The Savage Grace

by Bree Despain

  Instead, I pushed open the heavy stairwell door and let it slam closed behind me. I darted down a couple of flights of stairs, my echoing footsteps chasing behind me. I made it all the way to the landing that would take me back out to the ICU floor before I fell against the wall.

  Sobs quaked inside my chest and sounded even louder in the isolated stairwell. I hated myself for thinking I could make my mother understand how much I needed her. Like I could snap her out of her catatonic state just like that. I hated the horrible thoughts that had raced through my head when I’d failed. Deep down, I knew I couldn’t blame her for being mentally incapacitated, just like I couldn’t blame my father for being unconscious in his hospital bed.

  But all the same, it still meant I was completely alone.

  I let myself cry until the ache inside of me was replaced by a deep fatigue that pulled at my body, filling my muscles with the strain of everything that had happened in this harrowing day. It felt like I’d completed an Ironman triathlon—without my powers.

  I closed my eyes with a heavy sigh. It took only a few moments before one of my dreams of Daniel trickled into my brain.

  This one was different from the usual dream. I was standing rather than sitting on a bench, and Daniel stood in front of me. His almost devious, playful grin edged on his lips for a moment, then his face shifted into a look of deep concern. It all felt so real, it was hard to remember the image of him was purely an invention of my sorrow.

  “Are you okay?” Daniel asked.

  I tried to take a step closer to him, but my body swayed dangerously. Even in my dream I was exhausted. Daniel reached out and steadied me with his strong hands. I knew I shouldn’t indulge the dream—I’d only regret it when I fully realized it was fake—but I could feel his warmth so close to me, I couldn’t help grabbing him around the middle and nuzzling my face into his chest.

  Daniel’s arms wrapped around me, engulfing me in his warmth. He rested his head against the top of mine, his breath tickling against my hair and scalp. The sensation was so wonderful and needed that I sighed out loud.

  “I love you,” I whispered against the fabric of his shirt.

  He took in a sharp breath. “I love you, too,” came a whisper so quiet I could feel the words spoken against my hair more than I could actually hear them.

  I slid my hand up his chest and let my fingers linger on the warm skin exposed at his collar. “Why are you trying to leave me, Daniel?”

  The arms holding me stiffened. I heard a throat clear, and even though the sound was familiar, it didn’t belong to Daniel.

  And the fabric nestled against my face felt very much like flannel.

  Oh no! My eyes shot open, and I stared up at the face that belonged with the arms that held me—in the real world, not in my dream. He looked back at me with bright green eyes almost hidden under the brim of a red baseball cap.

  “Talbot?” I pushed myself out from his grasp. “What on earth do you think you’re doing?”

  “Hey.” He held up his large hands defensively. “I just came into the stairwell and saw you standing here, looking like you were about to fall over. I asked if you were okay, and you’re the one who hugged me.”

  “I did not!” My neck burned with the red splotches that formed there whenever I was lying. Which I wasn’t! “I was asleep. I thought you were someone else. You took advantage of me.”

  “Took advantage? How about saved you from collapsing?”

  “I’m fine! No thanks to you.”

  “No thanks to me?”

  “You said you were going to meet me here, like, five hours ago. Do you have any idea how alone and afraid I’ve been? Where were you?”

  “I had to pull a disappearing act with those paramedics, who tried to force me into the ER. You should see how freaked out medical people get when they hear two hearts beating in my chest. I had to lay low for a while, and then the ICU nurses wouldn’t let me in there to see you guys because I’m not related. So I went home to clean up and change my clothes. I lost my lucky blue hat today, by the way. And then I had to take care of something before I could—”

  “Your hat? You’re worried about losing your freaking hat? I almost lost my father today!” A sudden rush of power surged through my muscles. I pushed against his chest, hard enough so that he had to step backward to regain his footing. “Why didn’t you protect him?” I shouted. “Why didn’t you stop him from getting hurt? I asked you to do one thing for me, and that was keep him safe. And look where he ended up!”

  I went to push him again, but Talbot grabbed my wrists to stop me.

  “I tried, Grace. I went into that burning building and tried to carry him out because I knew that’s what you’d want me to do.”

  “Well, you didn’t try hard enough!”

  I attempted to wrestle my hands from his grasp. I wanted to hit him. Hurt him. Make him feel the pain I had inside. He should have been the one who got hurt! But Talbot pulled my arms around him and hugged me in a tight embrace, holding me against his chest, like he had before I realized he wasn’t Daniel. And for a few short seconds I contemplated melting into his arms, letting him hold me, letting everything go for just a few moments.

  But I couldn’t.

  “Let go,” I said. “What are you doing?”

  “This is what you need, isn’t it?” Talbot said. “I heard what you said in the parish, that you miss having someone to hold you in his arms. I can do that for you.”

  I struggled out of his embrace. “No, you can’t. I said that I missed Daniel holding me. And you’re not him.

  You never will be. So this can’t happen.” I pushed his arms down and stepped away.

  He stared at me from under the brim of his baseball cap. “How do you mourn someone who isn’t dead?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “At the parish, you said that it feels like Daniel is dead, even though he isn’t. When someone dies, you mourn him for a time and then you can move on. But how will you ever stop mourning Daniel if you haven’t accepted that he’s gone? At some point you’re going to have to realize that the part of Daniel that was Daniel is dead. That he isn’t coming back. That he’ll never hold you in his arms again—”

  “Shut up.”

  “Once you accept that, you’ll be able to move on.”

  “I said shut up.”

  Talbot put his hand on my arm like he wanted to pull me against him again. “He can’t hold you in his arms, but I can.”

  I yanked myself out of his grasp. “You don’t get to do that. Leave me alone.”

  “I’ll wait for you until you’re ready to move on.”

  “That’s never going to happen!” My hands balled into fists.

  Talbot stepped back. He dropped his arms to his sides, as if showing me that he’d submit himself to an attack. “I’m sorry.” He lowered his head. “I shouldn’t have said all that. I just … I just don’t like seeing you do this to yourself. I look at you, and I don’t see my grace anymore. And I miss her.”

  “I haven’t gone anywhere … and I was never yours to miss in the first place.”

  “You might be standing right here, but you’re not the you I met a few weeks ago. That girl had fire. That girl wanted to be a superhero. The you I see now is someone who is wasting away, forgetting everything she wanted for herself. When was the last time you trained? Or even ate?”

  “You make it sound like I’ve done nothing but curl up in a corner and cry for the last week.” Okay, so I had just been crying in a corner of a stairwell—but still. “I’m not some weak little do-nothing. I’m doing everything I possibly can to bring Daniel back.”

  “And that’s the problem. The only thing you have passion for anymore is trying to find something that can’t be found.” He lowered his voice, looking down at his large hands. “And I’m afraid you’re going to lose whatever is left of your old self in the process. You need to give up this search. The warehouse is gone, and you’re not going to find that moonstone in the
parish yard.”

  My fists loosened, and I found my own arms dropping to my sides. Talbot was right. I wasn’t going to find a moonstone by searching for it. I’d just said I was doing everything I could to try to bring Daniel back, but I wasn’t. There was still the thing I’d promised my father would only be my last resort.…

  “Please don’t hate me, Grace, for saying all of this. But someone had to. I just want to be your friend. I’ve been on my own since I was thirteen, so I kind of suck at interpersonal relationships.”

  “Yeah, you do,” I said, my mind still preoccupied with the revelation that was unfolding inside my head.

  “I’m trying my hardest.” He shoved his thumbs through his belt loops. “Are you ever going to trust me again?”

  I thought about how Talbot was trying to make things up to me. I remembered how terrified even hardened Slade had been by the fire at the warehouse, and I realized just how much guts it must have taken for Talbot to go into the burning corridor by himself in order to pull my father out. He was right. He’d tried his best. He might say idiotic things, but he deserved more from me than my perpetual disdain.

  “Thank you,” I finally said.

  Talbot looked down at me.

  “You did what I asked you to do. You tried to keep my dad safe.” I put my hand on his arm. “We can be friends again. It’s what I need right now.”

  “You have no idea how much that means to me.” He smiled. “All I want is for you to realize how much I care about you.”

  “Don’t get too excited,” I said softly. “It doesn’t really mean much now … because I’m leaving.”

  “You’re what?”

  “I’m leaving,” I said with sudden conviction, even though I hadn’t known that was my decision until I said it. “You’re right. I’m never going to find that moonstone piece at the parish. It’s hopeless. And with the warehouse destroyed now … I have only one chance left to get a moonstone before it’s too late and Daniel leaves me forever. And that’s to go to Sirhan.”

  “Sirhan? That’s crazy, Grace. You can’t go there.” His eyes were stern, and he gripped my arm like he could physically hold me back. “You go to Sirhan, and there’s a good chance you’ll never—”

  “Return? I know. But if that’s the price I need to pay to get Daniel back, then that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll trade myself for a moonstone.”

  “And then do what? How will that even help Daniel?”

  “I’ll send it back to April. I don’t know.” I hadn’t thought that much of it through. “I’ll figure it out if … when … I get to that point. But I’m going, and there’s nothing that can stop me.”

  “What about your dad? The rest of your family?”

  “There’s nothing I can do to help my dad by staying here. I tried to do that healing thing on him with Gabriel, but it backfired and I ended up hurting him more.”

  Talbot’s eyes widened when I said this.

  “And my mom…” I bit my lip. “There’s no way to get through to her.” I didn’t even mention Jude, because I had no idea how to start helping him. I couldn’t even bring myself to look him in the eyes again.

  Talbot brushed his hand through his wavy milk-chocolate-brown hair. “What about me? I can try to stop you.”

  “No, Tal,” I said, using the close-friends nickname he asked me not to use once because it sounded too good coming from my lips. “There’s nothing you could do, short of miraculously making a moonstone appear out of thin air, that could make me change my mind. I’m going to go home to pack, and then I’m leaving in the morning.”

  He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then closed it again as if reconsidering whatever it was that he’d wanted to stay. For a second, I thought I saw a deep pain flash behind his eyes.

  I rocked up onto my tiptoes and brushed a light kiss on his cheek. His whole body shuddered with a sigh at the touch of my lips on his skin. He cared too much about me. “Just let me leave. Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

  I brushed my hand down his arm, and he tried to snatch at my fingers as I turned away from him.

  “No. Grace?”

  My back was to him now, but I could hear the pleading urgency that filled his voice.

  “Let me go.” I reached for the stairwell door.

  “I can’t,” he said. “I can’t let you trade yourself to Sirhan.”

  “I have to.”

  “No you don’t.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me around to face him. “Because I have this.” He pressed something hard, flat, and warm into my palm, then pulled his hand away so I could see what he’d given me.

  I almost didn’t recognize what it was at first. It was shaped like a rounded-off triangle, and the color was almost silver instead of the usual blackish hue. A large chink in it exposed an almost crystal-like center under its smooth surface—but the heat that pulsed off of it was unmistakable.

  It felt just like hope.

  “A moonstone?” I gasped.

  Chapter Nine

  FLAT-LINE

  SIX MOONSTONE PULSES LATER

  “How did you … ? Did you find this in the warehouse? Why didn’t you tell me right away?”

  Talbot cleared his throat and turned his head so he wasn’t looking me in the eyes.

  My gaze flitted back to the stone. It looked so weathered and tattered. Was that from the exposure to the fire in the warehouse? no, I realized. This stone was too large to have been one of the shattered fragments he could have found at the warehouse. I ran my finger over the surface of the stone, noticing the small hole drilled into one of the points of the triangle, probably where it had been strung onto a chain or leather string. My inspection of the stone lingered on the raw chink in the surface. It almost resembled the shape of a crescent moon that had been worn away by almost a year of being exposed to the elements.…

  “This is the stone we were looking for in the churchyard, isn’t it? The other half of Daniel’s moonstone?”

  I could see the tension in Talbot’s clenched jaw. He gave the slightest nod. He was hiding something, and I was pretty sure I knew what it was. The thought of it made my stomach churn.

  “When did you find this?”

  “Before.”

  “Before when?”

  “Before today.”

  “You mean you found this yesterday? Before you told me to accept that it was hopeless that I was going to find it. Because you had it already. You had it all that time … before we decided to search the warehouse? Before you volunteered to go with my dad?” Raw power surged through my body, and my muscles clenched with a fire that burned just as strong as the betrayal I felt. “Before my dad got hurt!”

  “Yes,” he breathed out.

  “So you were just playing along? You had this stone all that time, and you didn’t tell me. You took my dad to that warehouse even though you knew he didn’t need to go. Were you only going there so you could hide anything he would have found there, too? My dad wouldn’t have gotten hurt if it weren’t for you! Why the hell would you keep this from me?”

  He opened his mouth, but I didn’t let him speak.

  “I know already,” I said. “You didn’t want me to have this moonstone because you don’t want Daniel to come back. Because you know you can’t compete with him. You think if he never comes back, I’ll eventually choose you. Well, you’re wrong.”

  “I did it because I love you, Grace.”

  “You don’t love me. You don’t even know what love is. You’re a selfish bastard. Anyone who would do this is a monster. You only tried to save my dad because you thought it would endear you to me, make me love you. Not because it was the right thing to do.” This realization made my insides lurch. “I could never love someone like that. I could never love someone who would hide this from me.” I held up the moonstone in my fist. But what I really wanted to do was let that fist fly. I wanted to punch Talbot in the face more than anything. No, I wanted to rip his face off. He deserves it.

&nbs
p; My muscles rumbled with adrenaline.

  How could he have done this to you?

  “I will never love you!”

  “Grace, please. I’m sorry. It was stupid and selfish, and I shouldn’t have…” He reached out to grab my arm.

  “Don’t you touch me!” My hand went sailing and slammed into his chest in a wing chun–style punch. A move he’d taught me. The hit landed hard. I felt bone crack on impact. Talbot flew backward and hit the stair railing with the satisfying crunch of body impacting with metal. He cried out, clutching at his rib cage. I had no doubt I’d broken at least one of his ribs.

  The wolf in my head whispered promises of all the things it would do to Talbot if I’d just let it free, and I wanted to do more damage.…

  No. I couldn’t. I clutched that moonstone to my chest and willed its calming power into my body. I couldn’t let Talbot cause me to lose control. I had to get away from him. Away from his deceit. Away from his lies.

  “I never want to see you again.” I pulled open the stairwell door and burst through the doorway into the lobby outside the ICU.

  I hit the Call button next to the ICU door. I told the nurse I’d left my car keys in the waiting area, and she let me into the unit. I stormed down the hall, past my dad’s room, and kept going deeper into the ICU until I was certain Talbot hadn’t followed me. I stopped and leaned against a window, clasping the moonstone against my chest, trying to get ahold of my senses. That is, until I noticed a shrill beeping noise, like the one from my father’s monitor that had gone nuts after I’d tried to heal him.

  I was about to bolt back to his room when I realized the noise actually came from the room behind the window I leaned against. I peered through the glass and watched as a doctor used two large defibrillator paddles to shock the chest of a guy lying in the hospital bed. The guy’s body arched and shuddered with the jolt of electricity, but then it collapsed, limp and lifeless on the bed. Something about the guy looked familiar.…