by M. Garzon
“Dammit!” So much for it being my lucky day. I couldn’t afford to get hurt. I had school, I rode every day, and with Seth gone I had a lot more work to do.
By the time I was done feeding my panic had largely subsided, and when Jaden walked into the house an hour later, carrying Chinese take-out, I forgot about my back. We had dinner with Dec and Gran, who had been spending a lot of time at our place since my brother had left.
“Will you stay for the weekend, dear?” Gran asked.
“I can’t,” Jaden said sadly. “I just came to ride Kermit. Piba’s going to have to wait.”
I winced as we were clearing the table.
“What’s wrong?” Jaden asked.
“Just a little pulled muscle. It’s nothing. I’m not even sure where it is.”
He positioned himself behind me. “Hold your arm out straight.” When I did he took it and pulled it across my chest. With his other hand, he felt his way across my back. “Is this it?”
“Ow!” It felt as though he was pushing his thumb right into my muscle.
He released my arm and wrapped one of his around me, still standing behind me. His other hand began gently smoothing the hard knot in my muscle. I relaxed into his warm touch.
“What do you do when one of the horses pulls something?” he asked.
“Call the osteopath, the vet, or the massage therapist, depending,” I replied.
“But I’ll bet that for yourself you do nothing at all,” he accused.
“Not true — I call you and your magic hands.” I smiled at him over my shoulder.
Dec cleared his throat noisily from the living room. “I’m still here, you know.” He appeared in the doorway, and Jaden stopped massaging my back and turned me to face him.
“How did you hurt yourself?” he asked.
“It was Hades again, wasn’t it,” Dec said. “I keep telling you, Téa, he’s a man’s horse.”
“I don’t know how I did it,” I said, averting my eyes. Lying to Dec was almost second nature, but lying to Jaden was almost impossible. Talking to them at the same time like this was going to make me schizoid, and I quickly changed the subject.
“I’m double-booked for lessons tomorrow,” I told Dec. “Can you take one of them?”
“Sure,” he said with a sigh. Dec was tired too.
When he was done riding I walked Jaden back to his car. “You don’t remember how you hurt yourself?” he asked when we got there.
“No idea.”
“Really,” he said quietly. He took a step toward me. “You didn’t overdo it, or lift anything heavy in the barn?”
“No,” I said stubbornly. I took a step back and felt the car door hit my shoulder blades.
“Then tell me something. Why are you backing away from me?”
I opened my mouth, then closed it again as his wolfish grin flashed across his face.
“Busted,” he murmured as he bent to kiss me. He broke away to murmur in my ear. “That’s the only body you’ve got, Téa. You need to take care of it, because I plan on holding onto it for the next eighty years or so.”
* * *
I decided that both Jaden and Dec had a point; I needed to stay healthy and be able to handle Hades, so the next day I went to the gym at school. I got a trainer to help me set up an exercise program, and I started right away. I went home that night feeling stiff but hopeful. My workout didn’t seem like such a great idea the next morning when I got up at five a.m. to ride Hades, but I pushed through my tiredness. It was dark out, the arena was cold and Hades cranky, but it was oddly peaceful too, to ride with no one watching and nothing to distract us. By the end of our session, both of us were happy and relaxed, having focused purely on our communication.
I worked it out so that I got up early to ride three days a week after that. It was the only way I could manage since I was going to the gym during the breaks that I had previously spent studying. It better be worth it, I thought grimly.
Being busy had its upside — it distracted me from the phantom limb pain of Seth’s absence. I missed Teri too, but she and I texted a lot. Seth didn’t have a cell phone in Europe so we talked chiefly through emails and online chat, and he wasn’t a very regular correspondent. Without Seth around life lost its sparkle, and I was feeling a little too old and responsible when Kabir, Seth’s best friend, came home for spring break. Teri managed to come home that weekend too, and Kabir talked us into going to hear his new band, visiting with him from California. They’d gotten a gig at the nearby Wilfrid Laurier University pub.
I went to pick Teri up at her house. We hugged in the entryway before hurrying through the cold to the car.
“How’s New York?” I asked as I drove through the dark. Wilfrid Laurier was almost an hour’s drive so we had time to catch up.
“It’s great. Really hard sometimes — my body is killing me — but I’m so glad I took the chance and went down there. I’m getting lots of rides, and I’ll have my bug for a year so I can get good experience during that time.” The ‘bug’ was a weight advantage given to apprentice jockeys to entice trainers to use them.
“How are things here?” she went on.
“About the only thing that’s going well is Hades,” I admitted. “I miss Seth like crazy, I have way too much work, and I hardly ever see Jaden. I can’t wait for summer.”
The bar was a pretty typical grungy college place. There was no cloakroom so we piled our coats and purses on a chair, and laughed when we saw that we were wearing almost identical tank tops and jeans.
“There you are!” Kabir descended on us, flashing his dimples and hugging us each in turn. “Wow, it’s good to see you.”
We were having a drink together, something I still wasn’t used to, when Kabir’s bandmates showed up, three skinny white guys who made Kabir look even bigger and browner than usual. Kabir introduced us, but the guys soon excused themselves to go set up.
“You look good, Kabir.” I smiled at him. He seemed different; his hair was spikier, his clothes trendier, and his manner more confident.
“Yeah,” Teri echoed the sentiment.
“Thanks. I still can’t believe our boy.” He shook his head. “Have you heard from him lately?”
“Yep. He’s working part-time tutoring English if you can believe it.” We all laughed, since Seth’s spelling had been the subject of more than one joke.
Kabir put his arm around me. “How are you holding up?” His dark eyes watched my face in the low light of the bar.
I shrugged and looked away. His arm tightened around me. “Don’t worry, I’ll kick his ass for both of us when he gets back.”
Kabir tossed back the rest of his drink and went onstage, and Teri slid into the seat next to me to watch. We’d heard Kabir play guitar and sing before, mostly quiet ballads or campfire songs when we went to the local beach. But the minute the first chord was struck we knew this would be different, and halfway through the song we exchanged a long, delighted grin. The band had a punk sound and Kabir’s vocals as lead singer were amazing. He bounded over to us after his set, sweaty and out of breath.
“Who are you, and what have you done with the real Kabir?” Teri demanded.
Kabir grinned at her. “I like the new guy better.” He definitely had a new aplomb.
“I do too,” she said. Her green eyes didn’t leave his face, and she shifted slightly closer to him, looking even smaller next to his bulk.
It was liberating to act like a regular student for one night, but reality wasted no time in bashing me over the head. At least, that’s what it felt like when I had to get up and teach the next morning, and spring break meant more lessons than usual. It also gave me more time to ride, though, and I put it to good use.
My horse Cal was four and I’d stepped up his training, even riding him in some lessons with my coach Karen. One morning we joined Julia, already riding Jasmine; Karen had just returned from a three-week sojourn to the Florida shows.
“How come you don’t stay there
for the season?” Julia asked curiously. We were walking our horses through the steamy wraiths created in the cold air by five sets of lungs.
Karen grinned. “Someone has to stay behind and teach the poor shmucks stuck in the cold.” Her freckled face was relaxed and her brown hair highlighted by the sun. It looked like she’d had a good trip; the pressure and expense of showing in Wellington could take its toll on coaches as well as riders.
“How’s Cal coming along?” Karen asked.
“Not bad,” I said evasively. In truth, work with Cal had stalled, and I didn’t know why. My approach to working with different horses always depended on their personalities. With the insecure types, I progressed slowly, building their confidence by allowing them to succeed often. With the overly bold ones, I provided just enough challenges to keep them interested until their skill level caught up to their enthusiasm. The very intelligent ones required variety.
Usually, I was good at figuring out what each horse needed but with Cal, I was stumped. He was nervous but soon bored of repetition. He was so flexible that he moved like an eel, yet he often acted stiff when I was mounted. I felt as though he was constantly seeking reassurance, which for some reason made me impatient with him — and I was almost never impatient with horses. They were in the game through no choice of their own, and as a consequence, I thought they deserved to be treated with as much respect as I could muster. But Cal... well, he annoyed me. And I had to find a way past that or we’d never make a great jumping team.
After we’d warmed up Karen set up a small gymnastic for us to jump. I approached it cautiously, trying not to think about the uncomplicated joy I’d felt when jumping Blaze. Cal jumped hesitantly, as though he was purposely holding back. I patted him for his effort anyways, stifling my frustration.
“He’s definitely got potential,” Karen said. I looked over at her in surprise — Karen had a great eye for horses, and she wasn’t given to false compliments.
Maybe, I conceded to myself, the issue wasn’t Cal. Maybe we simply weren’t clicking. After all, Cal was the antithesis of Blaze’s cheerful insouciance, and I had gelled perfectly with Blaze from day one. I worked hard for the rest of the lesson, determined to push aside my prejudices and learn to work with the horse I had now.
* * *
The following evening Julia shuffled into the barn. Her eyes were red and swollen, and her usually sleek hair was a bedraggled mess. I ran over to her.
“What’s wrong?” I asked urgently.
“Can we talk in the house?” Her voice was hoarse with grief.
I went and asked Catherine, my unofficial assistant, to keep an eye on things. Then I linked my arm with Julia’s and we trudged through the snow to the house.
“D’you want a drink?” I asked as we shrugged off our coats. She shook her head, so I led the way to my bedroom. She flopped miserably onto the edge of my bed and I sat next to her, curling one leg under me so that I could face her. I waited until she was ready to talk.
Finally, she pushed her dark brown hair behind her ears and looked at me. “My parents are getting divorced.” Her whole face crumpled as she said it, and she began crying quietly.
“Oh, Jules, I’m so sorry,” I murmured. I put my arms around her. I smelled her expensive conditioner and felt her soft cashmere sweater under my fingers, and realized that what I’d always thought of as Julia’s perfect life was coming crashing down on her. The Yamamotos had always seemed like a perfectly happy married couple to me, but then again, what did I know?
When Julia stopped sobbing I got up and found her a box of tissues.
“What happened?” I prompted gently as I sat back down.
She blew her nose. “You’re never going to believe it, Téa. They said they’ve been thinking about it for years but they stayed together for me, to give me a stable childhood. As though it won’t affect me if they do it now!” She gave me a desperate look. “I feel like they’ve been lying to me my whole life!”
“Of course they haven’t. They love you, they were only trying to protect you.”
She shook her head. “Well, it sure doesn’t feel that way. Can I stay here tonight? I don’t want to go home.”
“Sure, you can stay as long as you want,” I assured her, patting her back.
I set Julia up in the guestroom. Dec had always been fine with our friends staying over — one of the few things he was lenient about. The next day I couldn’t spend as much time with her as I would have liked since I was working. After breakfast she moped around Jasmine’s stall for a while, then she helped me turn out some horses, and by mid-afternoon, I hugged her goodbye and she headed home.
“How is Julia faring?” Gran asked at dinnertime.
“She’s taking it really hard,” I said, worried.
“She’s probably not used to dealing with family problems,” Dec noted. I suspected that was true.
Jaden made a surprise appearance early the next day.
“I thought you had to study?” I asked, delighted. Gran was teaching the first morning class, so I grabbed Jaden by the hand and towed him to the house. We were barely through the door when I turned and leaned against him, reaching up on my tiptoes and pulling his head down to kiss him. I felt him smile under my mouth.
“I missed you too,” he murmured.
I needed another coffee, so we settled in the kitchen and I told him Julia’s sad news. He shook his head.
“It’s going around. We have some familial drama unfolding as well.” He put his hand over mine on the table. “My dad is getting remarried.”
“What?” I hadn’t even known his dad was seriously dating anyone.
“He’s been seeing this woman for less than a year, and suddenly he’s in a big rush to get married, because — brace yourself — they want to have a child together.” Jaden’s grim visage made it clear what he thought of that idea.
“Wow,” I whispered. I sat silently.
Jaden went on, his lips pressed into a thin line. “His fiancée already has a four-year-old son, and she’s almost forty, so they’re trying for a baby right away.”
I pulled my hand out from under his and ran it gently up and down his corded forearm. His muscles were hard with tension. “I guess you’re not excited about having a much younger brother or sister.”
“He has no business having more kids! He did enough damage with us,” Jaden growled.
“Who, Peter?” Dec was suddenly in the doorway, frowning.
Jaden gave a jerky nod and explained the situation. But instead of being upset, Dec’s expression cleared.
“That explains a lot,” he muttered. He got himself some coffee and joined us at the table. Jaden and I exchanged a confused look.
“Your dad’s been pressuring me to sell the barn,” Dec said, as though that made any sense. He took a deep breath. “You know that when he got laid off last year, he took a lower-paying job, right?” He directed his question to Jaden, who nodded. “And he made some unwise investments, which means that he’s been living well below the standard he’s used to. With a kid on the way, he’ll want to bring in as much cash as he can.”
“But what does any of that have to do with the barn?” I interjected.
“My dad left the property to all three of his kids,” Dec explained. “The business actually leases the grounds from the estate — it was set up that way back when Gran ran the riding school and Granddad had a job. If we sell the property, the profit will be split four ways between Gran, my siblings and me.”
I was completely stunned. I sat with my mouth hanging open, incapable of even forming a thought for several minutes.
“What type of lease does Gran have?” Jaden’s nimble mind, of course, was already analyzing the situation.
“It’s a perpetual lease that’s valid as long as one of Granddad’s descendants runs the stable. Why?”
“I’m just wondering what kind of pressure my dad can exert on you to sell.”
“He can’t force us into anything,” Dec
said reassuringly, his gaze settling on me.
“But... how come I didn’t know about this?” I asked. My voice was barely more than a whisper, and I felt unaccountably shaky. No wonder Julia had been devastated, I thought suddenly. It’s a shock when you grow up thinking things are a certain way and suddenly you find they’re different.
Dec shrugged. “It never came up. You’ve never asked how the business was structured, and it makes no difference to how we do things day-to-day.”
I shook my head slowly to clear it. It seemed to me that we should have been told, but I couldn’t say why I felt that way. I only knew that suddenly, I felt a lot less secure in my home.
I stared into Dec’s light blue eyes. “Are you planning to sell?” I asked.
He hesitated, and in that tiny pause, I felt my stomach drop. “Not anytime soon,” he said quietly. “This is your home. I want to keep it at least until you finish school.”
I could hear my breath coming unnaturally fast but I couldn’t seem to slow it. I felt Jaden’s hand smooth my hair, then move in soothing circles over my back.
“Take a walk with me,” he suggested, pulling me from my chair. I balked at the front door. It was cold out, and I didn’t want to face anyone in the barn in my stunned state. Instead, I took Jaden’s hand and headed for my room.
“Téa,” he objected as I tugged him inside. Dec would be angry if he saw, but I couldn’t have cared less about Dec’s feelings at that moment.