“Kazuma, come over here for a moment. I want to talk to you.”
“No thanks. Listen, pal, funny you should mention the Dustinesses, because this is their daughter right here. Everyone in town knows her, right? So was I telling the truth or wasn’t I?” I pulled back against Darkness, who was tugging on my arm. The owner’s face went pale.
When Darkness saw that, she dragged me to a corner of the store with a burst of strength.
“I’ll ‘no thanks’ you! Kazuma, have you been dropping my name to support your illicit activities? You haven’t actually done anything illegal on the authority of my family name, have you?”
“Aqua and I went to a fancy restaurant, and when they tried to tell us we didn’t meet the dress code, we mentioned your name. That’s about it.”
“When none of the carpenters in the area wanted to help renovate the Axis Church building, I said I would tell on them to you. That’s about it.”
“As for me, when I was buying something to go with dinner, I told them it was for the plate of Young Lady Lalatina and to please be sure to give me the most delicious part. That’s about it.”
Darkness went limper and limper with each of our reports. She had both her hands over her face. I wasn’t sure if it was to keep herself from crying or to hide her embarrassment.
The shopkeeper gave Darkness a pitying look, then said gently, “I can tell from your reaction that you really are a member of the Dustiness family. Ahem, if this is indeed on the order of the royal family, then consider my services complimentary…”
“Cool, thanks.”
“We’ll pay! I’ll pay you—I don’t want to cause any more trouble for commoners!”
I was going to take him up on his generous offer, but Darkness bounded forward with her purse in her hand. “Just remember this, Kazuma. When this quest is over, I’m going to have a few questions to ask you. You too, Aqua and Megumin. Don’t pretend like you’re innocent here!”
The three of us joined the grumbling Darkness, squeezing into a magic circle.
“Bah, stubborn noble. We’re party members. That practically makes us family, right? What’s mine is yours and, more importantly, what’s yours is mine. Remember that I’m the one who treats you perfectly normally even though you’re a noble. That’s how friends work. Whenever you need a hand, feel free to mention the name of the number one Adventurer in Axel.”
“That’s right, Darkness, and just tell me any time you need the power of the Axis Church. I’ll be happy to help you.”
“I was a little intimidated when I first learned you were a noble, Darkness, but now I see you simply as Darkness. Any time you need the help of the Crimson Magic Clan, you need merely ask. I can dispatch a letter back home immediately.”
For a second, Darkness looked simultaneously embarrassed and happy. “Y-you guys…! …Huh? Wait, hold on, something’s not right here! I mean, I don’t see myself ever needing to drop Kazuma’s name or lean on the power of the Axis Church or the strength of the Crimson Magic Clan…!”
The rest of us didn’t really understand what she was talking about, but we got ready for our teleport.
Then it happened.
“Hey, hey, Kazuma, did you know? Every once in a greeeaaaat while, an accident happens during teleportation! Like, you get spliced together with something that happened to wander into the magic circle! They say that’s how werewolves and lamia came to be! That’s what I heard!”
I didn’t know if she was trying to scare me or what, but…
“Fine, next time let’s get a few goblins and throw them in there with you. If we’re lucky, the splice might make you a little smarter.”
“What’s that, you stupid NEET? Well, we should teleport you with a hardworking ant; maybe it would curb your NEET-ness a little!”
“A-ahem… Teleportation accidents really are a genuine possibility, so please stop wrestling in the magic circle…”
The shopkeeper looked distressed; I just gave the go signal. “All right. Send us to the capital, old man!”
All the major quests I’d accepted up to this point, I had either been dragged into or stumbled on. But not this time. This time, I was going out of my refusal to hand my precious little sister over to some prince I’d never even met.
“H-hold on—!”
Darkness seemed to want to say her piece, but the shopkeeper was already chanting the spell.
“Teleport!”
Chapter 2
An Education for These Sheltered Girls!
1
Arriving in the capital by Teleport, we found ourselves in front of the royal castle for the first time in a while. Two guards stood by the entrance gate, giving us fishy looks.
“Halt! Authorized personnel only past this point! Adventurers should keep their distance!”
I showed the high-and-mighty guard my letter, complete with the royal seal. “I’m Kazuma Satou, an adventurer from Axel Town here on business for Princess Iris.”
The sight of the royal seal sure changed their tune; the guards quickly straightened up. “P-pardon us, sir…! We’ll summon our superior immediately; please wait here! May we bring your envelope with us?”
“I suppose so,” I said, putting on some airs of my own. All it got me was a jab in the ribs from Darkness.
Inspecting the contents of the envelope, the guards happened to look at the letter. “Hey, this letter’s been torn… What’s going on…?”
“Uh, you can just ignore that! I mean, things happen when you’re an adventurer, right? Monsters and stuff. I’m sure you understand!”
“Indeed, indeed… Let us show you to the waiting area.”
I could hardly tell them that, enraged, I had shredded a letter from the royal family, but they seemed to buy my excuse, and one of the guards led us to a reception area.
We each took a seat, and I proceeded to squeeze the local gossip out of the guard, which he handed over eagerly. “Kazuma Satou is a name we’ve been hearing even here in the capital recently. After all, he helped Lady Dustiness lead a major battle on the front lines, bringing our forces to victory. You hear stories about the quick-witted, many-talented Kazuma, leader of a party that also includes the noble Crusader Lady Dustiness and an Arch-wizard who boasts incredible magic power, plus the plaster-monger they brought along.”
“Say, do any of these rumors happen to mention a gorgeous Arch-priest?”
When you got right down to it, our party had defeated more generals of the Demon King than anyone else. It was actually weird that we weren’t more famous.
“At the moment, the only two names that are widely known from the party are Mr. Kazuma and Lady Dustiness, but could it be that young woman over there is the great wizard, the user of Explosion? I can’t imagine why someone who put on such an astonishing display should not have given her name. The rumors say you’re a humble, mysterious personage who modestly shuns the spotlight…”
At the soldier’s description, Megumin let the slightest smile creep onto her face. Maybe she thought she looked like someone really clever. She answered quietly, “…Ah, is that what the rumors say? Yes, I suppose I could be called humble. After all, I’m the one who has given Kazuma all the money I made on our adventures.”
“Hey, no one’s said my name yet. I’m famous all over this world, and I haven’t heard my name yet.”
I thought there was a very different reason Megumin didn’t want her name to be widely known, but she was so taken with the idea of being mysterious and self-effacing that she had completely forgotten about it.
The soldier grew only more impressed. “I-incredible! So you’re saying you have no interest at all in money or fame?!”
“Heh… The sole thing I seek is true mastery of magic. When Kazuma begged me to join his party, this was what I said: ‘I ask but a minimum of remuneration for sustenance and living. The only other thing I request is a chance to make the best use of my powers’…!”
“Woooooow!”
The way I remem
ber it was, when I threatened to kick her out of the party, she cried and begged me to let her stay, even if I paid her only a minimum for food and survival.
But at that moment…
“Ahhh! It really is you!”
Someone appeared in the doorway of the waiting area with an audible groan. I recognized the wizard who stood there with a hood hiding her face. It was Lain, the noblewoman who was also Iris’s tutor and bodyguard.
“Of course it’s me. Iris asked for me personally; did you know that? I’ve got to say, normally I would expect more, you know, awards and banquets for a party that’s defeated yet another general of the Demon King.”
“Urgh… W-well…” Lain blanched and looked away. Maybe it was a prick of conscience. It didn’t last long, though: She grabbed Darkness’s arm, pulled her out of the room, and had a hushed conversation in which they both kept stealing glances at me.
“Lady Dustiness, didn’t you tell me you were going to find some way to refuse this request? Leaving Lady Iris in his hands is sure to create a diplomatic incident…!”
“Believe me, I tried, but his resistance was stronger than I expected. Luckily, he thinks he broke me, so his guard is down. When we get to the neighboring capital, I’ll slip him something so he’ll be asleep the entire time Lady Iris is there.”
“Ooh, just the kind of brilliant plan I’d expect from you, Lady Dustiness! I can rest easy, then!”
…Those two were definitely plotting something. Did this mean that when Darkness had tied me up, it had been on orders from the state? And if you’re wondering how I could even understand what they were whispering to each other…
“What’s wrong, Kazuma? Why are you staring at those two so hard?”
“Oh, I was just checking out whether my newest skill works.”
That’s right: It was thanks to my new Read Lips skill. It allowed you to get the gist of someone’s conversation from watching their mouths. I didn’t have any big plans for it; I’d learned it mostly so I could kill time eavesdropping on the other adventurers at the Guild—but it was coming in handy.
Suddenly, there was a commotion outside the waiting room.
“Kazuma Satou! Is it true Kazuma Satou is here?!”
I knew that voice. It belonged to a woman I didn’t always get along with.
We all looked over to see an imperious noble in her trademark white suit: Claire, Iris’s bodyguard, came storming into the room.
The moment she saw me, Claire grabbed my arm and dragged me to a corner of the room.
“What’s up, White Suit? Let me guess: You didn’t want me here, either?”
I was on my guard, but Claire leaned in and whispered, “Don’t call me ‘White Suit,’ you rogue. I’m actually glad you’re here. I thank you for coming.”
……
That only made me even more suspicious. “You’re thanking me? What’s going on? What are you planning?”
“I’m not planning anything… Okay, that’s not entirely true. Here, I have something for you.”
Claire took the sigil of her house that hung on a pendant around her neck and gave it to me. Darkness had one of those, too. It proved you were of noble birth, and it was extremely valuable.
“…Seriously, what’s going on? What, have you secretly been in love with me this whole time? I hate to break it to you, but I’ve been getting in good with another girl. An upright and faithful man like me can’t allow myself to go any further than this. I’m sorry, but you’ll just have to give up on me.”
“What idiotic fantasies are you having? And how can you shoot me down before I’ve even said anything?” Claire flinched when she realized how loud her voice had gotten. She glanced around and regained her composure. “The point is, I think we can cooperate this time. I know there are good political reasons for entertaining this match, but…personally, I’m fundamentally against the idea of Lady Iris’s engagement.”
“Go on.”
Now she had my attention. Claire pulled something out of a pouch. “Lady Iris’s intended is the first prince of our neighboring nation. His soft upbringing, however, has made him a spoiled brat. Lady Iris far exceeds him in her talent for battle, and he would never look right beside the sweetest and most beautiful princess in the entire world. Not to mention, Elroad belittles our nation. If Lady Iris was to marry into its aristocracy, I’m sure people would sneer at her as a country bumpkin behind her back… Hence why I’m giving you this.”
Looking at me with something less than enthusiasm, Claire passed me a black pouch.
“What’s this?”
“It’s a powerful elixir nobles use when they wish to bury a political opponent…”
I sent the pouch flying as soon as it landed in my palm.
“Hey! Do you know how expensive that was?!”
“You can’t make me your pet assassin! I’m more than happy to ruin this wedding, but I refuse to sacrifice myself in the process! I know what you really want. You want a good, clean way to kill me and Prince Jerkwad!”
Claire gave a little click of her tongue. “Fine. Then there’s something I want to ask of you in addition to your bodyguard duties. So long as you have that necklace I gave you, you can exercise the authority of the Sinfonia house with impunity. In this one instance, consider my family to be your backers. I will not give Lady Iris to this nobody. Break this engagement any way you can.”
“In that case, gladly. They won’t make Iris unhappy on my watch. Just leave it to me. If this kid is as much of a little snot as you say, I’ll do whatever it takes to stop this.”
Claire’s face lit up at my prompt reply. “I guess I misjudged you. Allow me to apologize for all my past rudeness. I’m entrusting the matter of Lady Iris to you.”
“Nah, look, I’m sorry, too. I guess you really do care about Iris. I may not look like much, but I’ve faced down a lot of enemies way more dangerous than some punk prince. This one’s in the bag.”
Iris had been the cause of so much fighting between us, but in that instant, we buried the hatchet. Claire and I locked our hands in a firm shake.
“To me at this moment, you seem the most stalwart companion in this room. I can’t leave this country, but there’ll be a reward waiting for you when you get back.”
“And me, I’m glad to have such a powerful supporter. As for my reward, when this is all over, let’s grab a drink and you can tell me some hilarious stories about when Iris was a little girl.”
“Ah, sir, there isn’t an ounce of greed in you. I’ll regale you with stories all night long. Little Lady Iris concealed a considerable talent for destruction.”
Then, ignoring everyone else in the room, we shared a smile…
“You two sure seem to be getting along.” The voice, almost sad, came out of the blue. I turned and saw a young girl just peeking through the doorway, fidgeting shyly.
The second Princess Iris met my eyes, she said bashfully, “It’s been so long, Elder Brother. I’ve been so eager to see you…!”
2
We were led behind the royal castle, where we found ourselves standing in front of a carriage that looked plain and simple but was made of sturdy stuff.
Well actually, carriage wasn’t quite the right word. There were no wheels and no horses to pull it.
“Lizard Runners! Kazuma, look, Lizard Runners!” Megumin tugged excitedly on my sleeve.
Yes, attached to this carriage-ish thing were two lizards. Two of the frilled freaks I’d once dealt with on a hunting quest, standing and honking only a few feet away.
“Kyun kyun skreee!”
Megumin and Aqua were grinning at the creatures’ shrieks, which were admittedly pretty cute for such scary-looking monsters.
When Darkness saw the vehicle, she said, “Ugh, we’re using one of the royal lizard-drawn carriages? I thought this meeting was supposed to be secret.”
“A typical horse-drawn conveyance would take too long. The journey is ten days by conventional carriage, but this vehicle will get yo
u there in a fraction of the time.” As she offered this explanation, Claire mumbled something under her breath, then put a hand on the lizard carriage. It rose several feet off the ground, then just floated there.
Ah, so that was why it didn’t have any wheels. This way, there would be hardly any resistance as the Lizard Runners pulled the carriage. It really would be faster.
“I don’t know if I could survive ten days without seeing Lady Iris. Let alone the twenty days a simple round trip would entail. So we’re doing this instead.”
“Why don’t you come with us already?” I said, not entirely facetiously, but Claire grimaced.
“You heard her. This trip is supposed to be kept quiet. If there was too much of an entourage, people would start to wonder which noble was making their way about. It’s the same reason we’ve made the carriage so plain. What’s more, the country needs me here to lead it. I have much work to do. My post can’t be left vacant for so long.”
Personally, I was a little worried for the nation’s future with this lady in charge.
Just then, Darkness hopped up on the driver’s bench and picked up the lizards’ reins. Apparently, she was actually planning to be our driver. As a noble, she must know how to handle horses.
The only problem was, these weren’t horses. But I didn’t think she would like hearing that. So as concerned as I was about leaving our ride in her hands…
To my surprise, it looked like we were Iris’s only bodyguards for this trip. I was sort of grateful: That meant fewer people to scold me if they thought I was being too friendly with Iris.
All the preparations had been made before we got there. Iris was in the carriage, dressed in armor worthy of a member of the royal family and carrying a sparkling sword. She was eager to get going. “Elder Brother, come over here! The seat next to me is open. We can play games on the way there, like the ones you taught me last time!”
“Oh? Eager to spend time with your big bro, huh, Iris? Well, Big Bro’s eager to spend time with you, too!”
Gamble Scramble! Page 3