by Alexia Chase
“Damn you.” Her eyes fill with tears. “You’re making me want to lose the bet, and we just got here.”
“I’m not going to tempt you anymore.”
“A fat lot of good that does. All you have to do is sit there and look sexy.”
I waggle my eyebrows and flex my pecks.
“Shit. You’re ridiculous.” She giggles uncontrollably until the couple next to us turns and stares. “Oops.”
The balding man with a comb-over glares at us. Apparently, we’ve interrupted his perfect meal. Whatever, dude. Live a little. His wife tilts her head and her lips part. The hint of desire in her eyes is clear. Ah, the wandering eye. No wonder he looks so pissed off. I dismiss them and return my attention to Natalie.
“Sorry.” I grin and release her hand. “What do you want to eat?”
She sobers and places her hand in her lap. She doesn’t acknowledge the woman’s perusal of me. That’s a good sign. She’s starting to believe my feelings for her have never wavered.
“The special sounds great.”
“Two specials it is.”
After the waitress takes our order, I lean back in my seat. It creaks gently under my weight. “Tell me about school.”
“I didn’t go the first year I was with Gram. When I was finally able to get out of bed without being depressed, I started working two jobs.”
My hands ball into fists. Relax. I take a couple of deep mouthfuls of air. The need to go back in time and ease her suffering is intense, but I can’t. “Where did you work?”
“I had a job as a waitress in the evenings and on the weekends. And I worked in an office during the day as a receptionist.”
“How was the pay?”
“Not good.” She shrugs. “But it helped with Gram’s bills. We went on like that for a couple of years, and then, I started college.” She shrugs. “It was only a few hours here and there, so it took forever.”
“I’m proud of you.” Shit. I went on a full-ride scholarship and didn’t have to work but for spending money. Fuck. My life’s been blessed, and hers has been filled with hardship.
“Thank you.” She picks at her fingernails. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Yes, it is. Natalie, I had a full ride and worked ten hours per week. I kind of feel like an entitled prick sitting here.”
“Don’t. It’s what I wanted for you. Trey, I wanted desperately for you to have all the success you ever dreamed of. You were so smart. I would have hated myself if I did anything to ruin that.”
“That’s bullshit.” I bite the inside of my lip. Fuck. Everything she says makes me feel like more of a prick.
Why did my life have to be easy? She was the one with an asshole of a father. A miscarriage. Doing it all on her own. And I was acting like a punk cocksucker drinking myself under the table and fucking random chicks I couldn’t even remember the next day.
“Don’t beat yourself up. We were young. We made wrong choices. But I’d like to think we’ve grown over the years. Don’t you?” she asks.
The waitress arrives with our food, interrupting our conversation. My mouth waters as she lays the spread in front of us. It smells and looks delicious.
Once she leaves, I clear my throat. “Natalie, I’ve grown a lot in the last twelve years. I regret a lot of things I’ve done, but I’m ready to prove to you we’re better together now than we were then.”
“That’s impressive.” She winks, and the tension eases from my shoulders. “We were pretty fucking good together then.”
Chapter Nineteen
Natalie
The night sky is peppered with city streetlights. It’s so different here than out on the farm. There I could see the stars twinkling above. Here, not so much. Not that I mind. I enjoyed the farm, but I’m glad to be back in the city.
My head drops back on the headrest, and I sigh. That’s not one hundred percent the truth. I’m glad to be back with Trey. I’ve missed him. His voice. His laughter. His friendship.
I glimpse at his silhouette as he revs the engine. His rock-hard abs and powerful thighs. Yep. I’ve missed it all. My nipples pucker as images of us entwined together the other night, floods my brain.
“You want to go back to my place?”
My heart skips a beat and then thunders against my ribs. I would love to go back to his place, but I’m not ready to see the home we dreamed of living in together. Who else has he brought into our space? Tears prick my eyes. I don’t begrudge him for moving on, but it still hurts.
“Natalie?” He grabs my hand and turns it over in his.
“Yes.”
“I told you I never brought another woman around my family, and that includes our home.”
My eyes narrow as I study him. He’s serious. Wow. A weight lifts off my chest. “Good.”
I’m not sure I’m ready to jump into a happily ever after with him, because my track record is shit, but it makes me giddy he’s not made love to another woman in my bedroom. Yes, it’s ridiculous, but I’m not apologizing for it.
“Am I winning the bet and taking you home?”
“Nope.” I shake my head. “I’m sticking to my guns.”
“Fine,” he sighs dramatically and pulls down the gear shift. “Where too?”
“My sister’s place. I’m getting tired.”
“Okay.” The disappointment is thick in his voice, but I don’t do anything to change it. I can’t.
Bullshit. You’re a total chicken. But what’s next? We declare our love for each other. Get married? Have a baby? My heart sinks to the floor. What if I lose another baby? What if I can never carry a child to term? Will he leave me? Can I handle more heartbreak?
The city lights flash as we drive by, and I sink into my seat. I can’t lose him again. If I do, I’ll never survive. Shit. Why did I come back? This was a mistake.
A couple of times on the way to my sister’s house, he tries to break the silence, but I don’t have the energy to respond. It wouldn’t take much, and I’d be back into the depths of despair like I faced after losing them both.
The darkness sucked me in and wouldn’t let me go. I couldn’t find the energy to get out of bed or to do anything but curl into a ball and lay there. For days on end, I stared at the wall and railed at God for taking them both from me. Was my father, right? Was I a bad seed? Did I get what I deserved for having premarital sex?
I close my eyes and block out the world. The vehicle bounces over potholes and weaves in and out of traffic.
When I surge forward, I jerk. The scones on my sister’s garage greet me. Wonderful. I fell asleep. Stretching, I grab the door handle. “Thank you for the meal. It was nice.”
Trey grabs my hand. “Don’t.”
I glance over at him and see tears in his eyes. My heart aches for him. For me. For what could have been. But I can’t face it right now. I shake my head. “Goodnight, Trey.”
I jump out of the pickup and run to the side door. I’ve got to get away. To think. To decide what is best for everyone.
When I step inside the kitchen, Lillian is sipping out of a white porcelain mug. “You’re home early.”
“Yeah. I needed to get away.”
“Did he treat you badly?”
“No.” I glare at her. “Of course not. Trey’s perfect.”
“What are you running from?” She pins me in place with a scowl; only a sister can give. She kicks the chair across from her. “It’s time for a heart to heart.”
“Fine.” I flop into the wooden seat. “Let’s hear it.”
“What’s your problem? Trey is a gorgeous man who appears to still feel the same intense love he had for you in high school; which is pretty amazing considering you ghosted the man.”
“Yes, it is.” I snap a fingernail with my thumbnail.
She sits down her mug, and a tiny drop of liquid sloshes over the side. “What gives?”
“Damn it, Lillian. What if I’m bad luck?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” She rolls he
r eyes and smacks my hand. “That’s an asshole talking. Our father is a complete and total prick, and you and I are nothing like him. He’s a total fucking loser.”
I chuckle. “Okay. You’ve got a valid point.”
“There’s no way you believe that, so what’s wrong?”
Fuck. Just what I need. My sister to smell bullshit from a mile away. If I was having this conversation with my father, he’d agree I was bad luck and we’d be done. My mom would pat my hand and give me a hug. And Gram? Gram would ask me to get her some tea or moonshine, and we’d rock on the porch swing. Lillian. She tells it like it is. Here goes nothing.
“What if I can’t have a baby? What if I lose another baby? It hurt so much the first time.” Tears fill my eyes, and I sniff. Then, the tears pour down my cheeks. “What if he leaves me because he wants children, and we can’t? I can’t lose him again.”
“Natalie?” She shakes her head and scoots out of her chair. When she gets to my side, she squats beside me. “Trey loves you. He’s never going to leave you. All you have to do is be strong enough not to leave him.”
“Shit.” I sniff again and cry harder. “That doesn’t help. I don’t deserve him. I was a total bitch.”
“Yes, you were, but you were young, stupid, depressed, and stupid.”
I snort. “That’s two stupids.”
“Because you were double stupid. I understand why you left, but he would have stood by you, and together, you would have figured it out. You are both smart.” She stands up. “Tea?”
“Sure.” I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand.
After she sets the mug down on the wooden surface, she returns to her seat and clasps her hands together. “Colton and I struggled for seven years to get pregnant. It sucked. It was hard, but it was bearable because we were together.”
My mouth pops open. “I thought you waited on purpose.”
“No.” She shakes her head and looks at the wall behind me. “Each month, when my period came, my heart was ripped to shreds, but Colton was there to hold my hand and cry with me.” She turns. “It’s not easy, but together you can face anything. All you need is love. Do you love, Trey?”
It’s a pointless question. I’ve loved Trey my entire life. Now, I need to be the woman he deserves. The woman that no matter what won’t back down – who will be there for him when he needs me.
I did what I thought was right at eighteen. In hindsight, it was the wrong decision. Maybe? Was it? I did it for him, so it can never be completely wrong. Now, we both deserve a happily ever after, and I’m ready to grab it with both hands. “Yes, I love Trey Collins.”
Chapter Twenty
Trey
By late afternoon, my head is spinning. I climb into my pickup and twist on the air-conditioned. The stale air of the cab swirls around and slowly takes on the scent of Black Ice from the fragrance tree swinging from my radio knob.
When I left Natalie at her sister’s house last night, I headed to the gym and worked out for a couple of hours. It was good to work off some steam. I shift in the seat and cringe. I should have taken the Harley out for a spin, and my legs wouldn’t ache right now.
Where do I go from here? I believe Natalie still cares about me, but maybe I’ve been fooling myself. Is it time to move on once and for all? I smack the steering wheel with the palm of my hand.
How is that even possible? I haven’t moved on in over a decade. Maybe I’m destined to be alone. To be the uncle and surrogate uncle to my family and friend’s children. It sucks, but if I’m not with Natalie, I don’t see creating a family with anyone else.
I pull down the gear shift, and my phone buzzes. I shift back into park.
Natalie: I planned to talk to you tonight, but someone called in, and they need me at the hospital. Can we make plans for tomorrow after you get off work?
All the air in my lungs disappears. I try to battle past the fear and nausea in my gut. Shit. It’s better to know than to wonder, right? At least, she’s not ignoring me.
I can’t wait until tomorrow. Shit. It’s got to be now. Waiting even a couple hours is too long.
Me: Will you have a break?
Natalie: In about twenty minutes.
Me: I’ll be there.
I toss my phone onto the passenger seat cushion and roll my neck. Don’t be a pussy. I can hear Leah smarting off to me as I back out of the parking space. “I’m not a damn pussy.”
Shit. But I am an idiot for talking to myself. I flip on the blinker and then poke on the radio. The sound of the Rolling Stones spills out of the speakers. I need some Jagger to get through the soreness in my legs and the fog of a couple beers too many. Those had come after the gym. At this point, I rarely drink, so after a few, I’ve reached my limit.
When I pull into the hospital parking lot, I drive past my sister, Nicole’s, vehicle. Thankfully, she doesn’t work in the ER at this hospital. I don’t want to have to explain myself to another sibling.
My boots thump on the pavement as I swerve past a nurse pushing an older gentleman in a wheelchair. The wheels of his ride bounce on the cracks of the sidewalk.
From behind me, I hear the man laugh and smack his leg. Happy old fart. What’s the over-under on whether I’m going to be happy after seeing Natalie? Shit. Probably not good after how things ended last night.
As I approach the window, she waves, and slides open the sliding glass. “Hey, Trey. Give me a second. One of the nurses said she’d fill in for me while I’m on break.”
“Okay.” I shove my hands in my pockets and pace back and forth without getting into anyone’s space. The ER waiting room is busier than the last time I’d been there.
She seems happy to see me. That’s good, right? Fuck. I’m a moron. Where in the hell did I leave my balls?
A little boy about four years old, glances up as I walk by. “Momma, he’s big.” His eyes are wide as if he’s seeing something that intimidates him.
“Sorry.” I nod my head at the boy’s mom and slow my pace. Stop coming on like a caged animal.
Finally, Natalie snaps the door open and joins me in the waiting room. “Let’s go back to the staff breakroom. It should be quiet, right now.”
“Good.” Thank God, I don’t want an audience while I blow chunks on the tips of my shoes.
She grabs my hand and laces her finger through mine. “Thank you for coming by. I didn’t think I’d see you until at least tomorrow.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She stops. “Good.”
My heart dives to my feet. Don’t get your hopes up. Or start blubbering in the hallway of the hospital. “Where to?”
“It’s right here.” She points to a door about four feet from where we stand.
God, why is it so far? I want to drag her into my arms and kiss her until she melts into a puddle at my feet, but that’s not probably high on her list of work-related activities. I straighten my shoulders. I can behave professionally.
The second the door snaps behind us, she locks it. The click has my blood boiling. Maybe I can’t be professional. My gaze darts around the room. We’re alone. The room is small, with a sofa and a chair. This is the breakroom? Where are the vending machines? The coffee pot?
She clears her throat. “This is the room the ER doctors sleep in when they’re on call. When it’s slow. It’s not slow.” She waggles her eyebrows and steps into my space. Our chests brush as we breathe in. “Trey?”
“Yes?” I swallow and try to will my erection to behave. He went on high alert at the snap of the lock and hasn’t been listening since.
“The words in the last letter. I’m ready to hear them now.” She places her hands on my shoulders and arches her belly against my cock.
My heart skips a beat. “You have to be sure.”
“I’m positive.” She runs her fingers through the hairs at the base of my neck.
The sensation sends a jolt of electricity straight to my throbbing member. Thank God. “Natalie, I love you. I will always
love you. There is nothing I would rather do with my future than to marry you and start a family.”
Tears shine on her eyelashes as she stands on her tiptoes. “I love you, Trey Collins. I would love to be your wife and have your childr – “
My mouth descends on hers as I cut her off. The words I’ve waited twelve years to hear. The moment I’ve ached for is finally here. Our tongues collide as we seal our fate together.
Granted, I’ll ask her for real when we’re not standing in a dingy breakroom with one stark light shining down from the ceiling, but for now, it’s perfect.
She pulls back. “Last night, I was scared to lose you again. I was afraid you’d leave me if I can’t have a baby or lose another one. But Lillian talked some sense into me.”
“Sweetheart, just like then. I will always be with you. I want to have children with you because I love you and want to see your belly swell with my child and watch you care for our baby, but if we don’t have children, I’ll still love you.”
“You’re perfect.” She places her hands on my chest. “Make love to me.”
What? I jerk back. Surely, I didn’t hear her right. “Here? Now?”
“Yes.” Her dark pupils are filled with desire as she wraps her leg around my thigh and grinds against my cock and swollen balls.
Shit. She doesn’t have to ask me twice.
Chapter Twenty-One
Natalie
As his hands caress my back, my brain turns to mush. That’s how little contact I need to lose control. It doesn’t matter that I’m on a twenty-minute break from work, in a tiny hospital breakroom, and it will likely be the quickest sex I’ve ever experienced. All I need is a few moments with him, and everything will be complete.
His tongue travels along my jawline. When he reaches my ear, he nibbles on my earlobe. I quiver at the hotness of his lips against my flesh.
“How long?”
“Probably fifteen minutes.” My voice is husky and foreign to my ears.
“Damn,” he groans. “That’s not enough time.”