Intoxicated

by Brenda Ford

  “What’s going on?” she asks, harassed and busy, wanting to go.

  “I think that me and you have to talk, so do you think you can stay behind for a moment?”

  She glances behind her, begging for an escape. Of course, this hurts me, but I push that back down again and wait patiently, at least on the outside, for her response.

  “I don’t think I can tonight. I have… you know.” She points behind her even though I know that there isn’t anyone waiting for her. “So, can we talk about this tomorrow?”

  “No.” I shouldn’t say no. I should be polite and say yes, but I’m done beating around the bush now. “No, this is a conversation that we need to have right now, Sara.”

  “I don’t want to.” She tries to slip backwards but still I continue on.

  “You have to, Sara. For the sake of the company. You can’t walk out on me.”

  She stares at me in a horrified manner. I guess that was a little mean of me. I certainly said it in a bitter way. I’m just trying to calm her down and to make her see how much we need this. If she does end up staying, then this will all work out for the best in the end.

  “So, you are telling me that I need to stay for the sake of my job?” She swings her bag back down and falls in to her seat with her arms folded protectively across her chest. “Okay fine, if I need to stay beyond my working hours to keep my job then I am here. Let’s get on with it.”

  Hmm, definitely not the best start, but okay. I will go along with it. At least she is here for now. I will have to take that as a good start in the right direction.

  “People are starting to comment on the strange frosty nature between us,” I begin. “So, it needs to be dealt with. I don’t care much for office gossip, it can be very distracting…”

  “Oh, ‘office gossip’ is what’s important here?” Sarcasm drips off Sara’s tongue. “I see. As long as I know what is going on. What we’re here for. Please, carry on. Let’s do this already.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that.” I gulp as I realize that we are in the same place that we have been all week long, with me completely unable to say anything right. “I just mean that we need to address the under lying issues here so we can move forward together.”

  “Okay, so let’s address the under lying issues then.” I can already tell from her tone this isn’t going to go well. “You used me while we were at the team building event. You acted like you actually like me, but that was all a lie. It was your intention to get me in to bed, nothing more. Which is fine. If that is what you want, okay, but you should be honest about your intentions. Particularly when it comes to someone that you work with every single day, your personal assistant. The last thing you should do is try to sneak out in the morning.” I part my lips, about to apologize and try and explain myself again, but she definitely isn’t done. “That was incredibly rude and hurtful, but then I have already said that before, haven’t I? This whole conversation has already happened before. Over and over again like a cycle. There isn’t anything else that we can say because the gist of it has already been covered. So, what do you want to do?” She throws her hands in the air in frustration. “You want to get passed this mood because of the company? Because I might be affecting other people? Well, I’m sorry to say it but what you did affected me. I can’t just switch that off. You should freaking turn back time if you want me to not be upset any longer and you shouldn’t have bedded me.”

  And with that she finally stares at me, really seeing me for the very first time. I guess she has been struggling because she has so badly wanted to get all of that out. Well, now it’s out there in the world and there is no taking it back. It’s up to me to work out where we go next.

  “I…” I desperately scan my brain to find the words, but nothing immediately comes. “I…”

  Chapter 12 – Sara

  I have wanted this conversation all week long, but now it’s happening I’m lashing out and I can’t seem to stop myself. I think his delivery might be the problem, the fact that he’s focusing all of this on how what happened between us is affecting everybody else, rather than him caring about me at all. That’s what got me all wound up in the first place because it seems even more like he just doesn’t care about me. It simply confirms that the whole thing meant nothing to him. Now I’m ranting and I can’t seem to stop myself. I’m acting like a crazy person.

  “I never meant to upset you,” he tells me softly, the words almost falling apart on his lips. “I am truly sorry that my behavior has made it seem like I’m a bad guy. The impression of me that you have right now isn’t the real me. I just want a chance to show that.”

  “It’s too late for that,” I blurt out without really thinking. “You can’t show me.”

  I stiffen as soon as those words out there because it gives too much away. Not only might it show Ryan that I have been applying for other jobs and trying to escape here, but it might also let him know that I have got an interview you lined up already. It surprised me to find out how in demand I am, and the flattery led me to accept the interview. I’m not sure if the job will suit me as much as this does, but this isn’t exactly working for me anymore is it?

  I have already booked the time off for the job interview with the human resources department as well. I don’t know if Ryan knows it yet, but even if he does, I have simply labeled the time off as an appointment so I suppose there’s no way he will guess. Not the whole truth anyway.

  I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen next, I’m not too sure what’s going to happen with this job but what I need to go to the interview. I need to know what it will be like to escape this. I need to see if there is another option out there for me.

  That’s why I don’t want to have this conversation, that’s why I don’t I want Ryan trying to make things right with me now. It just isn’t the right time.

  “It isn’t ever too late.” As Ryan says this I’m flooded with relief. At least it means he hasn’t worked out the under lying message to my words. At least I don’t have to explain myself. “And whatever we decide to do, will have to find a way to be around 1 then like that because you are my personal assistant. We work in the same office together. We can’t carry on like this.”

  He’s right, we can’t carry on like this. That’s why I’m looking to leave. Perhaps I should just let him know that I will be out sooner rather than later, so he doesn’t worry anymore. But surely it would be stupid of me to turn my back on this one when I don’t have another lined up for sure yet. I’ve been trying so hard not to be irrational, I don’t want to mess that up now.

  “Hmm,” I reply non committally. “Maybe.”

  My eyes meet Ryan’s and I find myself lost in the thought that I might be about to say goodbye to him forever, which is something that I’m not totally ready for just yet. It actually makes me a little choked up to think about leaving him for good. I have liked him so much ever since I first laid eyes on him and I never thought that was going to change. I certainly didn’t expect sex to be the thing to get in our way.

  Oh God, is that a tear in my eye? am I about to totally humiliate myself and cry right now? It’s just so sad. I have existed in this fantasy land, imagining me and him together for such a long time, picturing him as my happy ever after, I know I’m about to lose all of that. Leaving Ryan won’t just be saying goodbye to him, it will be saying goodbye to the future I pictured for us. It will be turning my back on everything that I thought was going to happen.

  That might be the worst part of all of this, just knowing that it was all in my head after all.

  Then again if this is what I need to do to protect myself, to stop my heart from getting even more broken than it already is, then I will take it. I know that I can’t take any more than I have already been through, I’m certain that my fragile heart what is at the edge of what it can take, and if I have to walk away to keep myself safe, then I will.

  “So, we can talk?” Ryan cocks an eyebrow at me. “Work out a plan?”

/>   I shrug my shoulders sadly. “Sure, we can talk. Whatever you want.”

  He does stop talking to me, but I barely hear the words because I’m too busy focusing on trying to blink the tears away. I really don’t want him to know how upset I am. I have been strong and powerful… or I have done some yelling anyway. Crying will negate all of that.

  Stop it, my brain begs me. He isn’t worth getting upset over. No one is worth this…

  “Are you upset?” Typical that I manage to hear those words just fine.

  “No,” I try to insist but the weakness in my voice gives me away. “No, I’m fine. I’m just trying to get my head around this whole mess. I’m worried that everyone is talking about me now. You said office gossip which means people are going to be judging me…”

  Of course, that isn’t the main reason, but he doesn’t need to know that. If he thinks I am so upset about other people just like he is then he will forget about it. I hope.

  “People will be judging me not you,” he tells me wryly. “If they are judging anyone at all. I’m pretty sure they are just worried about us and what’s going on. they might think we are falling out because of something going on with the business. They could be worried about their jobs. If they think we are going under, then it could be problematic for everyone.”

  I resist the urge to roll my eyes because of course Ryan assumes that everyone is only interested because of work. He really has such a one track mind, and I guess that isn’t ever going to change. He has always been ambitious and that’s one of the things I admire about him, but if his desire to succeed over shadows everything else, then there isn’t anything that I can do about it. I will just have to accept that is what he’s like and move on.

  “It won’t be a problem for everyone anymore,” I tell him in a mono tone voice. I want to sound believable, but I can’t make that happen. “I will just carry on as I was before. I won’t avoid you any longer. I will make sure that I am always at my desk and that the atmosphere is pleasant enough. Does that work for you? Will that make everything run much smoother?”

  If I didn’t have my job interview lined up then I probably wouldn’t be able to make this promise because I know I wouldn’t be able to keep it, but if I do end up leaving then it means I don’t have long to keep up the fakery. I’m sure that even I can keep up appearances for a few days. I’m not exactly known for my acting skills, but I can put myself to the test.

  “That will work…” Ryan is looking at me strangely, but I don’t care to work out why. “But it doesn’t have to be quite as cold and calculating. We can just decide to get along.”

  I stifle down a snort of sarcastic laughter. It all sounds so simple when he puts it like that. Too simple and straight forward which definitely won’t be the case in reality.

  “Okay, well it seems like we are done here.” I rise to my feet and grab my bag once more, this time ready to storm out and not come back. At least not for the rest of the day anyway. “Thank you for this conversation and sorting out how we will act around one another in the future. But I assume I am free to go home now? There isn’t anything else you need of me?”

  He shakes his head no and I take that as my cue to go. I start heading towards the door and planning my evening alone… and that’s where I intend to go, I honestly don’t have anything else going on inside my mind, I’m definitely done here with this conversation, and with Ryan as well. So, I don’t understand how I end up with Ryan’s arms around my back, mine slung around his neck, and our lips crashing together in a very passionate way. We are all of a sudden kissing like horny teenagers who have been desperately trying to get their hands on one another for months and the moment has finally happened. We are behind the bike sheds at last, and we definitely don’t have a long time, so we need to make the best of this time and savor every single moment. It’s as if the adults that we really are, struggling with tension and stress, have vanished in to thin air and this is what we have become.

  I have to admit to this is preferable, I like kissing Ryan much more than I enjoy arguing with him. If we can just keep our lips together at all times, then everything will be fine.

  As if he is thinking the same as me, Ryan walked me backward until my ass hits his desk. I lift myself up just a little bit to slide back on to the table, and he happily moves with me. He presses himself between my legs, spreading them a little further for him, and he holds himself, so his bulge is rolling against my core. I can’t help but remember what it feels like when the material of our clothing isn’t in the way and he is buried deep inside of me. I’ve tried to block it out because that night only led to trouble, but the memory is more evident than ever before.

  I want him. Even though I know that I shouldn’t even more than I did before, I still do. That’s why I don’t complain when his hands start traveling over my body, cupping my breasts, grazing over my thighs, exploring every peak and dip I have on offer for him.

  What are you doing? My brain screams at me from somewhere. Stop this now. But I don’t. Instead, I allow my hands to explore him as well. I touch him all over, slowly traveling down to the bulge I can still feel between my legs. I can’t help but want him, even if it’s messy and I’m potentially leaving soon, I can’t stop the animal lust that controls me. I can’t help every fiber inside of my body reacting like crazy to him, making me wild, pounding all the way through me, leaving me dizzy and breathless. Even if it did all get screwed up before, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t absolutely incredible at the time. He is still the best sex I ever had, it doesn’t change the fact that I have never had a connection and chemistry like this before, I can’t help that I find him utterly irresistible…

  Chapter 13 – Ryan

  A week of need erupts between us as I take her mouth fiercely, licking and massaging her tongue, groaning with desire as her hand rubs my rod of steel for her underneath my clothing. Pure pleasure vibrates between the pair of us, I can hardly stand it, I feel like I might explode already as she sinks her nails in to my skin, setting her primal side free.

  It isn’t just lust driving us this time, there is anger as well. I don’t know if that rage is only directed at one another or if it is more to do with the situation surrounding us, but it’s adding a whole new level to things. A level which I need to take further, that I have to explore…

  “I need you naked,” I growl as I paw at her work shirt. I want to just tear the fucking thing off because it’s in my way but I’m trying not to wreck her stuff just because I’m an animal. I would rather behave with just a little bit of dignity if I can manage that. “Now.”

  She leans back, pressing her palm to my chest to keep me off her as she carefully unbuttons her shirt herself. By keeping her gaze fixed on me the entire time and allowing me to see the desire dancing behind her eyes, the whole thing moves tantalizingly slowly. I’m basically weak at the knees, so hard that it actually hurts, and primed to explode at any second.

  “Shit.” I can’t handle it any longer, so as soon as she has shrugged her shirt off her shoulders, I reach behind her with just one hand and ping her bra open. Her breasts spring free from the material, basically begging me to taste them once more, which I immediately do. Sucking on Sara’s nipple as she spreads herself across my desk and listening to the mews of bliss spilling passed her lips creates a storm cloud in the pit of my stomach. The lightning will bolt soon.

  My hand snakes between her legs and pushes her panties to one side while I feed on her skin, nibbling her ear lobe, her bottom lip, her jaw line, and I find her center, hot and ready, aching to be taken. As my fingers explore her, I can almost feel her throbbing and pulsing with need. Even if this probably shouldn’t be happening again, the powerful chemistry, the intense lust, it’s too much to ignore. We have absolutely no control over ourselves while we are around one another. It’s probably a toxic combination but fuck me it feels so good.

  “Don’t be so gentle,” Sara pleads as she rolls her hips against me. “I need you already.”

>   I twist my fingers inside of her, using my thumb to circle around her clit, and the screams coming from this beautiful woman reverberate around the whole office. Luckily, we aren’t trying to sneak around because there would be absolutely no way to keep this a secret, not that I’m complaining. Her face all screwed up in pleasure as she tugs at the ends of my hair is the sexiest damn thing that I have ever seen in my life. She is everything.

  She reclaims my lips, driving her tongue back in to my mouth, which does distract me a little, but since her pleasure is my top priority right now, I don’t forget what I’m here for. Giving her the bets time of her life right now is the most important thing to me, and not just because it might stop her from hating me, but because it’s what my heart desires.

  “Fuck, Ryan,” she pants desperately as I send her head spinning, every delicate stroke of my thumb, every push of my fingers deeper and deeper in to her, causing her walls to start clamping needily around me. “Fuck, that feels… it’s too… oh my God.”

  That’s my favorite thing. When she can’t even get a sentence out because she is so turned on. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, a feeling that I haven’t ever experienced before. It turns me in to a mad man on a mission, needing to coax every bit of bliss out of her.

  “I need you,” she begs, derailing me for just a moment. “Fuck, I want you, Ryan. Now.”

  As her eager hungry fingers claw at my boxers, I almost give her what she wants, but I know that there is something else I want to give her first. I need to. I’m salivating with desire and if I don’t get to taste her addictive, intoxicating core soon then I might fall apart.

  So, I pull her hands off me and I slowly begin to run kisses down her body, pausing at her nipples once more for just a second because I adore the feeling of them in between my lips, then I eventually drag myself away and I keep going. Over her stomach, her hip bone, to the waist band of her skirt. Sara can sense where I am headed which makes her moans of desire a hundred times louder and more desperate than they were before.