Winter's Rising

by Mark Tufo

  “You don’t sound all that sincere.”

  “Come on. There’s other stuff to check out. We can deal with this later.”

  “Chicken.”

  “I’d love some.” She was smiling.

  And she was right; there was more to take in here than we possibly could in the amount of time we had. There was another large room with easily the biggest table I’d ever seen in my life. At the front of the room was a large, black, flat surface. It had to have been some sort of glass, as it had a crack that radiated out from the bottom left-hand corner.

  “This looks like a war room,” Cedar noted. I had to agree.

  “It’s always been about war. What is wrong with Man?”

  “Maybe it would be better if a woman ran things. Maybe you.” She nudged me.

  “I’d rather eat those Meals Ready to Eat.”

  We walked around the place for hours, finding a lot of stuff that was only of use to an era long gone by. I was just about to tell Cedar I thought it was time to head back when I came across a darkened corridor.

  “Hey, this might be something!” I shouted out to Cedar who had walked back to the M-16 crates. She had a piece of metal she was going to use as a pry bar.

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t know–it’s dark!”

  “Oh, I saw that a while ago.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “It was dark. I couldn’t see anything.”

  The light only penetrated so far and the blackness slid away for seemingly eternity. “Cedar, this is wide enough to fit trucks.”

  “So...oh. Well, go check it out.”

  I don’t know why I was so terrified of that passage. In my mind, the stuff of nightmares was waiting down that hall. I got goose bumps thinking that something, big, mean and malevolent was staring at me, waiting…just far enough away that it was hidden, yet I was bathed in light. “I wish I had brought my sword.”

  “Umm…yeah. You might not need it.”

  “Why?” I gladly stepped back from the corridor to see what she’d found. Cedar was holding a wicked looking rifle.

  “I found out what an M-16 is. Do you think it has bullets?”

  “How would I know? But in case it does you shouldn’t be pointing it in my direction.” It looked suspiciously like the weapons the soldiers I had encountered, by the fire, had been carrying.

  “Oh yeah, right. I’m going to look for bullets.”

  “I’m going back to the corridor, summon all my courage, and face that darkness.”

  “Okay.” Cedar hadn’t heard a word I’d said, too preoccupied with her latest find.

  I kept close to the wall on my right, trailing my hand along the rough surface. This, in theory, would make defending this location easier, I kept telling myself, looking for a positive aspect to what I was doing. It wasn’t more than ten paces before I was swallowed whole by the blackness. I took a couple of deep breaths, closed my eyes and prayed that I would get some semblance of night vision. Funny thing about pitch-black darkness–there’s really no light to adjust to. I kept moving farther down the length of it. Every once in a while I would take a look back to remind myself what light looked like. I almost lost the heart to go on when I looked behind me, startled that the light had faded and now, perspective-wise, was not much bigger than my fist. It was like climbing a tower and not looking down until you were on the top rung.

  “This is stupid, there’s nothing down here.” Of course that was when my foot clattered against something. I just about got tangled up in whatever it was. At that point my mind was made up. I was turning around. But I knew I wouldn’t. This had to be done. Yeah, but with a lantern, and a sword, my inner voice chimed in. I kept moving. It was difficult to keep calling what was behind me light, as it had become so dim now it was more the remembrance of it. I began to imagine that this must be what death was like, which was certainly helpful. I nearly lost it. Was that what had actually happened to me? Had I suffered some grievous wound, who knows? Maybe the first day? I’ve dreamt everything up until now and my body was living out its final moments in this fantastical, made-up world? Was it possible I lived in the time of Cedar’s books and I’d made up this elaborate fantasy, The War, Tallow, the library, as a way to protect my fragile mind as I traveled through the gateway from life to death? And now was I to be relegated to the dark for all eternity?

  I realized I had been holding my breath. I laughed at my own irrational fear. “Ok, Winter,” I said, “If you’re dead, then why is your heart pounding so fast? Why are the tips of your fingers sore where they scraped against this very solid wall?”

  I shook my head and returned to my reality, which actually was a precarious one. If not for those sore fingers, I would have lost all sense of direction. I’d previously thought traveling through the short crevice to get to the cistern was bad. This crushed that. When I first began to see outlines of objects ahead of me I thought it was merely my mind creating images so that I would not sink permanently into insanity from the lack of light. Had I somehow got turned around and was even now heading back to Cedar? It was possible I’d done one huge loop, for what purpose I couldn’t tell. If I’d gone through all of this just to make a circle, I was going to be very disappointed. And if I hadn’t, I was going to have to summon the courage to go back. Funny how neither outcome really appealed to me.

  I kept moving forward because there was no better option but to see this through to the end, kind of like everything else in my life. There was never a safe place to watch what happened from the sideline. The sliver of light I saw turned into a slice. The footing got more precarious as I moved closer. There were many somethings on the floor that tinkled as I inadvertently kicked them away. Then they became so numerous that I had a hard time not stepping on them. I stooped down to pick one up. It was cool to the touch and felt metallic; it was a couple of inches tall and pretty slender. When I was fairly certain I was going to turn an ankle the corridor mercifully stopped. I was now standing next to a gigantic door that had been caved inward as if the hammer of a god had slammed into the face of it. Moonlight bathed my face. I’d found a way out; I smiled and allowed myself to breathe freely.

  The doors rose above me by nearly the same height as tall trees. They’d been closed when whatever had assaulted them had hit; the metal curled up enough at the bottom to let two men walk abreast. I didn’t want to imagine what could have caused that damage. The weapons we had were already more than capable of tearing flesh apart; what more power could one need? A slight breeze swept over my body as I walked far enough away from the opening to look around. I was free–I knew it. I could feel it through my very soul. I’d like to say that it was an easy decision to turn back around; it wasn’t. My entire life had been dictated to me by others, by their demands and the demands I made on their behalves. Now, here I was on the precipice of doing what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted without thought for anyone else. The sheer magnitude of that thought threatened to make me giddy. I could have gone running into the night with my hands over my head, shrieking in delight and never once had a thought about what I’d left behind.

  Even I knew that for the lie that it was. Guilt would find me; that’s what it does. It would creep up on me in the middle of the night and pounce like a bear, tearing my essence to bloody shreds. I had to go back for Cedar, for the rest of the Dystancians, for Tallow. And what of Haden? Would he embrace this potential new world or would he fight to the end to conquer it? For some, the fear of the unknown would cripple them from exploring ever deeper. They would remain content to be who they are, and where they are, weighing the risks against finding new places and growing internally then settling for the safety of sameness. All of these thoughts raced through my mind as I stood out there. When I heard a distant growl it was then I remembered I was outside and had not so much as a big stick to defend myself with.

  Time to go back. My shoulders sagged as my head dipped down. I’d rather talk to Tallow and Haden at t
he same time than go back down that long corridor, but I knew Cedar waited at the other end. I stayed on the same side I had traveled down; at least that way I could rub my other hand raw. I’d not gone more than ten yards when a blinding flash burned into my optic nerves, followed by a loud clicking and flickering of lights. I shielded my eyes and instinctively hit the ground as the entire corridor became brightly lit as if it were midday. I squinted as I adjusted to the glow. When I was fully able to open my eyes I leapt to my feet, wishing it had remained dark. Bodies, well, skeletons of bodies, littered the entire corridor from one side to the other. How I was able to avoid them was a mystery.

  The tinkling sound I’d heard was from the thousands of bullet casings scattered everywhere. This had been someone’s last stand. Broken soldiers lay twisted where they had died; some in agony, their jaws fixed open in silent screams. For all the wonders light could illuminate, it could also put a direct beam on everything that was wrong in the world.

  “Winter!” I knew Cedar was shouting but from however far away she was, her voice was just barely making it.

  I nimbly made my way past the field of death and started running back the way I’d come. Cedar waved when we were finally in sight of each other. I kept running.

  “You alright?” she asked when I got to her.

  “I found it. I…found the way out,” I said breathlessly.

  “And?”

  “And what?”

  “There’s more that you’re not telling me, Winter. You never were a good liar.”

  “I’m not lying, I found a way out.”

  “Okay, we’ve established that. Now tell me what you’re not telling me.”

  “Just…death, Cedar. There’s just more death at the end of this corridor. It happened a long time ago but the stain of it is still heavy.”

  “I’m sorry, Winter.” She hugged me.

  Her warm embrace felt so comforting after I’d allowed myself to imagine that I might have crossed over.

  “I can’t believe you found the way. Where do you think it goes?”

  “It’s past the Pickets. Don’t ask me how I know, I just felt it. A slight tingle but not anything like it had been that first time.” I didn’t think it was enough to activate the marker, no real proof just something I felt.

  “Past the Pickets,” Cedar said almost reverently. “We’ll be free!”

  I didn’t say anything as I let her sift through all the levels of thought that I had.

  “But not really,” she said as she looked up in anguish.

  “But not really.” We needed to get not only the Dystance war survivors out, but also the rest of the inhabitants from our town, including Brody. Then we had to figure out what was going on here. We could certainly see freedom, maybe even taste a small corner of it. But we couldn’t dive in, as much as we would have loved to. We were bound to a cause that precluded it.

  We started to walk back the way we’d come.

  “How’d you get the lights on?”

  Cedar smiled. “You were gone a really long time. I mean enough time that I was able to figure out how to load this thing,” she said, holding up her rifle. “I scared myself nearly to death when I fired off two rounds. The first hit the ceiling above my head and then slammed into the ground not more than a foot away.” She lowered her voice. “I almost died.” The words came out in a whisper as if she didn’t want the Lord of Death to realize just how close he had come to capturing another prize. “The second shot went more or less where I wanted it to.” She didn’t elaborate, but at least it wasn’t a near-death experience. “Then I started looking around. I’d made these two explosions and you didn’t come running, so I figured something had either happened to you or you were just that far away.”

  “I didn’t hear anything.”

  “The last place I remembered you being was that dark patch, so I figured I’d follow. I put my hand against the wall, felt something different, colder. When I jerked my hand away I must have just hit it right because the lights came on.”

  I wanted to smack myself. I’d felt the cold thing too, but I’d pulled my hand away too quickly. I could have had the lights on the entire journey. Though, maybe it had been better that way; I may not have even continued had I known I was traversing a mass grave. There were still smatterings of the dead along the rest of the way back, at first we pointed them out to each other. They appeared to have been crawling back away from the larger doorway. Then, as if by some silent gesture, we both ignored them–whether from respect or something more personal. Death was inevitable, but that didn’t mean we wanted to be reminded of it.

  By the time we reached the entrance to the passageway, I was exhausted in every way imaginable: physically, mentally, and spiritually, and certainly no closer to a solution to our immediate problems.

  “Should I shut the lights out?” Cedar asked as we moved past the switch.

  My first inclination was to say no, let those who had for so long been in the dark have the light. Then I rethought my stance. What could they possibly see but more death? And the light…there was no telling how visible it would be from the outside. Just because we would be past the Pickets didn’t necessarily mean we’d be free from danger; neither of us had the slightest notion what was out there. The soldiers that died here had been outside the reach of The War, and very likely far from Dystance. My father had come from somewhere beyond them as well. If I’d learned anything in my seventeen years it was that wherever there were people, there was trouble. I reached past Cedar’s poised hand and moved the lever down. As the lights went out, a chill rippled down my spine.

  “How many guns are there?”

  “More than all sixty-seven of us could carry.”

  “How many bullets?”

  “Same answer. Winter, we could win this war with all of this.”

  “To what purpose, Cedar? Do you want to kill hundreds, thousands even? I don’t.”

  “I’m just saying, if our goal is to end The War…” she said, slightly downtrodden.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. We need to re-think all of it, Cedar. At the end of this access strip are hundreds of corpses; men and women who had lives all obliterated by something much like what you’re holding. Think about it; do you think Mennot would hesitate to use these guns on the Comanchokees? What if Haden had these weapons? Do you think a single Hillian would be alive today? It’s too much. I don’t know why anyone would create something to slaughter indiscriminately, yet they did.”

  “It’s a tool, Winter. It kills like that piece of sharpened steel you’re normally wearing. It’s how and why you use it that is important. This could be what changes everything.”

  I didn’t say anything. I was fairly confident that what she was holding had one purpose only and was what had got us into this situation in the first place.

  “Think I can bring this back with us?”

  “Not yet. I’m pretty sure people would ask where you got it. We have to think carefully about how, when, and with whom we share this with. What about Serrot?” I asked just as we were about to go back.

  “It’s true I have feelings for him; and I do trust him. That’s part of the reason I’d rather we stayed and fought. It might be worth it if I could save him. What about Haden? Do you love him?”

  Love Haden? I barely knew him. There was something there…but the arrogance and insistence with which he had ordered me around the day before had put me on my guard. Cedar, on the other hand, had a fairly simple relationship with a man of loyalty and depth, from what I could see. I hadn’t thought about it, but if we succeeded in getting our people out, in all likelihood she would never see Serrot again. I wavered. Our discovery was so recent I hadn’t had an opportunity to think it completely through. He would be another loss in a world full of them. “Maybe we can come back and get them,” I told her. That was a pretty big stretch and we both knew it. First they had to survive the upcoming battle. We were both going to abandon people we cared for, people who we
re depending on us to fight with them, as we had promised. Cedar would be leaving Serrot, but I would be leaving Tallow and her, two people I’d not been separated from for almost ten years. I was not going to make it back–I knew it in my heart. Tonight I’d been offered the only true freedom I’d ever had in my life and I’d turned away from it. Once I joined in that battle tomorrow, my fate was sealed.

  Cedar placed her new rifle down on the side of the small pool. Taking with us what solace we could, we headed back– back to war, and back in time it seemed. When I came up on the other side, Cedar wrapped her hand over my mouth. I pulled away and was about to yell at her when I heard Haden.

  “Winter? Cedar? Are you two okay? I’m coming through.”

  “No, no–wait!” I shouted entirely too loudly. “We’re, umm, not decent.”

  “Yeah, not decent!” Cedar echoed, shrugging her shoulders when I looked over at her.

  “I was worried–I’ve been calling for a little bit.”

  “Sleeping.” I tried to yawn out the answer. Cedar grabbed her nose to tell me how much my lie stunk.

  “Umm, okay…when you get dressed can you come see me please?” He sounded relieved, but also a touch suspicious.

  “Okay, bye.”

  Cedar didn’t speak until we were sure he was gone. “What do you think?”

  “I don’t think he thinks we were asleep, if that’s what you’re asking. He might be suspicious of something but he certainly can’t know what we were truly doing.”

  I changed my clothing and quickly sought out Haden so he wouldn’t have too much time to think about what we may or may not have been doing.

  “How are you?” he asked when I got to his sleeping area.

  “I get asked that a lot. Do I look bad?”

  “You look tired. I’m sorry I awoke you from your sleep.” He was looking at me.

  My heart was beating fast in my chest. Was it from the attraction I felt for him or the secret I was trying to keep from him? Cedar was right; I was a terrible liar. “It was more of a nap, I suppose. The water is so comforting.”