by K. C. Crowne
“Fuck. This is my fault.”
Vivian took another step forward. “Please don’t say that, Wally.”
“But it is. I was the one who brought you here. I thought you’d be safe, but you wound up being preyed upon.”
I gritted my teeth. “I didn’t prey upon her,” I insisted.
“It was a mutual thing,” Vivian added.
“If that’s the case, Dad should have made arrangements for you to stay somewhere else,” Wally hissed. “You’re supposed to be keeping her safe, Dad. Isn’t that rule number one of being a bodyguard or something? I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to fuck the client you’ve been charged to keep safe.”
“I need you to take a breath, son.”
He jabbed an accusatory finger at me. “What was the plan, huh? How long did you think this was going to last? Do you love her or something?”
I held my breath. I certainly cared for Vivian a great deal. Maybe I did love her, but this relationship was so new and our future too uncertain. We weren’t ready for that next step. Even if we were, Wally’s outburst only served as further proof that it wasn’t going to work out between Vivian and me. It was just too hard for him to accept, and I couldn’t even blame him for thinking this way.
“Vivian and I…” I started slowly, looking at her. “We have a connection.”
“Great,” Wally grumbled. “Just great. I hope your connection was fucking worth it.”
Vivian bit her bottom lip. “Wally, I know you’re upset, but—”
“But what, Viv? But what? What possible excuse do you have to justify this?” Wally ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, even though we broke up, you’re still my friend, Viv. And I expect my friends not to pull shit like sleeping with my forty-three-year-old father. That’s just…” His nose curled up in disgust. “What the fuck were you thinking? Did you think I’d never find out?”
Vivian didn’t answer.
Wally rubbed his hands over his face. “I can’t believe this. Not only are you unsupportive of my dreams, you just had to go and fuck my ex. Do you really hate me that much?”
“I don’t hate you, Wally,” I said.
“Really? Because these aren’t exactly the actions of someone you’re on good terms with. These aren’t the actions of a good father.”
“I don’t regret my time with Vivian,” I stated firmly. “Being with her is the best decision I’ve ever made, and I’m not going to apologize for that. Could I have handled the situation better? Yes. But what I have with Vivian… You’d never understand it, Wally.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Vivian give me the faintest of smiles. She reached out and took my hand, squeezing my fingers.
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way,” she whispered. “But I’m sure we can figure this out if we just sit down and talk.”
“No,” my son said flatly. “No, I’m… I’m done.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” Wally licked his lips and shook his head. “I found a place. An apartment. I’m going to move in with one of my classmates.”
“Son—”
“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that.” His face screwed up in pain. “You’re the worst, Dad. The absolute worst. I get it now, why Mom left you.”
His words were a dagger through my heart. They shredded my lungs and left my ribcage hollow. The look in Wally’s eyes was one of pure disdain. My boy, the one who I loved and raised all these years, had transformed from my son to a resentful stranger. It wasn’t even a sudden transformation, but a gradual one, happening right in front of me. And now I was too late. I’d lost him.
“Don’t call me,” he said. “Don’t text me. Don’t try to find me. I want nothing to do with you, do you understand? And you can keep your fucking money. I’ll figure it out on my own. I don’t need you.”
The floor was crumbling beneath my feet. I was frozen in place, unable to move or utter a single word as Wally shoved right past me. He stormed out of the penthouse, and this time, I feared I’d truly never see him again. This was a nightmare.
Vivian peered at me, reaching up to caress my cheek. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “He’ll be back. I promise.”
I could barely hear her over the rush of blood past my ears. I was exhausted. Drained. “I don’t think he will,” I mumbled as I sat on the edge of the bed.
The mattress dipped as Vivian took her place beside me, her thigh touching mine as she held my hand. “Don’t say that. I know Wally. He’ll be upset for a little while, but I’m sure he’ll come around.” Something in the way her sentence tapered off into nothing told me she didn’t believe her own words.
“I meant what I said. I don’t regret it.”
“Neither do I.” She frowned. “I’m sensing a but in there somewhere.”
I took a deep breath. “But Wally’s right. Being your bodyguard and your…”
“Lover?” she supplied, almost teasingly, but it didn’t sound like her heart was in it.
“Sure. Your lover.” I brushed a strand of her hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “I can’t be both, Vivian.”
“So what do we do?” Her eyes welled up with tears, a sad smile ghosting across her lips. “You want to end this, don’t you.” A statement, not a question.
“I don’t want to, but it’s best. I can’t protect you properly otherwise. And even if I could…”
“Wally would never accept us being together.”
I nodded solemnly. “If it were anyone else, I’d choose you. I’d choose you a million times over. But Wally’s my son, and I can’t lose him. It’d tear me apart.”
“I understand,” she mumbled, bravely holding back her tears. “I don’t want to come between you two. I’d hate myself for it.”
I wrapped her in my arms and hugged her as tightly as I could, kissing her cheek and stroking her hair. It almost killed me to hear her sob against my chest, her whole body trembling as she tried to keep everything inside.
“I’ll call Theo,” I said softly. “I’ll have you transferred to his care temporarily until I can organize a new safe house and security detail for you. Shouldn’t take me more than a day.”
“Alright,” she replied meekly.
I studied her face, committing every last detail to memory before leaning in to kiss her. It was chaste and slow and heartbreaking. Because this wasn’t a kiss we’d ever shared before. This was our last.
A final goodbye.
When it ended, Vivian held onto me tight, burying her face in the crook of my neck. I wanted to be a selfish man. I wanted to keep her all to myself, screw the consequences. But I wasn’t a selfish man, despite how easy it would have been. I knew her through and through. If I kept her, she’d blame herself for my fallout with Wally. The best thing I could do for her was let her go, no matter how painful it might be.
“In any other life,” I murmured against her ear, “it would have been you, angel.”
Chapter 27
Vivian
The ride out to the suburbs was a tense one. Full of protocol, but more distressingly, an air of uncertainty. We both knew what was coming. After Jesse dropped me off in his friend’s care, there was no telling when I’d see him again. If I’d ever see him again.
“They’ll take good care of you,” he said as he pulled into the cul-de-sac. It was a lovely area with nice big houses and manicured lawns and picturesque white picket fences. “I would have taken you to stay at my brother’s since he’s closer, but Theo’s actually got the training. Plus, it’ll be easier to hide you the further you are from the city.”
I nodded absentmindedly. “Right.”
“I’ll send a replacement bodyguard to pick you up tomorrow morning. I’m getting the new safehouse ready for you as we speak. Shouldn’t take too long to put together for you.”
We pulled into the driveway of the Phillips’ home. A lovely wrap-around porch had all manner of planters hanging from i
ts railing, each of them hosting colorful flowers in full bloom. It was a lovely slice of normalcy despite all the turmoil boiling just beneath the surface of my skin.
We walked up the front steps of the house together, barely an inch between us yet worlds apart. Jesse wouldn’t let me lift a finger, carrying my heavy duffle bag for me. He rang the doorbell, which chimed inside. It didn’t take very long before we heard the shuffling of feet.
Theo opened the door, Ava standing just behind him with little Cassie in her arms and Cory at her hip.
“You made it,” Theo said pleasantly. “How was the drive?”
“Smooth,” was Jesse’s curt answer.
“Any tails?”
“No. Looped back four times just to be sure. We’re clear.”
Ava waved me inside. “Come on in, Vivian. I can show you to your room first, if you’d like.”
“Oh, thank you very much.” I turned to Jesse, carefully taking my bag from him. He was uncharacteristically stiff, his eyes dark and gloomy. “Thank you,” I mumbled. “For everything.”
Jesse simply nodded once, though I could tell he had so much more to say. What I wouldn’t give to hug him. But Theo and his family were watching, and I didn’t want to have this big emotional farewell with them here. It didn’t feel right when I turned on my heel to head inside.
Maybe that’s why I was so thankful when he reached out and took my hand, calling my name.
“Vivian, wait.”
I held my breath. “Yes?”
“If you need anything,” he said slowly. “Let me know.”
I was tempted to say that I needed him, but I didn’t want this to be any more awful than it already was. “I will,” I replied softly, giving his fingers one last squeeze before allowing Ava to show me inside.
The men spoke in hushed whispers at the front door while Ava guided me up the stairs and down the hall toward the guest bedroom. It was significantly cozier compared to my room in the penthouse. The walls were covered in various art pieces and the shelves were filled with all sorts of children’s books.
“I hope you’ll be comfy here,” Ava said, gesturing to the space. “The bathroom’s just across the hall, and Theo and I are right next door if you need anything.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I really appreciate it. I hope I’m not being too much of an inconvenience.”
Ava waved a hand dismissively. “Nonsense. We’re happy to have you.”
“I’m just worried about your kids. Jesse said I’d be safe here, but if—”
“Trust me, Theo made sure to turn this place into a fortress before Cassie was born. There’s no way anybody will find you here. You can rest easy.”
I nodded slowly. “A fortress, huh?”
Ava beamed with pride. “Yes. All the windows are tinted so no one can see in. They’re also bullet resistant. The doors are reinforced with steel locks, there are motion sensors around the perimeter of the property, and we’ve got an entire network of security cameras to alert us of an unexpected approach.”
“Oh, wow. No offense, but that feels a little…”
“Overboard? Yeah. I told him as much, but there’s no stopping my husband once he’s put his mind to something.” She winked at me. “Let’s just say we learned from experience.”
I was curious and wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but Cory tugged on his stepmother’s sleeve. “Can I show Vivian my art room?” he asked.
“She might be a little tired. We should let her get settled.”
I smiled as wide as I could. “I wouldn’t mind seeing your art room.”
Cory turned with a spring in his step. “Right this way!”
He led me to another room, this one far more spacious and filled to the brim with art supplies. Several easels with canvases on them sat around the room, a number of the projects mid-completion. There were also several award plaques, ribbons, and trophies against one wall, all with Cory’s name on them.
“Are these yours?” I asked, fascinated.
The boy nodded, chest puffed out with pride. “It helps that Ava’s an art teacher. She knows all sorts of contests that I can enter.”
Ava smiled sweetly, patting her baby girl gingerly on the back as she stirred. “Yes, but you’re only allowed to enter them as long as you don’t let your other grades slip. That’s the agreement we came up with with Dad.”
Cory shrugged, leaning toward me to whisper, “I’m not doing so great in math.”
“I can help you with that,” I offered. “I’m actually really good at math.”
“Really? Maybe after supper? I’ve got two whole pages to finish. It’s due tomorrow.”
I laughed. “Sure. I’ll see what I can do.”
Ava held a hand out to her stepson. “Speaking of supper, why don’t you wash up. We’re having tuna casserole. I hope you like it.”
“Love it, actually. It’s one of my favorites.”
With a twinkle in her eye, she said, “I knew I liked you.”
Dinner was, for the most part, fantastic. It was surprisingly easy being here. Ava was so warm and welcoming that I’d sometimes forgot why I was here to begin with. Theo’s dad jokes were as terribly amusing as they could get. Cassie was adorable, seated in her highchair with a bright green bib around her neck in the shape of a frog. And Cory was a little chatterbox —not that I minded in the slightest— talking about how he was sure his science teacher was a vampire.
“He’s just so pale,” Cory insisted. “And he always has the blinds in his class closed.”
“Isn’t it because his classroom’s on the east side of the building?” Theo asked. “And your science class is in the morning, so it’s probably pretty bright.”
“But what about that one time Emilio had some garlic bread for lunch and Mr. Nostra freaked out?”
Ava hummed. “Mr. Nostra has an allergy to garlic, sweetie. That doesn’t mean he’s a vampire.”
“What about his pointy teeth? How do you explain that?”
I shrugged as I took a bite of tuna casserole. “Maybe he can’t afford a good dentist.”
“Hm, good point. Back to the drawing board.”
Their happy chatter was a welcome change to my ears. I’d been so cooped up in the penthouse that I’d almost forgotten what regular conversation sounded like. It was nice and warm here. Full of love and life. A part of me was glad for the change in scenery.
But the other part of me desperately wished that I could go back.
I sat at the dinner table, poking at a bit of my food, struggling not to think about Jesse all alone at home. Without Wally or me there, he had no one; he was isolated in his penthouse way up high.
My mind wandered.
What was he doing right now? Was he eating supper, too, or had he gone back to deliberately drowning himself in his work? Was he thinking about me as much as I was thinking about him?
I was about to take another bite of my meal when my stomach suddenly churned. I swallowed hard to fight the gagging sensation at the back of my throat, covering my mouth just in time to avoid making a scene. I wasn’t sure what was happening. Out of nowhere, my portion of tuna casserole smelled absolutely horrendous to me.
“Excuse me,” I muttered quickly, leaving the table. I prayed nobody noticed my odd behavior.
I ran to the nearest bathroom and locked myself inside, making it to the toilet just in time to hurl the contents of my stomach. The tile beneath my knees was cold and hard, and the porcelain of the toilet bowel was just as unforgiving. A few more dry heaves and I was exhausted, shivering from the exertion of being sick.
I frowned as I wiped my forearm across my sweaty brow. It was really hot in here. Was I getting sick? Did I catch the flu or something?
Eventually, I found the strength to pull myself up, gripping the edge of the bathroom counter for support. I studied my reflection in the mirror, unsure why I was so flushed. I felt my forehead. I didn’t have a fever, yet my skin was sensitive and achy. What was going on? Was the
tuna casserole bad? None of the Phillips family seemed to be having any of the same reactions.
And then it hit me.
I’d been feeling pretty bloated. That combined with my sudden aversion to one of my favorite foods… No, it couldn’t be.
Could it?
I rummaged through the bathroom drawers. I felt bad for snooping, but I needed to know. Curiosity would eat me alive otherwise. I found what I was looking for at the very back of the drawer, a small box of pregnancy tests, still in their wrappers. I debated asking Ava for permission before using one, but I figured that since she had a newborn, the chances that she’d need these right away were slim.
I shakily ripped the test out of its packaging and headed to the toilet, sitting down with a heavy sigh. There was no way I was pregnant. Jesse and I had been careful. We always used protection. Surely, I was just being paranoid.
Chapter 28
Jesse
I was aware of the disproportion. All this space, yet I was the only here.
Wally hadn’t returned any of my calls or texts, I wasn’t in contact with Vivian anymore, and the prospect of going to the office to work displeased me. I didn’t feel like putting on airs, dealing with employees, running into clients. I didn’t want to deal with anyone that wasn’t my son or Vivian, and they were the only people I couldn’t reach at the moment. Maybe ever again.
I tried slipping back into my usual routine, the one I followed religiously before Vivian waltzed into my life. A hearty breakfast. Rigorous workout. A hot shower. Then immediately answering urgent emails and approving security plans on my laptop.
It should have felt good to get back in the rhythm of things. I was good at this, the whole keeping to schedule and getting to the grind.
Yet I couldn’t shake the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Everything was just so bland and repetitive to the point of boredom. To make matters worse, the penthouse was too fucking quiet.
No matter what I did, I couldn’t distract myself from her absence. I felt like there was a hole inside me, one I couldn’t fill with menial tasks or other meaningless distractions. I couldn’t count the number of times I turned expecting to see Vivian, only to find that she wasn’t there.