by Faye Parker
It won’t. I won’t let it.
My head was so mixed up with everything that had happened: Ellie’s lies and what might have been truths. She made me feel so angry that I wanted to find her safe and well just to kill her myself. Well, not kill her exactly, a good hard punishment fuck for wrecking my head would be a good start.
Stop it. I reprimanded myself as my cock took an interest in the memories flicking in my head like a cinema screen.
That evening I sought out Denver. I decided it was time to face him once and for all.
He walked with his usual arrogance. Fucker.
I took satisfaction in the brief stutter in his stride when he saw me, even though he still continued to his car. When I heard the click of the doors unlocking, I got into his passenger seat.
“Jesus, it smells like shit in here, or is that your wife's perfume?" My stomach lurched as I was greeted by an overly heavy floral scent, making a poor attempt to cover the stench of sweat that assaulted me.
He stared out of the window, “Don’t get my car without an invitation. Say what you need to, then fuck off.”
“Ever the gentleman, eh? Denver?” I goaded him, dramatically waving my hand to waft the smell away.
“Or have you put that much coke up your nose that you can’t even smell anything anymore?”
His soft hands gripped the steering wheel, even though we weren’t moving, his knuckles white already from the tension. “I bet you don’t get much action in this car or do they have to be comatose before going anywhere near you?”
“Mr. Anderson,” he said professionally, “What are you doing in my car?” I knew I got to him - I always had, which made me smile grimly.
I hated him.
The only thing keeping him alive right now was the treaty and the fact he might have Ellie. For the Kindred Sons to be the ones to break their honor, their word, would have killed Da, and then he would have killed me himself.
“I got your email.”
For the first time since I’d got into his car, his eyes darted in my direction, confirming exactly what I knew already. “Email? I’m sure it was from one of my assistants, probably about your returns I assume? Really, you could have just phoned.” He said innocently.
“You know the email I mean, and I thought it deserved a little face to face.”
He shrugged, “No idea what you’re talking about.”
“I think you know which exact “return” I’m talking about, and I wanted to let you know, in person, that I’m watching you. If you think for one minute you’re gonna pin something on me…”
He lifted his hands off the wheel in, palms facing out. “You’ve got me very, very wrong, Mr. Anderson, I can assure you I have no idea what you’re talking about. I have no interest in your affairs… maybe your conscience has finally got to you.”
“Like fuck you don’t you asshole.” I unclenched my jaw, “Last time I saw your…” I struggled for the right word, “Acquaintance, she was alive and well, and walking away from me.”
His stoic face gave nothing away… except it told me everything.
He really had believed that I had Ellie.
So where was she?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Daniel
I had been so angry with Ellie the last time I’d seen her. No one lied to me, people have paid a heavy price for doing that.
She had lied, so that would only mean one thing if the family found everything out - and Da, the only one that really mattered, was the one who’d told me.
But was lying by omission really lying? Sure, she didn't tell us that she'd grown up around here; that her brother had been involved with the Doyle’s; or even that what I’d later found out was that Ellie, or rather, Eleanor, was her middle name, not her actual name.
We weren’t exactly close - except for that one, glorious night, so why would she tell me everything? She never said she’d grew up elsewhere, instead, she just talked about where she’d lived just before coming here and then let us come to our own conclusions. How bad must things must have been for her in Enniskillen that coming here was even an option to consider?
I didn’t want to believe she’d been trying to play me, even though the facts were there.
She couldn’t even tell you that her real name was Kate.
I winced at that thought. I would find her, pull the full truth from her in whatever way I needed and find out once and for all what her deal really was.
The only thing I knew for certain was that she wasn’t with Denver.
I came back home to find Louise’s car parked in the driveway. Not often, but sometimes I regretted giving Louise a set of keys and the codes to my home. I really just wanted to be alone, to figure out a plan on how to find Ellie.
I wandered into my own kitchen, the smell of food enveloped me, and my stomach gurgled in appreciation. Guess I’m hungry now. After a ping, Louise removed a plastic container from the microwave with a curse. Shortly after there was a plate of steaming hot potatoes, chicken, vegetables, and gravy on the table. A glass of milk beside it as she stared at me from another chair.
“Eat.” She demanded.
“How long have you been here?” I said between mouthfuls. This tasted good - better by far than anything Louise made, then I spotted the caterer’s name on the side of the discarded plastic containers in the sink. She always was looking out for me, thankfully, this time that meant she’d bought food rather than trying to cook.
“I visited Barney today,” she said, coming straight to the point and getting my instant attention. “Had a very interesting conversation, so we did.”
“You don’t normally do prison visits," I said as I forced myself to keep eating calmly. “How’s he doing?”
“He’s fine. Gave me a bit of info on that Ryan guy.”
That got my full attention. I had asked Nev to make contact, but he hadn’t got back to me yet. I couldn’t pretend or hide my interest: I needed to know any information that might tell me something more about Ellie.
“Thought you’d want to hear.”
She smiled smugly, “He’s confirmed that Ryan is quite the loner actually, avoids the Doyle’s as much as everyone else. Barney was shocked when I told him that Ryan had been linked to them, he reckons that guy is about as far away from gang material as you could get.”
A glimmer of hope sprang within me. It wasn’t much, but at least it proved one thing that Ellie had said to be true: her brother wasn’t working for the Doyle’s.
If he had, the prison was the one place he would have needed their protection. Everyone needed protection in there.
She waited as I felt the cogs go around in my head, then she ruined my moment. “And how long do you reckon Ryan’s going to stay neutral once he finds out his sister’s missing?”
“Did you follow up with the work on the Enniskillen links Ellie… Kate had mentioned to you?”
“Yeah, I went there this morning… got speaking to a woman, Toni, who said Kate had lived with her.” Louise’s face dropped, looking uneasy she said. “Toni told me a few things. They met when Toni responded to an ad about sharing a flat. Kate was trying to get back on her feet, just out of hospital…” her eyes flicked to me and then away again. She didn’t think I’d like to hear this.
“Go on.”
“When Toni first met her, Kate… Ellie was recovering after her boyfriend had beaten her so badly that she had ended up in ICU.”
“What?!” A wave of cold anger slid through me. She had said he'd beaten her, but not that he hospitalized her. Not that she’d ended up in intensive fucking care.
“It gets worse,” she said, “Rumors were that Ellie had been six months pregnant at the time.”
The revelation sank in. No wonder she was trying to hide so much. “And the baby?” I said, wondering where the kid would be. Louise looked at her hands and just shook her head.
The scars suddenly made a lot more sense. That bastard had beaten her within an inch of her life, forcing
doctors to hack into her beautiful body to retrieve her child.
It was a wonder she had survived at all. Mentally or physically.
I hated him even though I didn’t even know how he was!
How could so much have happened to the woman I loved, and I didn’t even realize.
Her evasion made sense now.
I was disgusted with myself: I’d thrown her out at a time she needed somewhere safe. Denver had preyed on her. I had used her and pushed away.
Where the fuck was she now?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Daniel
Louise played with her phone as I continued to eat. She dialed a number again, I didn't have to ask which one. When she shot up from the table I knew Ellie had finally answered the continuous calls. I grabbed the phone off Louise, a bit harder than I really should have, but that didn’t matter right now - Ellie was alive and talking on the other end of the line.
"Where are you?" It came out sounding harder than I had planned, and as the phone went silent, I thought she might have hung up. I tried again, willing my voice to be softer, "Ellie, are you OK?"
"I'm fine." she said defiantly, "I only answered 'cos I'm fed up of Louise ringing me every ten minutes."
"Are you sure?" I coaxed. She didn't sound like she was under duress, but I needed to hear more of her sweet voice.
She sighed, "Yes, Daniel, I'm absolutely fine. Do you have such a high opinion of yourself that you think I'd fall to pieces after you threw me out of your house?"
She was angry, and angry meant that she felt something to me. Angry also meant that she was unlikely to be in immediate danger… I hoped.
"Where are you?" I said, as softly as I could.
"Far enough away that you won't have to see me again." Damn. "Look, I know you think I'm involved with the Doyle’s and that I was trying to spy for them, but I'm not."
"I know." It came so easily to my lips and I knew in my heart that I could trust her with my deepest secrets.
The confession surprised her and I heard the slight stutter in her voice. "Y… you know?"
"Yes, baby, I know. I know you're not a rat. It, uh, it just took me a while."
My pacing had taken me upstairs and I found myself in one of the spare bedrooms, ours. I looked at the bed, remembering how small and fragile she'd looked as she lay sleeping. "Where are you now?"
"I needed to clear my head. I thought I could come back to Londonderry and live, but it just looks like there are too many ghosts there for me."
No, no, no. You have to come back.
"Can I see you?"
I held my breath.
“Please?”
I could hear the hesitation as she Umm-ed and Ah-ed before giving her response. I would go to the ends of the earth to see that smile again and kill everything in my way to get there if I had to.
"Please, pet, I'm sorry for how things were last time we spoke," I begged.
"What if I say no, will you hunt me down anyway?" There was a softness in her voice. There was hope.
"Probably," I answered honestly. "But please, can we meet just once. If you want out after that, then I'll honor your request." It killed me to say it, but if she truly wanted nothing more to do with me, I would let her go. I just wouldn't fight fair.
The time without her felt like a vacuum and even now, just speaking on the phone, felt better, but still kind of hollow. I needed her by my side, close enough to protect, close enough touch and close enough for her to know she was mine. "I can come and get you if you just let me know where you are, pet."
"I'll meet you." Relief flooded through me, "But it's on my terms."
"Anything you say, babe." God, I sounded soft. But I didn't care: Ellie was alive, safe (apparently), and had agreed to meet me.
She agreed to meet later that evening, insisting on meeting at the local bus depot. I didn't like that, I wanted to collect her myself - I would have taken the Jaguar. She deserved luxury, not a rundown bus.
As I went to leave the room, I caught my reflection and did a double take. It was me, I just didn't recognize the silly smile plastered all over my face. My Ellie was coming back home.
I would bring her here, she'd be safe here. I'll have Louise organize catering so she could pop in for five minutes. I saw how the two of them were together in spite of the events.
When I came back downstairs Louise was curled up on a sofa watching what appeared to be a reality TV show. The television was on, but she just stared at it blankly, biting her nails. Suspicious eyes turned to watch me as I lifted the remote from her side and went to the sports channels. I winked at her as she waited impatiently for me to speak.
"Well?" she asked, unable to wait any longer.
The laugh that erupted from me took even me by surprise, "Guess who's got himself a date tonight!?"
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise before she recovered. “Aye, right.” Louise rolled her eyes.
“No, I’m serious.” I countered. “She’s agreed to meet me.” Suddenly I felt uncertain. Maybe things weren’t going to be as easily resolved as I’d just let myself think. “That’s a start, right?”
I sat down beside Louise, not enjoying the quizzical look on her face.
“Considering how you treated her the last time you guys spoke, yep, that’s a start.” She eyed me.
“But I wouldn’t go assuming too much.”
“A start is all I need. I’ll show her how much she means to me.” If anyone else had been in the room, I would never have allowed myself to say the words, but I could trust Louise.
And since she was a woman herself, she’d have some idea of how a woman’s mind worked. I nodded to myself.
Yes, this would work.
Seconds later Louise tiny framed launched itself on me in a massive bear hug. "I'm so happy for you, Daniel. This is your chance at love.”
She sat back again, “But you're an idiot - don't fuck this up."
What if I did fuck it up, and she left? Ellie had managed to outmaneuver my best guys, they still couldn't hunt her down. If she wanted to disappear again, she could.
I have one chance with her and I need to make it count: I couldn’t let her walk out of my life again.
My heart wouldn’t take it.
Chapter Thirty
Ellie
I arrived at the depot early, about an hour earlier than I said I'd meet Daniel. Even at that, I felt them watching. I didn't recognize the man, but he recognized me, even under my baseball cap and hoodie. He carried on drinking his coffee and slowly, so slowly, reached for his phone.
I should have got an earlier bus. I kept telling myself that it was pride that had brought me here - to prove to Daniel Anderson once and for all that I wasn't a snitch, and to tell him to stay the hell away from me. Honestly, I thought I had just had about enough of men and their arrogance to last a lifetime.
I didn't even fool myself, though. I knew there was only one reason I'd come back - pride be damned, I came back to see Daniel again. I felt his pull over me when we spoke on the phone... and I wanted to come running back in the hopes he would take me in those huge arms and shelter me from all the pain I’ve been running from for most of my life.
Heat pooled within me as we had spoken, "Baby," he'd called me.
He probably called everyone woman he'd fucked that, but it felt divine. I wanted to be his.
That same heat filled me now as I waited in the draughty depot. I looked around, embarrassed someone might know.
The bus journey hadn't been that long, but long enough for my mind to wander over the times I had met Daniel: in the office, at my home, at Chester house, on his sofa, in his bed… I relieved the sensation of his hot breath against my skin, his smoldering eyes watching my every move, and I nearly melted into the seat as I remembered how he had filled me completely, taking me right to the brink.
The sensible part of my head continuously scolded me for even considering coming back here, that it would be a death wish; and it may well lead to
my death, I thought. But every fiber of my body needed to be near him.
I scraped together enough change and decided to buy tea to drink as I waited for Daniel. With the way his little friend was watching me, I knew Daniel would be here soon.
I was about to pay for my drink at the counter when I felt him approach from behind. I saw his reflection in polished steel around the kiosk. He sat down at the table where I'd been, apparently waiting for me. That was… well, I wasn't expecting him to do that. I'd half expected him to arrive in and sling me over his shoulder.
But he’d given me space. I could respect that he was already making an effort.
A faint smile played on his lips as he watched me walk back to the table. Heat scorched out of me as his eyes appraised me: he was looking me over to see if I’d been hurt, but after a few seconds the intensity of his stare changed and I saw a glint of a raw hunger within him. My core responded, unbidden.
"Hey." was all he said as I sat down beside him.
"Hey, you." I couldn’t stop the grin that I felt on my face.
"Are you ready to go?" He stood as I nodded, lifting my rucksack to carry it for me. God, he really was being on his best behavior. "I thought we could get something to eat at my house, if that's alright with you?"
"Sure." I said, amused at the thought of him in a pinny. "Have you been slaving away at a hot stove all evening then?"
"Awh, darlin' I'll cook you something special another time, I've arranged a nice meal for tonight."
I floated out of the bus depot and five minutes later he was driving me to his home. I recognized this car as the other one I'd seen in his double garage when I walked out of his place that last time… and once again shook away the feeling of rejection I'd felt that day.
But it was a good reminder to keep at least some of my defenses in check.
"Are you regretting meeting me?" he said lightly, pretending not to be watching me from the corner of his eye. I opened my mouth to respond but he spoke again. "I know I'm not great with words, like. But you've no reason to regret this. I'll keep you safe and sound, and if you want to leave, I'll get you back to wherever you want to be."