by M. Garzon
* * *
I had to set the minor drama aside because it was time to go to Eastwood for the two big shows that started off Quebec’s summer circuit. The year before I’d lost a mount there when Marty’s owner had disagreed with my decision to withdraw his horse from a class. The humiliation still stung, and I was eager to return to the scene and create some happier memories.
I went with Karen, taking turns at the wheel of her car for the seven-hour drive, because Dec didn’t want me driving his truck with our big six-horse gooseneck trailer hitched to it. Karen entertained me with stories of the big-name riders’ escapades in Florida that winter, and we discussed our plans for Hades and Cal.
“Hey, Karen, what did you mean when you told Dec “I guess my sister made the right decision?” You know, when he grabbed you?” I asked a bit hesitantly. I was in the passenger seat, watching her profile.
She glanced over at me, brown eyes thoughtful. “Dec used to be engaged to my kid sister.”
“That was your sister?” I gasped. I knew about the engagement, but no one had mentioned that little detail. “So what happened? Why’d they break up?”
“Well,” Karen answered slowly, “there were a few reasons. But mostly, she was afraid of Dec’s temper. She didn’t want their children to have to deal with it.”
“Oh.” I looked out the window. I knew all about that.
With all the talking the drive went fast and we got there before the trailer, giving us time to stretch our legs and greet people before the horses arrived.
After unloading the horses and equipment, Dec said hello to a few people before going to get coffee with Karen. He found me afterward, cleaning my boots in front of Hades’ stall.
“Karen says she told you I was engaged to her sister,” he said. His big, blunt fingers rearranged a leadrope as he spoke, and he didn’t look at me.
“Um, yeah,” I said, uncomfortable.
He turned his gaze on me. “Look, kiddo, I want you to know that I’m going back to therapy,” he said.
“Because of what happened with Karen?” I asked quietly.
He nodded slowly. “I wish I’d gone to therapy before I married Ellie.”
I was taken aback. “But you and mom hardly ever fought.” And when they did I’d never worried about Dec hurting her; he had never been anything less than respectful toward her.
“I was thinking of you and your brother.” His voice was strained. “If I could have rid myself of my father’s influence earlier, things might have been different between us. I was nineteen the last time my father hit me, and it was only the last time because I looked him in the eye and told him that the next time, I was hitting back.” He paused. “I don’t want it to come to that with us, Téa.”
The thought was so ridiculous that I cracked a smile. His face lit up at the sight, and on impulse, I hugged him.
I walked Dec back to the trailer. “Drive carefully,” I urged him as he started the long drive home. I wouldn’t be seeing him for twelve days and was glad to part ways so peacefully.
For the rest of the day, I had a curiously light heart. I’d been angry with Dec since Seth had left, but now I realized he wasn’t the only one at fault. It had been Seth’s choice, and Dec was genuinely trying, which was the best any of us could do.
My good mood stayed with me, helped by the bright sunshine, and the second morning of the show I was bubbling with energy as I schooled my student Emma on her grey pony Cameo. In addition to Cameo we had trucked Julia’s horse Jasmine, Hades, and three of Karen’s trainees, so our days started early and stayed busy. I was grateful that Karen’s groom had agreed to help with Hades for these two shows because it allowed me to put all my energy into riding.
Finally it was time to warm up Hades for his class. He had done a small schooling jumper class the day before, but it had barely been enough to whet his appetite, and he pulled me all the way to the schooling area. I smelled trampled grass, and the air rang with the sounds of our sport: snorts, pounding hooves, and the hard breathing of both horses and riders.
“I heard you kicked butt down in Massachusetts,” my friend Alex remarked as I arrived. I walked Hades alongside Moose, Alex’s best jumper. The horses touched noses briefly, acknowledging each other.
“Word travels fast,” I said. “Who told you?”
“It was on the forums,” he said. He grinned at me. “Don’t expect an easy victory here, cutie.”
I laughed, but given the way Hades felt victory might, in fact, be easy. There was a bounce to his step, and his attitude toward the jumps had gotten downright cocky.
I moved away from Alex as Karen hurried over to help me school. She was followed by one of her students, a snooty redhead named Brittney who, unfortunately, was riding an utterly fabulous dark bay mare. When Dec had picked them up with our trailer we’d all been drooling at the sight of her.
The ring was busy, with horses of all sizes going in all directions, some jumping, some arguing with their riders, and some just plain not paying attention. The year before Hades would have taken advantage of the chaos to create some of his own, but this year he paid strict attention to me, although he was still as impatient as ever. He was simply more polite about asking to go faster.
Karen set up a tall vertical, since Hades needed to work on getting closer to the base of his jumps. His thrust was so powerful that oxers, wide jumps with two sets of rails, didn’t present a problem for him. On our third approach to the jump I made a tight corner, and all of a sudden Brittney was on the other side of the fence, her horse preparing to jump it from the other direction. I was about to turn Hades aside, but he didn’t like the other horse challenging him — at least, that’s how he saw it — and he flattened his ears back, took an aggressive stride, and jumped, veering only slightly to the side. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Brittney’s horse shy sideways, refusing the fence as Hades landed. He pricked his ears and arched his neck proudly, radiating satisfaction, and I couldn’t help but smile at his conceit although I felt bad for the other horse and rider.
“You idiot!” Brittney yelled angrily as she yanked her horse roughly around to face me. “Do you have any idea how much this horse is worth?”
“Brittney! That’s enough — go trot around and settle your horse,” Karen snapped.
She came over to me and patted Hades’ neck. “You’re something, big guy.” She looked up at me thoughtfully. “You know what makes you so good, kid? I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve finally figured it out.”
“My raw muscle power?” I suggested, grinning.
“You wish.” Karen laughed. “But you’ve got something even better. Horses love you.”
I frowned at her while walking Hades around in a small circle. “That’s it? My mad riding talent is not actually a talent?” This wasn’t sounding like a compliment to me.
“It’s a lot more useful than you realize. How else could a little shrimp like you handle a beast like Hades?”
My smallness had made me the object of much teasing in the past. For most people in North America being petite probably wasn’t an obstacle, but since I was doing physical labor a lot of the time, not to mention competing in a sport, my size did matter. I couldn’t wrap my legs around Hades properly because they were too short, and I had a hard time lifting hay bales and jump standards at home. I had often wished I was taller and stronger, in part to make my work easier, and in part, I had to admit, so that I’d be a more impressive match for Jaden. The fact that Karen — whose judgment I trusted implicitly — felt that my main strength wasn’t anything physical was a relief, in a way.
“He takes care of you. He wants to make you happy now,” Karen went on. “I would never have believed it a year ago, but it seems to happen with all your horses.”
Except Cal, I thought, feeling something twist painfully inside me. I pushed the thought away and concentrated on Hades again.
He was still full of himself as he swaggered into the ring, and after our round, I had
to admit it wasn’t unwarranted. I had always known that Hades had fantastic potential, but I had never suspected how much fun I could have with him. Now that his conditioning and self-control matched his confidence I didn’t have many worries in the ring and instead got to enjoy the challenge of making decisions and feeling his raw power carry them out. It was exhilarating.
We ended up in a jump-off against Alex on Moose, and two other riders. I was relieved that Brittney hadn’t made it into the jump-off because she’d been casting evil stares my way ever since the warm-up incident.
I was third to go, which was pretty good — it meant I got to see how two other teams handled the course, and it gave me an idea of the time to beat. I got the weak, shaky rush that signaled a burst of adrenaline as we entered the ring. I hated that I always felt that way right when I needed the most strength, but it was quickly forgotten as Hades lifted over the first fence. I looked left to our next jump while we were in the air and, feeling the subtle shift, Hades obligingly landed on his left lead, prepared to go that way. The combination fence was child’s play to him, and as we rounded the corner I saw the perfect distance to our next obstacle. It was a long approach, and I squeezed my legs and leaned forward slightly. Instead of exploding at my request for increased speed as he would have done the year before, Hades sped up smoothly, lengthening stride after stride until we took off as though we were flying. I heard noise from the crowd, but concentrated on the sharp turn to the final fence. Hades dialed back his speed with ease and we landed to cheers and whooping.
I dropped my reins on his neck and patted his wet neck with both hands as he strolled out of the ring. Karen raised her eyebrows at my daring, but it paid off because we won the class.
As I collected our red ribbon I felt a swell of pride. I’d worked for this, worked hard and unrelentingly, and seeing my efforts pay off was sweet indeed. I had just hopped off Hades and handed the reins to Karen’s groom when someone spoke behind me.
“Hi, Téa.”
I whirled around, sucking in a sudden, painful breath.
Tom Morin stood before me. He kept a normal distance between us, something he wasn’t known for, and I cautiously let myself exhale.
“I’m sorry if I startled you. You were really something in the ring.” He smiled.
“Um... hi.” I floundered. What was the etiquette when meeting your ex-stalker? Although the “ex” part was beginning to look questionable. “What are you doing here, Tom?” I said finally. I was never much good at diplomacy, anyway.
He looked surprised. “My sister lives nearby. I’ve been staying with her — why, did you think I followed you? Oh, no, it’s just coincidence,” he assured me. He looked sane enough, but then again, I had learned that you can’t judge by appearance.
“I just wanted to congratulate you on that great horse you’ve got,” he went on. He nodded at me and moved off.
I felt myself go limp.
“Who was that?” Alex asked, frowning. I hadn’t noticed him appear.
“Oh, just my old stalker,” I said. I was aiming for airy unconcern, but Alex’s sharp look suggested I missed the mark.
“Stalker?” he exclaimed.
“Yeah, don’t you have one? Anyone who’s anyone has a stalker,” I said, giving a little wave. I pulled off the nonchalance better this time, and he smiled slowly at me.
“Okay, hotstuff. Maybe we’d better get you a bodyguard,” he joked as he walked me back to the stables. Which was exactly what Jaden would think, I realized with a sinking feeling. Only he wouldn’t be joking.
Back at our stalls, I felt a little flutter of pride when I saw that my ribbon had already been hung up. Of course, Monica and Neil would get to take it home, along with the rest of the prizes, but I didn’t mind. A deep sense of satisfaction stole into me, sifting down and filling all the little holes of self-doubt that had existed since Blaze’s death. I could do this. I knew it now.
I checked on Hades, who was contentedly munching hay in his stall. He glanced up with his usual haughty expression, but it brightened when he saw me and he interrupted his meal long enough to butt me with his head. He was clearly proud of himself too.
“You should be, buddy,” I murmured, stroking his neck fondly. “You were great out there.”
“He really was,” Julia said, peering over the door. She wasn’t smiling.
“You and Jazzy were good today too.” I joined Julia. She shrugged and handed me an iced coffee.
“You’re an angel of caffeine delivery. Thanks.” I sucked my straw, blissful.
We settled into the folding chairs in front of the temporary tackroom. Julia had been atypically quiet at the show — no nonstop chatter, no dragging me places at the drop of a hat, and none of her usual infectious buoyancy.
“I think I’m bored with showing,” she said now.
“Really?” I was startled, although I would have been bored too, showing in the classes that Julia favored. The Hunter classes were too sedate and subjective for my tastes, although I’d ridden in hundreds of them while growing up. “Maybe you just need a change. Why don’t you enter the Derby class, or try a competitive trail ride? Something different for you and Jazzy to tackle.” We used to joke that Julia had merely to show Jasmine the course diagram and she’d take it from there; I was sure the mare would love to try something new as well.
Julia shrugged again. She was as exotically beautiful as ever, her features the perfect blend of Orient and Occident, but her apathy made her seem smaller somehow.
“My mom’s coming to get me tomorrow. My dad’s moving out this weekend and she doesn’t want to be by herself.” Her face was drawn.
“I’ll take good care of Jazzy,” I promised quietly. It was pathetically inadequate, but it seemed like the only thing I could do for my friend.
* * *
My last class of the show was also the biggest — the Grand Prix. It was only the second Grand Prix I’d ever ridden in, and my nerves were apparent to everyone.
“It’s like any other class,” Karen reminded me as she gave me a leg up onto Hades.
Sure. Except that the fences were huge and I was competing against well-known professional riders whom I had admired for years. No biggie.
Hades had had two days to recoup, and after warming up I felt, if not relaxed, at least less likely to throw up. Julia was gone but everyone else I knew was on the bleachers around the ring. When the gate steward waved me in I took a deep breath and patted Hades’ firm neck. He arched it proudly under my touch, and somehow that small gesture made my nerves seem inconsequential. Hades was proud of our team, and so was I.
Since the fences were big I started off carefully, judging our takeoff spots as precisely as I knew how, but Hades seemed not to even notice the increased height, and by the third fence I forgot to be cautious and forgot to be nervous and instead reveled in the feeling of joint flight.
We left the ring to applause, but I barely noticed. Karen met me and shook her head.
“Way to abandon the plan, kid.” Then she smiled and patted Hades’ shoulder. “But it worked, so you’re in luck.”
I certainly was, because we won. I’d won my first Grand Prix, and I couldn’t stop grinning. I accepted congratulations and gave Hades one of his favorite hard peppermints before reluctantly handing him over to the groom. I felt as though he and I should be celebrating together. Oh well, I thought, I’ll feed him more treats later.
I was floating after my win, even laughing with Monica and Neil, who were ecstatic. Their enthusiasm was understandable since the prize money for the class was ten thousand dollars. After chatting with various people I went back to the barn and gladly peeled off my jacket and helmet. I shook out my sweaty hair, then shucked my boots in favor of sneakers and gave Hades a quick rub as he walked past me to his stall.
We had two days off before the St-Lazare show started, but it was in the same place and there was no time to go home. That meant I got two whole days off, with nothing to do but take care of
Hades and hang out with my show buddies. I was ready to celebrate. I decided to start by getting some ice cream. I wandered over to the snack-food truck and got into line. The afternoon sun was surprisingly strong for May and I undid a few buttons on my riding shirt, grateful that it was short-sleeved. I was one person away from ice cream when Monica found me, looking flustered.
“Here you are. Do you know where Hades is?”
“He’s in his stall.”
She shook her head. “No, I was just there and it’s empty.”
Despite the weather, I felt a sudden chill. It’s nothing, I told myself as I jogged to the stabling area. Monica struggled to keep up with me, her heeled shoes sinking into the grass. I got to Hades’ stall and sure enough, it was wide open and he wasn’t there. I spun around and almost plowed into Monica.
“Where could he be?” she asked, breathless.
I spotted Karen’s groom coming into the tent and ran over to her. “Did you take Hades back out?”
She gave me a blank look. “Of course not. He’s in...” She faltered as her eyes moved to his empty stall.
“Looks like he got out,” I said, worried. I turned to the hovering Monica. “Can you go to the show office and have them announce a loose horse? That way people will be on the lookout for him. I’ll go search.” I grabbed a lead rope and ran out.
At home, if a horse got loose, it usually went only as far as the nearest patch of good grass. In a show environment it was harder to predict, but horses are herd animals and they tend to stay close to their own kind. I began jogging the perimeter of the large showgrounds, looking both inward toward the rings and outward to the open field. On two sides the field was bordered by distant fencing; the third side was flanked by woods, and the fourth led to stables, paddocks, and beyond them, the road. Eventually I slowed to a walk, but the pace of my heart remained quick. I queried people along the way but no one had seen him. It wasn’t as though he’d be easy to miss; not only did a loose horse attract immediate attention, but Hades stood out with his flashy white markings. Not to mention that at seventeen hands and about fourteen hundred pounds, he couldn’t exactly sneak around.