The Juggling Act

by Carol Maloney Scott

  “We have no privacy with Tatiana in the house.”

  “You should consider daycare for Aidan.” She watches my expression turn to alarm, and continues. “I’m serious. You guys need your space and she’s a kook anyway.”

  “Mommy, my nose is cold.” Shannon comes downstairs to the family room wearing a ski hat and gloves. “And Simon is freezing. Geckos are cold-blooded.”

  My eyes widen and I mouth to Jane behind Shannon’s back. “Simon is still alive?”

  Jane nods and Shannon says, “Don’t worry, Claire. I didn’t bring him down. I know you don’t like him.”

  Jane stifles a laugh and I pat the couch, prompting Shannon to sit beside me.

  “I like him, it’s just that I didn’t like him crawling in my shirt at a dinner party.”

  Shannon bursts into a fit of giggles. “Your face was so funny.” She grows quickly serious. “I’m sorry you were so embarrassed. And then you had to take your shirt off in front of a boy.” She whispers the last part.

  Jane and Mike had set me up with Brandon without my knowledge or consent, inviting us both over for Easter dinner. Shannon thought it would be funny to let her pet gecko crawl on my leg, and before anyone could stop it, the damn thing crawled up my body and headed for my cleavage. Brandon rescued me, but not before bearing full witness to my humiliation and my lacy pink bra. However, that was our first tender moment as he almost kissed me in the living room. Why can’t it still be like that? Romance should not have to involve a reptile attack.

  “Hey, ladies, what’s up?” Mike opens the front door. “Why is it so cold in here? Do we have penguins now?” Mike and Jane have a large array of animal species in their home. “Oh hey, Claire.”

  “Hi, Mike.”

  He comes over and gives me a quick hug, and gets under Jane’s blanket and nuzzles her neck. “Are we trying to recreate the weather patterns in our old hometown?” Mike and Jane moved to Richmond from Rochester, New York, when the cold and snow became overwhelming.

  “Oh, shut up. It costs a fortune to heat this place.”

  Mike surveys his daughter, who is one step from breaking out the ski mask, and his wife with the steaming drink, and makes a mocking sad face towards Jane. She punches him.

  “Can you take him to Key West?”

  “You’re going to Key West, Claire bear? That’s awesome. You and B need a break, huh?”

  “No. It’s a business trip.”

  I explain the situation and Mike says, “Oh, the other hot young stud. I remember.”

  “What?” I don’t like his tone or eye movements.

  “Nothing. I’m sure you can control yourself away from home with an irresistible man.”

  Jane shoots him a murderous look.

  “What? I’m serious. Claire is the epitome of restraint. And she stopped drinking—”

  Jane slams him with a pillow.

  “Okay, okay.” He protects his head and gets up. “Hey, what’s for dinner?”

  “Leftover Mamwiches. Buns are on the counter.”

  “My favorite.” He runs to the kitchen. “So Shannon, tell me about your day? Where’s your brother? Did you and Joey enjoy this delicious dinner Mom made?”

  “It gave me poopy sickness.”

  These are my marriage and parenting role models.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Brandon

  She didn’t say anything about the e-mail, and after the whole business trip discussion, I didn’t feel like bringing it up. I am NOT telling her that I’m jealous of Justin. And I’m not actually jealous, it’s just that Claire is pissed at me over everything lately, and Justin can swoop in and be her savior. If he wants that. Who knows? Maybe the guy has moved on to an age appropriate girl and I have nothing to worry about. Oh my God, did I just say that? If Claire even knew I thought that she would be so hurt. Justin is a few years younger than me, but even our age difference scares Claire.

  I can’t put Chastity off any longer, so I made a date for her to see Aidan—while Claire is away. I felt guilty for hiding it from her this morning, so I tried to call her on her way to work. I got her voice mail and she hasn’t called me back.

  I will get a lot of shit for this decision if I share it with anyone, especially women. But I don’t feel like dealing with Claire freaking out. I will tell her that the meeting is happening before she leaves for her trip. If she really wants to be present, I’ll reschedule, but I don’t think she will want to have anything to do with Aidan’s birth mother.

  Plus Claire doesn’t seem concerned with anything but her trip. I cut practice short so I could make good on my promise of picking up where we left off in the bedroom, and found her packing. Okay, not packing, but most of her wardrobe was spread on the bed, and she was deep in thought about which outfits to bring on her trip. When I tried to grab her and pull her to the bed, she yelled at me to watch it with her best designer outfits. Since I didn’t recognize most of them, I guess she saves these things for special occasions—like a vacation with Justin.

  Tatiana has stayed reasonably clothed this morning, and I made it out of my bedroom without any incident. After letting Aidan play downstairs for a bit (he loves to bang on the drums, too), Tatiana brought him upstairs to watch a movie. At this young age, he already loves movies. Right now his favorite is The Lion King.

  I’m settling down to write, and my phone rings. Claire must be calling back. I no longer feel like having this conversat…oh, it’s only Bianca.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Hey, did my bone-headed boyfriend leave his wallet there last night?”

  I glance around the room and see it on the bar. “Yep, I have it.”

  She makes plans to stop by to pick it up. It’s her day off from her mother’s catering business, and she wants to let the babies play. Max and Bianca’s little man, Mick, is only a month younger than Aidan. Max is already planning out the future band, including Jon’s son, Owen. God forbid one of them wants to play baseball or be an accountant.

  I tell her to come on over, and within twenty minutes she’s clomping down the stairs in her black army boots.

  She stops at the bottom of the stairs and whispers, “That nanny is an Amazon.”

  I laugh at my friend’s bluntness. It’s too bad Max doesn’t properly appreciate Bianca.

  “The wallet’s right here. Is Mick in front of the TV now, too?”

  “Yep, they’re having movie time.” She picks the wallet off my desk and saunters over to the bar. “It’s too early to drink and I’m driving my baby. Got anything but booze in here?”

  She opens the mini fridge and pulls out a Diet Coke. “This stuff tastes like piss, but I need the caffeine.”

  She pops the can and sits on the couch, which is next to my desk. “I’m telling you, Max would lose his head if it wasn’t attached to those monstrous shoulders.” She shudders. “If he wasn’t so damn big and sexy, I would dump his ass.”

  I don’t remind her that she has dumped his ass repeatedly over the past several years, but not since their son came along. Mick was unplanned, but I think Max is doing a good job at being a dad. His own father is not much of a role model. Hence, his brother Rob’s brooding, angry nature.

  “He really loves you and Mick, you know?” I save my document and swivel my chair to face the flaming redhead.

  “I know, but he’s a big baby. He does so little around the house, and since we’re living with my mom he could pick up some of the slack.” She sips her soda, kicks off her boots, and tucks her feet under her legs.

  She sounds like Claire.

  “He is a good dad, though, you’re right. The other night he told me we need to get started on the rest of the band. Apparently the next Rolling Stone named child is a high priority for him. Never mind that we have no privacy living with my mother, and I would like to figure out what I’m doing with my life, too.”

  She shakes her head and plays with the septum ring in her nose. Bianca used to work at the same tattoo/piercing place as
Zoe, and has lots of tattoos, which are covered up with an off the shoulder purple sweater (the other shoulder/arm is a sleeve of tattoos), but still revealing her belly button ring. The whole sweater warming thing seems to be negated by the length of the sweater, but I don’t profess to know what the hell women are doing. Diamond must shop at the same store.

  We talk about babies and our desire for another one, or at least my desire.

  “It’s too bad I can’t loan you guys my uterus for a while, because you men seem to be the ones who want all these babies popping out our vaginas.” She covers her mouth. “I know Claire’s not here, but I still slip sometimes. I have such a hard time remembering that she would love to pop out a baby. How is she doing with the whole adoption thing?”

  I forget about my earlier vow to zip my mouth shut with women, and spill the whole Chastity story. What a moron I am, as if I think Bianca won’t tell Claire.

  “I won’t tell Claire.” She leans forward and makes some kind of pinky swear, cross her heart pledge.

  “Don’t you girls stick together?”

  “Yes, but I don’t get involved in other couple’s shit.” She stands up and tosses her can in the recycling bin. “You need to tell your wife what’s going on, or else the distance between you is going to grow. It’s not just about this one issue. It’s about communicating, Dummy.” She stretches her arms as far as she can, revealing more tummy and belly ring. It is amazing how these women stay in shape after having babies.

  She slips her boots back on and starts tying them. “I heard about the business trip to paradise.” She grabs Max’s wallet and shoves it in her tiny jeans pocket. “Here’s my advice. Just don’t fuck up so much that another guy can slip in and give her what she wants.”

  As she walks upstairs, I call out, “Thanks for the great advice. Cheery visit. Please stop by again.”

  There is mirth in my tone, but my stomach churns. She’s right. Justin can’t forget to take out the garbage or hide her son’s birth mother’s visit. Or disappoint her in any way, because going on a business trip with a hot guy isn’t real life. I can excel at fake life, too. But Claire will just see a doting, fun, blond god in Justin.

  I turn back to my manuscript. Claire hasn’t read any of this work-in-progress. Doesn’t know the story line. I’ve been assigned a different editor, which makes sense, given our relationship.

  But eventually she is going to read this book and then I am even more completely and profoundly fucked.

  Claire

  “Mom, you don’t have to stay at the house. Brandon is more than capable of taking care of Aidan with Tatiana there. And my friend Jane is right across the street.”

  My mother and I are having one of our usual long talks on my forty-five minute drive to the office. Living on this side of town is getting old, but a home near my office would be much more expensive.

  “Well of course, but I will be happy to stop in and check on things. You know how men can be. I wouldn’t leave Aidan alone with your father for five minutes. He would start watching the damn football and forget the child was there.”

  Brandon does not watch football, but I could substitute several other pursuits. I will feel better knowing that my mother is spying. I mean helping out.

  “I’m sure Dad is a bit more reliable than you give him credit for, but Aidan will be very happy to see Grandma.”

  “And I will be thrilled to see him. I need to pick up some new toys, and some more of those picture books he likes. And of course little Dixie and Duncan, my furry grand pups, need more treats and squeaky toys…”

  She continues on like this and I assure her that she doesn’t need to go overboard, but she will. Never mind that the child’s birthday was in November and Christmas just passed. I don’t know if there is an age appropriate toy or book he doesn’t already have.

  I get to the office feeling better about the trip, at least as far as Aidan and the dogs are concerned. I didn’t want my mother to know I have any suspicions about Brandon and women. She would never sleep again and my father would have to leave town.

  I settle into my office and pull up my e-mail. Before I dive into my latest editing job, I check my personal e-mail. I have not done that in days, but most of it is coupons and advertisements anyway.

  Yep, that’s mostly what it…holy crap. My heart skips as I read an e-mail from Aidan’s birth mother, Chastity. She’s a twenty-year-old stripper. I hate to judge, and I know not everyone comes from my upper middle class, loving home, but I do find it ironic that her name is Chastity, given her profession. Obviously her parents were Sonny and Cher fans, or perhaps they were hoping the name would guide her to better choices. I don’t know much about her family, but I know she’s had a tough time.

  Up until now, she hasn’t asked to see Aidan. Brandon has sent her pictures, and kept up the contact. As an adopted child, he finds it important to do this, and was in favor of open adoption. He knew it scared me, and I feel like he misled me into agreeing to this adoption, not telling me Chastity was asking for an open arrangement until my heart was set on bringing this baby into our family.

  I did get to meet her before Aidan was born, and she looked healthy and she was taking care of herself and the baby. Brandon just doesn’t understand how threatened I feel, and what it is like to be infertile and adopt, with the baby’s mother in the picture. Maybe he would feel a bit differently if the baby’s father was coming around to teach Aidan how to play baseball, or better yet…how to play the guitar.

  Apparently my husband decided not to tell me about this, because he was copied on this e-mail, and responded to her, setting up a time to meet while I am out of town. He didn’t copy me, but here is a second e-mail where she responds to both of us, agreeing to the time. At least she’s honest, which is more than I can say for Brandon. I know he doesn’t want to freak me out, but he can’t hide this from me. Actually, I would rather not be there, but I wasn’t even given the chance to decide for…

  “Knock, knock. Look at you, going to your first big publishing conference! My little girl is growing up.” Gina stands in my doorway with a cup of coffee and a big smile.

  “Hey. Sorry, I was reading an e-mail.” I close the message and give Gina my attention. On second thought, no. Brandon is going to answer to this. “Hold on a second, I need to text my husband.”

  I pull out my phone and see that Brandon called while I was talking to my mother. I knew someone was trying to reach me, but then forgot about it after her long winded speeches about emptying out the pet and toy stores for my little ones.

  I quickly type him a message. “Checked my e-mail, we need to talk about Chastity’s visit.”

  I motion for Gina to come in and sit, and he responds, “I’m sorry, Honey. I should have told you sooner. I tried to call this morning to tell you before you found the e-mail.”

  I drop the phone back in my purse. Let him suffer a little while wondering if I’m super pissed or just mildly annoyed. At the very least, he is guilty of being a coward and avoiding issues. Would an older man have handled these things better?

  “I’m sorry, you were saying? Oh, the trip. Yeah, at first I was stressing about leaving home, but I think it will be fine, and it’s a great networking opportunity.”

  Gina raises an eyebrow. “You’re not looking to jump ship, are you?”

  I keep forgetting that she is now my manager’s boss, the Editor-in-Chief, and not just my friend. It’s funny that I hired her as an Editor when I was the Recruiter here, but of course she would rise quickly, with her oodles of industry experience.

  “No, I just mean it’s good exposure to other people in our industry.”

  “And good exposure to Justin, too.” She smirks and sips her coffee.

  I feel the heat rise on my face. “That’s silly, I don’t care who comes with me, or no one at all.” She keeps staring wordlessly, still smirking. “What? I mean that.”

  “Okay, I believe you. So what’s going on with Brandon? You looked a little dis
tressed there for a second. Everything okay?”

  I tell her about the e-mail and Chastity.

  Gina puts her coffee down and sighs deeply. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but you will find out eventually, and I am guessing since you haven’t flipped out, you don’t know.”

  “What now?”

  “Brandon’s latest book, the one Trevor is editing? It’s about adoption also.”

  “Well, that’s not surprising. Why would I be mad about that? He’s been very successful fictionalizing…uh, oh. Is he…?”

  “Writing about your experiences? Yes. I’m afraid so. The infertile wife isn’t a total bitch, but let’s just say he obviously thinks you are overreacting, and the birth mother character is more of the object of sympathy. The circumstances are different enough so that he isn’t writing your story exactly, but clearly a couple dealing with open adoption, and the wife struggling with it, is semi-autobiographical.” She frowns and wrings her hands. “I’m sorry. I was hoping he would share this with you, but I can see he hasn’t.”

  I sit back in my chair and will my shiny eyes to hold back the tears. “I know a lot of authors write about their personal experiences, but I would think he would have run it by me before he submitted a proposal for that kind of story. I wouldn’t have said no, but it would have been nice to have been asked.”

  Gina and I sit in silence for a moment, and she tries to change the subject back to the trip and asking about Aidan. She clearly feels conflicted about spilling Brandon’s plotline.

  “Gina, it’s okay. I’m not mad at you. Brandon and I have some things to work out, and maybe this trip is the break we need. In a way I wish it was longer. If I could take all my babies with me, I would sign up for a month somewhere.”

  Gina continues to apologize and excuses herself when I get a call on my work phone. I take the call and talk with one of my authors about a plot problem. Lost in work for a few minutes, I feel a sense of normalcy returning, followed by a sudden flash of anger when I hang up, and my mind jumps back to Gina’s words.