Be My Light : A BWWM Romance (Make It Marriage Book 4)

by Nia Arthurs

  I wait for her to give the sign—one sign—that she needs me to rescue her.

  Damn. I need her to look at me.

  Just once.

  And I’ll be by her side in a flash.

  But that look, that sign, that gesture to kick Musclehead into the next century?

  It never comes.

  Eleven

  Ina

  “That guy keeps staring at you.”

  “What?”

  Ever so slightly, Gregory jerks his chin in Lucas’s direction. “Should we get out of here?”

  “No.” I drop my hands. “No, just ignore him.”

  Gregory shoots me a what’s up with you look.

  I clear my throat. “Keep going. You were telling me about your students.”

  He keeps talking.

  My gaze sneaks to Lucas.

  I smile, noticing the way his hair flops when he bobs his head forward. How his eyebrows jump with every shift in his expression. How his shirt cuts low, revealing the hair on his chest. How the end of his jeans scrunch around his ankles. No skinny jeans here. He’s old-fashioned in the sweetest way.

  Fingers skim against my hand.

  They’re a man’s hand.

  Gregory’s.

  I jump and pull my arm back.

  My heart skitters painfully.

  Anxiety floods my chest.

  Gregory stares at me with curious eyes. “So you really don’t like to be touched.”

  I pull my hands down to my lap.

  I hate that I’m like this.

  I hate that a man’s caress makes me antsy and nauseous.

  It’s not like I want to be this way.

  I wish I wasn’t.

  Getting over my fear of sexual contact is the last part of my healing journey.

  My therapist warned it’ll be the hardest.

  Even when I find a guy I like, even when I’m ready to open my heart, there’s still hurdles we’ll have to jump.

  And touch is one of them.

  I force a tight-lipped smile. “Venus told you.”

  “She said to keep my hands to myself. I thought that meant you wanted to wait until marriage or something.”

  That’s supposing any man will want to marry a woman who shudders at the thought of holding hands with him. Who cries at the thought of kissing him. Who passes out at the mere mention of getting naked in bed.

  Come on, Ina. Happy thoughts.

  I lift my chin. “I like my personal space.”

  “Is that like a germaphobe thing?”

  “What?”

  He chuckles. “You think I’ll give you cooties?”

  I force a laugh.

  “Does it bother you if I do this?” He brushes his sneakers against my sandals.

  I jump.

  Gregory smiles wider. “I’ve never met a woman who was so freaked out by physical touch before.”

  “Well, we exist.” I take a big gulp of my tea.

  My gaze returns to Lucas.

  Only this time, he catches me looking.

  In an instant, his expression shifts from polite to protective.

  He turns fully to me and raises a brow. Want me to take care of him?

  I shake my head.

  Move my sandals back as far as they can go behind my chair.

  I asked Lucas to be my backup, but the truth is I don’t want to rely on him. I’m tired of always leaning on people to get me through a hard situation.

  I meant what I said back home.

  I want to be normal.

  And normal people don’t freak out when someone touches their hand.

  Gregory stares at me. “I’m sorry. Did I make you uncomfortable?”

  “A little.”

  He chokes on his drink.

  “Look, I don’t know if we got our wires crossed.” I hold my hands tightly in my lap. “If you’re looking for someone you can take home tonight, I’m sorry. That girl isn’t me. If you were expecting that, we can go our separate ways. No hard feelings.”

  He leans back in his chair. Studies me for a long moment.

  Inside, I’m squirming.

  My heart is pounding.

  I want to sink into the floor and disappear.

  On the outside, I hold his stare like a boss.

  His gorgeous lips inch up into a smile. “I’ve never met a woman who shot straight like that.”

  “Oh, I… what kind of women have you met?”

  “Ones who make it easy to take them home.”

  Heat flares in my cheeks. I’m nothing like the women he’s dated before. That I believe.

  Attractive men like Gregory go for the rail-thin, weave-rocking black Barbie doll type.

  Basically the opposite of me.

  “You’re different, Ina Lopez.” He folds his arms over his chest. “I like you.”

  It’s such a bold declaration.

  It’s so unexpected.

  He’s so hot.

  I take another nervous sip of my tea.

  He pulls out his phone. “May I have your number?”

  “What?”

  He swipes his thumb across the screen. “I know the way we met was… less than ideal.”

  “You mean not every guy picks up girls by stalking her?”

  “About that. I’m sorry.”

  “Because you got caught?”

  He laughs. “If I say yes, will you hate me?”

  My frown lightens into a smile. “No. To be honest, I’m the last person to judge you.”

  “Sounds like a story’s behind that statement.”

  “You can say that.” I sip my tea again to hide my smile.

  “Ina…” Gregory inhales deeply. “I know you’re dating other guys.” He notices my shocked expression and sets his phone down on the table. “Venus told me.”

  “She really held nothing back.”

  “I’m a man who likes to know what he’s getting into.” He winks. “I didn’t agree to this date lightly.”

  My heart melts a little.

  “I’d like it if we could meet up again.”

  “So you don’t mind that I’ll be seeing other men?”

  “It’ll bother me,” he admits. “But all that matters is who’s by your side at the end. And,” he leans forward and whispers with a grin, “I have a good idea who it’ll be.”

  I stare at him. “Is Venus paying you to say this?”

  “Nobody’s paying me. I’m not that kind of guy.” He leans forward. “Maybe you should get to know me a little better before you judge me.”

  “I didn’t mean to imply—”

  “What? That I’m incapable of sincerity?”

  I wince. Yeah. I really did come off harsh, didn’t I?

  He chuckles. “Relax, Ina. That was a joke.” He rests his chin in his hands. “You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?”

  My heart beats harder.

  His eyes are hypnotizing. “Go on another date with me. Somewhere else.” He nods at Lucas. “Where we won’t have eyes following our every move.”

  “I don’t know,” I hedge. “I’m busy.”

  “With?”

  “Um…”

  “Other guys?”

  I bite down on my bottom lip. “Maybe.”

  “No worries. You can fit me in around them.”

  “I can.”

  “Great.” He nudges his phone forward.

  I type my number into it and offer it back.

  He smiles and, again, my heart flips. “I’ll be in touch.”

  “I’ll look forward to it.”

  He winks. “Until next time.”

  I watch as he sets a twenty-dollar bill on the table, gets up and leaves.

  A second later, Lucas grabs the chair beside me. “I don’t like him.”

  “Of course you don’t.”

  “There’s something off.”

  “Like what?”

  He narrows his eyes. “I don’t know. Something.”

  “I need more than that, Luc.”r />
  “It’s intuition.”

  “You didn’t even talk to him.”

  “Didn’t have to.” He lifts his sculpted chin. It’s clean-shaven. Not a hint of hair. Lucas has one of those boyish faces. Even though he’s in his mid-thirties, he could easily pass for younger. “I’m a guy. I can sense these things.”

  “We’re meeting again.”

  “When?”

  “After I meet the other guys.” I turn to face Lucas.

  Our knees brush slightly.

  It’s weird, but I’m not turned off by that.

  Maybe because I’m too excited about the future to care.

  His eyes turn stormy. “Other guys?”

  “You work every evening, right?”

  “Except Fridays. And what other guys?”

  “I have another date.”

  His lips tighten. “With that bozo?”

  “No. With someone else.”

  He blinks.

  “I’m dating nine guys.”

  “Nine… nine?”

  “Yup.” I giggle because—for some crazy reason—this plan just might work. “I have nine chances to find my soul mate.” I stare imploringly at Lucas. “And I want you here with me when I do.”

  Twelve

  Lucas

  I ghost through the week. I’m physically there. In my classroom. At home making dinner. In front of the dean as he talks himself blue in the face. But I’m not all there.

  Not really.

  My mind’s somewhere else.

  Stuck at the shop.

  At the table next to the window.

  The one where Ina’s been meeting a bunch of men everyday.

  Five men so far.

  Five men.

  In five days.

  Damn.

  Every time she laughs at them, smiles at them, ducks her head in that shy way that says she’s flattered and flustered… I want to punch a hole in the wall.

  It’s driving me crazy.

  I don’t know what’s worse.

  The fact that she’s dating so many guys.

  Or the fact that I’m not one of them.

  My phone buzzes.

  INA: Saw this and thought of you.

  There’s a picture attached to the message.

  It’s a photo of a little Pomeranian in a Wonder Woman costume.

  Despite my inner turmoil, I can’t help but chuckle.

  INA: Didn’t you say you wanted a dog?

  I pocket my phone and climb out of the car.

  Ina and I moved from emails to texting a week ago. She claimed it was more convenient. I had no complaints.

  Well, except one.

  I’m very clearly… very firmly… in the friend-zone.

  Not sure how I got there.

  Don’t want to be there.

  But that’s where I’ve ended up. And no matter how hard I rack my brain, I can’t think of a smooth way to climb out of it.

  Pushing aside the restless feeling in my chest, I text Ina back.

  ME: Don’t tempt me.

  INA: But it’s so fun.

  My phone chirps.

  She sent me another picture of a dog in a Flash costume.

  The dog is cute. I’ll give her that.

  I open my front door.

  The sound of a woman yelling quickens my pace.

  I burst inside and spot Nellie and Jonas around the kitchen table.

  Nellie brushes her long hair back with a rough swipe. “Look, I need more than one-word answers here. This isn’t just my project. It’s yours too.”

  “Just do what you want,” Jonas grumbles.

  “You’re unbelievable.”

  Jonas sneers. “And you’re too loud.”

  I clear my throat.

  Both their heads whip toward me.

  Jonas’s expression is strained.

  Nellie’s is furious.

  Typical for them.

  “Evening, guys.” I close the door. “Nells, what are you doing here?”

  “Working on a project. We got paired up in class.”

  “Which one?”

  “Art history. My professor is a sadistic human being.”

  My brother grunts. “I’m not happy about this either.”

  Nellie scowls.

  Jonas scowls back.

  Those two.

  “Well,” I back away from them, “good luck with your project.”

  No one answers.

  I leave them to their death stare-off and head to my room to change. After I dress in a pair of loose sweatpants and a T-shirt, I grab my phone and respond to Ina.

  ME: Should I really get one?

  INA: What?

  ME: A dog.

  INA: Why are you asking me? It’s your decision.

  INA: I’m not the one who’ll have to pick up poop.

  My mouth widens into a smile.

  My chest warms.

  This is, hands down, the best part of my day.

  When I moved out of town, I left most of my old friends behind. After Kate… it was hard to pretend that my life was the same.

  I changed.

  I froze.

  I was stuck while everyone was picking up the pieces and moving on.

  Moving to the city didn’t make things easier on the friendships that already had to bear the strain of a tragedy. A few of my old buddies tried to keep up with me, but it didn’t last. One by one, they dropped out of my life.

  Didn’t bother me. I’m introverted by nature. Slap a comic book in my hand or a historical documentary on my screen and I’m golden.

  I didn’t think I needed anyone or anything else.

  I was wrong.

  Ina’s filling a void I didn’t even know I had.

  ME: Can I tell you a secret?

  INA: Please do.

  ME: I’ll force Jonas to do all the dirty work.

  INA: No!

  ME: Yes.

  INA: You’re twisted.

  ME: Thank you.

  INA: Wasn’t a compliment.

  ME: Felt like one.

  INA: Oh my gosh.

  ME: You’ve convinced me.

  INA: I have?

  ME: What are you doing this weekend?

  INA: Work. I have double-shifts.

  ME: Sad.

  INA: Don’t rub it in.

  INA: But I’m free during the week.

  ME: Want to help me find my new super-pet?

  My palms suddenly get sweaty.

  I set the phone down.

  It’s been... I don’t know how many years since I asked a woman out.

  Ina and I might be friends, but she’s a woman I’m attracted to. On every level—physical, mental, emotional.

  My heart is pounding.

  My mouth is dry.

  I head outside for some water.

  Jonas is gone, but Nellie is still there around the table gathering her books and laptop. She sees me and nods. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” I glance behind me. “Where’s Jonas?”

  “Bathroom.”

  “Are you done with the project?”

  “Not even close.”

  “You realize you’ll need to play nice this time, right?”

  “I’m thinking of doing it all myself.”

  “Is it that bad?”

  “Every second in his presence makes me want to jump off a cliff.”

  I wince.

  She notices my expression and the guard in her eyes falters. “Sorry.”

  “It’s fine.” I cross the room to the fridge and pull out the mug of water. “What happened between you two?”

  “I wanted to ask the same thing.”

  I drain the glass and pour another. “Me and Jonas are fine.”

  Well, fine is relative.

  We’re existing.

  Going through the motions.

  But it’s better than the alternative.

  “Not you and Jonas. You and Ina.” She folds her arms over her chest.

  I play it cool. “What ab
out us?”

  “Did you ask her out?”

  Sort of. “Why would I do that?”

  “Because I told you she wasn’t a student.”

  “So?”

  “So… you should have made a move by now.” Nellie scrolls through her phone. “Here. I’ll give you her number.” Dark eyes flit to mine. “But don’t come on too strong or you’ll chase her away.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean she’s skittish. Like extremely. She hates when guys flirt with her.”

  I cough. “She does?”

  “Yeah.” Nellie twirls a strand of her hair. “This one time, a guy from our lecture tried to ask her out. She completely freaked. She was shaking and backing away. We all thought he’d threatened her or something. Turns out, he just told her she was pretty and asked when she was free.”

  My fingers tighten on my cup. I can’t imagine the woman who threw me over her shoulder running from a guy who told her she was beautiful.

  It doesn’t make sense.

  “Did he threaten her or touch her inappropriately?” Just the thought of anyone messing with Ina makes me want to run out and sock the guy.

  “Nope.” Nellie shakes her head. Her hoop earrings glitter as they catch the light. “I know the kid. He’s decent. A little nerdy, but that seemed to be right up her alley. It was definitely Ina over-reacting.”

  I run my fingers over the rim of my cup.

  That’s something to think about.

  What made Ina so gun-shy?

  Does it have anything to do with why she’s speed-dating all these men?

  “I’m sure there’s a story,” Nellie says. “I was her only friend at school, but she never trusted me with her secrets. It must be something horrible, don’t you think?”

  Troubled, I set my cup in the sink.

  Jonas stalks back to the kitchen.

  He greets me with a nod and then frowns at Nellie. “You’re still here?”

  “I’m just getting my stuff.”

  “Hurry up. I’m taking you home.”

  Her expression turns fierce. She makes a fist and pretends to throw it at him.

  Jonas glances away, unbothered.

  I put the water back in the fridge and mutter absently, “I’m thinking of getting a dog.”

  “What?”

  “A dog.”

  My brother gawks at me. “When?”

  “Sometime this week. You have any objections?”

  Jonas shakes his head. “Whatever.”

  “You approve?”

  He shrugs.

  “I need words, buddy.”

  Nellie sighs. “That was the two-shouldered shrug, Luc.”