by Faye Parker
“I don’t know what else is going on for you, but I can feel your pain. You don’t have to tell me, but you should talk with someone.” She took a steadying breath.
"I've been to counseling and it really does help - it won't fix anything, but usually things that make us cry so sore can never be fixed, nor should they.”
I nodded, the nurses took every single chance they got to encourage me to go to therapy too. But nothing could ever bring me to a place where I could be at peace with what had happened.
Twenty minutes later, when I’d finally came to an empty silence, the words came, “I really hoped that once I’d come back to Londonderry that things could work out.”
Shit.
“Back to Londonderry?” Louise straightened as she sat.
Fuck.
“Yeah, I was born here, and I grew up here until my early teens.” I peeked over at her, her face expressionless.
“It was easier to let you think I’d lived in Enniskillen for all my life.”
Her expression had turned to stone. “And why would you do that?”
“I wanted to make a fresh start," I said as if that explained everything.
“I know, I should have said.”
“Moving for a fresh start’s fine, why lie about it?” there was an edge to her voice now.
“It wasn’t lies, exactly. I just didn’t say.” I hoped that would help. “I was trying to get away from an ex.” It actually felt like a relief that someone knew.
“And he wouldn’t have thought of looking here?” she said sarcastically. “I don’t buy it.”
“Well, um, getting away from him was part of it. My brother’s hoping to get parole in a few weeks and I wanted to be here to support him.”
I picked at the fluff on my work trousers, not daring to look at her again. “By the time I was going to tell you, it was a bit too late.”
“Brother? So you’ve got family and friends around here?!” She let out a dry laugh, “Have you all been laughing at me? How I’ve been feeling so sorry for the new girl?”
“No!” I shook my head, “Nothing like that. I’d managed to alienate any friends I had before I left. They haven't spoken to me in years." I remembered Robert as he turned me against each of them, pulling my strings until I pushed each of my childhood friends away.
"No, Ryan's the only one left. But I wasn't here for him when he got into drugs, ended up owing a lot of bad debt and got caught when trying to repay the debt."
She stood up and paced. “Who does he owe?”
She stopped dead when I told her it was the Doyle’s.
She slumped into the chair beside her. “You should have told me that was why Denver was trying to blackmail you.”
My eyes met hers, “It wasn’t, he doesn’t know. I swear that’s not what happened. He doesn’t know me, and he couldn’t know Ryan.” I hoped. I had tried not to think about it ever since she’d told me about the link Denver had with them.
Louise waited for a while longer, eventually blowing out a deep breath. “You should have said a lot sooner, Ellie. This is a huge fuck up." She chewed on her bottom lip before continuing, "The Kindred Sons honor their promises, and by bringing you here, Daniel has assured you that this threat will come to nothing. We need to tell him - you should have told Carrick as soon as you met.”
A car arrived in the driveway and I recognized it immediately. Daniel was back. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose again, I looked a mess but I would not let him see my tears.
The door slammed and two heavy feet pounded into various rooms, looking for us, then he began to roar. His face turned to pure fury when he saw us sitting together.
“What the fuck is that bitch still doing here?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Daniel
I lay in serene peace, listening to Ellie's slow, deep breaths. We'd just had the best sex of my life and I was content, knowing the woman lying beside me was so deeply satisfied. Ellie, I loved the sound of that name, it was calming, almost soothing.
Ellie.
I started to drift over to sleep myself, but was woken by the vibrations of my phone on the floor.
“Nev.”
“I’ve got your file ready, Daniel. Do you want me to drop it over tonight or in the morning?” Nev, as always was straight to the point.
I made my way quietly out of the bedroom and down the stairs. “Well bud, is that woman of yours gonna let you go out to play at this time of night?”
We’d agreed to meet early the next morning at the gym. I lifted Ellie’s rucksack and gathered her clothes from the lounge. I’d be gone before she’d rise tomorrow morning and I was pretty sure she wouldn’t be as keen to walk around my home naked to retrieve her things then. I put her clothes in the room and took one last look at her pert, round ass as she slept.
A selfish part of me wanted to stay, to slip my hands around her through the night and make her moan again… but doing that was unfair on her - she would assume I would want a relationship - women always did if you actually slept with them.
No, I would go back to my own room.
There was a chill in the air so I pulled the covers around her, closing the door behind me as quietly as I could before going to my own bed.
In the morning I dressed and left as quietly as I could; I’d be back with the file before she’d be awake. As soon as the Bluetooth connected in my car, I phoned Louise. I knew my home was secure, Ellie would be fine for the hour I’d be gone, but with the death threat last night, I wanted her to feel safe - with company.
When I arrived at the club, Da’s car was already there. That wasn’t normal - he didn’t come around here, let alone this early. I walked into the back office, where he was milling around.
“The girl is playing you, son,” he said regretfully.
“You’re too young to remember them, but I recognized her when I saw her. Those eyes. She’s the picture of her mother. She’s Kate White’s wee girl, Kate’s her real name too. Not Ellie.”
The name didn't mean much to me, but I'd known I'd recognized her face at the start.
I'd seen her around… school, maybe?
Was he right?
Why would she lie about her name? She looked like an Ellie - Kate was foreign to the woman I knew, the woman I’d made love to.
“And what?” I didn’t like his tone, and sure as fuck, I wasn’t going to let him see that he’d hit something I’d already wondered about.
So what if she’d changed her name - I’ll still call her Ellie though, I mused.
“And, Daniel, it wouldn’t mean a fucking thing… except that she’s lied to you.” He raked his hands through his hair.
“Oh aye, and except I remember reading about Ryan White, her brother, getting put away a few years ago for his part in a bust on a Doyle robbery.”
The hurt felt like a massive punch to my stomach. She would have known all about us, about them, yet acted so innocent to it all when Louise and I went to her flat.
She must have known Denver, the thought bubbled in my mind, in fact, she probably wasn’t being blackmailed by him at all - she staged the whole thing.
I replayed the images of last night through my head. I was played, she knew exactly what she was doing last night.
Probably even knew when they’d ransack her home - maybe even tipped them off that I’d been there.
And to think I’d actually thought she could be anything more to me than a fuck.
I’d actually considered…
Rage practically blinded me. My fists found the table in the office, beside him. “I’ll fucking kill her, and then I’ll kill that cunt, Denver.”
My office door made the mistake of being closed and it nearly came off its hinges as I stalked through it and back to my car.
She had better be gone before I got back.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Daniel
Louise looked at me in complete shock with her mouth gaping open. Ellie didn’t even have the goo
d fucking grace to look me in the eye. She sat there, head down with her hair covering her face.
Blood pounded in my ears, beating a furious rhythm. “Do I have to lift you myself and throw you out?” I felt my hand fist in anger. “Or are you waiting to get some more info to feedback to your wee buddies.”
I looked at Louise as I nodded towards Ellie. “I don’t suppose she’s told you that she’s involved with the Doyle’s? Her brother did a bit of work with them a while back? Isn’t that right, sweetheart?” My focus returning to the only person who had managed to hurt me so deeply in years.
That’s because you let her in, asshole.
You forgot the rule: fuck ‘em and forget ‘em.
“Never thought to mention your waster of a brother, did you? Surely you’re not embarrassed?” Resentment and bitterness clawed up my chest. “Was it really a burglary he was sent down for or was there a deal done with the cops? I hear the boys inside don’t take to well to dealers who sell that shit to kids? That’s what the Doyle’s do, isn’t it?”
"He never…" I cut her off by lifting my hand up, signaling her to stop speaking.
She had the good fucking sense to stop.
“Don’t you even fucking dare try to lie to me in my own fucking house.” I roared.
Pacing the floor did not help, “Are you gonna sit there all fucking day? Get the fuck out of my house and you’d better hope I never see your face again.”
“Daniel…” Louise said softly, “Daniel, I think you might have things a bit wrong.”
She was still sitting beside Ellie - how could she? Louise was not easy to fool, but she’d swallowed whatever rubbish this bitch had spun her - I watched as Ellie lifted her hand to wipe her still hidden face.
Tears: the ultimate woman’s weapon.
Bitch.
“You think?” I said, sarcastically. “Well, did you know about her brother then?”
"Yes," Louise said simply. "We'd been talking about him - what he'd done and his upcoming parole. She's told me that she grew up around here too."
“Convenient that it comes out now, isn’t it? It’s a bit late to start telling the truth.”
Louise, my cousin, but who I held as a sister, still remained sitting beside Ellie. “Go on, you need to tell him… everything.”
For the first time since I'd come in, Ellie lifted her face to look at me and a tiny part of me twisted.
Apart from a couple of tears she’d just wiped away, she hadn’t actually cried since I came in. But her face told a completely different story - puffy eyes and red cheeks showed that she had been crying long before I'd come in. There was fear in her eyes, but how could I know that wasn't fear of having being found out?
She’d have known what the Kindred Sons did to informants - even women - not that it was something I agreed with, but the family came first. Always. Blood and Loyalty.
I wanted to believe her as she found her voice, talking about her childhood in this very area. Her stories about her parent’s breakup, her grandmother taking custody of her and her brother, Ryan, how her alcoholic mother drank herself to an early grave.
She cried as she told me about meeting a guy - someone her grandmother disapproved of and her brother hated, but Ellie had decided to leave her family for him. She didn’t even come back when Ryan had phoned her for help when he’d owed the Doyle’s money.
Ellie told me about how the guy she’d been with ended up knocking her about. I wanted to kill the bastard myself. To do that to an innocent was unforgivable.
Something shifted in the way she spoke about how she ended up in hospital - she was still hiding something. That incensed me again, for a moment I had wanted to believe her, despite myself… but she never said any of this before - what makes it true now?
Knowing she was hiding something more still made me lose complete trust. What a great little actress.
“Aye, sure that’s a real tear-jerking story, Ellie. Had me choked up.” I stood up again, “Look, I only listened to you for Louise’s benefit. Now, Ellie, it’s only for Louise here that I’m being so nice to you, so thanks for your little stories but I want nothing more to do with you. Get your stuff and get out.”
She rose quietly and fumbled around, gathering her things together. Louise spoke quietly with her, asking where she was going and what she’d do, all the time, Louise was flashing irritated expressions at me - she clearly had bought everything “Ellie” had said.
When Louise asked if she needed any money, “Ellie” shook her head and straightened her back, the last bit of pride and defiance coursing through her.
“I don’t need anything.” As she made her way towards my door, to leave forever, I felt the urge to hold her, to kiss those lips for one last time and to somehow forget the lies and deceit that had brought us to here.
My father’s image came into my head, I knew what needed to be done.
I had followed her to the door, drawn to her even as I knew she needed to go. Then one last thought passed through - if there was any hope for redemption here, if she truly was being honest, then she’d tell the truth on one question.
“I’m gonna be nice and ask you one last question before you go. We both know the honest answer to it and if you have any sort of decency, to tell the truth, now’s the time to do it. Now’s the time to try and redeem something. So, Ellie, are you working for them?”
She looked me in the eyes as she lied to me: “No.”
“You’d better leave now, Kate White. Before I have to do something you really wouldn’t like.”
I walked away, watching as Louise’s face filled with confusion as she looked at the woman she'd taken as a friend. "Ellie? Kate?”
I chose to walk away, uninterested in what words were then exchanged between them, but voices were raised, then I heard Louise opening the door and throwing her out, the door slammed shut straight after. I put my earbuds in and began another tormenting workout in my home gym.
I needed to forget this Ellie/Kate woman, I needed to forget everything about her.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Daniel
In the week that followed, I’d expected Ellie to resurface from somewhere. I couldn’t bring myself to calling her Kate when I thought about her - which was often. Louise had stayed at the house for the rest of the day after I’d threw Ellie out, but I’d seen very little of her since and spoke with her even less. I reasoned that was because I’d been busy - I’d worked on the plans for even more intense Kindred Sons training.
The guys were getting beatings from me every night, but on the plus side, the training was getting better.
From what I understood, Denver still had no idea that Louise was linked to us, but even still I had made sure the guys kept a close eye on her just in case. Nev had been assigned to watch Ellie’s flat. That had not gone as smoothly. It turned out that she never returned to it, and as she hadn’t collected the key for the new locks on her doors I was certain she hadn’t slipped in and out without our notice. I was disappointed, believing that she must have been with the Doyle’s, but an email that was sent to my work account from a throw-away address raised my concerns.
Subject: BW - return to original condition
Daniel,
Regarding the assistant that you intercepted recently, I would insist you return this person to their original condition and back to their original abode. I am aware that their venue is being watched and should this person not appear in public, safe and well, of course. I will have no other option but to report them missing. I’m sure you are well aware that images such as what were previously shared are not the only ones from the final night this person was seen alive and well.
It has been a week. I expect her to be safely returned to the destination discussed above within five days.
Further, you'll remember the agreement, which I strongly believe extends to this person. I believe Carrick would concede that any disappearance would constitute your withdrawal from the said agreement, leaving the re
sponsibility of repercussions wholly with yourself.
Regards.
My head reeled. If Denver had her, he was now trying to frame me for her disappearance and possible death. The Polaroid he’d left in Ellie’s flat clearly wasn’t the only one showing us together - but it would prove nothing to the police. It was circumstantial evidence at best; something our lawyers would swat away but would bring unwanted police attention.
The Doyle’s would believe that I had something to do with Ellie’s disappearance, bringing the Kindred Sons and Doyle agreement into meltdown. This would be enough to break the uneasy alliance, and it would all fall on me. Yes, I wanted a fight with them, to remove their blot from my manor, but hell, it would be on my terms: the only way to fix things right now was to find Ellie.
A small voice within me kept repeating the things I didn’t want to think.
Maybe she really wasn’t working for the Doyle’s.
Maybe she’d told the truth.
Maybe she really was dead.
Maybe it’s happened again…
I couldn’t just sit around, waiting for something to happen. I went for a walk as I called Nev, again. Still nothing from around her flat. I’d already redoubled the number of guys I had looking for her. We’d been searching the street and in hostels too - if she was still around here and had no money, we would have found her. Even our bent cops were on it, as were the tech guys who were running traces. It started to feel a bit too much like before and I found myself walking along the riverside again.
I thought of Cassie - she just hadn’t been the girl for me but she didn’t deserve how things ended up for her; her bloated body retrieved from the water. I gritted my teeth against the mental image of Ellie’s limp, lifeless body. That can’t happen again.