Daydreamer

by Shauntel Anette

  “I’m going to be going away, for a few months.” I tell him. I didn’t tell him that I was getting married and pretending to be the person Chris wanted me to be. I just needed some time to plan some stuff out, and when I came back it would be safe for everyone.

  He didn’t say anything. I just hoped without any of us within reach, that he wouldn’t spiral back into his addiction. I know he’s been thinking about it, if he hadn’t already.

  Our little breakfast date was great. I was so hungry I licked my plate completely clean. We had some depressing moments, talking about my mom and Marie, but we’re okay. We’re on our way to being okay. We both had guilt, but we’d have to be okay. It’s okay.

  I forgave him and we talked about everything that we didn’t talk about for the past few years. Unfortunately, it was nearly eight-thirty, and we had to be back before Chris.

  As far as my dad knows, I’m just going away to recover, that’s it. He didn’t ask any questions about Chris because frankly, I wouldn’t be able to answer them.

  When we got back, I waited on the corner for that stupid van to show up. Sure enough, at eight-thirty the van veers around the corner and comes to a halt in front of me.

  I couldn’t believe what I was about to do. But in a way, I wouldn’t be doing it, because I had something up my sleeve.

  We went to pick up Bridget, and then off to the Courthouse we went. I had to breathe slowly, in and out, to try and prepare myself for possibly the biggest mistake of my life.

  When we arrived, I kind of wanted to flake out but somehow, Katarina’s feet kept walking while Kate wanted to run in the opposite direction. We go in, and I excuse myself for the bathroom, even though that wasn’t where I was headed. Chris and Bridget waited in the hall.

  I return to the group and we go through the courthouse doors, shake hands with the judge, and get started. As far as I could hear he said a lot of bull crap. I kept sneaking looks at the judge instead of at my “husband”. Out of nowhere I hear Chris voice, “I do,” and before I knew it, it was my turn to lie.

  I swallow one last time before I died and said, “I do,”