “Well, I don’t want to make him seem like the bad guy. I told him that voluntarily. It wasn’t like he was asking me a lot of questions or anything.”

  “Explain what he looks like.” Grandma Amelia asked.

  “I explained but they still had no clue who he was. If you guys can see him, can’t I just introduce him?” I asked.

  “Well, they can choose to stay invisible too. It’s not that simple. “Grandma Amelia explained.

  “Okay, what does that mean?”

  “Ghost have powers too. They can disappear and reappear. They can shield themselves from anything. They are not human Veracity.”

  “So, we can’t use powers against each other or against ghost, but we can against humans?”

  “Yes, we can but we can also turn it off and on, so we don’t abuse these powers either.”

  I didn’t want to abuse the powers but what did it mean? But, I decided not to ask that.

  “Why do you want to keep seeing this ghost Veracity?” Unity seemed more worried than Grandma Amelia.

  “I don’t know. I can’t explain it. It is like I’ve known him before. I don’t know…” But, I was tired of explaining something that I couldn’t explain so I took a deep breath to shut the last sentence down.

  I remembered Ren being surprised when he realized I could see him. Maybe he couldn’t shield himself off from me. I need to figure out how to use my powers so when I’m with him I can be with him. There has to be some good that comes out of this. I looked up at both of them when that last thought came over me.

  “Okay, how do I use these powers? And, by the way, I can’t read anyone’s mind. I know that for a fact. When I see Ren, he has to speak to me, I can’t read his mind. And, what did you mean by an out of body experience?” I started to act curious and calm so I could get answers from them to help me with Ren.

  “Obviously, everything hasn’t developed yet Veracity, but it will. And, as for the rest. We have to train you.” Grandma peculiarly said with a smile for some reason.

  “You can train her. You trained me well mom.” Unity agreed.

  “But, like I said, once you master them, you can turn them on and off, so keep that in mind.”

  “What happens when it develops all the way?” I probe more.

  “Well, you’re going to feel the change in your eyes, the way you see things, but most of all you will hear people talking on different energy wave lengths. You will understand more when it comes. I will teach you how to talk telepathically and travel outside of your body when you need to in due time.”

  “Why would I need to?”

  “We live in a strange world, my little City. Whether you use your powers or not is up to you, but it is good to always know how to use them just in case.”

  “This is scary.” I had to say one last time.

  “I know.”

  “We want you to stay away from this ghost Ren for now.” Unity demanded.

  “What? Why?”

  “Because we don’t know what he wants.”

  “He’s not going to hurt me. He would’ve done it already.”

  “Well, he can convince you to go to his dimension.” Grandma Amelia unfortunately agreed with Unity.

  “No, he hasn’t asked me to do that either.”

  The back of mind was everywhere but I realized that in order to be with Ren in his dimension I would have to go to the other side. That would mean suicide and that is too deep. It’s not like I never thought of it before, but it was crazy, stupid, and just delusional to find love this way. Unity indirectly taught me that about Luke, even though he’s human. But, as long as he was out of our lives, I wanted to live and go on with mine. Yet, I couldn’t shake off how much I loved being with Ren. I tried to convince them that at this point it was pointless to stop seeing him, plus he was showing up when he wants to. I really couldn’t control it. It was too frustrating to even think that I would push him out now. Even though they were insisting, I still wasn’t going to allow them to make that decision for me.

  “Grandma, I don’t want to stop seeing him. I feel like I’m falling in love with him and I don’t understand why or how… but I can’t, and I won’t.”

  “We can’t stop you…” Grandma Amelia started to back-off and signaled Unity to stop trying.

  “Let me talk to him.” I suggested.

  “Veracity don’t alert him to us.” Unity blurted out with frustration.

  “Mom, I’m not going to kill myself unless you go back to Luke.” I said sarcastically.

  “You know City, you don’t have to be cruel. Believe it or not, I do love you!” She replied angrily.

  In that moment a memory came crashing in. I remember being in the restroom, crying that my dad wasn’t my dad, or at the age of 12, I was trying to convince myself of that. Even though he really was in my mind. Hearing my mom cry and break things in her room when he left was like hearing bullets fly by my ears. It was a repeated sound every single day. It was the crying and the emotionless mother that I couldn’t understand. I tried to speak to her, but she would hardly look at me. I felt like everything was my fault. I felt like I couldn’t fix it. She would just yell at me to get out of her room. I was so young and confused. So, hearing her say that she loves me now is hard to believe sometimes. My life was starting to take meaning here in Portland, but it feels like I’m back in Denver again. Scared and confused. I didn’t understand how my life had been so meaningless. My friends didn’t seem like friends and I could not talk to anybody. They would call me depressed girl at school, instead of my name. It was a living hell sometimes.

  One night, my mom was so drunk that I called my grandma to come help her, she passed out on the living room floor. I grabbed the rest of the vodka that was spilled over, but still halfway full. I downed 25 sleeping pill and laid in the tub as the vodka rushed through my veins. I could hear my grandma banging on the door, but I couldn’t move anymore, and I felt like I was drifting off. Everything then went black and the next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital.

  After the memory flooded in, I looked back at my grandma.

  “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

  I’m a girl who truly doesn’t fit in this world after all. I thought with sadness.

  “Veracity please…Everything is going to be okay.” My grandma pleaded.

  “No, it’s not! My dad is not my dad. I have physic powers, for FN sakes, who am I? Why am I here?”

  In all of that craziness, I wondered if I would ever
see or meet my real dad when I turned 21.

  I felt like I was going crazy and maybe I should just go be with Ren. Maybe the reason I met him is because I needed to be with him. I feel like finally moving away from Luke was a waste of time now.

  “I’m leaving. Don’t follow me.” I put my red peacoat on and walked quickly to the door, allowing the screen to slam slightly behind me.

  “Let her go Unity. She’ll be back. I’ll get her home.” Grandma Amelia demanded in a soft tone to Unity when I walked out.

  The cold wind hit my face, but I kept walking towards the large trees that connected to my grandma’s open country field and even though I was headed nowhere, I knew Ren might be there.

  FACING THE VERACITY

  Diary 12

  The field had perfectly grazed grass and beautiful tall trees with thick barks, but the leaves were dry and falling. And, they had a pastel orange that captured your eye for more than a second. It was somewhat cold but I loved breathing in the cold air and clenching my coat next to my chest for comfort. It made the thoughts stop.

  I walked far down, away from the field into the wooded area. I was exhausted from walking and I finally fell to the ground in tears. I crossed my legs to put my hands on my head with elbows against my knees. Why did my dad have to die? Why do I have these powers? Why did I meet Ren? One emotionally consuming thought went in and out after each other.

  A voice from behind that sounded so beautiful softly emerged, “I don’t want to see you in pain.” Ren kneeled down.

  I looked up and captured the stare between our eyes.

  “How do you know where I am at all the time?” I asked in a soft voice as I wiped my tears from my eyes and lips, happy to see him.

  “I can use my energy to look for you. The energy is powerful between us. I’m sure you can feel it by now.” He answered.

  I looked at Ren with desire. And, even though I knew Unity and grandma were right, I also knew that I wanted him in my life. All of the confusion was overwhelming but when I was with him, it just seemed not to matter.

  “Maybe I just need to go be with you.”

  “No City. You should stay here. I’ll wait for you till it’s your time. You have your whole life ahead of you.”

  “But I don’t know how to fit in here, and I’m tired of trying Ren. I can’t even make friends without worrying about trusting them. I can’t talk to my mother without assuming she’s going to go back into a deep depression. It makes me feel invisible.” I answered in anguish.

  “Everything that we do on earth in physical form City is to learn something about ourselves and to learn to love again. You can trust again. It will take time, but it will happen. And, you don’t need your dad for that.”

  “He's not my dad.”

  “I’m sorry.” Ren rebutted and he pulled his head back.

  “No, really, he’s not my dad. My real dad is dead. My mom and grandma finally told me. But, leave it up to Unity to be selfish and hide something like that from me.”

  “Unity?” Ren asked.

  “That’s my mom’s name.”

  “Ah…” Ren briefly whispered confirming the understanding.

  “I feel so disconnected from her sometimes.” I explained as a deep breath recanted from my throat.

  Ren concentrated his energy so he could hug me, but within in 3 minutes he wasn’t solid anymore. My body filtered into his as he became particles again, only appearing solid. It was exhausting not being able to touch him. A sigh gasped as the change gripped my soul.

  “It doesn’t matter. I want to be you Ren.” I changed the subject back.

  “We are here together.” He said to comfort me.

  “No, this is not together Ren. You’re in one world and I’m in another. We can’t live this way.”

  “Veracity, I can’t go back to being human unless I reincarnate, so this is our only choice.”

  “I know that it won’t work with me in human form. I get that…but it’s not just you, it’s me. I don’t want to be here. I never really have.”

  “I’m not going to tell you what to do, but you have family that loves you here. Don’t cause them pain if you don’t have to.” Ren softly demanded.

  I let out a sigh because I knew he was right and it was best to change the subject. Talking about suicide sounds crazy and I didn’t need any confirmation of my desire to die sometimes. But, then again, energy never dies as it seems.

  “So, you were right. I’m psychic and that is why I can see and hear you. I have powers that I don’t know how to use yet. My grandma mentioned I could have an out of body experience and read minds too, but I just don’t know how.”

  “Well, if you can see me, then you have more power than you know.” Ren suggested.

  “My grandma offered to train me.” I said with small specs of hope in my eyes.

  “Do it.” He said and his energy concentrated to grab my chin, meeting me eye to eye.

  “Train, Veracity.” Ren encouraged and nodded his head.

  He stared at me with an intensity that made me into putty. We began to kiss for as long as we could. The passion between us had to be love. I never knew what love felt like, but this had to be it. It’s so intense.

  A white smoke filled the air. Again, he couldn’t hold the energy for so long.

  “Get home Veracity. I’ll see you soon.”

  “I’ll miss you.” I said to him with no hesitation.

  I knew my grandma and my mom were wrong about him. He’s not trying to hurt me. We just care very much for each other, regardless of us being from different worlds.

  I started to walk back when the sun started to dim across the field. Even though I walked back alone, I could feel Ren’s presence behind me until I was safe at my grandma’s front porch.

  When I got back to my grandma’s, I didn’t say much. She offered to take me home without any more fuss of anything further. Thankfully.

  ******

  The next month or so, Ren came to my room every night. Even though we couldn’t touch for very long, we talked for hours, but most of all, we laughed. To my surprise I could sense everything about him. I could sense his smell, his touch and his emotional affection for me. We listened to music, and he tried to concentrate his energy to dance with me a few times, which between the white smoke and the bad moves, it was taunting. But, it was the most peaceful feeling in the world.

  Unity was gone most days and after finding out about my father I couldn’t care less where she was. But, when she was around, her and my grandma kept bugging me to train to figure out how to control my powers. Grandma Amelia also reminded me that she wanted me to talk to her friend, so we could figure out why I developed them early, but I didn’t want to. I was too scared, and I didn’t care anymore. Unity asked me a few times about Ren. I lied and said he disappeared again, so she would leave it alone. I was not ready to tell them the truth about anything.

  I did wonder if I would ever be able to see my dad from the other dimension at 21. I wondered what my dad’s name was. My last name is Clarvoy like my mom’s side family. Luke had a different last name and he “happen” to be out of town working when I was born, so, he couldn’t sign the papers. Another lie Unity made up. I wasn’t mad at her though and even though I’m definitely hurt, I know she is not mentally stable because of him, and I need to forgive her and in time I will.

  ******

  School seem to be passing by fast, and my grades were still going strong, even with Ren on my mind. Robert would text or try to stop me in the halls at school, but I would ignore the text or barely say two words to him to keep my distance. There was no way I could explain anything about Ren, and even though I still care about him, I’m not right for him. He needs to be with an average human, like himself.

  ******

  The encounters with Ren became normal but we always had to be alone. Talking out loud would make someone think I’m crazy. I sometimes wondered how this could last. How could I be with someone in this world I couldn’
t really be with? I wanted him to do real things with me but if I continue this path, this will be the only thing we will be able to do. Just talk. Time with Ren made me start to realize that I needed to try to get to the other side without really being there. Just to make things easier, I guess. I needed to learn how to use and control my powers.

  ******

  After school, I decided to call my grandma after some serious thought.

  “Grandma?”

  “Hello my little City.”

  “I’m ready.”

  “I’m ready when you are.” Grandma Amelia confirmed her excitement and sounded like she expected my call.

  “One question.” I asked.

  “Yes?” Grandma Amelia excitedly asked.

  “If I travel outside of my body. Would I be in another dimension?”

  “City, just spit out the real question dear.”

  “Can I be with Ren?”

  A pause happened on her side. She sighed.

  “Yes. But, City, please beware your body will still be here, and it needs to be protected.”

  My eyes lit up and my heart was pounding. I think I just found a way to make us better. I immediately went to my room and chanted Ren’s name until he appeared. A white smoke filled the space, and I could hear his voice.