Torment: Dark Paranormal Romance (Eclipse Warlocks Book 1)

by Ellie Cassidy

  I would learn.

  Whenever I flinched, I would learn to let it go.

  Even when it bled into the fabric of my friendships, as I discovered when Haley came around after her shift. Lex had already left, which left all the lying to me when she demanded the details on Callie.

  “But why did she phone you?”

  I shifted uncomfortably, not able to look her in the eye, and gave the same deluded answer I’d given myself at the time. “She wanted to talk about Grant? I don’t know Haley, it was kind of messed up.”

  And then one lie led to another. “Lex drove me over to fetch her and Gideon met us there. For backup? Before we knew it was just a two-day bender and nothing serious…” I finished lamely.

  Haley’s gaze speared me, right through all my bullshit if her skeptical brow was anything to go on. “She literally passed out for two days?”

  “Maybe that guy she went off with slipped something into her drink?” My cheeks flushed. Haley was my best friend. And sure, I’d told little white lies before to get out of doing things occasionally, or when I didn’t want to talk about something. But this was different.

  I considered telling her everything and damn the consequences, but she’d never believe it. Or worse, she would believe it and then she’d have to carry this responsibility, this burden, this knowing. There was a confused part of me that wished Gideon had gone ahead and overwritten my mind. Yesterday seemed so much simpler.

  I let it go.

  And when Grant came over later, I had to do it all over again after the glacier stare-down between him and Haley which only ended when Haley barged out on, “Call me when he’s gone.”

  Grant turned to me. “I won’t apologize.”

  “You said some hurtful things to her, Grant.”

  “She started it,” he ground out. “She threatened me. She blackmailed me.”

  I rolled my eyes. “That’s rather dramatic.”

  He changed the subject abruptly. “So what’s the real story with Callie? She says she blacked out the night of the beach party and woke up in the LPAX warehouse this morning? I’m not an idiot. She’s a raving bitch. I was worried sick while she and Libby were probably laughing behind my back all this time.”

  She wasn’t laughing.

  She was kidnapped by a psychopath in cahoots with a demon.

  I let it go. “I only know what she said.”

  “And she called you? When? While we were at the brackens?” His hard stare judged and condemned me. “You didn’t think that was something I should’ve known about?”

  “You’d already left,” I said.

  “I have a fucking phone.”

  I blew out a heavy breath. “She insisted I came alone.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know, Grant, I just did as she asked. I thought that was the best way to get her home.”

  I let him rant on and vent his anger. He was done. With Callie and Kenzie. And Haley, unless she groveled and begged his forgiveness.

  I figured I’d give him a couple of days to get over himself and then I’d shove them all into a locked room (minus Callie) until they worked it out. Our friendship was stronger than this. We may bow, but we wouldn’t break.

  After Grant was gone, I couldn’t settle. I gathered the stack of mail that had collected, thinking about how neither Grant nor Haley really believed Callie’s total blackout. You didn’t just lose two days of your life. Yet in a way, that’s exactly what I had done. I’d packed a bag and driven off with Gideon, disgusted by fictitious bugs that had invaded my house.

  When Lex had explained his dormant magic to me earlier, he’d said it was there, just choked. He could compel a bartender to sell him alcohol because he was nearly of age anyway and looked old enough. He could compel someone to spill what was already on the tip of their tongue.

  He couldn’t compel a mind that resisted.

  @hawk

  Is Gideon that strong?

  Or is my mind that weak?

  I let it go.

  In the trash just like the pile of junk mail and flyers I didn’t bother flipping through. There was never anything official. My personal correspondence was all online and my dad must have had everything else redirected after Lynn left. All I knew was the bills were paid and a living allowance bloated my bank account at the end of every month.

  Which reminded me. The first term of my college tuition was due before the end of summer. I’d planned to talk to him about it on my birthday but, well, that had never happened and I refused to call. All he’d ever had for me was two miserly hours once a year. I wouldn’t give him anything in between.

  So long as the monthly payments went into my bank, I knew he was still out there, living his life just fine.

  Without me.

  Maybe he was done now I was eighteen.

  Maybe I was living in a grace period and I’d be kicked out onto the street at the end of summer.

  I scrolled down my contacts to his number. Dad. I stared and stared, chewing on my bottom lip until I tasted blood.

  I couldn’t do it.

  I’d rather rot on the streets.

  He’d never needed me and I certainly didn’t need him. I wasn’t a child anymore. My bank account was healthy, since I’d barely touched my allowance since I’d started working at the Grill.

  I could double my shifts.

  Find a cheap place to rent.

  There was the diamond pendant I’d gotten for my sixteenth birthday. That had to be worth something, assuming the stone was a real diamond and not glass.

  College wasn’t that important. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to study. Maybe I’d move to a big city. Find a proper job.

  The possibilities were endless.

  I put my phone away and let it go. My new motto was good for more than dealing with Lex’s world. It fit my crappy world just as well.

  @hawk

  Let it go.

  Let it go.

  Let it go.

  Lex called later that night. “Hey there.”

  I’d just crawled into bed and I rolled over onto my side, the phone propped between my ear and the pillow. “Hey.”

  “So, I was thinking,” he said. “Tomorrow evening. Picnic at the lookout?”

  “The Horn?” I smiled. “I haven’t been up there in years.”

  “I’ll fetch you around six?”

  “It’s a date.”

  “Our first.”

  He was right. How back to front was that? “What should I bring?”

  “Just yourself.” There was a smile in his voice. “We can watch the sun set and pretend our lives are normal and boring.”

  I laughed. “Sounds perfect.”

  We said goodbye a short while later and I lay there, trying to picture what normal looked like for us.

  I couldn’t.

  But maybe there was no normal for anyone, just the illusion of it.

  I let it go.

  I let it all go, but there was one that wouldn’t let go of me.

  After my shift the following afternoon, I stopped by The Stables. Both Lex’s truck and Gideon’s Audi were there.

  As I climbed out my car, I noticed the door to Lex’s art studio stood ajar. He’d never gotten around to giving me that part of the tour and I approached with hesitant steps, unsure if the omission had been deliberate.

  I didn’t immediately see him when I paused on the threshold. The room was light. Bright. The inner walls were newly plastered and painted and the large window must be new as well, not something you would find in the original horse stall. Wood-backed canvasses of various sizes were stacked against one wall. A work table held chalks and charcoals and paints and brushes and bowls and scraps of cut canvas and other clutter.

  Finally I spotted Lex as he shifted position behind the easel.

  His gaze met mine above the large canvas planted there. “Hey. I thought I was picking you up later?”

  “You are.” I smiled at the smudge of charcoal at his temple. T
he ruffled lengths of his wavy hair suggested how it had gotten there. “You have something…” I pointed. “There.”

  He stepped out from behind the easel, rubbing at the wrong spot. “I’ll go get cleaned up.”

  “No, don’t stop what you’re doing,” I said. “I came to see Gideon.”

  Lex’s jaw hardened. “What has he done now?”

  My heart warmed at his protectiveness. “Nothing, I just want to talk to him about something.” I glanced around the studio, at the work in progress and the stacked canvasses. “Am I allowed to peek? Or would you rather I didn’t?”

  He gave a low chuckle. “Come here.”

  I went, and he tucked an arm around me, dropping a kiss on the corner of my upturned mouth before he pulled me in behind the easel. I’d expected something like the tormented angel sketch, but this head portrait was completely different. And somehow the same in that it was beautiful and captivating and faintly disturbing.

  The woman’s hair slashed across her face in a wild fury of vibrant reds and oranges streaked in the texture of the oil paints. Her face, however, was black and white, a three dimensional grid of charcoal lines that shaped her bone structure and eyes and mouth with a harsh, robotic symmetry.

  Lex’s arm was still around me, his thumb stroking my arm. “How does it make you feel?”

  “Uneasy,” I said without thinking, and groaned. I peered sideways at him. “Sorry, I mean, it is amazing. You are seriously talented.”

  His eyes searched me. “What about it makes you feel uncomfortable?”

  I looked again, studying the clash between her hair and her face. “The color against the monochrome? It’s like you put all your creativity into capturing the beauty of her hair, as if her face and expressions aren’t important. It’s robotic. Like she’s not supposed to have any emotions?”

  “It’s a piece from my series entitled Louder Than.”

  I scrunched my nose up at him. “Louder than?”

  His arm fell away from me as he bent to lift the legs of the easel and turned it to face away from me. “Come see.”

  I walked around to join him in front of the canvas again.

  He took my hand and started walking us backward. Slowly. With each step, the symmetrical lines of the three dimensional grid blurred a little more, rendering the grief and sorrow that transformed the woman’s face into an emotional masterpiece. By the time we’d backed up against the far wall, the detail was as exquisite as a black and white photograph.

  “What is louder?” Lex murmured. “The mask we present with so much vibrancy and color, it grabs all your attention, or what we’re so desperate to hide beneath it?”

  “It’s beautiful,” I said in awe.

  Lex wasn’t just a talented artist, he was a creative genius. His work touched and demanded and made itself heard. I couldn’t pull my heart away from it as I went in search of Gideon.

  After roaming through the house, I eventually found him in a room on the midlevel above the den. He was seated behind a desk, so focused on his laptop he didn’t notice as I tapped the door further open to peer inside. I stood silently on the threshold, studying his chiseled face. His mask was a contoured grid of stone, cold and hard, carved in arrogance and dark, careless beauty. If anything remotely warm tried to hide beneath, I couldn’t imagine it surviving for long.

  I sighed noisily. “Here you are.”

  He glanced up, his brow settling low when he saw me. “Here I am.”

  “Am I disturbing you?”

  “Would it matter?” He closed the laptop and settled back in the chair, watching me.

  I stepped deeper into the room and looked around, curious despite my intention to suffer Gideon only when absolutely necessary and with as little thought as possible.

  One wall was a bare floor-to-ceiling bookshelf. Not a single book. A pair of sleek leather armchairs were grouped around a fireplace against the opposite wall. There was a wet bar cabinet that held a silver tray and a couple of cut-glass tumblers. A Persian rug covered most of the wood flooring.

  Imposing and cozy.

  I backed up against an armchair, bringing my wandering gaze in to him. “When you did that thing, the gift of awareness as you call it, you said you couldn’t promise to never compel me?”

  His mouth twisted around a broken smile.

  Silence.

  He wasn’t going to elaborate.

  Fine. “I want that promise.”

  “No.”

  I folded my arms, my eyes narrowing into him. “You’ve never been compelled, have you?”

  He didn’t answer, but Lex had already told me they were all immune to compulsion. “You have no idea how much it screws with your mind. I’ll respect what you are and whatever mission you’re on. I won’t get in your way, I swear. All I want in return is the same respect. Leave me and my mind alone.”

  He spread an arm out, his finger drumming the table. “Are we done here?”

  “Is that a yes?”

  The starlight in his eyes glinted. “No.”

  My anger flared. “Why the hell do you care so much about controlling me?”

  “I don’t,” he said flatly. “I care about my duty. Your delicate sensitivities don’t feature at all.”

  “My delicate sensitivities?” all but exploded from me.

  “I was trying to be tactful.” He shrugged. “Your control issues, then?”

  “I don’t have control issues!” I blinked long and hard, pulling in a breath to calm myself. “No one likes to have their mind controlled. It’s not an issue, it’s a fact.”

  “And I have bigger problems, like vanquishing the demon currently out there. I won’t handicap my ability to deal with that, including compelling who and what whenever I damn well need to.”

  “Then why did you bother allowing me to remember at all?”

  “Trust me.” Another thin, cruel smile. “I’m starting to regret it.”

  I pushed away from the chair. This had been a mistake, thinking I could appeal to Gideon’s softer side. He didn’t have one. His mask reached all the way into the black cave of his heart.

  “Sage,” he called before I was out the door. “It’s nothing personal.”

  “Yeah, you’ve made that perfectly clear,” I muttered and continued on, my spine so stiff it felt like rigor mortis had set in.

  I was halfway down the stairway when it hit me, crashed into my chest like a tangible weight. I had to put a hand on the barrier to steady myself.

  Shit.

  Am I really going to do this now?

  Yes…

  Yes, I was.

  I turned around, back up the stairs.

  The door was still wide open as I’d left it. “So, these demons. Tell me.”

  Gideon hadn’t returned to his laptop yet. His gaze met mine and judging by the way he raked a hand through his hair, his sentiments on the subject matched mine. Are we really going to do this now?

  There was no visitor chair at his desk.

  “I’d like to know when I cross one on the street.” I turned a slender armchair from the fireplace and sat with purpose. I wasn’t going anywhere until he dished up all the gory details. “What exactly should I be worried about? Do they shoot brimstone fire or something? And if there’s a demon walking around town, surely someone would have noticed?”

  “Ask Lex,” he said. “He has the patience for these things.”

  “Explanations?”

  His cocked his jaw, angling a look at me. “Indulging you.”

  I don’t know why my blood pressure spiked. You’d think I’d be used to him by now.

  “Lex and I have plans for tonight.” Normal and boring plans. “I’d rather not spoil the mood with a crash course in demons.”

  “Your flippancy isn’t cute.” He stood and came around the desk, moving in on me with measured steps like a damn predator. “It shows your ignorance.”

  I tilted my eyes up to him as he came to a stop right in front of me. “So enlighten me.”<
br />
  He smiled and leant in, slowly, placing a hand on each arm of my chair as his gaze hooked into me.

  I shrank back, dreading an assault of his lethal pheromones. And there it was: the spark that lit instant awareness through me. The flutter humming in my pulse. Suddenly I was noticing the bristles shadowing the hollow of his jaw. Suddenly I was noticing there was something sexy about the cruel twist of his mouth. Suddenly I was noticing just how male he was.

  I bit down on my back teeth. I was noticing, but I wasn’t evenly remoted tempted. I still hated it, though. I hated that I noticed. I hated the physical reaction of my body that I could ignore but apparently couldn’t permanently delete.

  It was just another form of control he seemed to hold over me.

  Oh my God. He wouldn’t have…would he? But the thought was there and it stuck. He’d compelled me. He was sexy as all hell, granted, but the way my body recognized that—responded to it when my head and heart repelled—felt almost unnatural.

  I glared into the endless starry night that was his eyes. “Have you ever compelled a woman to be attracted to you?”

  He came in closer.

  I shrank deeper into my chair until there was nowhere left to go.

  His jaw brushed my cheek as he whispered near my ear, “You think I’m compelling you?”

  My skin flamed. My subtle question wasn’t nearly as subtle as I’d hoped.

  Now he knows what he does to me.

  He thinks he knows…arrogant, conceited brute!

  “If you are, it’s not working,” I retorted. “I just had to wonder, though, since it never seems to occur to you that I might not appreciate you all over me. It’s called personal space, Gideon.”

  He chuckled with amusement, pulling back to look at me. “Sure, that’s why you asked.”

  “And you still haven’t answered,” I snapped before I realized I’d been wrong about that chuckle. He was not amused. The look in his eyes was primal, a wild animal deciding whether I was worth the stalk and pounce.

  “Did you want to talk about demons or my sex life?” he drawled.

  “Demons,” I said, beating a hasty retreat from the hole I’d dug. He’d never admit the truth anyway.