Looking for Forever

by Max Hudson

“Okay, that’s enough whispering. Go on up to bed,” Janine announced. “Me and the old man will take care of the dishes tonight. I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about.”

  ***

  “Are you even allowed to fly a different airline?” I made room for Doug to slide into the window seat.

  “I won’t tell if you won’t tell,” he said with a slick smile.

  I plopped down next to him. I felt like I was at least ten pounds heavier. Janine had plied us with every kind of pastry, confection, and comfort food she could think of, and I was hard-pressed to turn her down. Doug dropped his head against my shoulder and fell asleep almost immediately. It was the best flight I’d ever had.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Are you asleep?”

  I wasn’t anymore. It wasn’t like Doug to wake me up in the middle of the night for no reason.

  “What’s up?”

  “Somebody sent this to me. I’m a little afraid to open it.”

  I struggled to sit up and get a good look at what was worrying him so much. He handed me his phone.

  I read the message on the screen.

  “Somebody we both know,” I said. “Do you know who sent this to you?”

  “Yeah, a coworker. I’m just scared to open it. What if it’s you. I’m not sure if I really want to see it.”

  “You can just delete it if you don’t want to see.”

  “But, what if it is you?”

  “Listen, babe. My shit is out there. It’s out there forever: somebody is bound to find it and bring it to your attention. You have to decide how you’re going to handle it. Whatever you decide, I promise I’ll be okay with it…”

  I handed the phone back to him and leaned back against the headboard. Doug chewed his bottom lip with his teeth for a few minutes before clicking the link. I waited for the picture to materialize on the screen and braced for impact.

  What I saw was the last thing I was expecting.

  “Skyler?” Doug’s jaw hung open.

  I looked over his shoulder and watched the clip play. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach after the first minute. I knew what I was looking at, even if Doug didn’t.

  “Don’t watch this,” I said.

  “Why not?”

  “Because this isn’t porn. Porn is consensual and contractual. He was set up,” I said.

  “No, he’s clearly enjoying it and he obviously wants it,” Doug argued.

  “Trust me. He has no idea that he’s being recorded, and even if he does, he didn’t agree to release this footage. And if he’s with the person I think he’s with, the moment he realizes something is wrong things will get rough.”

  Doug looked skeptical. I felt sick to my stomach. I remembered the last time I saw Skyler. I’d given him a simple warning and walked away. Maybe if I’d been more forceful, he could have avoided this situation. I hadn’t participated in this crime, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had let it happen.

  “Trust me,” I said.

  Both of our eyes went back to the images on the screen. Obviously, Ronan and Skyler had found their third party. I watched the moment when Skyler's eyes finally found the camera. His eyes locked on the lens and his face transformed into one of panic and betrayal.

  “That’s enough,” I said, trying to pull the phone out of Doug’s hands.

  “Stop!” Doug slapped my hand out of the way and bounced away from me in the bed.

  I grabbed his face and turned it toward me.

  “Listen to me. I was there the night that they picked him up. I warned him not to go. The guys he’s with are not good guys and I’m sure he had no idea. What they are doing to him isn’t right and his life is fucked. Don’t be a part of this. Turn it off. NOW!”

  He blinked hard, looking confused by my sudden forcefulness. Then he heard it, as the moans of pleasure took on a more haunted and desperate tone. Neither one of us looked down at the screen.

  “Turn it off,” I said softly.

  He nodded and turned the phone off without another word. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. As if he’d come face to face with something from his nightmares and wasn’t sure whether or not he was still dreaming. I laid back in the bed and pulled him into my arms.

  “Just let me hold you like this, okay?” The truth was that I was as shaken as he was. “There are a lot of shitty people in my world. A lot of fucked up stuff happens. But I promise you, I don’t even associate with those kinds of people.”

  “I know,” he said, holding me tight.

  “You don’t have to worry about any of that. You’re safe with me. I won’t ever pressure you into doing anything you don’t want. I’ve had enough sex for two lifetimes.”

  “Maybe you have, but I haven’t,” he said seductively.

  I watched him sit up and straddle my hips. I barely dared to breathe.

  “I know it’s not important to you, but it is to me. I don’t want to hold back anymore.”

  “You don’t have to do this.”

  “I want to. I want you. And okay, maybe not every time, but I want the option. I don’t want to be scared anymore,” he said, placing his hands on either side of my head and brushing my lips with his. He gave me a slow and breathless kiss. I felt my whole body tense, my arms at my sides, and my eyes wide open.

  He lifted his head and looked at me.

  “Is that okay?”

  My brain short circuited. I couldn’t find any words, I just nodded enthusiastically.

  He wasted no time, kissing me hard and threading his fingers through mine. His lips skimmed over my neck and my chest, dropping every so often to nip at the skin or to lap at a sensitive spot. He toyed with my nipples and rocked against my cock as it stiffened in my underwear. I let my hands explore his skin, trying to encourage him without scaring him away. I felt awkward and unpracticed as I ran my hands across his back and buried my fingers in his hair. His lips moved lower, his hot breath tickled the moist head of my hard length.

  He looked up at me as he pulled the waistband of my underwear down past my ankles. My cock sprung free and waved proudly in the air. He gave me a devious smile and then swallowed my cock whole. He showed almost no signs of having a gag reflex as he crammed the entire length of my shaft down his throat. I hissed as the feeling of being ensconced in his warm mouth wound its way up my spine and exploded in my brain. I fought the urge to cry out and settled on curling my toes tightly as his head bobbed up and down on my thick cock.

  “If you don’t stop, I won’t be able to hold it,” I moaned.

  Doug slowly pulled my cock from his mouth, letting the head pop out from between his lips. He flicked the head with the tip of his tongue and smiled at me.

  I pulled his body up over mine, trapping both of our cocks between our bodies. I took his mouth again, sweeping into it with reckless abandon. Tasting the lust on his tongue. He shimmied out of his underwear, flicking them to the side with his free leg before pressing down on my body with his own. I snagged a bottle of massage oil from the nightstand and he stole it from my hands.

  “I got this,” he said, sitting up again, and pouring a sizeable amount into his hand. He ran his hands up and down my body, beginning just under my chin and working his way down in long, slow, circular strokes. His touch pushed away all the tension in my body. The rhythm of him rocking back and forth on my body was hypnotic. By the time he made his way down to my hips and began stroking my cock, I was already lost in a vast ocean of pleasure.

  I followed his lead, pouring oil into my hand and then caressing his dick; he was rock hard. I turned my attention to his chest. I ran my hands up the length of his torso, flicking his sensitive nipples as I made my way up and then circled back down again. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he let out one, unsteady breath. I poured more oil into my hands and massaged his hips, dipping my fingers between his cheeks and massaging his sphincter.

  I grasped his hips and slid him into position, until the head of my cock was pressed against his tight, bac
k passage.

  “I can take it from here,” he said, looking at me from beneath heavy lids.

  “Wait!” I reached into the drawer for a condom.

  “Not this time.” he pushed my hand away.

  “But—”

  “It’s been how long since you had sex with somebody else?”

  I thought back over the last few weeks. I’d been working consistently, live streaming and making private clips for clients who paid top dollar. I was still working on porn, but mostly behind the camera, creating a space for homo-erotica on my website with a small cast of guys who my fans seemed to love. But, in all that time, I hadn’t been with anybody else.

  I shook my head.

  “Exactly.” He took the package from my hand and flung it back into the drawer. I looked at him with disbelief. I knew the risks as well as he did. Technically, they were very small, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was somehow dangerous. Dirty. Contaminated. Not just that I might expose him to something nasty, but that I might expose him to me. Like I was the contaminant. I was the disease.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he said, caressing my face and running his thumb against my bottom lip.

  “You don’t have to d—” he silenced me with a kiss. I felt him grasp my cock and maneuver his body into position. He lowered his body slowly onto mine and I caught his moan in my mouth.

  I tried to remain perfectly still as he slowly adjusted to my body in his. He hissed as he slid into place, burying my cock in his body. I watched the wonder in his expression as he found his angle and his rhythm. I watched him ride my hips with joyful abandon, I saw the relief in his eyes and the pleasure on his face as he increased his pace. His strong thighs hugged my sides as he leaned back, cock in hand, bucking his hips. I adjusted my hips to meet his thrusts, driving deeper and deeper into his body until I thought we would both fold into one.

  “I can’t hold it much longer,” I cried out.

  He looked down at me.

  “Don’t,” he said.

  A moment later I was assaulted by pleasure so intense that it nearly turned me inside out. I wanted to throw his body from mine, but I couldn’t find the strength.

  “No, please,” I growled, but it was too late. I exploded inside him with dizzying force.

  He didn’t seem concerned at all, bucking several more times before he came as well, spilling his hot semen on my chest.

  “You shouldn’t have done that,” I said, breathless.

  “I wanted to. And it was great,” he said with a satisfied smile.

  I wiped the mess off my body and held my arms open for him. He folded over nicely and laid against my chest.

  “It's not safe.”

  “Being with you is the safest place in the world. No matter what you say, I won’t regret this,” he said, sounding drowsy. “Being with you is always safe. That’s the reason why I knew I was ready. I don’t need you to make the world a safe place for me. I just need you to tell me the truth and respect my decisions. You do that, and that’s enough. You’re perfect, and this was perfect.”

  “That’s the first time anybody has ever called me perfect,” I said.

  “There’s a first time for everything, I guess.”

  “Especially with you.”

  I pulled the sheet over our bodies and closed my eyes again. I couldn’t help but smile as his soft snores began to echo in the night. It really was the first time for me in so many ways. The first time for us together, and the first time I was with somebody who didn’t see me as a walk on the wild side. I guess it was the first time for us both.