Rogue: A Paradise Shores Novel

by Hayle, Olivia

  “Awesome. Bye.”

  “Bye for now, Hayden.”

  * * *

  Lily, 17

  “That one looks like a penguin.”

  Hayden snorts. “It absolutely does not.”

  “You have to have some imagination. Like the one over there. It looks exactly like Henry’s hair, when he slicks it back.”

  “You’re actually right about that.” Hayden glances over at me, lying next to him on the lawn. “Have you spoken to him lately?”

  “No. I guess he’s too busy in the big city and all, setting up shop.”

  “He obsesses over things. You know how he gets.”

  “I know. He was itching to get out of Paradise, too.”

  “Yeah.” Hayden turns over, arms under his head. They bulge against the fabric of his gray T-shirt. He’d been pale when I first met him, pale and thin and with a head of too much hair. He wore the same Paradise Shores tan now that the rest of us did. He’d filled out.

  But he’d never been able to shake the hair.

  I long to reach out and run my fingers through it, but he only lets me do that when his guard is down completely—when he’s tired or upset and pretending not to be.

  “How does it feel?”

  “How does what feel?”

  “Having graduated from Paradise Shores High.”

  He snorts. “Amazing.”

  I raise myself up on my elbows. The sea is a glittering blanket in the distance, close enough to the edge of our lawn that I can almost make out the sound of waves against the shore.

  “Are you going to Turner’s graduation party?”

  “Probably.”

  “With Parker?” There would be girls there. Plenty of girls—and I know what they think of Hayden. I wonder what he thinks of them.

  I wonder if he would ever think of me like that.

  “You know, you’re very chatty for someone with a headache.”

  “The headache was caused by the prospect of my aunt’s dinner to celebrate Parker.”

  “My point exactly.”

  I raise an eyebrow at him. “It’s infinitely better to stay home.”

  “Mhm.”

  He scoots closer, resting his head right next to my hand. His eyes are still closed and he looks completely relaxed for the first time in months.

  “Have you decided?”

  He sighs. “Must you?”

  “Yeah.” I reach out and put a hand on his back, warm from the summer sun. The muscles tense beneath my touch before he relaxes again. I run my nails up and down, the way I know he likes. I’d discovered it completely by accident, but now I exploited it whenever I could.

  “I’ve spoken to the college counselor. The community college has a solid amount of grants. I’m eligible for several.”

  His voice is tight. I know he doesn’t like admitting anything that has to do with his prospects or finances, but these things are important. Plus, we’re friends, aren’t we?

  “That’s great.”

  “Yeah. Splendid.”

  I sigh. “It is. Rexfield is great. You can do a three-year track, if you want. You’ll be close by…

  He glances over at me. “Yeah, there’s that.”

  I run my hand down his shoulder blades, pressing into the muscles, and smile when his eyes close again. “You could even work for your uncle on the weekends or evenings.”

  Hayden sighs. “I could. Hey, maybe I should skip the college counselor and just use you instead.”

  “Well, I do know you better.”

  He doesn’t have a response to that, but I can see the faint twitch in his lips.

  Hayden isn’t really a big talker. He rarely, if ever, speaks about his family. He doesn’t talk about his future plans or about things that bother him. I know that if you want information out of him, you have to push. I also think it’s good for him—the pushing.

  And I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who dares.

  “Things will work out, you’ll see.” I rest my hand on his neck. He looks relaxed enough, now. I slide my hand into his hair and smile when he sighs, this time in pleasure.

  Things will work out.

  How could they not?

  10

  Hayden

  The present

  Returning to Paradise Shores hadn’t been an easy decision to make. I understood well enough that showing up here would open old wounds, reawaken things that I’d fought so hard to keep under cover. But my uncle was getting older, and I wanted to talk things out with him face to face. I wanted to see the place where I spent so many years.

  I wanted to see Parker and Rhys.

  And I really wanted to see Lily.

  Parker throws me one of the downhauls. “Fasten this, will you?”

  I tie a quick, familiar knot. It’s been a long time since I was on a sailing boat, a vessel made for speed and fun as opposed to defense and war.

  He flashes me a grin. “Been a while since we did this, brother.”

  “It’s good to be back out here.”

  “We’ve missed you around here.”

  I nod, not knowing what to answer. Parker was always liberal with his words, his offhand comments made in good nature but often meaning far more than he intended them to.

  “You entertained Mom real good yesterday,” Parker continues, jumping down to sit on deck. “She was talking all evening about how glad she was to see you again.”

  That strikes me as unlikely, even if I’d tried to lay the charm on pretty thick at the party. The older I get, the more gratitude I feel toward the Marchands. They’d paid my tuition at Paradise Shores Prep for seven full years. Uncle Gary’s handiwork was good, but it was definitely not worth the thousands upon thousands of dollars in perks.

  Talking with them reminded me rather uncomfortably of the huge debt I owed them.

  “Thanks,” I say.

  “Sorry about Lily acting weird, by the way.”

  My head snaps up. Parker’s not looking at me—his gaze is fixed on Turner. He’s standing at the bow of the boat, a hand on the wheel and his eye on the horizon.

  “What do you mean?”

  Parker shrugs. “I think she was taken aback by you returning. She was… well, she was pretty shook about you leaving so abruptly. You know, back in the day.”

  “I can imagine,” I say, because I truly can. Familiar feelings of guilt and shame ripple through me. Leaving her felt like cutting off a limb, like relinquishing the most valuable and treasured part of me.

  “She’ll come around. But you might have to grovel a bit.”

  “I intend to.”

  Parker shoots me a sideways grin. “Don’t tell her I said this, but she was very fond of you, you know. I think she saw you as an extra brother.”

  Unexpectedly, I feel like laughing. It takes a bit of effort to school my expression into a neutral smile. “Thanks.”

  “Don’t mention it.”

  The sight of Turner, serene look on his face at the back of the boat, wipes any mirth away. “She’s working with Turner now, huh?”

  “Yeah. Property development.” Parker shakes his head. “Dad is thrilled she’s following in his footsteps. Not just Henry, but Lily too. Puts Rhys and me to shame.”

  “It never seemed like her kind of thing,” I venture, hoping to get more out of him. I know I should just ask Lily, but we’ll start arguing again, and I’ll get distracted by her flashing eyes or her pretty mouth, and I’ll learn nothing at all.

  Parker shrugs again. “I suppose not. But it’s a bit artistic, you know, with those models and all? And I know she handles all of the decor decisions.”

  “And dating the boss?” I ask, nodding toward Turner. It takes effort to make my voice dry, to shape the very serious question into a joke.

  “Yeah, isn’t that a mindfuck?” Parker shakes his head. “I think it’s a new thing, though. Nothing serious or anything.”

  “Yeah.”

  When I first made the decision to return to Paradise Sh
ores, I’d known there was a high chance that she was taken. I was keeping myself well-informed enough to know that she wasn’t engaged or married, but that left a wealth of possible boyfriends.

  If her relationship with Turner wasn’t serious, was it more of a…casual arrangement? The need to find out was like an itch I couldn’t scratch. Parker was an exhausted source of information, and I couldn’t very well ask Turner. The man had pined after her in high school, had likely never stopped. I recognized a fellow spirit when I saw one.

  But she’d gone to the party with him.

  I had watched them arrive from a distance, her hand tucked under his arm. Her beauty had struck me again, like it had a few days prior, with the force of a physical blow. She’d been a cute teenager and had grown into a gorgeous woman.

  Her auburn hair was still long, but it wasn’t the same wild mass I’d been used to. It was shaped and softened, framing a face as freckled and opinionated now as it ever was. The body under the white, form-fitting dress was slightly fuller, too. Shapely curves that I ached to explore—to learn the ways she was different and rediscover all the ways she was the same.

  It had driven me half-mad to see her angle her face up toward Turner and give him her pretty smiles.

  I know you, I wanted to say. We might have been apart, but she wasn’t fooling me. I know you inside and out, and you know me, better than anybody. And not time, not distance, not all the Turners in the world can change that.

  And I’m going to remind you of that.

  * * *

  The house on Elm Street is modest for Paradise Shores. It’s close to the ocean, but not within view. It’s two stories, but it doesn’t have a pool.

  Still, it’s leaps and bounds above anything I ever dreamed of when I used to live in this area. It has a large kitchen, a large living room, and a guest bedroom.

  It’s late on Saturday evening when I finally close the door to my house and get in my car. There’s a chance she’ll say no. Actually, the odds are probably overwhelming.

  But I have to try.

  I know her, and I know there are things she wants to say to me. Things she has to say, if there’s any possibility to mend what we once had.

  And I had been a coward once, running from what I wanted, toward what I thought I needed.

  But never again.

  Despite myself, my heart is in my throat as I park outside her house. She might not be home. She might even have guests.

  Turner might be visiting. The idea makes my stomach turn. I know I have no leg to stand on—no reason to be jealous—but damned if I’m not regardless.

  I open the gate, now in pristine condition, and walk up to her front door. It takes Lily three excruciating minutes to open the front door, and when she does, she looks at me like I’m her least favorite person.

  I’m pretty sure she’s debating whether she should hit me or hug me.

  “Hello,” I say.

  She studies me suspiciously. “What are you here to fix today? My mailbox?”

  “Not today, no. But I noticed that it could use another coat of paint.”

  Lily narrows her eyes. “Hayden, I don’t think—”

  “I came to ask you to take a walk with me. Along the beach.” I gesture behind me, where the sound of the waves beckons. It’s a melody I had missed.

  I can see the fight in her eyes. She’s angry with me, and she’s hesitant, but a part of her wants to. Say yes, I beg her internally. Let me make things right.

  “Or have you become too comfortable in your old age? I once remember a girl who dared me to climb trees and dive to the bottom of the pier.”

  Her eyes flash, just like I expected them to, like I’ve seen so many times before. “Oh, shut up, Hayden,” she hisses. “Give me a minute.”

  When she returns, she’s pulled on an oversize sweater and stuck her feet in a pair of loafers. The summer dress she’s wearing underneath leaves her legs, lightly freckled and tan from the summer sun, bare.

  “Did you go out on the Catalina today?” she asks as soon as we step out onto the beach. The sand is hard packed below our feet, making for a pleasant walk. With the sun about to set, I know we’re going to have a view for the ages.

  “Yes. It’s a beautiful boat.”

  She nods, and I wonder if she’s been on Turner’s boat before. The thought turns my stomach to lead. If he regularly takes her out and kisses her under the open sky, with waves all around them, alone for all the world.

  I know I would.

  Silence settles between us again. It’s not heavy, but it’s not exactly comfortable, either. Once upon a time she was the only thing in my world that made sense—the only person I was comfortable with. My anchor and my wings, all in one.

  “I’ve missed this,” I say. “The beach and the sailing. I never knew I’d love the ocean before I came to Paradise Shores.”

  “You took to it fast,” she says. “Do you still know how to shuck oysters? How to eat lobster?”

  “Of course. I had a great teacher.”

  “Well, I couldn’t exactly let you embarrass yourself.”

  “Thank you. Your pity is duly noted.”

  She smiles faintly, shaking her head. “I never pitied you, dumbass.”

  “No, of course not.”

  “And if I did, it was only because you were too brooding for your own good. ‘Oh, look how cool I am with my dark hoodies and my refusal of organized sports.’”

  “You’re right,” I say, a smile hovering around my lips. “As opposed to your incredible prowess in lacrosse.”

  Lily punches me softly. The motion rocks through me, sending shivers down my arm. The setting sun has set her hair on fire, and it’s a beautiful halo around her face. The smile on her face is everything I’ve dreamed of for years.

  “That’s a low blow, Cole. You know exactly why I barred you from ever watching me practice.”

  “Well, you know I’ve never been one for rules.”

  “No, clearly.”

  “You don’t play anymore, I take it? Never went pro?”

  Lily pushes me firmly this time, sending me two steps away. I dance back, trying to keep the smile off my own face. I can’t believe I’m with her again like this. “Are you still thirteen?” I ask her. “What’s next, will you splash me?”

  Lily laughs. “Only if you pull on my ponytail.”

  She means it in a teasing way, but my mind is suddenly filled with the vision of my hands in her hair. Wrapped around my wrist, tugging, or slipping through my fingers as she moans my name.

  “You wish,” I say. My voice is just a little breathless.

  “I’d forgotten just how much of a pain you were, Hay.”

  “I’d forgotten how prickly you could be. And just how fun it is to provoke you.”

  She shoots me a small smile, but it turns thoughtful. When she speaks again, all the playfulness is gone from her voice. The reprieve—the time we could be our fun selves—is over.

  Lily’s voice sharpens. “Ten years is a long time.”

  “It is,” I agree, gazing down at her bare legs, at the faint trace of a limp as she walks. Seeing it never fails to bring the guilt to the surface. “Did you need a lot of physical therapy? After the accident?”

  She whimpers, shielding her face from view, and I’m struck dumb. Is she crying? I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’d hoped she would be okay with it. She didn’t remember much from the incident itself, after all.

  But then she breaks into laughter. It’s not entirely a happy sound. “Is that your solution? Hayden, are we going to rehash everything that happened after you left? Month for month, year for year?”

  “Well, no. We’d need a longer beach, for one. And I don’t plan on keeping you out all night.”

  “Good. I have work tomorrow.”

  “I need to know, though. Will you tell me?”

  She sighs, and shakes her head, but humors me. “It took three months of daily sessions. I continued with it in college. I did a lot of
yoga the years following, some one-on-one work with a personal trainer. The leg hasn’t bothered me for years now.”

  Something squeezes inside me with every word. She talks about it casually, as if it’s not the greatest single mistake of my life. As if I don’t owe the universe or God or anything my own life in thanks for not taking hers that night.

  “You had to put in a lot of work,” I say.

  “I’m alive, and I’m fully mobile. We both know we got lucky that night. There’s no need to dwell on it for my sake.”

  “What did you—"

  Lily shakes her head so vigorously that her hair flies. “No. If we’re doing this, we have to do it question by question. I have… I have waited a very long time to ask you some things, Hay. You can’t deny me that.”

  I knew this was coming, and still, unease and guilt settle like a stone into my stomach. There’s no way to explain it to her so that she’ll understand. I’ve always known that. As much as she feels like the only one for me, we come from different worlds.

  “All right.”

  “Why the Navy? You never told me you were interested in enlisting before you left.”

  Am I imagining the trace of betrayal in her voice?

  “It was a good option for me. I spoke about it with the college counselor at Paradise, actually, the year before graduation. The Navy and the Army have programs for kids like I was. There was no tuition to pay, a career path laid out for me.” I shrug. “I had no money for college.”

  Lily is quiet, her arms wrapped around her torso. “I see,” she says. “I figured. It was a good option. You’re right about that. I just didn’t know you were… well, interested in it.”

  Ah, Lily.

  Interest doesn’t matter when you’re poor and running from your mistakes.

  “It’s given me a home and a purpose. I might not have been ecstatic when I started, but I have nothing but gratitude now. It’s my profession,” I say, and I mean it. The military taught me what it was to be a man—to have discipline and responsibility. To pick up a load and to bear it, and bear it well. It was something my parents had never managed. I’d seen it in Gary, but I hadn’t understood it myself until it was placed on my own two shoulders.