The One Who Watches

by Emerald O'Brien

  “Never saw her again.”

  Madigan swayed from side to side, arms wrapped across her chest. “Did she live with her parents in that house?”

  “No. Just her.”

  So maybe they bought it for her.

  “Why did you do it? Why did you have the affair?”

  He turned his back to her and sprayed the lilac bush beside the vegetables.

  “Just—just tell me what you know about her, and I’ll leave. Anything you think might help me find her, and I won’t come back again.”

  “I told you where she went.”

  “Where she was taken.”

  “She only had her mom. Her dad passed away of a heart attack before she even moved in. Left her some money I guess, because she never held down a job for too long, but she stayed living there.”

  “And her mom. Did you know her?”

  “Nope. She didn’t come around. I only know they didn’t get along.”

  “She signed over her rights as a parent to her. My grandma had me until I was almost seven. Then she died, and I went into the foster system.”

  He turned around and stopped spraying the hose.

  Something caught his interest.

  “I never knew my mom. Don’t remember anything about her, but then how could I? I wasn’t even one when she gave me up. My grandma was good to me, from what I remember, but she wasn’t my mom. I’ve always wondered about her—wanted answers to questions I’ve had all my life—but it’s taken me this long to try to actually get those answers. I’m afraid of what I’ll find, and so far, I’m not even that shocked.”

  He frowned and squinted against the sun at her.

  “What?” she asked.

  “What do you think you know about her?”

  “Just what’s in these files, which isn’t much, what you’ve told me, which isn’t much, and what that woman—her next-door neighbour—told me, which was all gossip, so I don’t think I know anything but the facts in my envelope, Vic. That’s all I’ve got, and it’s not much, but I’ve worked with less before.”

  He let out a huff that sounded like a cross between a laugh and chuckle.

  “What?” She frowned, squinting at him.

  “She doesn’t have any other family out there, I guess. Do you?”

  I have Grace, but that’s not what he means, and why does he think it’s funny? She shook her head.

  “There are some things I can tell you, but it’s all from my perspective, and it might not be what you want to hear. But I guess you deserve to know. Not sure I’ll be much help finding her, though.” He gestured to a small, round patio table for two that sat in the shade of a young maple tree beside the house.

  She followed him and sat across from him as she looked out over the small backyard.

  “I can tell you, you look a lot like her,” he said, clenching his jaw. “You sound like her a bit, too. You’re stubborn like her.”

  Tears welled up in Madigan’s eyes, and her chest constricted and expanded at a rapid pace, as if there wasn’t enough room for all the air invading her lungs. As if all the empty places within all through her life couldn’t house the emotion that flooded her whole body as he spoke the words she never expected to hear.

  “Julia was beautiful, but she always had her demons. She was so unpredictable. Never knew where she’d be, or why she did most of the things she did. She was a mystery to everyone around here, and a lot of ‘em filled in the blanks with their own narrative. With what suited them. They felt the need to trap her—put her in a little box so they could make sense of her—so they could feel better about themselves, but I—I wanted to be around her. I didn’t need to solve the mystery that was Julia. I just wanted to experience it.”

  I’m trying to find her, get to know her, but it seems like something no one’s really done.

  “I tell myself it started from a good place, but that’s probably to ease the guilt I’ve always felt. She’d have friends over, these men. She was in one abusive relationship after another. No sooner had she gotten rid of one, she’d be with another. The first time I helped her, it was an accident. I was coming home from work, and my headlights shone across the white snowbanks down the street until she ran out into the road in front of me in her nightgown. I almost hit her. She got in my car and told me to drive, so I did. Her boyfriend at the time chased down the street after us. He’d been laying into her, and she got away. We drove around for a while, and she pretended everything was fine. Bruises on her arms. Cut over her eyebrow.” He lifted his finger and drew a spot on his forehead, remembering where the cut had been. “But she was smiling, singing Christmas songs with the radio. As she warmed up, it was like it all melted away, and we were going for a sweet ride with hot chocolate, laughing at her awful singing voice and marveling at the Christmas lights in the rich neighbourhoods nearby.”

  “You fell in love with the idea of her.”

  He turned to her. “I fell in love with Julia, the Julia she was right then and there, and all the other versions of her I saw after that.” He took a sip of his coffee and leaned back.

  “So, you started the affair.”

  “I told her no more wasting time on those assholes she’d been with.” He put his fingers to his lips, gently rubbing them and taking a deep breath. “Instead, she wasted her time with me.”

  “How long?”

  “Three years.”

  Madigan nodded, pressing her lips together.

  Three years of sneaking around behind his wife’s back.

  “I guess you’re going to tell me how you tried to break it off with her, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. How you just wanted to be a good husband but gave into temptation, and like you said, you’ve felt guilty ever since. Poor you, right?”

  He shook his head. “The only thing I feel guilty about is not breaking it off right away with my wife.”

  “Really?” She tilted her head to the side, studying him. “And why didn’t you?”

  “Julia didn’t want me to. She didn’t see a future for us, or that’s what she always said. She kept trying to break it off with me. Sometimes, she wouldn’t see me for months at a time, but then something would happen—I never knew what—and she’d find a way to meet with me. I never knew what she wanted, but I always knew I wanted to be with her. I couldn’t force myself on her, though. You don’t make someone stay with you when they want to leave, and she was good at that. Leaving.” He stared out at the lilacs, sipping at his coffee.

  “Why didn’t you try to find her? After your wife left?”

  “We hadn’t been seeing each other for a while before that. The last time she broke it off with me seemed to stick—rightly so, because I proposed to her.”

  “What?”

  He shook his head. “Isn’t that about the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard? That’s the first time I’ve said it aloud since, and it sounds even worse than in my head.”

  “What happened?”

  “I took her out to the drive-in on the first night it opened that spring. I felt like a million bucks, and you know why? Because I made her happy. She wasn’t always happy, but after a while with me, I could always make her smile. That was the best feeling in the world… And then not being with her—that was the worst. I didn’t want to be without her anymore. It was selfish of me. I proposed, and she scrambled right out of the car and started walking. She wasn’t even going in the direction of home, just out into some field. I caught up to her and told her I needed her. That I couldn’t go on the way we had been. She told me she was no good for me. It was like she bought into what everyone else was saying about her. I couldn’t make her see how beautiful she was. I couldn’t change her mind, and she left that night, telling me she didn’t love me. I was heartbroken. It was truly over. Months went by and she wouldn’t even look my way if we passed by. It was like I was dead to her.”

  “And then your wife found out about something that wasn’t even happening anymore.”

  “And when I heard
what happened to Julia, what my wife did to her out in the street, I went right over there. I tried to see her, talk to her. I thought if she’d let me in, I could make it right. I could make her happy again, but she wouldn’t. I wasn’t anything to her anymore, except a cause of pain and humiliation at that point. That’s why I never went after her. She didn’t want me. I haven’t spoken about it since, and I never intended to. I never thought I’d see her again, so seeing you… that’s brought up a lot of things I’d tried to bury.”

  That’s how my mom will feel. Somehow, I know it. Maybe this was a bad idea.

  I knew I’d find something bad. If you keep digging long enough, you always do. Maybe I should leave things alone, for everyone’s sake.

  “I’m sorry things turned out the way they have for her,” Vic muttered. “Having you and not being able to be in your life.” He shook his head and sat up straight. “I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.”

  She stood and readjusted her bag strap across her chest. “I’m sorry for bringing this up. I shouldn’t have come.”

  “Hey.” He squinted at her. “I didn’t spill my guts to a stranger so she could give up and go home.”

  Madigan shook her head and he stood. “I don’t think she’ll want to see me.”

  “You don’t know that. Do you want to see her?”

  “I thought I did,” she huffed, holding back tears. “I’ve never been good at leaving well enough alone.”

  He stared down at her. “Is it? Is it well enough for you?”

  No. I told myself I wanted answers, no matter what kind I got, but I didn’t think of her. Of what she’d want.

  “I’ve upset you. I don’t want to upset her, too.”

  He shook his head. “Those things I said were living inside me. Bringing them out into the air didn’t breathe life into them. Nothing could, because it’s not real. They’re memories. What you did, coming back here, sharing a bit of your story with me—that’s what made me decide to tell you. That, and you remind me of her. I could never say no to her.”

  “Well, I’m not her.”

  “No, but what I’m trying to say is, there’s nothing to do to change the past. You came here to find her, and I told you what I did because I hope you do. If you find her, you take it as it comes. Who knows what’ll happen, but we don’t live in the past. We’re living here, right now, and you’ve got a chance to see her.”

  “You were my chance, actually. Now I’m at a dead end.”

  He licked his lips and scratched his head. “Maybe not. I only know of a few jobs she had. One was a diner downtown that’s not there anymore. Another was a grocery store, but that’s gone, too. She once worked at that cinema downtown. The Palace. She said the owner was like a father to her. I’m sure he’s long gone now, but you might find someone else there who knew her.”

  She gave him a warm smile and tugged at her bag strap. “Okay, thanks.”

  “I wish you luck.”

  “Thanks for your help.” She walked back toward the stepping stones.

  “Hey,” he called, and she turned over her shoulder. “I hope you’re bad at keeping promises, because you’re welcome back here, okay?”

  She nodded.

  “And…if you find her? Could you… would you let me know?”

  Madigan nodded before heading back down the side of the house to her bike.

  If I find her, if I could just find her, I might do anything.

  Five

  After texting Mac the office address for Turning Tables, Grace drove into Amherst to meet with Joel Wallace, Tyler Gibbons’ best friend and employee.

  She walked into the warm brick building housing several separate office spaces, past the security desk, and flashed her badge to the young man behind it before taking the elevator to the second floor.

  She walked through glass doors to a wide-open, minimalist work space with exposed brick, three computer work stations and a prototype of a record player in the middle of the room.

  A young man stood at the floor-to-ceiling window on the far side of the space, and as she approached, he remained still, staring out at something.

  “Joel Wallace?” she asked, and he jumped, turning to her with his hand against his chest. “Sorry to startle you.”

  “Detective Sheppard?” he asked with a smile that faded as she nodded.

  “I’m sorry for your loss, Joel.”

  He gestured to a desk with one chair at the computer and one on the other side behind it. “Please, have a seat. This is so surreal.”

  She took out her notepad and sat across from him, left with the same view he gazed out of, buildings and the bridge over Bones Bay in the distance.

  “This is a nice set-up.”

  “Tyler wanted to expand to the next few floors, but it seemed less practical than finding a single space where we’d all work together—the team we were in the process of hiring now that Turning Tables has really taken off.”

  She pointed to the record player on the table.

  “Yes, and forgive me that I don’t share the details of our next project. A lot of people are trying to get information on it, but we’ve had some issues with copyright claims, patents, and competitors who, quite frankly, wish they were us.”

  “I read about that, actually.”

  “In the paper? Yeah, Tyler’s quote was taken a little out of context. It ruffled some feathers, that’s for sure.”

  “Whose?”

  Joel rubbed his well-shaved chin. “Tyler was served yesterday. A rival we’ve had since college was suing him, claiming Tyler stole the idea for Turning Tables, which is ridiculous. I can’t stop thinking about it now. Like, that’s what he was dealing with yesterday. I told him it meant we were successful. That we’d reached the next level, and people were coming after us now. He was worried. He had no reason to be, but I think after making so much money in a short amount of time, it felt… impermanent to him. Like it could be gone any second. That’s what he was worrying about when he left yesterday.”

  “Who is this rival from college?”

  “Derek Mann. He’s this jerk who’s always had it out for us. In college, he was the teacher’s pet, super stuck up, and frankly, he was always jealous of us. We always did well in our classes. Tyler aced everything, and I did okay myself and partied, had fun, and enjoyed life while he stuck himself in the dark computer lab day and night. Not our fault he didn’t know how to loosen up. After graduation, we were all applying to the same jobs, and Tyler got the one Derek wanted, I guess, so he was jealous about that, too. Then Tyler and I started this business, and when Derek heard, he had the audacity to call us out for copying him. Like he’s the only one who can run his own app development business. Gimme a break. He wouldn’t, though, and he came up with a music app a while ago that had a little success. Most he’s ever seen, probably, so now there he is, finally making something of himself, hard work’s paying off, and he wants to accuse us of stealing this idea that was totally Tyler’s.”

  “And now he’s taken legal action.”

  “And Tyler got all worked up over it yesterday. We were talking about how he could prove he came up with it before Derek would have, and he said he had an idea, and he left early… That was the last time I saw him.”

  That could explain the erratic driving.

  “Before this litigation, how was Tyler? His mood? His demeanor?”

  I had already guessed from that newspaper article that he wasn’t humble, not unlike his friend here.

  “Happiest he’s ever been.” Joel pushed the chair out from the desk and ran his fingers through his hair.

  “Was he seeing anyone?”

  “No, no, he’s been single for a long time. Work’s been our life. We put our lives on hold while we worked on this thing and… It’s not fair. I can’t believe this is happening. It’s not right.” He stood and walked to the window again.

  “We had it all ahead of us. Everything to look forward to. We were finally getting the recognition we deserved,
and the women—we’ve never had a problem pulling girls, but at the launch party, they were all over us! He was so happy. His parents—they were so proud. He wanted to buy his parents a nicer house. He wanted to help me do the same for mine. He said we’d go on a big trip after we finished our next project. We were finally going to get to travel.” He turned to her. “He’s never even been out of the country before. There’s a lot of things he’ll never get the chance to do.” He turned back to the window.

  “What time did Tyler leave the office yesterday?”

  “I didn’t look at the time, but it was earlier than usual. Around four, maybe? Must have been before five, because I went around the corner and got myself something to eat at about that time, and Tyler was already gone.”

  And Mindy said the accident happened at around seven. Even with all the traffic, he could have gone somewhere else in the city before he left for Tall Pines.

  “Could he have left before four?”

  “Maybe a bit before then, but not by much.”

  “Did anything else happen yesterday? Did you have any other visitors besides the person who served Tyler?”

  “Nope. It was just us. It was always just us.”

  “Joel, is there anyone else besides Derek Mann who had a problem with Tyler? Anyone else he had issues with? Anything odd that happened lately you could tell me about?”

  He tilted his head back, rubbing his eyes before clearing his throat. “What do you mean?” He turned around, his face red and cheeks still wet. “It was an accident, wasn’t it?”

  The doors behind her whooshed open, and Mac strode into the room, stopping beside her. “I’m Officer MacIntyre.”

  Joel sniffled and stepped forward to shake his hand. “Sorry, I’m just—”

  Mac shook his head. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  “Thanks,” Joel huffed, turning to Grace. “There are probably a lot of people in the city who wished they were Tyler, but he didn’t have issues with anyone else. Just Derek. I don’t understand. I thought it was a car accident?”