Best Friends Don't Kiss

by Max Monroe

  “Thanks, Trev.”

  After we end the call, all I can do is stand there, staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and wondering if I’ve somehow screwed things up by not telling Ava about NASA yet.

  Fucking hell.

  At quarter till three in the morning, I hop out of the stretch limo and head toward the front porch of Ava’s parents’ house.

  The night consisted of fifteen guys, lots of beer and shots, and a pub crawl that ended at a shady strip club on the outskirts of town. Not to mention, me realizing that in order for everyone to come out of this night alive, I needed to stop drinking and play babysitter.

  Truthfully, I’m thrilled it’s over.

  “I’m getting married, Luke!” Zach shouts, half of his body hanging out the sunroof of the stretch limo. “I’m getting fucking married!”

  “You are,” I respond, but understanding that it’s almost three in the morning and we’re in the middle of suburbia, my voice is more of a whisper than anything else. “Now, how about you go home to your beautiful bride-to-be and celebrate?”

  “Holy shit, you’re brilliant!” he shouts again. “Fucking brilliant! I’m going to sex Kate so hard tonight!”

  I cringe a little over the fact that he’s shouting that just outside of Kate’s parents’ house but figure it’s best if I just get inside the house, so he’s not tempted to keep yelling crazy shit toward me.

  My fingers tap across the keypad on the garage, and I wave toward the limo driver once I’m stepping inside. As soon as the door shuts, I head into the house and, thankfully, find it to be completely silent and dark.

  Quietly, I head upstairs, more than ready to climb into bed.

  But when I step into Ava’s bedroom, shutting the door behind me, I’m shocked to find a naked Ava sprawled out over the comforter and sheets.

  Goddamn. She’s beautiful.

  And apparently, very awake. Her blue eyes meet mine, and a slow, slightly lazy, definitely sexy smile spreads across her lips.

  “I’ve been waiting for you,” she says, and I can tell by her eyes that she’s definitely had a few drinks tonight. Not outright drunk, but certainly buzzed.

  “Is that right, Ace? You’ve been waiting for me?”

  “That’s right.” She nods and sits up on the mattress, her knees slightly spread and her feet tucked beneath her bare ass. “Get naked, Luke.”

  Well, fuck.

  “A little bossy tonight, aren’t we?” I question, but my cock has already made the decision for me, hardening beneath the zipper of my jeans.

  Without delay, I slip off my T-shirt, my boots and socks, then my jeans and boxers.

  “Yes, please,” Ava whispers, staring at my cock. “Get in bed with me, Luke.”

  I smirk at that, but I don’t falter to oblige her request. I climb into bed beside her and pull her sexy little body over mine.

  She giggles and grins and spreads her thighs over my hips so that my cock rubs against the spot where she’s already warm and wet.

  Fuck, she feels so good.

  Ava kisses me, her lips frantic and greedy, and I moan, my fingers gripping her hips in excitement. She rubs her body against mine, desperate for me to slip my cock inside her, but I choose to spread it out, delay the gratification.

  “I’ve been waiting all night for this,” she whispers against my mouth.

  “Me too.”

  “Let’s do this forever, Luke.” Her blue eyes meet mine. “Me and you and a lifetime of just doing this.”

  And for the second time in the span of twenty-four hours, those words are the dart, and my heart is the fucking bull’s-eye. The impact is staggering and serves as a painful reminder of everything I haven’t told her. The fact that she is going on the assumption that once we leave Vermont, we’re both headed back to New York without any other plans. Not the reality that I’ll only be in New York for a few short days before I’ll be leaving. For good.

  Fuck.

  The pain is acute and urges a knot to form in my throat.

  I want her so bad.

  I need her so bad.

  She is the fucking world to me. I’m certain I’ve loved Ava for a very, very long time, probably since that first day, when she came barreling into my life. But I can’t do this, right now, with her, no matter how badly I want her.

  It just feels wrong, like I’m purposely lying to her.

  So, I do what feels like the impossible.

  I don’t let us have sex.

  Instead, I do my best to convince her that I’m tired, turn us on our sides, and keep her body cuddled against mine until we both fall asleep.

  Thankfully, her slightly inebriated state makes it easy to persuade her.

  But my stone-cold sober state does me zero good.

  For hours, I lie wide awake, thinking about the fact that tomorrow I have to tell her the truth.

  December 29th

  Ava

  The morning starts off…strange.

  There’s no cuddling or sweet kisses or soft and sleepy smiles.

  Luke is out of bed before me, already in the bathroom brushing his teeth. And when I slide out of bed to greet him, he hardly reacts. Just a simple peck to my forehead and then he’s off again, out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom, leaving me standing there feeling…confused.

  I try to brush it off, I really do, but memories of last night filter into my brain and remind me that it isn’t just this morning. He’s been off since he got back from Zach’s bachelor party late last night.

  I pretty much threw myself at him, and at first, he seemed into it, even taking his clothes off to get in bed with me. But as things got more heated, something changed, and he just shut down, putting the kibosh on sex by giving an excuse of being tired.

  Which, fine. I mean, it was like three in the morning, and I was definitely a bit buzzed from all the booze and Kate’s bachelorette party. Truthfully, my alcohol-fogged brain didn’t even think too much about it before drifting off to sleep.

  Until now.

  I step out of the bathroom and find Luke sitting on my bed, scrolling through something on his phone.

  “What do you want to do today?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

  But all I get back is a shrug, and it feels like he can’t even meet my eyes.

  When I look at him closer, I note that his normally lively eyes and easy smile have been replaced by dark circles and a firm mouth.

  “Luke, what’s going on?” The words blurt out of my mouth before I can stop them.

  That makes him look up to meet my eyes. “What do you mean?”

  “You know what I mean,” I retort. “You’ve been acting weird ever since you got back from Zach’s bachelor party last night.”

  He just sits there, looking at me, his eyes glazing over with something that resembles guilt. Or is it apology? I don’t know what it is, but the longer the silence stretches out between us, and each second that passes without him giving any sort of explanation, I start to second-guess myself.

  Did I do something wrong?

  Have things between us gone too fast?

  Does he regret it? Does he regret me?

  That last question chokes the breath out of me, wrapping its persistent hands around my throat and urging tears to prick my eyes.

  “What’s happening right now?” I whisper, my voice so tiny. “Did I… Do you…” I pause, unable to even get the words out.

  “Ava.” He says my name, immediately shaking his head. “No. Don’t you dare try to make yourself feel like you’ve done something wrong.”

  “But if it’s not me, then what is it?” I ask, and in that moment, all of my worst fears fill up my mind.

  Maybe he’s realized that this isn’t what he wants, that I’m not what he wants.

  Maybe he just wants to be friends with me.

  Maybe—

  “Ava, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  He has something to tell me. On the surface, those words s
ound so simple. But somehow, they are a finger on the trigger, quickly pulling back and firing the ultimate emotional blow.

  Do not cry. Don’t you dare get all emotional and dramatic and cry.

  “Okay,” I say, but I shut my eyes closed tight, using my lids as a dam against my tears.

  “I got in.”

  My eyes pop open, and I search his cautious gaze for more.

  “NASA selected me for the program,” he adds, but his voice is so quiet, so…not at all how I’d expect it to be when he’s telling me this life-changing, he-just-achieved-all-of-his-dreams news.

  I just stare at him for the longest moment, trying to understand why he looks like he just read off an obituary, instead of telling me what should be the greatest success of his life.

  A sigh escapes his lungs, and he fixates his gaze on the carpet.

  “Luke?” I walk over toward him until my knees bump against his. “Why do I get the sense there’s more to this than what you’re saying?” I question. “Because this is really huge, unbelievably fantastic news, but you’re acting like it’s not.”

  “Because I’ve known about it for a while.” He sighs again and reaches out to grip my hips with his fingers, his gaze eventually lifting to meet mine.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve known since November.”

  “November?” I question.

  “I got the call on November 17th.”

  My mind reels. “You’ve known that long, and you didn’t tell me?”

  “I’m so sorry, Ava.”

  “But why…?” I question and glance around the room in confusion. “I don’t understand. We always tell each other everything. We’re each other’s biggest fans, Luke,” I challenge. “Why on earth wouldn’t you tell me?”

  “I wanted to. I did. I just didn’t want to ruin… I didn’t want to turn good news sour.”

  Tears burn in my nose with deep, real hurt. Somehow, somewhere, I must have gone really wrong in our friendship if Luke thought sharing the best accomplishment of his life with me would turn it bad.

  I try to clear my head and focus on the details. “When does the program start?”

  “January 5th.”

  My stomach drops out and my head spins, and all of a sudden, I feel like breathing is an incredibly difficult thing to achieve. “Th-that soon?”

  “Ava, I’m so sorry,” he says and stands up to move closer to me. When he tries to wrap his arms around my shoulders, I back away. My emotions and thoughts are too scattered and intense to be able to handle such close proximity.

  “Don’t,” I whisper and hold up both of my hands. “Just…don’t.”

  “I know I should’ve told you sooner. Fuck, I wanted to tell you sooner, but every damn time I tried, I just couldn’t do it.”

  A civil war erupts inside my body, my mind and my heart completely at odds and battling each other for the win.

  Rationally, I know I should be happy for him. Like, really fucking happy for him. And I should be congratulating him and telling him how proud I am of him.

  But it’s really hard to do that when he’s known since November that he got accepted into the program, and he didn’t tell me. He’s known since November that he’ll be leaving New York and moving across the fucking country.

  He’s known since before he offered to play the role of my boyfriend.

  He’s known since before he came to Vermont with me.

  He’s known since before he kissed me.

  Before he touched me.

  Before he slid inside me for the first time. And the second time.

  He’s known this whole time, and he still let me fall for him in a way that I don’t know how I’m going to stand a life without him.

  Yet, that’s what I’m going to have to imagine.

  Because he’s leaving New York.

  He’s leaving me.

  Luke

  Tears fall down Ava’s cheeks, and I feel like someone has reached inside my body and yanked my heart right the fuck out of my chest. The mere idea of hurting her is abhorrent. It is the very last thing I ever want to do, but fuck, even if it wasn’t intentional, that’s exactly what I’ve done. I’ve hurt her.

  All throughout our friendship, trust and honesty and communication have always been at the foundation. And what I’ve done, keeping this a secret from her for as long as I did, goes against all that.

  “Ava, I’m so sorry,” I repeat, and she just shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest and staring down at the ground.

  “Why did you hide that from me?” she asks, her voice so fucking small it makes my chest feel like it might crack in half. “I know I’ve even asked you since then if you’ve heard anything, and you straight up lied to me.”

  She’s right.

  “I know I did, and I never should’ve done that,” I answer, silently wishing I could wrap her up in my arms. But I can’t because that isn’t what she wants. If anything, she looks like she wants to run out of this room and away from me. “Every time I tried to tell you, I just couldn’t get the words out.”

  She goes quiet for the longest moment, and I just stand there, waiting patiently, giving her time to digest all this, to process her emotions.

  “And now what?” she eventually questions. “Now we go back to New York, and in mere days, you leave for Houston, and then…? That’s it? We’re done?”

  Done? Fuck, that’s not what I want at all.

  But my mind is having a hard time processing what is the right thing to do.

  Ava’s whole life, her career, is in New York. The whole reason she moved to New York was to follow her dreams of becoming an artist.

  So, because of my career, I’m supposed to ask her to give up on hers?

  I’m supposed to ask her to just move to Houston with me?

  That feels so wrong, it’s not even funny.

  “I…” I pause, trying to find the right words to express how I feel. But my silence doesn’t help the situation. If anything, it only hurts her more.

  “I feel like you’ve strung me along, made me fall in fucking love with you, and then you’re just going to up and leave. Just fucking walk away.”

  “Ava, I’ve fallen for you too,” I whisper. “And trust me, that’s not what I want.”

  “Trust you? That feels like a very hard thing to do right now, Luke,” she says angrily. “And if that’s not what you want, what do you want? Because, I’ll be honest, it’s all pretty fucking hard to understand right now.”

  She’s so worked up. Too worked up.

  And it feels like no matter what I say, she’s not actually going to hear it.

  Her mind is too busy trying to process the fact that I betrayed her. That I lied to her. That I hid something from her. Me, the one person who never hides anything from her, broke her trust.

  “Ava, let’s just calm down and try to talk this through,” I say, my voice soft and gentle.

  “No.” Tears well up in her eyes. “You know what? Why don’t you just leave? I think that’s probably best.”

  Her words feel like a punch to the gut. “What?”

  “I think you should go, Luke,” she retorts, and more tears spill down her cheeks. “I mean, you probably have so much to do to get ready for your big move to Houston.”

  “Wait…you want me to actually leave?” I question, shock consuming me. “Like, leave Vermont and go back to New York? Without you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Ava…” I start to ask, but I don’t even know where to begin. I can tell her emotions are scattered all over the fucking place. And let’s be real, being a flight risk is what she’s known for. When things get too scary or too intense or too daunting, she runs.

  Even she knows that fact.

  “Just go, Luke. I’m overwhelmed and confused, and I need space from you. I can go to my sister’s wedding by myself, and when I get back to New York, we’ll talk.”

  “Don’t do this, Ace.” I reach out toward her, but it’s useles
s; she steps away from me. “Please don’t do this.”

  “Don’t do what, Luke?” she spits back. “What am I doing?”

  “Pushing me away.”

  “Says the guy who led me on for weeks, knowing that soon, he would be moving across the fucking country.”

  “You know that wasn’t what I was doing. You know—”

  “I know that you lied to me.” She shakes her head. “That’s what I know.”

  Fuck. “Ava, don’t make it like this.”

  “Actually, you made it like this,” she retorts and grabs her purse off the nightstand. “And if you don’t mind, I’m going to take my dad’s truck and get some fresh air. Have a safe flight back to New York.”

  “You’re fucking serious?” I question. “You just want me to leave? Like, right now? Without you?”

  “Yes, that’s what I want. I need space to get my head together. I’ll see you in New York in a few days.”

  I just stand there, and it feels like my jaw drops through the fucking floor.

  And then she up and walks out of the bedroom.

  I hear her footsteps move down the stairs and the front door slam shut and the engine of her father’s truck start up.

  And when I look out the window, I have the painful view of her leaving.

  Leaving her parents’ driveway.

  Leaving me.

  December 30th

  Ava

  “Oh Ava, honey, have you lost weight?” my aunt Lily asks as she checks the fit on my bridesmaid dress. I stand on a step stool in the middle of my parents’ living room, and her fingers tug and pinch at the fabric around my waist.

  Considering I haven’t been able to eat anything since I told Luke to leave yesterday morning, it’s possible I’ve lost a pound or two.

  But I don’t tell her any of that.

  “I don’t think so,” I lie out of self-preservation. There is no way in hell I’m going to tell her what’s really happened. For all my family knows, Luke had to leave yesterday because he was called in to work because another pilot was sick.

  Why do they know that? Because that’s what I told them when my dad noticed he hadn’t seen Luke around and wanted to thank him for finishing up his Christmas décor cleanup.