Sanctum Arcanum

by Alexander Kautz

  “That sounds absolutely perfect!” Tim was ecstatic, “Harry will go off the deep end when I tell him.”

  “Perfect--,” I played with my toast, tapping it like a weapon against the plate, “Oh, um, I ran into a few little health issues.”

  “Let me guess--,” He thought briefly, “Borderline diabetic from all that junk food?”

  “Yes, now that you mention it, that too.” I was amazed with his diagnosis. It often intrigued me how a mortician with knowledge of endings could so easily distinguish the road leading there. I really didn’t want to inform him of my true issue, but knew that he would be disappointed finding out from others.

  “The truth of the matter is that I was recently diagnosed with Ischemic heart disease.”

  “Oh--,” He simply fell silent.

  I had listened for several moments before tapping a finger at the phone and saying, “Tim, are you still with me?”

  “Yes, sorry. That just came as a bit of a shock.”

  “You’re telling me. I still haven’t gotten over the initial diagnosis. And I’ll be lucky to survive through this new diet.”

  “Are you really trying to stick to that diet?” There was apprehension in his tone, something that frightened me just a little.

  “With a lot of help from Eva and the others, yes, I am really sticking to this diet.”

  “Alright, I don’t mean to preach to you, but, you do know what will happen if you fail to follow doctor’s orders in this particular case?!”

  “I’m all-too aware of the consequences.” Leaning back into the chair, I sipped at my tea, “So, don’t be too concerned, I have no intentions of testing the boundaries.”

  “In all the years that we have known each other, you have never stopped pushing limits and testing the boundaries.”

  “Alright, I might have been a little reckless in my younger days. But seriously, this is not something that I intend to fool around with.”

  “That’s all that I wanted to hear.” He sounded somewhat relieved, and changing the subject, asked, “I was just wondering, how that old Cadillac of my father’s was running for you?”

  “It sounds to me like you might be having some regrets about getting rid of it?”

  “Well, to be honest: Now that I have finally caught up on the bills, and can actually pay you back for the loan… If it didn’t disappoint you too much, I’d love to buy it back.”

  “I’ll tell you what, old buddy.” I laughed to myself, “You and Harry catch a Greyhound bus into town, and you can both drive home in the caddy, my gift to you.”

  “Oh, I just couldn’t do that--,” He attempted to argue, “A deal is a deal—and I want to pay you back, anyway.”

  “There’s just no point in arguing with me. My books are finally selling, and the magazine and antique shop are turning out more money than we know what to do with. Honestly Tim, I would feel like absolute human garbage, if I accepted a single dime from you.”

  It was obvious that he had lost in the argument, but he still tried, “But we had an agreement.”

  “And that deal died when fate finally shined into my life. So, just accept the car back, say thank you and let’s be done with this. Don’t ruin the moment.”

  “Alright then, thank you, Michael. This really means a lot to me.”

  “I know that it does, that’s why I am doing this in the first place. And besides, I can’t really drive all the cars that we have now anyway. My 1972 Eldorado is my real baby, and will always be.”

  “You really are something. I’ll let Harry know. You can count on having us there for the Halloween weekend. You take it easy, and stick to that diet, please.”

  “I promise--,” Shoving the toast into my mouth, I nibbled an edge, grimacing, and said, “You guys behave and I’ll see you soon, till then.”

  “Till then, Michael—be well….”

  After I hung up the phone I had moved to the window, standing and just staring out. The leaves had changed, and as they fell in multi-colored hues, the bare branches crept like clawed fingers into the clouded heavens. The fall had always inspired and saddened me. Memories taking me back to a different time, when love blossomed and winters embrace whispered of death.

  A cold gust caressed my face, chilling my flesh to the very bone as thoughts of family and friends now called my heart home. I saw an old front porch where pink carnations and daisies had bloomed. And my mother’s warm and loving smile as she had stood there and waved. So many times I had seen those moments in memory. And even through the passing years, they still hurt. Some things never pass from out of our hearts and souls, especially those held cherished above all else.

  Caitlin had gone off with Maya for lunch, something that I had insisted upon. I wanted her to become more independent and develop a sense of freedom that she had never before known. And though I missed her at these times, I knew in my heart that it was for the best.

  Looking around the office, I decided to make a little visit of my own. I was not expecting to hear from anyone until Tuesday concerning matters involving the asylum, so there had been more than ample time. In fact, even if there hadn’t been, I would have done so in this case, regardless.

  The Eldorado had started with little effort. Smiling broadly, I had waited while warming up the 500 cubic inch engine. It had never failed me. I peered over at the black 1959 Eldorado convertible that would soon return home with Tim, and felt no loss or remorse. As I eased the car from the garage and waved at old Norman in passing, Eva has caught me at the gates. She had waved frantically, stopping to inquire what the problem had been, she hurried over with a glass of water, and something clenched tightly in her fist.

  “I’m sorry—but you had forgotten to take your morning medications!”

  Leaning over and kissing her cheek, I accepted the glass, and downing the pills with a gulp of water, thanked her with a smile.

  “You are truly an angel, Eva! What would I do without you?”

  “Likely forget your head--,” She laughed, as looking past me and at Norman who fidgeted with something in the garden, she shouted, “You had better come inside to lunch before you catch your chill of death!”

  He growled back at her, mumbling something incoherent, but promptly did as he was told.

  “You see that now.” She beamed, “Now, if we could only train you to listen like that, things would be a lot simpler around here.”

  “I love you dearly—but don’t hold your breath on that one.” I winked, and pulling out through the gates, saw Norman assisting Eva as they closed and locked them behind me. After having been alone all of those years, I would never have imagined the blessing that my life and those involved had become. It wasn’t that I had chosen to dwell among the pains of a distant past rather than accept the wonders of this new life. But more concisely, for reasons beyond my own understanding, that I had become torn somewhere in between.

  It had been a short and rather uneventful drive to the cemetery. The weather was pleasant, the traffic slow and the journey experienced as something more of a dream rather than reality. In this sense, I mean to say that my thoughts were quite preoccupied with other things. I had walked slowly among the ancient trees and drifting leaves, the remains of which crunched beneath my feet. The afternoon had grown darker as the heavens threatened rain, the wind playing amongst the headstones as I wandered past the graves.

  I had stopped along the way to purchase pink carnations, daisies and a heavy stone vase. I had filled the vessel with water with a garden hose, provided by the grounds-keeper who lived near the main gates.

  I bore this burden of love within memory across the silent gardens of the lost, each step forward carrying me further back. And then, as though having wandered endlessly and for miles, I reached that ancient oak upon the hill, the place of my mother’s final rest. I had brushed the leaves off of her stone, placing down the vase, and arranged the flowers, my hands chilled to the bone.

  I’m not exactly certain of how long I had just sat the
re and stared, but was awakened from that haunting dream by a raven’s distant call. And then, being surprised by a sudden fluttering sound, an enormous black bird landed upon my mother’s headstone! At first I was angered by the intrusion of the horrid thing. But then, as though caught within some dark and disturbing dream, I gazed back as it just watched me. It was larger than even the biggest of its kind that haunted the Alaskan highways. A formidable figure, to say the very least!

  We had looked upon one another, and I had been suddenly startled by what I had assumed to have seen! Had there been just the slightest flash of red, tinting the blackened mirrors of its eyes, which had caught and reflected my soul?

  “Could it be possible?” The thought had defied all logic, “That you are the same bird—or thing that I saw in the tall pines in the logging camp, at Harrison Mills?”

  It had croaked in a deep tone that had made me suddenly nervous, as it leaned closer to examine me. The red reflections flowing like blood in its eyes where pupils should have been.

  I suddenly imagined a blue and burning symbol, the seal of protection from my friend’s painting and that terrible dream! And the raven, being startled and fluttering off, called out mournfully as it began to rain. Hurriedly I arranged the flowers and made my way down the hill and away from that lonesome grave. The clouds gathering in a strange darkness, the rain growing steadily as the wind began to howl!

  I had stumbled several times as the wind whipped at my coat, while I hurriedly navigated around the graves. The distance seeming shorter within return, I had rushed into my car! I had sighed with certain relief, thankful to have previously raised the top, fearing the possibility of rain. I had been fortunate to have beaten the worst of the storm, but now looked out as it came down in a steady and blinding torrent!

  Pulling away and departing the memorial grounds, I made my way back onto the road, squinting and struggling to see through the stream. There was a strong wind blowing, the likes of which now pounded and tugged upon my convertible top! And though the rain could find no way in through crevice or crack, the road before me became a haze, the heavens turning black.

  It was as while attempting to make the right turn onto the ramp and highway home, when I failed to notice the oncoming truck that now slammed into my car!

  There was a screaming of twisting and tearing steel, shattering of glass and what seemed to have been hurricane winds! The force was such that I spun out of control, the vehicle crashing through a guard rail! Precariously balanced, it now hung teetering from off the over-pass!

  I’m not exactly certain of what happened next, but the roof was torn free, the sheer force casting me outward and away from the car! I fell heavily into the tall grass as the soft earth broke my fall, bouncing and rolling out and onto the walk! With a quick backward glance as though in slow-motion, I witnessed the car slide from off the edge, plunging from off the over-pass! An explosion of steel and glass marked the last moments as I knelt in the pouring rain, my hands clasped to my head as I fell forward, covering my face.

  Encircled by people, some using coats in attempts to shelter me from the storm, I just knelt there, soaking and horrified, and bowed my head in silent remorse.

  When the police and ambulance had arrived I was beyond rational thought, or common sense. My mind racing, I just watched horrified as a tow-truck hauled away what was left of my car. If for some reason I had not been cast aside, after seeing what remained of the Eldorado, I knew that I would have most assuredly died. I had remained like that, existing as though upon the border of some slow-motion dream. As caught in a state of shock, the only reaction was drawn by the effects of my own endless trembling and the bitter cold rain.

  It was during an examination by paramedics, when Detective Raymond Emerson came from out of nowhere and rushed to where I sat in the rear of the ambulance.

  “Oh, dear God—what happened? Michael, are you alright?”

  I was speechless, thoughtless. He took my arm, and looking into my eyes, said, “I heard over the radio that the truck driver said he didn’t even see you. He’s doing fine, but both of your vehicles are write-offs.”

  “Thank God he’s alright--,” I managed to choke out a few words, “I didn’t see him either. It was like, one moment all was clear, and then he just came from out of nowhere.”

  “I’m going to need a statement.” Another younger officer came from behind Raymond. Shrugging, he said, “This shouldn’t take too long. Can he manage?”

  “I’ll see to it--,” Raymond promised, looking to the paramedic who attended me, and asked, “So, how does he look, can we get him out of here?”

  “He’s still suffering from the effects of shock, but seems to be okay.” The older paramedic nodded and said in warning, “But there’s no telling what he’ll be like by tonight, or tomorrow morning. He might have strained muscles, or sustained some soft tissue damage, being tossed from the car like that. But we’ve done everything that we can for him here. I would get him checked out at a hospital first thing in the morning, just to be sure.”

  “Thanks, Lou--,” Raymond assisted me from where I had been sitting, and moving toward his car, said, “Let’s get you home, partner.”

  Chapter Ten

  Thankfully we arrived at the house before Caitlin and Maya had returned, but gave poor Eva the shock of her life. Raymond had stayed, taking the statement from me as promised, and waited until Caitlin had come home. Needless to say, after the events of the past week, this had been a fine beginning to the new one….

  Raymond had contacted Rich without a second thought. When he arrived at the house, he came in like a storm. Wild-eyed and utterly shocked, he took a seat upon a chair across from the couch where I sat, and gasped, “What happened?”

  “I was coming home from the cemetery--.” I explained, rubbing at a small lump that formed at the right side of my head, “The rain was so heavy that I could hardly see the road before me. So, I never saw the truck coming.”

  “Oh sweet Jesus--,” Rich slapped a hand to his brow, his mouth still hanging open as he looked to Raymond, “And what about his car?”

  “It’s gone. And to be honest, if he hadn’t been thrown clear when it went off that over-pass, he wouldn’t be sitting here now.”

  Eva left the room after having heard those words. And though we could not see her, we heard the weeping coming from out of the kitchen.

  “Michael--,” Rich gawked, his face twisting in horror and shock, “What’s happening to you—to all of us?”

  Slowly shaking my head, I struggled with the final visions of my car slipping and vanishing from over the brink. The sudden eruption of broken glass, screaming steel and the impact as another vehicle had slammed into what remained! Suddenly trembling uncontrollably, I fought a chill that seemed to emerge from deep within, causing my knees to knock and jaw to clatter.

  Raymond pulled a blanket from off the back of the couch, wrapping it about my shoulders and covering me, “He’s still suffering from the effects of the shock.”

  “Eva--,” Rich called into the kitchen, “Could you please make some hot tea, Michael is going to need it.”

  At that moment the front door came open and Caitlin appeared with several shopping bags. She had seemed fine until she saw us all in the living-room, and dropping the bags before the open door, raced toward us!

  “I’m alright, sweetheart!” Attempting to raise a hand, I trembled as she fell onto the couch beside me. Looking around the group, she asked, “What on earth has happened?”

  “There was an automobile accident—but thankfully no one was hurt.” Raymond reassured her, “Unfortunately, Michael’s car was damaged beyond repair.”

  “That big old tank--,” She now appeared absolutely astonished, the fear shining in her wide eyes, as she looked to me, “Nothing short of a bulldozer could slow that thing down!”

  “Or a steep drop from off an over-pass and into oncoming traffic.” Rich had let the cat out of the bag.

  She had just looked
at me. Slamming a fist down upon the table, she over-turned the candy dish, spilling the contents all over the room, and covering her face with trembling hands, sniffled as she attempted to hide her tears.

  “Well, I need to get this statement back to the investigating officer--,” Raymond excused himself, making his way toward the door. He glanced back, “Take some advice from a friend: Spend the rest of this week in bed…!” And with that, he hurried out, quietly closing the door behind himself.

  Eva had brought tea into the living-room, placing it down on the table, and began picking up the spilled candy.

  “Just leave it—please,” Caitlin looked down at the kindly old woman and cursed under her breath, “We shouldn’t even have that in the house.”

  Rich dropped to his knees, hurriedly picking up the spilled sweets, removed the bowl and went into the kitchen. I heard the lid of the trash can open and winced to the sound of their swift departure into the bag and from out the back door.

  “I realize how hard this has all been for you, my love.” Caitlin hugged and held me tight, “And I don’t blame you for the accident. I know how much that car meant to you…. But please, please listen to me, Eva, Rich and Raymond. Just slow down, just for one week, rest and give yourself a chance to recuperate.”

  The chill having faded and my faculties returning, I slowly nodded in agreement. Promising, I said, “I’ll do exactly that—just rest and do as little as possible.”

  “Promise us all, right here and now--,” Rich pleaded, removing his glasses and rubbing at his eyes, “Promise that you won’t leave the property, go anywhere or do anything else until the week’s end. No matter what….”

  “I’m not really feeling that well at the moment.”

  “Don’t try to get out of it--,” Caitlin called my bluff, tightly squeezing my hand and insisting, “Just promise!”

  “Alright then--,” I slipped out from beneath the blanket, squinting as I felt a muscle pain in my lower back, and said, “I promise not go to anywhere, do anything or leave the property until week’s end.”