by M. Garzon
“Why?” I asked, surprised. Only a few of our horses had issues with the vet.
“I’m not a horseperson.” Chuck grinned. “And they know it.”
I nodded in understanding. True horsepeople seem to be either born or made in childhood, with the odd individual developing the skills in adulthood. But horses, unlike other animals, can immediately sense whether you ‘know’ horses or not. Maybe it’s because they’re such intuitive creatures, or perhaps it’s due to their highly subtle interpretation of body language, but whatever the reason, there’s no fooling them.
Julia came home that weekend looking more gorgeous than ever, her smoothly tanned skin the perfect backdrop for her tarnished-silver eyes. She traipsed into the barn smiling and chattering to other boarders about her holiday, and I was caught unawares by a wash of anger.
“Téa!” Julia bounced over and hugged me. She handed me a small, satiny bag. “I got you something.”
Guilt beat back the anger inside me. “Thanks, Jules. You didn’t have to do that.” I pulled out a beautiful silver necklace and earrings set with small blue stones. “It’s beautiful,” I said sincerely.
Julia grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the tackroom. “C’mon, I want to tell you about my vacation!” I had to grin; Julia was as irrepressible as always. Teri showed up soon after and we all headed for the house to warm up.
While I made hot chocolate Julia handed Teri a bag similar to mine.
“I thought it would match your eyes,” Julia enthused.
Teri’s necklace was gold with light green stones. “Thank you,” she said quietly. She gave Julia a quick smile, but I could tell she wasn’t happy.
Julia didn’t seem to notice, though. “What have I missed?” she asked as we sat down with our mugs.
I looked at Teri since her news was the biggest.
“I’ve decided not to go back to school,” Teri said. “I’m going to become a jockey.”
Julia gasped. “But... Ter! What did your parents say?”
“They said it’s my life, and they’re behind me no matter what I choose.”
I felt the familiar stir of envy at those words, even more strongly now than the first time I’d heard them. How much simpler would my life be if I had a parent like that? I’d still have a brother kicking around, for one thing.
“But aren’t they worried about you? Don’t they want you to get a good education?” Julia frowned.
“Sure, they’re worried. They know it’s dangerous, and they’re not thrilled that I’ll be moving away.”
“Oh, right, the horses don’t run here during the winter,” Julia remembered. “Where will you go?”
“New York. The trainer I worked for at Woodbine went there for the winter. How was the cruise?” Teri asked, obviously changing the subject.
“It was amazing,” Julia sighed. “Just what I needed. The sun, the ocean, and always lots to keep you busy. There was even a wedding on board one day! It was beautiful, although I’d never get married on a cruise. Not that I can imagine getting married, anyway. At least not until I’m old.”
“Why not?” Teri looked surprised.
“I don’t know.” Julia shrugged. “Committing to spending your entire life with one person? It seems a little extreme.”
“But it would be someone you loved,” Teri pointed out. They both turned to look at me.
I hesitated. “Well, Jaden wants to marry me, so-”
“Omigod he proposed?!” “Why didn’t you-” Their stunned exclamations burst forth.
I held up my hands, laughing. “Easy! He didn’t propose, exactly.” I explained how Jaden had told Dec he wanted to marry me someday in order to convince Dec that we were serious about our relationship.
“How could you not tell us?” Teri demanded.
“It happened right between winning the Royal and getting stalked by Tom Morin, and then Seth and I started searching for our natural father. There was always something more important to talk about.”
“More important than the most romantic thing you’ll do in your whole life?” Teri seemed delighted at my news.
“Téa, you’re way too young to even be thinking about marriage.” Julia, on the other hand, was clearly not delighted. “People change a lot during their twenties, and you’re not even there yet. You’re in university, you’re going to meet hundreds of new people over the next few years.”
“I don’t think it’ll matter who I meet, Julia. No one’s going to hold a candle to Jaden.”
She looked at me carefully. “He is every kind of sexy, but he’s not perfect, Téa. Not like you seem to think.”
I shrugged. “He’s perfect for me. It amounts to the same thing.”
* * *
Our conversation rolled around my head all afternoon, and over dinner that night I told Dec about Teri’s plans.
“Being a jockey is no job for a nice girl like Teri,” Dec said worriedly.
“She’s tougher than she looks,” I reminded him. Teri and I were both petite; we faced the same bias.
“That doesn’t matter!” he said loudly. “She’ll have to work twice as hard as a man to be half as good. There’s too much money at stake in racing for anyone to cut her any slack. And besides, it’s ridiculously dangerous.” He shook his head. “I’m going to talk to her parents. I’m sure they have no idea what she’s getting herself into.”
“No! Dec, please, this is what Teri wants,” I pleaded. “Her parents are supportive. Why worry them?”
He gave me a direct stare. “Because if it were you, I’d want to know. At least then I’d know enough to stop you.”
I spun and stomped out, hot with frustration. I knew Teri. As sensible as she was, if racing was her goal then she wouldn’t be dissuaded.
When Teri showed up the next day I apologized profusely.
“It’s okay,” she reassured me. “My parents and I talked about it, and they know what Dec’s like.”
I mimed wiping sweat off my brow. “What’s up with you and Jules?” I asked, remembering her odd expression the day before.
She sighed. “I don’t know. Those expensive gifts... it’s just so Jules, you know? It would never occur to her that it might make someone uncomfortable. And it was the same with Seth.” She looked genuinely angry now. “She was always pushing him to do better in school, make more money, go out all the time. I feel like she drove him away.”
I shook my head slowly. “Seth leaving wasn’t Julia’s fault. It was Dec’s.”
I was not in a good mood when I went to ride Hades, and it wasn’t improved by his greeting. He put his ears back and curled his nostrils, making an angry face. It wasn’t really aggression; it was designed to intimidate me, and it was just part of Hades’ personality.
“Cut it out,” I snapped at him, yanking the halter over his head.
He looked startled for a second before pinning his ears again and shoving me hard with his nose. I staggered backward a step. Out of sheer exasperation, I shoved him back. Now, that’s not the way I’d normally behave around horses because they’re prey animals and shows of aggression are usually counter-productive. So his reaction surprised me. My shove had barely moved him, but he turned his head back toward me with his ears pricked forward and his eyes bright. He stepped closer to me and dropped his head to allow me to easily clip on the lead shank, looking oddly satisfied by our exchange.
I shook my head as I led him into the aisle. “You’re a strange beast, buddy. But I like you.” I patted him before cross-tying him. He was unusually well-behaved, standing fairly patiently while I groomed him and put on his tack.
“Don’t tell me you’ve been waiting for me to push you around all along,” I muttered as I led him into the arena. “Don’t tell Dec, I’d never live it down.”
I mounted and we started working. I’d been riding Hades for a little over a year now, and he was like a different horse. The cantankerous, over-excited behemoth who had first arrived at Shady Lane was now a study in controlled
power. There hadn’t been any magic bullet with Hades; a lot of slow, painstaking work and experimentation had gotten us to this point. He was still going well in the bitless bridle, and Gran had helped me work out an exercise program to develop his back, hindquarters, and balance. I’d worked with him diligently, riding him at least five days a week, and while he still wasn’t an easy horse to ride, I couldn’t wait for the show season to start.
* * *
Teri left for New York the following week, but the pain of her departure was quickly soothed by a visit from Jaden. I hadn’t seen him since our accidental sleepover two weeks before. He strode into the living room radiating energy, his brightness almost too big for the room. His eyes locked onto mine the minute he was through the door.
“Dec’s not home,” I said quickly, moving toward him. I’d just gotten out of the shower and was purposely wearing a thin T-shirt and skirt, very unseasonal attire for January.
He reached me in one long step. The shock of relief as his skin met mine was almost painful, and I pressed myself against him as his hands caressed my shoulders, my back, my waist. As my lips found his I was yanked upwards, and I felt my back slam into the wall. It took me a second to miss the impact my head should have made until I felt Jaden’s hand behind it. It felt like years, not weeks, since we’d last touched.
After a few minutes, he leaned his forehead on mine. “Your heart is beating so fast,” he murmured. “I can feel it against my chest.”
"That's ’cause I'm about to have a heart attack," I said. “I can’t believe I went without you for so long. Te quiero, Jaden.” I whispered the last into his ear, and he pulled away with a sigh that was almost a groan, lowering me slowly to the floor.
“Not quite the response I was hoping for,” I groused.
He gave a husky laugh and took my face in his hands. “Patience, querida.”
“You know very well I don’t have any.”
“When can you come over to my place?”
I thought it over quickly. “Tomorrow.” The next day was Monday, meaning I’d have no lessons to teach.
“I have a meeting near Guelph during the day; I can meet you for lunch too.”
Chuck was my lab partner, and after microbiology class the next day he walked me to the visitor’s parking lot where I was meeting Jaden. We were discussing that week’s assignment, our heads bent over a diagram and only half-watching where we were going, so I was caught by surprise when I looked up to find Jaden in front of us, arms crossed over his chest and jaw muscle hard.
“Um, Jaden, this is Chuck,” I introduced them uncertainly. I glanced at Chuck; his startled expression showed that he had noticed Jaden’s angry posture.
“I remember,” Jaden said shortly. But after a second he stuck out his hand, and Chuck shook it gamely. I breathed an internal sigh of relief when he showed no signs of pain.
Chuck continued on his way home, and Jaden drove to a nearby restaurant, saying nothing. We sat down and a waitress came over, but she didn’t say anything either, seemingly distracted by Jaden’s appearance. He had one long leg stretched out alongside the booth, and her gaze moved from his booted foot up the line of dark denim, along his muscular black-clad body to his face. At the moment, it looked borderline dangerous.
“What can I get you?” she asked breathily. She never looked at me, even while I ordered.
After she left, Jaden leaned back in his seat and considered me. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He was composed now, although his eyes were alive with emotion.
I let out a long breath. “We just recently figured it out ourselves, and, well, I had this crazy notion that you might overreact.”
He frowned, tousling his hair before he caught himself and reached toward me instead. I took his hand quickly, knowing by now that my touch would calm his choler.
“It upsets me that you don’t trust me,” he said finally.
I did a double-take. “Pardon me? I don’t trust you?” I said it faintly, uncertain that I’d heard right.
He shook his head in frustration, pulling his hand back. “Damn Foster family curse. If you weren’t afraid of Dec, we wouldn’t be having this issue.”
“I’m not afraid of Dec,” I protested. I was frowning in confusion at the sudden subject change.
“Really? You’d go to him with a problem? Would confide in him, admit to mistakes?” He questioned me as though he was cross-examining a witness; my confusion morphed into annoyance.
“No, but that’s basic sense, not fear. And anyway, why does it matter?” I asked.
Jaden took a breath. “It matters because it’s affecting our relationship. We can’t run away from it, Téa. The way you relate to the only father you’ve ever known is going to have an effect on how you relate to me.”
I thought about that for a minute. “I don’t buy it.”
His brows crept up. “It’s a widely accepted psychological principle.” He was now watching me with that peculiar mix of amusement and exasperation that I’d come to recognize.
“I’m not a principle, Jaden, I’m a person. There’s more to me than a conditioned response.” I stared at him, taken aback at the sudden anger I felt. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“This discussion is overdue, Téa.”
It was my turn to cross my arms over my chest. “Done. Talking.” I forced the words through clenched teeth.
I watched him struggle for a minute, his expression one of mingled shock and displeasure. Jaden wasn’t used to being crossed. On the polo field he was a star, in law school he was at the top of his class, and in everyday life people simply yielded to his charisma and confidence. This was the problem when everyone listened to you, I thought crabbily.
His expression smoothed. “All right,” he said finally.
Lunch wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but I was glad I’d be seeing him that evening so that we could make up properly. I drove slowly through the February snowfall into the city, its lights illuminating the flakes in multiple colors.
Jaden had given me a key to the loft but I knocked quietly before letting myself in. Something smelled good, and I saw Jaden in the open-concept kitchen directly in front of me. At the uncertain look on my face he came over and wrapped his arms around me, and I leaned into his comforting warmth. He held me for a minute before murmuring in my ear.
“You know you’re in trouble, right?”
I sighed. “I know. But we haven’t been alone for so long. Can’t we talk about it later?” I pleaded. My face was pressed against his chest; I didn’t look at him.
“Hmm, that has possibilities... we can have angry sex first, and maybe still have time for make-up sex later.”
I looked up to find him grinning my beloved wicked grin. He wasn’t mad, then. I exhaled in relief and smiled back at him.
“I’m surprised you recognized Chuck. I didn’t, it only came up in conversation by chance.”
His brows shot up. “Trust me, anyone I see pressed up against you is going to be burned into my memory forever. And at any rate, I suspect my memories of that night are clearer than yours.” That was true. I hadn’t been thinking very clearly at the party where I’d first met Chuck — then Charlie — almost two years before.
Jaden and I did make love twice that night, but neither time was angry. Instead, both were tender, and humorous, and passionate — in other words, just what I’d come to expect of sex with Jaden.
He only brought the subject up as I was getting dressed to leave. “About Chuck...”
“I have to put up with people ogling you all the time,” I said quickly, “and I don’t make a fuss about it.” Mostly.
The corners of his mouth lifted slightly. “Ogling?”
“Yes. Like the waitress today.”
He looked honestly surprised. “I didn’t notice.”
“See?” I threw my hands up. “You get checked out so often that to you it’s normal! And it’s not like I can help it that Chuck is in my class.”
“Téa.
” My name came out on a sigh. “It caught me by surprise, I’ll admit. But it wasn’t his presence that disturbed me so much as your refusal to discuss it.”
I grabbed a handful of his blue T-shirt and pulled him closer. “We’re discussing it now, aren’t we?” I fitted myself against his hard body, reluctant to leave.
He ran his hands down my back and over my bottom, pulling me close. “In a very enjoyable manner,” he agreed as he kissed me goodbye.
I explained Jaden’s reaction to Chuck the next day.
“That was your boyfriend? The maniac who threw me halfway across the dance floor?”
“Yeah,” I admitted.
“People couldn’t stop talking about it after you left. He cut through that party like a tornado.”
That was Jaden, all right. He was a force of nature.
Two
I treasured the two evenings I’d spent with Jaden even more as it became clear that they would be our last for some time. Between school and the barn my days were overflowing, and Jaden was busy too.
On Saturday I taught lessons all day before spending some time gabbing with boarders in the arena’s viewing lounge. I jumped up when I saw the time; it was my job to feed on weekends, and I was running late. After distributing the hay I ran into the feedroom and grabbed the large metal grain cart, but groaned when it rolled too easily. It was empty. I sighed. Our stablehand Alan usually kept the cart filled, and when Alan wasn’t around Dec did it. I debated briefly. Dec was in the house but he wasn’t in a good mood, and I didn’t feel like hearing any lectures about my tardiness. I decided I could manage on my own. I pulled out the tubs of vitamins, minerals, and hoof-enhancing supplements from the bottom of the cart. I braced it against a wall so it wouldn’t roll and seized a sack of sweet feed — oats, barley and corn sweetened with a touch of molasses — and dragged it to the cart’s edge. I fiddled with the always-frustrating string closure; if you pulled the right end it was supposed to come out in one piece, but I usually lost patience before that happened and hacked the bag open with scissors. This time, though, the string pulled out easily with a soft zipping sound. Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket, I thought, since it seemed like this was my lucky day. I wrapped my arms around the bag’s middle and heaved. The grain bags were mixed especially for us by our local feed store, and they weighed forty kilograms each, or eighty-eight pounds. Considering I weighed about hundred and five, I was pretty proud of myself for being able to lift them at all. Until I felt the hot bite of pain in my upper back, that is. I watched the grain spill into the cart, cursing internally, until the bag emptied. I lifted the bag tentatively. Yup, there it was again — the screaming muscle between my shoulder blades. I kicked the grain cart’s wheel, hurting my toe.