Renaissance Man

by M. Garzon

  “What is it?” Seth demanded.

  I didn’t answer, but stood in front of Cal and looked into his soulful, long-lashed eyes — eyes that were alight with not only love, but worry. I fell against his neck, crying. I felt Seth’s hand on my back as I darkened Cal’s neck with my tears, my arms around him.

  “He... he feels me,” I hiccupped when I could speak. “I was trying to feel him, and he was feeling me. The worry, the concern — he’s mirroring my emotions back at me.” I clutched Cal harder, sobbing afresh as a further realization burst upon me. “All this time, the resistance, the fear, the oversensitivity, it wasn’t him. It was me, all along. I was shutting him out.”

  The magnitude of my discovery was overwhelming. I put Cal away and patted and spoke to him for a long time before heading for the house. My mind was abuzz; if I could be mistaken about something so basic, what else had I been wrong about? More than anything, I wanted to share my discovery with Jaden, and I felt again the sudden fierce ache for his presence that always left me shaken and weak. I could call him, I supposed, but I was afraid that he would know something was wrong and that I would end up revealing my pregnancy. He was too good at reading me. Even from a distance, my tone of voice might give me away, but the desire to feel his voice in my ear was seductive.

  I got up to my room and picked up the phone. I put it down. Picked it up and found his number. Dropped the phone again. Terrific. Now I was developing obsessive-compulsive disorder on top of everything else. I decided not to risk it and sent him a text instead, explaining that I’d had a breakthrough with Cal.

  I lay awake thinking about it that night. I realized that I was more cautious and reserved with Cal than I had been with Blaze, because I’d been hurt so deeply that it was terrifying to risk that sort of attachment again. I was excited by my discovery, but also sad for the time we’d wasted, and for the sadness Cal must have felt because of me. And it made me wonder, had I made a similar mistake with Jaden?

  In the face of male anger, the only response I knew was withdrawal. I’d learned early on to make myself scarce until things were calm again, but that wasn’t a useful response to someone who loved me. When Jaden had been upset I hadn’t encouraged conversation — quite the opposite. I’d kept my distance and waited for him to work things out for himself. It might not have been too damaging in the case of his job, but when it came to our relationship my withdrawal was slowly suffocating us.

  Sleep came far too late, but when it did it was peaceful. I had resolved to call Jaden and tell him everything.

  The next day was busy, and I decided to wait until evening to make my fateful call because I was sure we’d need time to work through things. But all day at school I felt a new sense of calm, and even hope.

  I was alone in the barn that afternoon when I heard footsteps.

  “Oh, hey Al,” I said, glancing up in confusion. I froze. Julia’s boyfriend was moving slowly down the aisle, the soft tap of his dress shoes marking his progress. He looked as sleek as ever in a narrow olive-green suit. Even the long gun he carried looked sleek. He held it casually by the barrel, and I stared at it uncomprehendingly for a minute. Then I shook myself and took a step forward.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He stopped. “This doesn’t concern you, Téa. Why don’t you go into the house? I’ll only be a minute.” His dark eyes were feverish, his olive skin flushed. He turned away, and with a sudden flash of insight, I knew where he was going, and why. I took four long strides and planted myself in front of Jasmine’s stall.

  He didn’t change expression as he came to stand before me, but he shifted the butt of the gun into his right hand. I heard something click and assumed it was the safety.

  “You’ll have to move,” he said casually.

  My heart was thumping and I crossed my arms over my chest to muffle it. “I can’t do that.” I swallowed; my voice was scratchy and rough.

  Al sighed. “Really, Téa, there’s no need to make this difficult. It’s only a horse.”

  I heard Jazzy snuffling through the bars behind me. Her warm breath ruffled my hair. I wanted to scream at her to get back, but I was afraid to be distracted for even a second. My mind worked frantically. What do you say to a deranged person with a gun? For once, I wished I’d watched more of those police shows that Seth loved, for surely I would have picked up some tips and not felt as completely useless as I did right now. I made sure to look right into Al’s eyes.

  “Whatever’s going on, Al, it’s between you and Julia. Why don’t I call her? We can all sit down and talk,” I persuaded softly. His eyes narrowed at the mention of Julia’s name.

  “Get out of the way,” he commanded again. His voice was harsher this time, and he dropped the barrel of the gun downward so that it pointed at my chest. I felt my entire body curl inward, as though it was trying to present as small a target as possible. I shook my head. I wanted to tell him he’d have to go through me first, but I doubted I could speak. I didn’t feel afraid, though. Just numb.

  Al started to shift position when another voice spoke.

  “Easy, now.

  I started as Al whirled around to point the gun at Dec, who stood barely six feet away from us. I felt shock that he had been able to sneak so close, but no relief — there were simply more of us in danger now. Dec’s eyes flickered over to me for a millisecond.

  “Téa, why don’t you let Al and I discuss this man to man,” he suggested in a low voice.

  I began to turn and Al looked at me. I saw the flare of victory in his eyes, and I knew exactly what he would do. The instant I was out of the way, he would shoot Jasmine. I stopped dead.

  “Téa,” Dec gritted through clenched teeth, “Go. Now.”

  “I’m sorry, but I’m staying here,” I said quietly.

  Al moved toward me, and Dec lunged. He grabbed the barrel of the gun in one hand and Al’s thin neck with the other. A deafening bang made me jump backward; I slammed into the stall, my head cracking against the bars. I saw stars for a second and blinked rapidly, while all around me horses snorted and kicked in fear.

  Fifteen

  I blinked to clear my head.

  A clang sounded next to me as Dec shoved Al face-first against the stall. With his other hand, Dec held out the rifle to me.

  “Hold this.”

  I took it gingerly, surprised to find that death felt smooth and oily.

  “Struggle and I’ll beat you senseless,” Dec snapped. He twisted Al’s arms behind his back and frogmarched him towards the tackroom. I was still rooted to the spot a minute later when they returned. Dec shoved Al into an empty stall and wrapped a chain around the bars, then fiddled with the lock he’d gotten.

  The lock clicked into place. Dec was breathing heavily, and as he turned slowly to face me I saw how white his face was. He reached out and very carefully took the gun out of my hands. He laid it on the floor. Then he straightened up, grabbed my arms, and gave me one quick, hard shake.

  “If you ever-” He choked suddenly and pulled me against him, holding me tightly. To my surprise, I was happy to be there — the fear that had been absent earlier was rushing into me and I felt weak and shaky.

  After a minute he let me go, and with a last glare at our prisoner he picked up the gun and led the way into the house. I sat at the table petting Blue while Dec called the police, but I was growing increasingly worried. I dashed to my room and got my phone, tried dialing. When I got no answer I rushed back downstairs while trying Seth.

  “Seth! Thank God,” I blurted when he answered. “Look, we have to find Julia. I don’t have time to explain, but I think she might be in trouble. I’ll call her parents, you try her friends, okay?”

  Seth paused for one confused second before agreeing. I left a rather frantic message on Julia’s mom’s answering machine before realizing I didn’t have her dad’s new number. Dec came into the living room as I was searching for their cell numbers, the phone shaking in my hands.

  “What’s
the matter?” His face was drawn.

  “It’s-” I swallowed. “If he wanted to hurt Jasmine... what if he hurt Julia, too?” My voice cracked; my hormones were amplifying my emotions, and I felt as through any second I might burst into a million jittery pieces.

  His eyes widened. “Okay. Keep trying to reach her.” He headed for the door but stopped when I followed him.

  “Stay here,” he ordered. “You too,” he added, looking down at Blue.

  “But... where are you going?”

  “To ask our inmate about Julia,” he said grimly.

  “Then I’m-”

  He cut me off. “No, Téa. I want your word that you’ll stay in the house.” He looked worried.

  At my nod, he left quickly. I scrolled through my contacts while pacing and called everyone who remotely knew Julia. I still hadn’t found her by the time the police showed up. I opened the front door to find two officers, and man and a woman. They were a matched set, both tall and brown-haired, hers pulled into a tight bun.

  “We got a report of an incident with a firearm?” the male cop asked. I nodded, feeling a sudden panic. I didn’t know exactly what Dec was up to in the barn, but I strongly suspected he wouldn’t want witnesses. Particularly uniformed ones. I opened the door wider.

  “Do you need to go out, Blue?” I stared at her, willing her to understand. She slipped past the officers’ legs and I relaxed somewhat. She would find Dec first; like most Australian Cattle dogs, she was absolutely devoted that way.

  “He’s in the barn.” I led the way slowly and spoke loudly as soon as we stepped inside. “It’s this way.”

  Dec came forward calmly to speak with the police. He looked unruffled, but when I moved toward the stall he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. We went back into the house to give our statements. Seth came home as we were finishing; I jumped up at his entrance.

  “Did you find her?” I pleaded.

  He shook his head and eyed the police warily. “What’s going on?”

  The afternoon’s events came tumbling out, but when Dec accompanied the police outside I stopped talking and ran into his office. From there, Seth and I could see the parking area and the barn through a small bay window. We watched the officers escort Al to the squad car, and even from a distance, I could see the red stain of blood around his mouth. One of his eyes seemed swollen, too. I gave a shudder and turned. I was still sitting on the window’s small bench when Dec strode in.

  He gave me an appraising look and I felt my gaze slide away from his. I was afraid he’d be angry that I was spying, and I stood as he came over, but he simply put an arm around me.

  “I had to, Téa,” he said gently. I looked up at him; his expression was concerned. “I don’t think he knows where Julia is, and I don’t think he hurt her. Okay?”

  I nodded. Suddenly I went limp and my knees turned to water. Dec grabbed me and led me to the couch, supporting most of my weight.

  “Seth, get her some water.”

  I drank most of the water and was feeling almost human again when Julia burst in, wild-eyed.

  “I just heard... omigod... are you all right?”

  Seth stalked over to face her. “This wouldn't have happened if you had listened to your friends. You owe my sister a huge apology.” He gave her a blistering look before stalking out.

  Julia flashed a nervous glance my way. “He's kind of hot when he gets all forceful like that, isn't he?”

  I shrugged irritably. As far as I was concerned, the words 'hot' and 'Seth' didn't even belong in the same sentence. She seemed to deflate then and came to sit next to me.

  “I’m so sorry, Téa,” she said quietly. “I broke up with Al yesterday, and he flipped out.” Her head was hanging, and she looked over at me imploringly. “I can never thank you enough for what you did. Never.”

  She shifted on the couch so that she was facing me, and when I tried to smile she hugged me tightly. I squeezed her back. “I’ve missed you, Jules.”

  “Me, too,” she sniffled. “I’ve been so stupid. You and Ter were right.” Her voice was subdued.

  “We’ll give you a pass for this one,” I said, and together we went to hug our horses.

  I went to bed early, but Seth barged into my room before I fell asleep. He dropped onto the edge of my bed and stared at me, his eyes like sapphires.

  “You’re an idiot,” he announced.

  “Yeah, thanks for the newsflash. Now can I get some sleep?” I said, cranky.

  “No!” he yelled. I jumped a bit but tried to hide it by sitting up in bed and staring him down.

  “Get a grip,” I said. “Everyone’s fine.”

  “But you almost weren’t, Sis! And you’re responsible for more than just yourself now. What about my niece or-”

  “Shut up!” I hissed, terrified that Dec would overhear. Then I saw his face, and the genuine fear there, and my head dropped down heavily. “Sorry,” I muttered, picking at a thread on my comforter. “You’re right, I should’ve been more careful. But tell me, Seth, what would you have done?” I looked up at him pleadingly, and he sighed.

  “I don’t know.”

  I lay awake after Seth left, his words echoing in my head. He was right, I thought with a pang. I had to start being more responsible.

  I slept uneasily, tormented by fragments of guilty dreams. I only threw up once while getting ready for school, which seemed promising. I was already outside when my phone rang, and my heart pounded when I saw who the caller was.

  “Hello?”

  He was yelling, of course. He kept it up for quite a while, and I listened quietly, feeling only a trifle pathetic that I was so happy to be hearing his voice, regardless of the circumstances.

  “Did you call just to yell at me?” I asked finally, when I thought he was done.

  “Essentially, yes. You should thank your lucky stars that I’m not standing in front of you right now, Téa.” His voice was rough with emotion.

  There was a long silence. “I’ll never feel lucky for that,” I whispered.

  He groaned. “I want you to swear to me, swear by all that is holy, that you will stay out of mortal danger until I come home.”

  “And when will that be?” I asked quietly.

  “The World Cup runs into December, and I’ve committed to playing in it.” He sighed. “Probably after that.”

  That night was Dec’s turn. I’d been at school all day, and Gran had spent all of dinnertime haranguing me about my lack of sense. It had been a relief to come upstairs, and now this. He knocked quietly, and I stood up and steeled myself before telling him to come in. He didn’t come close, just stood there watching me with an inscrutable expression until I began to get uncomfortable.

  I lost patience first. “Okay, I know you didn’t get the chance to yell at me properly yesterday. So, go ahead.” I crossed my arms tightly and stared at the poster of Hickstead on my wall.

  “I think Gran did quite a fine job of covering the bases, don’t you?”

  My eyes flew back to his face. One corner of his mouth was lifted, like he was trying not to smile.

  I sank into the chair. “Yeah, she was pretty thorough.”

  Dec went and sat on the bed. He gave me another peculiar look. “Téa, I know you’ve had a hard time lately. You’ve been sick a lot, and missing Jaden and Hades... and, well, you’re not...” I watched in confusion as he fumbled for words. I’d never seen Dec act like this. He straightened up suddenly and looked right at me. “Are you suicidal?”

  “What?” I stared at him in amazement. “No! Dec, he was going to hurt Jasmine. An innocent horse. And Julia’s one of my best friends.”

  “You and Julia have barely spoken in months.” He regarded me with suspicion.

  I threw up my hands. “That doesn’t stop her being my friend, does it?”

  His face softened, and he patted my shoulder on his way out. “No, it doesn’t.”

  * * *

  I’d almost interrupted Jaden’s tirade that morning t
o tell him the big news, but good sense had for once intervened. I decided to have a shower, go over what I would say, and call him. I went to the bathroom and started undressing while mentally rehearsing my speech. I had just pulled my shirt over my head when I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen and doubled over, gasping. The pain eased, and I was straightening up when I felt a rush of wetness between my legs.

  I yanked down my jeans. My underwear was covered in blood. “No, oh no, no,” I mewled. My abdomen cramped again, and I started tugging my clothes back on while yanking open the bathroom door.

  “Seth!” I yelled. No answer.

  I tottered carefully to my bedroom, one hand over my belly, and found my phone.

  Find me upstairs NOW, I texted quickly. Then I got clean clothes and a hygienic pad, tossed my bloodied ones in the hamper, and lay down. Seth barreled in seconds later.

  “I need to go to the hospital,” I groaned.

  He helped me down the stairs, and we were almost at the front door when Dec walked through it. I quickly moved my hands upward.

  “Stomach pains,” I gasped. “Seth’s taking me to the hospital.”

  Dec’s face clouded with concern. “I’ll come too.”

  I shook my head quickly. “It’s okay, someone has to stay. We’ll call you.”

  I kept my feet up on the dash during the drive, although I doubted it would help. Seth sped toward the hospital, throwing occasional apprehensive glances my way. If he thought it was strange that I was suddenly trying to hold on to the pregnancy, he didn’t say so.

  My case wasn’t a priority and it was hours before a doctor confirmed my fears.

  “You’ve had a miscarriage,” he said kindly. He was an elderly man with a halo of white hair. “There’s no more heartbeat or detectable signs of the fetus, but the ultrasound shows bits of tissue remaining, so we’re going to do a D&C to be safe.”