by Beck, J. L.
By the time the movie starts, and he’s settled onto the couch next to me, I’ve come up with nothing. My anxiety builds, stacking up like Jenga blocks. One misstep and everything could come crashing down.
“Are you okay?” Zane turns, asking me in that deep gravelly voice that reaches inside of me and refuses to let go.
I nod, afraid of what might come out of my mouth if I open it. Zane gives me a half-smile and directs his attention back to the TV.
I watch him out of the corner of my eye. He looks like he’s watching the movie, but he’s not. He’s watching me too.
I can sense it. Feel it.
There’s this fluttery feeling in my chest. Like a butterfly is tirelessly beating its wings, trying to escape.
Just do it. Make the first move. It’s your only way out…
Inching closer to Zane, I wonder if he can sense how nervous I am? Gah, what am I thinking? Of course, he can. Like he said, he knows me better than I know myself, which is scary as hell, by the way.
Forcing myself to keep moving, I inch closer and closer. If I stop now, I won’t move anymore, so I have to keep going. Push through the fear. Scooting closer to him, I try and keep my movements subtle, but it’s a lot harder than you would think.
Ignoring the heat in my cheeks and the tension in my muscles, I keep moving until we’re so close I can feel his body heat radiating into my side. Zane is huge compared to me, his body dwarfing mine, and as I attempt to cuddle into his side, I become more aware of this.
I don’t know why this is so hard for me. He holds me every night, this shouldn’t be any different, but it is. It’s a whole lot different because he doesn’t give me a choice at night. He just pulls me into his chest and holds me, whether I want to or not.
This, however, is one-hundred percent my choice. I’m initiating this. Diving head-first into dark waters. It’s sink or swim time.
Trying to calm my erratic heartbeat and breathing, so Zane doesn’t catch on to me, I focus on the movie and ignore the wall of muscle beside me. The tension slowly eases out of me, and I lean further into Zane until my head is resting against his arm.
I wait to see if he pulls away or even objects, but his body stays glued to mine. He’s probably enjoying the nearness of my body, that I’m making an effort to be close to him all on my own. As the movie plays, I find my eyes gravitating toward the apex of his thighs.
Should I do it now? Would grabbing his penis be too on point? I don’t want to come across as desperate, but honestly, I am, so does it really matter? Patience isn’t really my strong point, and being here has made me even antsier.
“Are you even watching the movie?” Zane asks, catching me off guard.
“Uhh…”
“You didn’t have to watch it with me just so I would hold you. Movie or not, I have no problem being close to you.” I hate the way his words make me feel. Like I’m precious, a gift.
Instantly, I feel bad about deceiving him like this. He might be sick and fucked up in his head, but he really has been trying to make me feel safe and comfortable, and in a lot of ways, he has. I’ve never felt safer, not since Will. Zane gives me comfort, he protects me, and I know even without asking, he’s done things for me. Things I could never picture.
“Oh, okay,” I murmur. “I still want to watch the movie,” I say, even though I haven’t actually paid any attention to it.
Zane lifts his arm and motions for me to come closer. I take the invitation and cuddle into his side. He lowers his arm and drapes it over my shoulders, engulfing me in his warmth. It feels nice. Right. Like I was meant to be here.
The movie plays until the end, but I couldn’t really concentrate on it. I’m in too much of an argument with myself in my head, giving myself a headache.
“Ready to go to bed?” Zane asks, turning off the TV with the remote.
“Yeah, sure…” We untangle ourselves from each other and the couch. Walking together into the bedroom, my heart is going a million miles per hour. I can do this.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem tense.”
“I’m fine,” I say. It probably sounds as unconvincing as I feel.
Once in the bedroom, I grab my pajamas and get changed in the bathroom. I purposely leave the top buttons undone, showing off a bit more skin than I usually would.
When I get back, Zane is already sprawled out on the bed. The blanket is covering his lower half, his upper body bare. His muscular chest is on full display. My mouth starts watering, and my core tightens.
Zane raises an eyebrow when he sees me trying to walk sexy as I make my way to the bed, but he doesn’t say anything. I crawl under the blanket next to him, and instead of taking our normal spooning position, I turn to face him. Draping my arm over his middle, I use his chest as a pillow.
Like this, I can hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, and I wonder how much faster mine is beating right now. Zane reaches over to his nightstand and switches off the light, blanketing the room in darkness.
“Goodnight, Dove.”
It’s now or never…
“Actually,” I whisper, and let my hand trail down his stomach. Swallowing down the fear, I make it to his thigh, where I graze the rod between his legs. It’s thick and hard, and suddenly I don’t know if I can do this. I think I’m in over my head.
“What are you doing?” Zane’s voice is like a bucket of cold water. I pull my hand away like touching him is fire.
“I-I…” Is all I can manage to get out before Zane has flipped me onto my back and has climbed on top of me.
“Don’t play games with me, Dove,” he says, his face so close to mine that his minty breath fans over my face. His large body looms over me, caging me in, pressing me into the mattress.
It’s hard to make out his features in the dark, but I don’t need to see his face to know he’s angry. I can feel it like a branding iron on my skin.
“I’m not.” I lie… kind of.
“You want me to fuck you? I can make that happen right now. Just say the word, and I’ll rip off our clothes and slide inside of you so deeply you will never forget who you belong to. Is that what you want, Dove?”
Say yes, say yes. This is what you wanted.
I can feel his growing erection between us, long and hard, nestled between our bodies. Moisture soaks my panties, and my nipples tighten, rubbing against my shirt. My body is ready, but I…
“I don’t know…” God, I’m such a chicken.
Leaning in even closer, he whispers into the shell of my ear, “Then don’t tease me.”
Just as fast as he was on top of me, he is gone. I’m still breathing heavily when he gets situated next to me. Turning us, he pulls me into his chest like he always does. I close my eyes and force myself to calm down, so I can go to sleep while wondering if I just made a huge mistake or if I barely escaped one.
18
I wake up the same way I fell asleep, with a terrible feeling in my gut. This isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve been with women many times before, and I know Dove well enough to know she’s acting out of character. This isn’t her. She’s sweet, naive, and so incredibly innocent. Reaching for my cock isn’t something she would do… not unless... she’s trying to play me. In which case, that would make perfect sense.
I don’t exactly know what her goal is, but it doesn’t matter. Either way, she’s got it in her head that she can manipulate me. Use her body as a weapon. Ha. The thought is laughable in itself. If she were any other woman, I’d have tied her up and fucked the words right out of her mouth. Found out what she was doing with little effort, hell, I could’ve done it last night.
A silent rage bubbles up inside of me. She’s the only person I’ve ever shown kindness to, and this is how I’m rewarded? We’ve been here for days now; she must have realized by now that I only want her to be safe. I get that she was scared in the beginning, but I’ve proven myself over and over again. Still, she wants to try and use me? Manipulate me? Use sex against me?
&nbs
p; She wants to play games? Fine. I’ll play along. I’ve been nice. I’ve shown compassion. Maybe I need to show her what happens when you provoke a man who is crazed with need over you. Right on cue, Dove stirs next to me.
She turns in my arms, her eyes blinking open slowly. Even though I’m angry with her, I still admire her beauty. “Is it the morning already?” She asks sleepily.
At least one of us slept well last night.
“Yes, time to rise and shine.” I pull away first and start to roll off the bed when I feel her hand land against my shoulder. “Yeah?” I toss over my shoulder.
Dove is looking down at the comforter with an ashamed look. I’m tempted to tell her everything is okay, but I don’t have it in me. Not right now. I’m still pissed that she would try and get me to have sex with her when we both know she’s not ready.
What’s her motive? Does she think I’ll let her go if she does?
“I’m sorry about last night. I… I don’t know what I was thinking,” she mumbles shamefully, and I can see two bright spots forming on her cheeks. I wounded her last night with the way I handled things, but I had to, and I’ll continue to handle them this way until she gets the point because if she pushes me too far, I’ll snap, and we’ll both be screwed.
“It’s fine. It was a mistake. Everything is good,” I say. Though my brain is screaming at me that it’s not. My damn cock is permanently hard, and my balls are always aching because of her. Her sweet scent surrounds me, and her body tempts me to do sinfully bad things to it.
I want her bad enough without having her throw herself at me. I don’t need to be tempted any more than I am.
“You still seem mad though.” She rolls her bottom lip between her teeth. “I didn’t do it to make you mad.”
I tense. “No, you did it to see what I would do, but next time, I can’t promise you that I’ll stop myself from taking you. I’ve spared you this far, don’t make it harder than it needs to be for me. I’m only human, and I promised myself that when the time came for me to claim your virginity, I would do so as you deserved, but you make that harder every single day.”
Dove gives me a shocked look. “How do you know I haven’t had sex before?”
It’s too early to do this, but what the fuck, why not? It’s either now or in five minutes. Turning to face her so I can see her eyes fully, I say, “Because I made sure no one would get that far. You were always going to be mine.”
Her mouth pops open, and her eyes widen in shock. For a moment she just stares at me, processing the information I just gave her. “W-what do you mean?”
“You’re a smart girl. You know what it means.” I let her draw her own conclusions.
“You scared them away?”
I shrug, deciding not to tell her that I murdered a few of them. “I mean, you could say that, yes. I made sure they didn’t come back for another date. Some I even made sure they never made it to the date to begin with.” Yes, I’m a fucking asshole, but nothing and no one is going to touch or taint what’s mine.
Dove is pure white snow, and I wasn’t going to let some fucking asshole piss all over her. The guys she went on dates with were pigs and only wanted to get between her legs. No way was I going to watch that shit go down.
“All this time, I thought there was something wrong with me…” Sadness coats her voice, but quickly her eyes turn to fire, and she shakes her head angrily. Her statement brings my own anger down a couple of pegs. “I thought they didn’t want me. That I was ugly and unlovable. I thought there was something wrong with me!”
Fuck me. Shit, I didn’t expect it to turn into this. The hurt in her words, it’s like a knife piercing me in the chest. Reaching for her, all I want to do is comfort her, but when my fingers graze her hand, she pulls away. She’s looking at me like I’ve ruined her life, but doesn’t she see that I’ve only made it better?
With a tight chest, I say, “I’m sorry, Dove. I only did it to protect you. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. You aren’t any of those things. You’re perfect.”
She moves off the bed, putting too much distance between us.
“Don’t lie to me! You did it because you’re selfish and didn’t want me to fall in love with someone else before you had the chance to kidnap me. You wanted me alone because if you can’t have me, no one can? Isn’t that right?”
It takes every ounce of self-restraint I have not to grab her and throw her back onto the bed. To tie her up and keep her bound to this bed with me. Yes, everything she just said is true. No one can have her, only me. Yes, I’ve been selfish, and yes, I wanted her to be alone in a way. I never intended for her to feel as if she was at fault though, but there isn’t anything I can do about that now. Nothing of the past matters. She’s mine.
Anger fills my voice when I speak. “It wouldn’t have mattered if you had found someone. I would’ve disposed of him and took you anyway. You’re mine, don’t you see that?”
Dove’s tiny hands form into fists, and her body vibrates with unbridled anger. I wonder if she’s going to punch me, act out on her rage?
“I’m not yours! I’m a human being with feelings. Not a pet or a thing. I am not, nor will I ever be yours!”
As soon as the words are out of her mouth, I’m off the bed and across the room. My heart races in my chest, and I don’t think. I just react. Gripping Dove by the back of the neck, I hold her in place while staring down at her. Her body starts to tremble, and I know I’m scaring, her but maybe that’s what she needs. I’m tired of her being a brat. Tired of her being ungrateful for all I’ve done, for us, for her.
A coldness sweeps through me. How dare she say she’s not mine. She has been and always will be mine.
“You. Are. Mine!” I growl into her face. “I’ve killed for you, bled for you, sacrificed everything for you. You will be whatever I want you to be.”
“I never asked you to do any of that!! I never wanted this. I never wanted you!” Just like that, I snap. My patience is gone. All I feel at this moment is anger. Burning, red hot anger. My vision blurs for a fraction of a second.
I release her nape and sink my fingers into the silky strands of hair. With a fist full of hair, I tilt her head back, forcing her to see me, really see me. Her big, blue eyes fill with fear, but I’m too far gone to give a shit. I’m done. Lifting her hands, she plants them against my chest and pushes against me, but I’m a fucking mountain and don’t budge, not even an inch.
“It’s never been your choice and never will be. Fight me all you want. Cry. Beg. Plead.” Looking down, my eyes catch on her pulse, and I lean in, licking the sensitive skin, tasting her fear. “I’ll die before you’re ever free of me.”
“You’re hurting me,” Dove whimpers, struggling against my grasp. I’m tempted to shove up her nightgown and rip her panties off of her. To teach her a lesson. If I knew I could stop there, I would. But I know I wouldn’t be able to. Not even as she begs me to, so I do the last thing I want. I let her go. I release my hold on her hair and take a step back.
“I hate you!” Angry pants slip from her lips, and I can feel my own rage boiling over. I need to leave this room, get away from her.
“Hate me all you want, but that doesn’t change anything. You’re still mine, and you’re still going to be here even when the anger passes. So, hate me. It doesn’t change a damn thing.”
Leaving the room, I feel like I’m drowning in my own rage. When I reach the library, I close the door behind me and sit down in one of the chairs. I hold my head in my hands for a long time, trying to get my breathing and mind back on track.
Needing to think about something else, I walk over to the safe, punch in the code and pull out the computer and phone. Dealing with some shit from the outside world should help. I set everything up and then check my email and messages. There are numerous messages from Christian, and I feel all the better about my choice of kidnapping Dove with each one that I read.
Christian: Bring me the girl, and I’ll spare you.
Ch
ristian: I’ve sent my men to find and kill both you and the girl. You’re a good kid, Zane, but you don’t fuck with the mob.
Christian: Where the fuck is the girl?
Christian: You’re dead.
There are at least a dozen more texts just like these. Some mentioning torture and rape if I don’t give both of us up. I’m not afraid though. They’ll never find Dove here. Never suspect that I’ve hidden her. They don’t know who she is to me. Just like I don’t know who Dove is to Christian, but I’ll figure it out. Nothing remains a secret for long in the world we live in.
Some corrupt asshole will take the money I offer him for information. It’s happened before, and it will happen again. We just need to lay low for a while, and then I can reach out to some people and get the ball rolling.
I check the surveillance on Dove’s apartment. I’m not shocked to find the place completely ransacked. If she could see how her apartment looks right now, she’d be devastated, or maybe she would finally believe me that she is here for her own protection.
I’ve rescued her from the darkness, saved her the heartbreak. She should be thanking me instead of fighting me. Thinking about what she said angers me more, and I shut my thoughts down completely.
Locking up the computer and phone, I try to think of what to do next. I haven’t had breakfast or coffee yet, but I don’t think my stomach could handle either. I decide to workout. I need to get rid of this tension in my muscles. I need an outlet, and the punching bag is going to be my best chance of making it through the day.
19
It takes me a long time to get my breathing under control after he leaves the room. My scalp tingles where he pulled my hair, and my insides twist with pure rage. I’ve never been this angry. Consumed by hate. All I can do is think of escaping. I’m not a person to him. I’m an obsession, an object. Something he owns and that he won’t let anyone else touch.