A Time of Anarchy- Mayan's Story

by Roberta Kagan

  Chapter 11

  May had won, but it felt like a hollow victory. She would be allowed to work, and have her own money, but she could not deny her dependence on Red. It was only with his permission that she was able to accomplish even this small achievement. In her mind, she’d gone from her parents’ control, which was neglectful, to Red’s, which was overpowering. If only she could earn enough money to run away on her own. When she’d originally left home, she’d been sure that Eve would go with her, and that Eve would know what to do. But now, she knew better, and so she must find a way to survive without anyone’s help. The entire prospect terrified her. But so did the idea of marrying Red.

  May had no employable skills. She could not even type. This limited her possibilities for work. She applied at a women’s clothing store, but they’d stared at her as if she was from another planet. Without saying a word, their stares reminded her that she was not in their class. The two women who were working when she entered both looked her up and down, shaking their heads slightly as if they’d seen an urchin from the Salvation Army.

  “I’m sorry,” a woman in her early twenties, with golden brown hair in a perfect page boy and gold hoop earrings, said. “We have no openings.”

  “There’s a sign in the window that says you’re looking for sales girls.”

  “Yes.” The page boy looked at the other worker and rolled her eyes. “But we just hired someone else. Sorry.”

  “Thanks anyway,” May said.

  In what she wore, she would be nothing but an embarrassment to their customers. Before she left the store, May turned around and glared back at the women. She knew she was prettier, but they had been blessed with privilege, a way of life she’d never known.

  Three blocks from the apartment was a hamburger stand. Many times May had eaten there, or the guys had brought back food. In front, a huge sign on a big wooden post read: “Cleve’s Burgers, 15 cents each. 20 cents with cheese. Gynormous Milk Shakes, only 30 cents.”

  There was no “Help Wanted” sign in the window, but May decided to try.

  A tall, solidly-built black man stood at the counter when May walked in.

  “Hi. I was wondering if you needed any help here,” she asked.

  “We always be needin’ help here.” His smile reached all the way to his eyes. “My name’s Cleveland; this is my place.”

  “Hi, Cleveland. I’m May.”

  “How old are you?”

  “Just turned sixteen.”

  “Okay, good, so you don’t need no workers permit, but you will be needin’ your Social Security card. You know how to count change?”

  “Sure, I think so.”

  “Good, I can train you on the register. You got a Social Security number, right?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “You gotta send away for one. I can’t hire you officially until you get your Social Security card. I’ll just pay you under the table ‘til we have the papers. Then, after we get all your legal stuff situated, we can take out taxes and stuff like that. How does 85 cents an hour sound?”

  “Far out!”

  “Okay, good,” Cleve said. “Can you start Monday? Say about ten in the morning? First, I’ll show you the prep work. We gotta do some prepping so everything’s ready before the customers come. Then I’ll train you on the lunch rush.”

  “I’ll be here!” May was so excited she could hardly contain herself. Now she would have money of her own. An income. It might not be much, but it would add up. She would save and save, until she could leave and be free at last.

  Chapter 12

  When May arrived back at the apartment, she turned the key in the lock. After she dropped her purse on the table, she turned around. For a moment, she was stopped dead in her tracks, stunned and a little frightened to find a strange man sitting on the couch. He was attractive, at least 6 feet tall, and slender, with long agile muscles like a swimmer, dark hair and eyes, with lightly tanned skin.

  Red walked out of the bathroom. His face crinkled into big smile, and his eyes were bright, almost childlike.

  “Baby, this is my brother. He just came back from ‘Nam. His real name is Sam, but we all call him Cricket.”

  “Cricket?”

  “Yeah, cause when we was kids, he used to listen to the sounds of the crickets outside, and from what he heard, he could tell you what the weather was gonna be like the next day. All the kids used ta ask him if it was gonna rain.”

  “Groovy. Was he always right?”

  “Never,” Red said, and laughed. The man called Cricket cracked a warm smile.

  May smiled. “Hi Cricket. Nice to meet you.”

  “Yeah, nice to meet you, too,” Cricket said, and turned his head around to look directly at May. Their eyes met. It was as if they were held together by an invisible bond for a long moment.

  “Ya know that Triumph 650 at the clubhouse? That’s Cricket’s. I told him we don’t ride nothin’ but Harleys in the Brood, but he wanted ‘The Gentleman’s Motorcycle.’ Didn’t ya?” Red laughed. “Aw, hell, I’m so glad you come back from ‘Nam in one piece, I wouldn’t even give a shit if you rode a rice burner.”

  Snapping back to reality, May turned away from Cricket quickly. A soft, rose-colored blush had risen up her neck. She glanced quickly at Red to be sure he had not noticed. But he seemed oblivious.

  “Cricket’s gonna stay here with us for a while.” Red patted his brother’s shoulder. Then he smiled at May, who hid her eyes from him by turning away.

  Chapter 13

  One night the two brothers sat talking while May was in the kitchen making dinner. She chopped lettuce and cucumbers. She would make a salad for herself and hamburgers with chips for the guys.

  “They trained me as a medic in the army,” Cricket said. “I think I’m gonna get a job working at a hospital as a tech or nurse’s assistant. Shit, sometimes when I was in the field, I was the only one with any training at all. I had to act like a doctor.”

  “That should be good for us. When we go on our run to meet with the Evil Brothers, we might need your services,” Red said.

  “That’s what I want to talk to you about, Red. I don’t want to go on gang runs anymore. I’ve seen enough blood and death to last me ten lifetimes. I’ve had it.”

  “Bullshit. You’re a Brood. You’re my brother. Of course you’re gonna go with us. You just got home. Take a few weeks and relax. You’ll get back into it. And when we go on the run, you’ll be right there next to me…my second in command, like always,” Red said.

  “I’m not going Red. I’ll help you if I can, if anyone gets hurt. But I’m done with guns and knives and fighting. I’ve seen things I can’t even stand to talk about.”

  May watched as Red studied his brother.

  “You look older Crick. A hell of a lot older than you did when you left. If I’m right you’re still only twenty-two,” Red said.

  “Yeah, you’re right. I’m twenty-two. But I feel like a hundred and twenty-two. Listen Red, I can’t live this gang life anymore. You gotta try and understand.” His facial features were young, and his eyes were bright and clear, but when May looked deeper she saw that they were filled with painful, untold secrets.

  “Yeah, all right. The run isn’t for three months. But, if you don’t wanna go, you don’t have to. Take your time getting yourself used to being home again. You can come with us next year.”

  “Thanks, Red,” Cricket said. “I’m gonna get a job. I see you gotta girl now. So as soon as I can get on my feet, I’ll move out.” Cricket cast a fast glance at May. She saw the desire flash in his eyes. Then he quickly looked away. “Yeah, I won’t stay too long. I’ll only be in the way here,” Cricket said.

  “Fuck, no. Now that I won’t allow,” Red said. “You’re my brother. My only blood. I’ve been waiting for you to get back for a long time. This is where you’re staying. This here is your home, too.”

  Cricket’s voice was resigned. He didn’t argue with Red. “I’ll help with the bills
. And I’ll stay for now.”

  “Yeah. There you go. You’ll be a part of our lives. Me and my ‘ol lady,” Red said. “Hey, May!” he yelled for her as she turned the sizzling burgers in the frying pan. “We like havin’ Cricket around here, don’t we?”

  She felt her face and neck turn hot, and she was glad that the men were in the other room, with a divider between herself and them. “Of course we do,” she said, knowing it would be better for everyone if Cricket left.

  Chapter 14

  The doorbell rang on a brisk September morning. May had opened the windows, allowing the fresh air to come through the apartment. She thought about baking something - cookies, or brownies - something. The smell of fall always made her want to bake. Both Red and Cricket had gone out early, leaving Lily alone, and now she sat sipping coffee. When the bell rang again, May got up and opened the door to find Jill.

  “Hi! I wasn’t gonna answer the door. I thought it was just the Jehova’s Witnesses again,” May said and she smiled at Jill.

  “Hey, can I come in?”

  “Yeah, sure. What are you doing up so early?”

  “Oh, George had to go in to work, and I was sick of staying at home alone. I asked him to drop me off here. He gets off at noon, so he’ll pick me up. Is it okay if I hang around here for a while? I missed you.”

  “Yeah, I missed you too. It has been a while,” May said, and took a coffee mug off the shelf.

  “Like a month, right?”

  “Yep, at least. Want some coffee?”

  “Sure.”

  “I have milk and sugar. How do you take it?”

  “Just black.”

  May poured the steaming coffee and placed the cup in front of Jill. “It really is good to see you,” May said.

  “You working?”

  “Yeah, Red said it was okay for me to get a job. So I’m working at the burger joint around the corner.”

  “Far out.” Jill lit a cigarette, then she said, “I got something I gotta talk to you about. I aint told nobody yet. And I’m kinda nervous.”

  “Sure, go ahead.”

  “You aint gonna tell nobody right?”

  “Not if you don’t want me to.”

  Jill studied May’s eyes then she took a drag of her cigarette. “I think I’m pregnant.”

  “Gee, that’s heavy,” May said biting her lip.

  “Yeah, it is. I mean, fuck. George wants me to go to this med student he heard of and take care of it. But, shit May, I already lost one kid to adoption. I can’t give this one up. And besides, if I got some med student to take it out of me, that would be like killing it. Wouldn’t it?”

  “Hell, I don’t know. But abortion is dangerous. You don’t even know if this guy knows what he’s doing. He’s not even a doctor yet. You could die.”

  “Yeah, that too. I don’t wanna do it.”

  “I don’t blame you. But if you have a kid how are you going to take care of it?”

  “Well, that’s why I came here. I wanted to talk to you. You see, I would need for you to help me,” Jill said, and she looked at May. “I mean, I know it’s a lot to ask. But you got a place here. If you would be willing, I would leave the baby with you and get a job during the day. I’d pay you to watch the kid.”

  “Shit, Jill, I don’t know what to say. I mean that is one big responsibility. And I have a job now…”

  “Yeah… Fuck… I don’t know why I thought to bother you with my shit.” Jill’s hands trembled as she held the cigarette between her thumb and forefinger, and sucked the smoke deep into her lungs. “Sorry. I mean fuck… I’m really sorry… Forget it. Hey, you got anything to eat? I’m starving.”

  “Sure,” May said. “Let me make you something.”

  “No, just some Twinkies or potato chips would be fine.”

  “That’s not good for you. How about some eggs? Maybe some toast?”

  “You sure it’s not too much trouble?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure. It’s no trouble at all.” May got up and took three eggs out of the refrigerator. Then she cracked them into a bowl. She was overwhelmed with guilt. The right thing to do was to help a friend. But how could she take this on? It was a huge commitment, one she wasn’t ready to make. She lit a cigarette.

  “I just don’t know what to do. I mean, it would be fun to have a kid, but where would I get the money?” Jill asked. She was looking out the window.

  “Well, maybe I could help you with some money, and once in a while I could take the kid. Just not all the time,” May said.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. I mean, I don’t know too much about babies. But I’d try.”

  “Me neither, but I guess we’ll learn, right?” Jill said; her eyes were sparkling like blue crystals.

  “Sure,” May said, and she wondered how Red would react to a crying infant. The thought made her shudder. “Listen, Jill I promise to do what I can. But I better talk to Red about this first before I say that I can do it for sure. You know how he can be. And if he gets upset, sometimes he doesn’t know what he’s doing. I mean I wouldn’t want him to hit the baby.”

  “Yeah, I never even thought about that. You’re right. He does get like that…really mean and, well, fucked up. But it would be so cool to have a kid. I mean, we could go to the Salvation Army and buy some groovy baby clothes and a stroller. It would be so much fun, don’t you think?”

  “In a way, yeah, but I think it’s going to be a lot of work. Having a child is more than fun, Jill. I mean look at our folks. They did a great job of fucking it up. I wouldn’t want to do that to a kid.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. But we won’t. We’ll do it right. We’ll give the baby lots of love and attention.”

  “I think you’re going to find that it’s really hard work to have a child,” May said.

  “Nah, how much work can a tiny baby be? When you don’t feel like fucking with it, you just put it in the crib. Maybe they scream for a while, but then they just go to sleep.”

  May shook her head. There was nothing more to say. Jill was pregnant, and she was going to have a baby. All May could do was help her as much as possible. “Hey, you wanna watch the soaps? We got a TV.”

  “Yeah, I haven’t looked at TV in months. George and I had a small one, but it gave out, and we didn’t have enough money to buy another one. George promised to steal me one really soon.”

  The girls watched the soap operas, smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.

  “Do you think you ought to see a doctor?” May asked. “I mean, I don’t know too much about it, but I don’t think you should be smoking or drinking.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right. Will you go with me to the free clinic?”

  “Sure, if Red will let me. Gosh, I really hate having to ask him every time I want to do anything at all.” May heard herself and hated the sound of asking permission.

  “Yeah, I know. He’s like that. He watches your every move, but you know that means that he loves you, right? Well, might as well ask him tonight. And maybe we can go later in the week,” Jill said.

  Chapter 15

  May had washed her hair and wrapped it in a towel. It was getting so long, and she wanted to get all of the moisture out of it so that it would dry. Jill had left her a tube of pale pink lipstick as a gift, and she put it on. Her full lips were looking more and more womanly. Lily smiled at herself in the mirror. Over the last several months her body had filled out, even though she was thinner than she was when she’d first met Red. Her hips were more curved and it was apparent that she was becoming a woman. She opened her blouse to look at herself. Although she was not big-breasted, her breasts were full and rounded, and the nipples stood taut. Even she had to admit she was pretty.

  Cricket returned to the apartment before Red and went into the bathroom to shower. May was in the kitchen making sandwiches. She wondered what Red would say when she asked him if she could accompany Jill to the doctor. There was no way to predict Red’s reaction to anything. It was never the same
. He might be all right with something today, but tomorrow the very same thing could bring on a bout of rage. The only way to find out was to ask him.

  May was looking for the jar of mayonnaise that she’d purchased earlier that week. Her eyes scanned the small pantry which she’d tried to keep as full as possible, but her mind was on Cricket. The other day, he’d come out of his room wearing a tight black tee shirt, and she couldn’t help but notice what good shape he was in. His solid abs rippled through the fabric, and the bands of the sleeves were tight against his bulging muscles. He was so slim that, until he’d worn the tight shirt, she’d never noticed how toned his body was. Thinking about it gave her a shiver of excitement that she chastised herself for feeling. But as she heard the water running in the shower, she couldn’t help wondering what he looked like wet and naked, all soaped up with the hot water creating billowing clouds of steam all around him. “Fool. That’s the last man you want to think about in that way. Besides, he’s Red’s brother, and that makes him just another version of Red.” She flipped the switch, blaring the television so that the chatter of it drowned out any sound of the water. Keep that thought out of your mind, she told herself. Images like that can only bring trouble, and you have enough trouble already.

  Still, she wondered what he might look like naked.

  It was Cleve’s birthday the following day and the staff was giving him a party. May couldn’t decide what to get for him, so she bought him a coffee mug that said, “Best Boss.” She knew it was lame, but she couldn’t come up with anything more original. She was going to give it to him at the party. In the morning, she would bake a fresh batch of brownies to take with her. Then she would lie and tell Red that she was working that night. She knew he would never approve of her going to a party, and she didn’t want to ask him to go with her. His moods were too unstable, and she had made so many new friends at work. In less than a minute, he was capable of ruining all of it for her. It was best if she attended alone. The sandwiches sat finished on paper plates, awaiting Red’s arrival. May took a handful of green pepper slices into the living room and sat down to watch television. She heard the bathroom door creak open, and her heart beat a little faster. Then she heard the door to Cricket’s room close, and she knew he was getting dressed.