This Has Been Absolutely Lovely

by Jessica Dettmann

  ‘Old mate from school. You won’t remember him. He was in a lower year. He’s, um, into old houses. Like, architecture and stuff. And we ran into each other and I told him we were staying here and he was keen to have a look. You don’t mind, do you?’

  ‘Not in the slightest.’

  ‘Good. Great. We won’t disturb you.’ He put his glass down on the draining board and headed for the door. ‘Right. Better get a move on.’

  When he’d gone, Brian said, ‘It’s not just me, is it? Simon is being weird.’

  ‘Very,’ said Paul. ‘Annie, any idea what’s up?’

  ‘Maybe he’s still upset about the will,’ she said. ‘He was pretty cross Dad didn’t leave anything to him and the girls. I imagine this is something to do with that. I had been thinking of putting tenants in here and doing some travelling next year, but maybe I could do that with just the income from my flat and Dad’s super, if I sold up here and split the money between the kids. Naomi will never own a home otherwise. And Molly could use the money too.’

  ‘I don’t know. You shouldn’t have to sell the house unless you want to,’ said Paul, and he got up and peered through the oven door at the pavlova. ‘Can I open it and look?’

  ‘I wouldn’t. It’s very humid today. You want it as dry as possible.’

  The doorbell rang and they heard Simon open it. Low voices from the hall faded as he and his friend went straight upstairs.

  ‘Have you got a few minutes, a bit later?’ asked Paul. ‘We’ve been strategising how to put more Christmas lights up and we reckon two of us on the roof and one person holding the ladder would be the safest. Only if you’re not busy. With the songs and stuff.’

  Annie thought about saying no, but the song she’d been working on seemed to have taken flight like a startled pigeon, so she nodded. ‘I’ll be in the back garden. Come grab me whenever you’re ready.’

  * * *

  The garden was quiet. The neighbourhood was emptier than usual: lots of people had gone away now for Christmas. The hot, still air felt heavy and the fragrance of Ray’s and Jean’s roses mingled across the fence. The forecast said there was a chance of a storm very late tonight.

  Annie wandered around, snapping the heads off dead blooms. She went behind the garage again and peered through Ray’s fence, but there was no one out in his garden. His roses were beautiful, still.

  Would she be sad to leave this house? Could she sell it, hand it over to a new family, walk away and never see it again? The idea was certainly tempting, but on some level did she not owe it to her children to retain the place where they’d all been so happy over the years? She wished, much more now than she had as a child, that she had a sister or brother to share this with. Someone to help her carry the weight of familial responsibility. At least she’d been able to give that to her kids — siblings. Now when she and Paul and Brian were ancient and needed to be locked up in a henhouse, the kids could figure it out together.

  Picking up a pair of secateurs someone had left on the ground, she started to prune the brunfelsia. It had almost finished flowering, and the purple, lilac and white flowers had mostly fallen off. Her parents had called this plant Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow. It would be a good name for a song. Someone would have already used it, but she’d play with it anyway.

  She could hear voices in the right of way. Simon was attempting to explain to his friend the archaic and unusual land ownership set-up. The other voice sounded familiar, and she placed it just as its owner came round the side of the house and saw her.

  She couldn’t help smiling. ‘Hi, Justin.’

  His eyes widened. She’d never seen him in daylight before. He was more handsome. ‘Annie?’

  She moved towards him, her hands held out, and he took them. ‘I didn’t know you knew Simon,’ she said.

  Justin’s face reddened, but he kept smiling and looking in her eyes. ‘Ah, yes. We went to the same high school. Not the same year. I hadn’t put you two together. Jones is a pretty common name.’

  ‘Well, ain’t that a kick in the head?’

  Simon looked from Annie to Justin. ‘Do you know each other?’

  Annie raised her eyebrow at Justin, seeking his input on what to say next, and he shrugged.

  ‘Justin is the friend I went to see the other night. Remember, when I went out and you were watching Escape to the Country with Brian and Dad?’

  The delight she took in her son’s discomfort was unkind, but delicious nonetheless. He looked like he wanted to throw up.

  ‘You’re . . . he’s . . . you two are . . .’

  ‘F—’ began Annie, but before she could get a word out, Simon shrieked, ‘Don’t say fuck buddies.’

  She frowned at him. ‘I wasn’t going to. Good grief, Simon, get a hold of yourself. There’s no need to make this awkward. Friends. I was going to say friends.’

  Simon was pacing on the spot and running his hands through his hair. ‘Right. Cool then. Cool. Yeah, cool. Sorry. Just a shock, that’s all. Not a shock, a surprise. That’s all. You’re adults. I get it. Cool. No worries. None of my business. Shall I go? Leave you to it?’

  ‘To what? Simon, Justin is here as your guest, not mine. I think you should finish showing him around. He can’t give you a valuation if he hasn’t seen the whole property,’ she added with a sly grin.

  ‘Valuation?’ Simon blustered. ‘What? No. Justin’s just interested in the house from an architectural point of view, like I said.’

  ‘I might have been born at night, Simon, but it wasn’t last night,’ she said. ‘Justin is a real estate agent, and I can only assume he’s here to give you an estimate on the value of the house. In case I want to sell it. You’re very thoughtful, darling.’

  With that she kissed Justin lightly on the mouth and went inside. She’d never taken particular pleasure in shocking her elders, but shocking younger people was extremely satisfying. It was probably pathetic, but she found she didn’t mind at all. Her smile lingered as she went back to the piano.

  No sooner had she played the first chord than Paul appeared at the door.

  ‘Oops, nope,’ he said, holding up his hands. ‘Sorry. Bad timing.’

  ‘It’s all right. What is it?’

  ‘I was going to see if you could help us with the lights. But it’s cool. We can do it later.’

  ‘Can Simon help?’

  ‘He and his mate have gone down the road to have a beer. Simon had a face like a smacked arse. Any idea why?’

  ‘None at all.’ Annie smiled to herself and closed the piano lid. ‘I’m happy to help.’

  * * *

  Annie stood on the front lawn, holding a ladder that rested in the border full of overgrown agapanthus, while Paul, standing on the top rung, attempted to lash a reindeer made of Christmas lights to the gutter. Brian was up there with him, balancing on the verandah roof with entirely more confidence than the aged corrugated iron he was standing on warranted. He grasped the creature by the antlers and held it steady for Paul.

  ‘I think it needs to come forward a bit,’ Brian said.

  ‘Forward where? Towards the street? Or along the gutter?’

  ‘Along the gutter, south.’

  ‘Which way’s south? Towards Ray’s house or away from Ray’s house?’

  ‘How do you not know which way south is?’

  ‘Because I’m not an orienteer.’

  ‘You know which way south is.’

  ‘Well, I’m sure if I think about it for a while I’ll figure out which way south is but in the meantime if you just say towards Ray’s house or away from Ray’s house that would be so helpful, my love.’

  Annie tuned them out and started playing with another song idea in her head. The songs weren’t stopping. She had bits and pieces of fifteen now. At least five were fully formed. She’d even recorded the piano parts onto her phone, and she was close to understanding how to add her vocal track on top, using her laptop. What on earth she was going to do with them, she hadn’t figured out.r />
  Suddenly she was aware of someone nearby. Turning her head, she could see a woman standing by the fence, on the footpath, arms by her sides, just watching her.

  ‘Hello,’ Annie said. ‘Gorgeous day.’

  The woman didn’t say anything and Annie wondered if she was all right. She was a big woman, dressed eccentrically in a long paisley wraparound skirt, layered singlets in teal and orange, and a bright gauzy wrap draped over her shoulders. Several bead necklaces disappeared into the chasm of her cleavage, and there were bangles all up her left wrist. She wore shoes made of petals of pale leather gathered with a drawstring, making her feet look like two dumplings, and her hair was flame red, wild and long. Bright red lipstick was applied liberally if inaccurately to her wide mouth, and her eyes were rimmed in smudged black eyeliner. As Annie looked at her eyes, they crinkled into a smile and all at once she knew her. Those eyes. The bluest.

  ‘Heather?’ Annie said.

  ‘Hello, gorgeous.’ Heather’s voice had completely changed. It was rough, like an old metal nail file, and lower than Annie remembered. ‘Fancy seeing you here.’

  Before Annie could speak, Paul shouted across to Brian, ‘Right, ready for the sleigh!’

  Heather squinted up at him. ‘Is that who I think it is?’

  ‘Most likely,’ Annie said.

  ‘God. It’s like going back in time. Did you end up with one of them?’

  Annie paused. How mortifying, to be there, where she began, with very little to show for the forty years that had passed. She wished she could say no, she hadn’t ended up with either man. She had lived a wildly successful, unexpected and unpredictable life. She wished she could say she’d had a dozen fascinating lovers, and that her children had been raised in one, or several, of the great cosmopolitan cities of the world. That she’d allowed nothing, and certainly not her children, to distract her from her life’s work, that music had remained her true love and her focus and that she had an award-winning body of work, with wealth, fame and adoring fans to show for it.

  ‘Yep,’ she said. ‘Paul. I was married to Paul for seventeen years. Three kids. We moved back from London when I was pregnant with the first. Split up almost twenty years ago and he and Brian have been together since then. The Love Triangle turned out to be real. Life imitates art, isn’t that what they say?’ She was babbling. Heather brought that out in her.

  Heather chuckled. ‘Brian and Paul. Who’d have thought?’ she said in a voice that suggested Blind Freddie could have seen it coming. ‘But you all get along? I mean, you’re holding their ladder.’

  ‘No point not getting along,’ said Annie. ‘You have to be practical about these things, especially when there are kids . . .’ She trailed off, realising it might sound like she was criticising Heather for her own life choices. But if Heather noticed she didn’t mention it.

  ‘You still look amazing, Annie. That hair.’

  Annie felt a flush of pleasure, and put her hand up to her ash-blonde head. ‘It’s dyed now.’

  Heather made a shocked face. ‘No! Well, I’d never have known it if you hadn’t said. I always wanted your hair, Annie-Kate.’

  Hearing her old nickname cracked Annie wide open. Annie-Kate. Only her dad had called her that. Sometimes her mum would try, but Annie always shunned it from her because it was her special name from her dad. Her eyes filled with tears.

  Heather frowned with concern. ‘Oh darling, what? What did I say?’

  Annie tried to smile as she wiped away her tears, saying, ‘Nothing, it’s nothing. It’s just, well, my dad died, only recently. It’s all a bit fresh, and you know, Annie-Kate —’

  ‘Darling, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘It’s all right.’ Annie sniffed. ‘It wasn’t sudden — it was a long time coming. I came back here to look after them. Mum first, a few years ago, and I stayed with Dad after that, and now, he’s, just a couple of weeks ago, actually, he died too.’

  ‘Really? I’m so sorry, Annie.’ Heather came over and hugged her. She smelled like a stall that sold dream catchers and her body didn’t feel familiar at all. Annie kept hold of the ladder with one hand. ‘I remember your dad well. He was always nice to me.’

  ‘He liked you.’ Annie paused, and then blurted out, ‘Where did you go, Heather? And why didn’t you say goodbye? My mum always thought Ray had done something to you.’

  Heather laughed like a fox barking. ‘Ray? Ray wouldn’t hurt a fly. I had to leave, Annie. And, honestly, I never thought to say goodbye to your mum. You were the one I was friends with. After you left I was dying here. I wasn’t made for suburbia. There was a whole world out there. I didn’t think you were made for it either. You inspired me actually, to get up and go. The way you’d just taken off to conquer the world.’

  She looked around, taking in the Christmas decorations, Paul and Brian on the roof, now disputing which of the upstairs windows to run the power cord through. Neither of them seemed to have noticed that Annie’s past had just strolled down the street from the bus stop. ‘Funny to find you came back, and that you were here all along. Maybe I’d have come back sooner if I’d known. Anyway, I’m back now.’ She glanced at Ray’s house. ‘Big family reunion.’ She made a face like a naughty schoolgirl.

  ‘I heard Patrick is visiting Ray,’ said Annie. ‘My daughter met him.’

  Heather’s shoulders tensed. ‘Yes. He emailed me. We’re not really in touch that much. Long story. Anyway. Here I am. Ready to face the music.’

  ‘Why?’ Annie asked simply. ‘Why now?’

  ‘Making amends, Annie-Kate. The time has come. I’ve got some apologies to make and some bridges to mend.’

  That sounded like Alcoholics Anonymous talk to Annie, so she nodded respectfully. ‘Will I see you again? Are you staying locally?’

  ‘To be honest, I was hoping to stay at Ray’s. You know, Christmas and all that. Maybe there’ll be room at the inn for me.’

  Annie thought that was presumptuous, but she nodded.

  ‘I’ll stick my head in,’ Heather said. ‘Maybe we can get on the Stone’s Green Ginger Wine again. For old times’ sake.’

  For old times’ sake. That was one of those phrases Jane collected. The ones that marked you out as ancient. There was such a whiff of desperation about it. Like you wouldn’t want to do whatever was being proposed for any other, better reason.

  ‘Sure, I’ll be around. Good luck with Ray. Do you think he will forgive you?’

  ‘Maybe. I hope so. It’s Christmas, after all. Isn’t that what people do? Forgive their prodigal wife and mother?’ Heather shrugged and made a face Annie knew would have looked endearing four decades back; now it looked clownish.

  A horn sounded and they turned to see Naomi’s van pulling up. The sliding door was opened roughly and Sunny and Felix charged out. Their mothers followed from the front seats, pausing to gather their children’s discarded wet towels, hats, buckets and drink bottles from the back. Annie frowned. Why did Simon get to go to the pub with Justin while Diana seemed to be permanently on kid duty?

  Sunny cartwheeled along the path to her grandmother, stopping to hug her around the waist.

  ‘Hello, sweets,’ Annie said. ‘How was the beach?

  ‘Really good only I fell on the rocks really hard and scraped my knee and then we found a bluebottle and Felix was about to touch it just when I was about to drop a rock on it and I dropped the rock on his finger and now it’s all swollen.’

  Felix walked over to confirm his cousin’s story, holding up his index finger, which was looking more like a thumb. ‘It hurts but I’m putting positive energy into it, like Naomi said.’

  ‘That’s the best thing for it,’ said Naomi from under a pile of sandy towels as she passed them on the path. ‘Hi,’ she said to Heather.

  Diana followed her, bearing several shopping bags. ‘Positive energy will not help it as much as ice.’ They disappeared into the house, with Felix tiptoeing after in his sandy bare feet, clutching his finger.

  ‘Well,
that all sounds pretty calamitous,’ Annie said. ‘Shall we have some lunch?’

  ‘We bought pies. Mum’s got them. Then she said we could watch a movie before we go to Carols.’ Sunny looked up at Heather. ‘Hello.’

  ‘Hello to you too,’ said Heather. ‘Who might you be?’

  ‘This is my eldest grandchild, Sunny,’ Annie said. ‘Sunny, this is Heather. She used to live next door when I was growing up.’

  ‘Grandchildren! My god, Annie, you were a baby yourself last time I saw you.’

  ‘It’s been a long time,’ Annie pointed out. It was stating the obvious, but Heather was irritating her, behaving like it was a surprise that after forty years they were now old and had the things old people have, like dyed hair and grandchildren.

  ‘Of course. Now, I’ll let you go. I’d better go in and see Ray.’ Heather looked up towards the roof. ‘Hey, boys. Looking good. And the lights aren’t half bad either.’ With a wink she turned and headed towards the front steps of Ray’s house.

  Annie looked up and saw Brian and Paul, staring down, mouths agape.

  ‘Heather Penhaligon,’ said Brian. ‘As I live and breathe.’

  Chapter 17

  By one o’clock Molly had finished her job. Emerging onto the city street outside the building she took a deep breath. That was it. She was now officially on maternity leave. She was expecting to feel elated — so much opportunity and excitement lay ahead — but all she felt was dread. Her ducks were not in a row. Her ducks were distinctly scattered. Ahead lay only uncertainty and . . . and unmanageable ducklings. She felt an almost overwhelming urge to go home, curl up in bed and sleep until she woke up to find she was twelve years old again.

  Her phone buzzed with a text and she grabbed it frantically. It wasn’t her mum. It was Lou, confirming the location for her drinks get-together. Fuck, thought Molly. Opera Bar. Right in the thick of Christmas party season. Lou had clearly lost her mind in New York.

  It wasn’t worth heading all the way home and back again, so Molly went to see two movies, one after the other, to pass the time before the drinks. The first was a slow, violent story set in the southwest of America. Everyone was sweaty and bereaved, and the male lead mumbled incomprehensibly. It would win several Oscars: she could tell. After that she saw a very loud superhero movie. It might have made sense if you had seen a lot of other related superhero movies, but she hadn’t so she dozed through most of it, jolting awake only when the baby reacted to the explosions.