Desperate For You

by Weston Parker

Laurie might know about that, or she might not. Most people in town knew at least some of what had happened with Shannon. There’s no stopping the grapevine.

  “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee or a drink?” I asked. “We can get to know each other. I make a point of getting to know the parents of my daughter’s friends.”

  It hadn’t been very difficult so far. Allie might not be distrustful and closed off, but she wasn’t a social butterfly either. She stuck up for other kids on the playground and didn’t tolerate bullies, but she mostly kept to herself.

  So far, she only had a handful of close friends who she’d actually invited over. Katie was only the second one she’d wanted to sleep over. It had surprised me, but it also made me that much more curious about her and her mother. Which was the other reason why I’d invited her in. I found that I really did want to get to know her.

  She obviously didn’t feel the same way. “No thanks. The girls are friends, but that doesn’t mean we have to be. Thank you for sending me all those numbers. Allie also told Katie you could send me some photos of them throughout the night?”

  She fidgeted with her fingers while she spoke, and I nodded. “Sure. You don’t have to worry about her here. We’re not going out and I’ll let them use my phone to take some pictures for you. It’s no problem.”

  For just a moment, her features softened and she let out a quiet breath. “Thank you. I’d really appreciate that.”

  “Just a question, but do you really hate me so much because you hate how I drive?” I asked. I didn’t understand how I could have pissed her off so much that she didn’t even want to have a drink with me despite obviously being nervous about Katie sleeping over.

  Her eyes narrowed, and gates slammed shut over the vulnerability she’d shown just a second ago. “It’s not only because I hate how you drive.”

  “What’s it about then?” That was all there was. We hadn’t really interacted much outside of that.

  She shrugged. “Honestly? It’s everything about you. The arrogant smile. The cocky attitude. The flashy car. The flirting with all those single moms at the school play.”

  I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Really? For the record, those women have been trying to take me home with them for years. All I can do to prevent them from tearing me to pieces is to distract them. I wasn’t flirting.”

  She rolled her eyes, a snort that wasn’t much more than a tiny huff of air through her nostrils escaping her as she took a step back. “It’s none of my business, but that’s not what it looked like. Anyway, why do you even care what I think about you?”

  “I don’t,” I lied. “I was just trying to be nice. It looks like this might be Katie’s first sleepover, and like I said, I like to get to know the people whose kids my daughter is friends with. I thought it might set your mind at ease if you got to know me too.”

  “Nothing will set my mind at ease.” Unless I was very much mistaken, there seemed to be sudden turmoil brewing beneath the surface of her green depths.

  I was pretty decent at reading people, and there was more to her than what met the eye. There was a quiet sort of strength about her that had caught my attention just as much as her curvy body and her beautiful face.

  Obviously, I already knew that she could have a sharp tongue and that she wasn’t afraid to use it, but there was more to it than that. It was the same instinct that told me I wasn’t about to change her mind.

  She was a stubborn woman who was painting me as something I wasn’t. I could almost see the picture she had of me in her head, and it pissed me right the hell off. As someone who was more than aware of how much unfairness there was in the world, it really got to me whenever I was confronted by it.

  This woman had taken one encounter she’d had with me and had filled in my entire personality based on it. She didn’t care about my side of the story, and that was all there was to it.

  Irritation swirled around in my gut. “Fine. I’ll stop trying to put your mind at ease then. Come pick Katie up tomorrow morning around eleven. I have a Thanksgiving dinner planned with friends and family. We’ll need the afternoon to get ready.”

  She nodded curtly. “I’ll be here at eleven. Please remember the pictures.”

  “Fine,” I said.

  “Fine,” she replied just before I shut the door on her. Maybe I was simply reconfirming her beliefs about me by doing it, but I was beyond the point of caring.

  It didn’t matter anyway. She’d already decided she knew who I was, and nothing I said or did would change that. Maybe in time she’d see I wasn’t the asshole she was making me out to be. Maybe we would see then if I was the only one who felt the chemistry.

  Until then, I would be keeping my distance from that one. I was way too curious about her, and she hated my guts. Nothing good could come from pushing it.

  Besides, I had two seven-year-olds to keep safe. Lord help me if Katie got that scratch on her. I had a feeling a book series would only be the beginning of Laurie’s wrath. On the other hand, I was tempted to see what other punishments she would come up with.

  Not tempted enough to see a child in my care get hurt, of course. Not even tempted enough to tell Laurie it’d happened just to see what she would do. But tempted nonetheless.

  Everything about me might piss her off, but everything about her tempted me. I would keep my distance. I just couldn’t promise how far that distance would be.

  Chapter 11

  Laurie

  Katie had slept over at my parents’ before. Tons of times. So why does it feel so different this time?

  I couldn’t shake the question, and I didn’t really know the answer. There was an obvious difference between the Parkers’ and my parents’ house, but it didn’t feel like it was just that.

  It felt like this was the end of an era for Katie. The end of her baby and toddlerdom when she was surrounded by family members and their close friends only. Now she had the wherewithal to start making decisions for herself about who she wanted to spend her time with. It was the official end of our protective bubble-wrapping of her life. The end of knowing every ins and outs.

  At the same time, it was a huge step for her. It was her first taste of true independence, of decision making, and trusting herself to decide who her closest friends were.

  No matter which way I spun it, it was huge. And it was another huge moment my sister was missing.

  God, when did I become such a sad sack? I didn’t mean to be. I didn’t want to be.

  Everything just seemed so bittersweet these days. It sucked donkey balls.

  Mostly because there was nothing I could do about the nostalgia that nearly drowned me as I drove home. Just when I thought I was gaining a semblance of control, it all went spiraling out again.

  About a freaking sleepover.

  What was it about motherhood that intensified my emotions so damn much? I couldn’t help wondering if it was only me. If my particular circumstances made the highs so much higher and lows so darn low.

  Needing someone to speak to, I remembered Ruth and her prophetic words. It was early enough that I shouldn’t be bothering if I called. I held back for less than a minute, watching the green, gold, and maroon landscape pass before I called up her number.

  “Laurie,” she exclaimed when she answered. “It’s so good to hear from you. I’ve been wondering when you would call.”

  She listened patiently while I explained about Katie’s first sleepover with a friend and made a sympathetic sound when I told her how tripped up I was by my feelings. “The twins don’t sleep over anywhere else often because they end up crying for each other, but I remember feeling the exact same way. It’s completely normal, honey. You may not have pushed that baby out of your hoo-hah, but she’s yours now. Every mom feels the same.”

  “So what do I do about it?” I sniffed, still trying to fight a wave of tears.

  “Do you have wine at home?” she asked, and it really didn’t sound like she was joking.

  “Uh,
yes?”

  “Then you drink it,” she said cheerfully. “While you’re at it, stop at the place on your way that sells the most unhealthy takeout you can find. Like the really good, greasy stuff. Order yourself a meal, take it home, and devour it with your wine. Once you’re stuffed, pour yourself another glass of wine and go relax in the tub.”

  Neon lights beckoned to me from the side of the road. “I think I know just what you mean. I’m turning into a burger joint now.”

  “Order a big one with bacon and cheese and a ton of fries,” she said. “How’s the unpacking coming along?”

  “Really well actually.” I pulled into the drive-through and covered the mouthpiece with my hand while I did exactly what she’d said. “I decided to leave the more emotional boxes for later, and just get on with the stuff we really need. The garage is still full of boxes, but the rest is pretty much done.”

  “That’s excellent.” She yelled at Rowina about not being allowed to keep watching TV before she finished her chores. Then she was back. “We look forward to coming around to your place soon. In the meantime, enjoy your time off. Try to think back to what you would’ve been doing before Katie came along, and just do that. It’s a Saturday night. Maybe you could even go dancing.”

  I laughed out loud trying to imagine myself hooking up with old friends now to go to a club. “I much prefer your idea about wine in the tub.”

  “Someone’s settling into motherhood well.” She chuckled while I inched forward in the drive-through line. “Look, eat your burger, have your wine, and when you’re done, maybe try tackling some of the emotional boxes. It’d be better if you got them done while Katie isn’t at home.”

  “True.” I sighed into the dimly lit interior of my car. “I’m next in line to collect my food. I’ll call you later, okay?”

  “Make it after eight, and I might be able to have a glass of wine with you.” She whispered the last bit, then giggled and hung up.

  Melancholy and nostalgia still clung to me like wet blankets that were weighed down by diving weights, but they let up a little after I talked to Ruth. I collected my super big, super unhealthy burger and headed on home.

  The house felt empty without Katie there. The spaces were too big and cavernous, my footsteps seemed to have a strange echo, and it was like there was no life in there at all.

  It’s because you still haven’t quite turned it into a home, a snarky part of my subconscious whispered.

  I settled in front of the TV after grabbing a bottle of wine but didn’t turn it on. Lost in thought, I ate my food with a glass of wine that soon became two.

  The garage loomed like an executioner in front of me after my third glass of wine and I finally ventured toward it. Ruth was right. I needed to get unpacked and it was better to do the things I’d been putting off while Katie wasn’t home.

  I could do it while she was at school, but now I had all night and not an inkling of what else to do with it anyway. This way, I could drink and cry without the guilt of knowing I would have to pick her up soon, and hopefully, I’d be able to get through the worst of it.

  Katherine adored watches and handbags. It didn’t have to be expensive or fancy. She just loved having something simple to go with every outfit.

  Mom had selected a few choice pieces she wanted to keep already, but now it was my turn. I wouldn’t get rid of anything in case Katie wanted it later, but I needed to sort through the boxes and hopefully get rid of stuff like placemats and bedding.

  Walking into the garage, I flicked on the one light that hung overhead, set my wine down on the floor, and heaved the top box off a pile. Once it was safely on the floor, I sat down cross-legged in front of it and took a giant gulp of wine to calm my nerves.

  As luck would have it, it was a box of her purses. There was everything in there from sequined clutches she’d used back in college to the leather satchel she’d carried to work every day. I pulled out the first clutch, a gold and white beauty with intricate beading around the sides, and the clasp opened up.

  Lipstick, movie tickets, and even an unused tampon spilled into my lap. None of those items would usually make me cry, save for the tampon if I needed one and didn’t have one, but seeing those signs of a life that had been lost devastated me now.

  Before I could even think of stopping them, tears were streaming down my face and I was sniffing the slight cherry scent of Katherine’s favorite lipstick. Emotions tore through me like a hurricane, and all I could do was sit there, clutching the purse while sobbing into the scratchy sequins.

  I don’t understand how my life or Katie’s could’ve changed so much in the blink of an eye. I didn’t even know who I was or what I wanted anymore. All I knew was that I was barely making it from one day to the next.

  Trying to stay optimistic when the hits just kept on coming and nothing was getting better was brutal. Just earlier today, I’d gotten an email from Eric’s receptionist saying the three weeks he’d promised me weren’t going to pan out. They needed even more time. No amount of time had been specified. Just more.

  I knew from experience that emailing back wasn’t going to work, so I’d resolved to go to his office again on Monday. Not that going to him would help anyway.

  Something needed to get better. Some real good needed to come along and shake things up for me and Katie in a good way. Just this once, I really needed a break.

  Katie was finally starting to find her feet, but I didn’t even know if she was happy. I thought she was, but I knew she wanted her mother back more than anything in the world, and I couldn’t give her that.

  All I could do was to sit on the cold fucking floor and cry my eyes out as I sorted through my sister’s things. I unearthed purse after purse, all of them containing those signs of a life that had been cut short so damn abruptly.

  I even found a sonagram photo of Katie in one of the older ones. Chewing gum. Lip gloss. Old bank and loyalty cards. A tiny sample piece of carpet I would never know why she’d been looking at. Playing cards. Toys. A half pack of dry baby wipes.

  The list went on and on.

  With each item I uncovered, with each purse I held in my hands knowing the last person who had carried it had been my sister, a new wave of tears rushed over me. I hadn’t even made it through one box and I was spent.

  How can I ever be happy again or even feel happy again when my sister is gone? Did I even deserve to? I didn’t have any right to move on after something like this. I couldn’t have. Not when a young mother’s life had been stolen from her and a child lost her mother.

  There was no coming back from that. Not ever. Nothing I could do would bring Katherine back to Katie, or Katie back to Katherine.

  I loved being Katie’s mom. I really did. I didn’t even care that my dreams had been snatched away from me when they’d been so close. All I cared about was providing for Katie, and I couldn’t even do that because I couldn’t get one fucking word down on paper.

  Drifting in a sea of anguish, I let a scream rip in the garage and hoped my neighbors wouldn’t call the police. I can’t do this.

  No one could really do this. How?

  I didn’t have the first clue.

  When we’d been living in my apartment, things had been difficult enough. The move had shaken loose insecurities I thought I’d gotten over and memories I’d never forget. Even the soft scrape of the bamboo purse I was clutching now brought on a tidal wave of images of my sister the day she’d bought it.

  We’d been at a South American market. The sun had been shining and she hadn’t met Katie’s dad yet. Katherine’s neck had been covered in a floral scarf, and it’d whipped around her face while I’d tried to get a picture of her with the bag.

  Another sob rose in my throat. She’s gone. How could she just be gone? Just like that.

  The memories of that day still seemed so fresh, even though they were so old. I could almost smell the spice of her perfume when I closed my eyes. Hear the sound of her voice in my ears when she told me to just
take the damn picture already. Feel the heat of the sun and the lashing of my hair against my cheeks in the wind.

  But when I opened my eyes, I was still alone in my garage.

  No sun.

  No wind.

  No Katherine.

  Just me and the purse. And my wine.

  I drained the last few drops, gave the box another look, and shook my head at it. “You win this round, you square. I can’t take any more of this.”

  Abandoning the boxes and the garage altogether, I went to run a bath. I was coming to the conclusion that I couldn’t confront the memories in those boxes just yet.

  Maybe I should just pack the rest of Katherine’s things away until I can bring myself to look at them. It wasn’t a long-term solution, but it was the best I had.

  Maybe planning on dealing with it later is better than no plan at all.

  Chapter 12

  Jacob

  Warm, soft lips wrapped around my cock. It’d been so long that I didn’t realize what was happening at first. Not until I glanced down and saw Laurie’s blonde head between my legs.

  Her back was completely bare, and when she lifted her body between my legs, I knew the rest of her was too. Puckered nipples brushed against my thighs as she lifted her butt in the air while keeping her mouth planted on my dick.

  She looked up at me with those fucking green eyes I couldn’t get out of my head, a hint of naughty in them even while they were half-lidded with arousal. Before I could gather my thoughts, she swirled her tongue around my tip and my vision blacked out for a moment.

  My hands fisted into her hair, and I suddenly didn’t care how this had happened or why she was there. I just needed her to keep doing what she was doing.

  After our last conversation, I didn’t particularly like her and I knew she didn’t particularly like me, but who the fuck cared?

  Her mouth felt like smooth, velvety ice cream wrapped around my sensitive shaft, and I wouldn’t even have cared if it was the Queen of fucking England sucking me off. I needed this.