by Emma Brady
There was a moment of silence as Thomas tried to think of the right words for a response. He had never been good at deeply emotional situations. Which is why he avoided them at all costs. A quick pat on the shoulder wasn't going to be enough here. Following the first thought he had, Thomas wrapped his arms around her and pulled her up tightly against his body. She was crying now, but so quietly he could only hear the hissing of air through her teeth.
"It wasn't your fault," Thomas whispered in her ear, holding her up to keep her from collapsing.
"It was the strain on her, the burden that killed her. I couldn't do the one thing I was raised for and find a husband," she said between sobs.
"It was not for lack of trying. Your mother was proud of you."
"You never even knew her."
"No, but I know you and that's enough."
He felt her body begin to relax, exhausted now and leaning into him for support. The warmth and softness were tempting him to go beyond friendly comfort. The sweet citrus scent of her was all around him now. His lips were so close to her neck that it would only take a turn of the head to taste her there. That was the thought that brought him back to where they were and forced him to let her loose.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."her voice stuttered.
She was at a loss for words and he knew she was flustered with embarrassment from his abrupt actions. He could hardly explain to her that he had to let her go to avoid giving in to his lusty desires. That's wasn’t what a lady wanted to hear.
"Didn't you say that they would be starting the waltz soon?" said Thomas.
"Yes, I did. We should go outside so you can find Sarah."
He allowed her to lead him back out to the crowded garden, where people were clustered thickly around the dance floor. The sound of so many people assaulted his ears and made him wince. A few feet away he could hear the band starting to play the soft sounds of the waltz. A thought came to him and he pulled Eloisa toward the dance floor. He only had to follow the sound of the other dancers.
"What are you doing?" she hissed at him as he took her into his arms, beginning to twirl around the floor. "Sarah was supposed to be your partner."
"She was not close at hand."
"So I'm here because I was nearest?"
It would have been easy to yes and chuckle at the joke, but he knew that underneath the words she was still sore. "I wanted to dance with you."
Thomas had to work hard in order to keep them from getting too close to the other dancers. The fact that the woman he held captivated him didn't help. He had a living distraction moving along with him. It took all the focus he had to keep them moving safely in the right direction.
The music echoed around them and he heard the footsteps of the other dancers, but they were not as loud as the sound of his own beating heart. Holding her like this felt like he was inside a dream he’d had once and could never forget. The layers of rich fabrics they both wore meant nothing because it felt like they were skin to skin. In his mind they were alone and dancing in nothing but the excitement they shared.
Those thoughts were highly inappropriate in public and would only make it uncomfortable for him to keep dancing. Guessing from the way her pulse raced where their wrists touched, Eloisa had similar thoughts. At least as close as an innocent woman could. That idea made him smile.
The intimate nature of the waltz allowed him to feel every movement of her body, but she was not as relaxed as she should be. Her muscles felt like she was ready to run at any moment. He thought women all loved to dance, but the rigid tension in her body indicated Eloisa did not.
"Are you nervous?" asked Thomas.
"Everyone is watching us."
"People watch me all the time. You’ll get used to it."
"I'm not sure I want to." He felt her hand tighten in his hold.
"Then you shouldn't be so beautiful."
That made her laugh and the sound of it allowed him to breathe again. He realized how desperately he wanted her to find enjoyment in the moment.
"I could look like an upstairs maid for all you know," she said.
"I doubt that. I can feel the fine fabric of your dress and know that it is cut close to your body, which would be a nice sight to see."
"I think your hands have had too much liberty then."
The problem wasn't with his hands, but with his mind. "Maybe it is my imagination that brings to mind the lovely shape you have."
"Then your imagination exaggerates, because I don't have nearly the curves my cousin does," Eloisa said.
"She doesn't have your long legs."
"How do you know about my legs?"
Now it was his turn to laugh. "I like tall women and I know what is hidden beneath their skirts."
He wished he could see what color red her cheeks turned when she blushed. It would make her eyes sparkle.
"I think this is going to have everyone talking about us now," she said, changing the subject. "The rumors are already spreading through the room no doubt."
"I don't care about rumors."
"I do. It's my reputation that will be hurt. They will paint me as some kind of scheming poor relative working against Sarah."
"We both know that's not true."
There was a pause when there shouldn't be, it should have been a simple answer. "I shouldn't be dancing with you. It's not my place."
She used that tone again. The one that she used when she tried to convince herself as much as the other person. He didn't believe for a second she didn't want to be there dancing with him, but she didn't think she deserved it. Before he could find the right answer the music stopped and they were no longer alone in the moment.
Eloisa was in a hurry to leave the dance floor and Thomas could only keep up with her. She led them to where her cousin waited with his mother. Sarah was excited and the feeling was contagious. Thomas took his cane back from the servant he had holding it, giving him a sense of security again.
"That was a brilliant idea," said Sarah, giving him a pat on the arm. "No one would have expected to see you dancing with Eloisa. I thought Lady Harris was going to die of shock. Not that I would mind, after the hateful way she treated my cousin."
"Hope the poor old girl recovers."
"It was a kind thing you did."
There was a change in the tone of her voice. Sarah stood close to him, closer than what was appropriate. She slipped a hand into the crook of his arm and pulled him away from her parents.
"I think I might have been wrong about you. My first impression was based too much on rumors and not enough on truth."
"What kind of truth?" he asked.
"That you are a real gentleman, who knows how to judge a person by more than what can be seen on the surface."
"You mean your cousin."
"Exactly. She is such a beautiful person, but nobody else sees that but us. They can't get past her plain appearance."
Thomas knew that Sarah didn't intend for that to sound insulting but it did. Even her own cousin was wrong about her. That frustrated him to the point where his hand strangled his cane handle.
"I don't think she's plain, but I guess I'm not looking at the same person everyone else is," he said.
"I'm starting to reconsider my opinion of you. I might have been too hasty in the beginning."
That was the last thing that Thomas expected to hear that night. He knew that things had been going well and with Eloisa's help he had made progress, but this was a leap. It surprised him enough that he didn't have a proper response ready for her.
"I'm looking forward to your mother's ball." She leaned in to place a quick kiss on his cheek. "Things might be different by then. If you have been wanting to ask me something, that might be the perfect time."
Thomas stood there and listened for the sound of her skirts getting further away. He lifted a hand to touch the place she had kissed him and realized it felt cold to him. It made his stomach sink to know that he felt nothing but friendship for the woman who was s
upposed to become his wife.
Chapter 19
BEING A COWARD WAS not usually how Eloisa would describe herself, but as she stood alone in front of Thomas’s house in the middle of the night, she started to think it might be true. She had been staring at his front door for a long time, unable to bring her hand up to knock. It had been an easy task when she left her room, but now she was struck with fear. She didn't know how he might respond to her disturbing him while he slept. It might be better if she went back home and approached him later in the day, at a more respectable hour.
That night had been like something out of a dream. Dancing in the arms of one of London's most desirable men. Listening to him whisper how beautiful she was. These were things she never would have thought could be possible. Knowing that all of society would be watching, he still chose her to be seen with. It was a moment she was unable to forget.
Then, once they were home, Sarah announced she might be close to accepting his proposal and Eloisa felt like the world slipped out from underneath her. Sarah said there was something she couldn't explain holding her back, but Eloisa doubted that would last much longer. It was what she had worked for, but she felt unprepared for the news.
All the pain it would cause to watch their engagement was too much, so Eloisa was going to have to leave once it was announced at the ball. This meant she would be leaving London a lot sooner, giving her only one chance to thank him before she was gone. This was the only way she could think of to be alone with him long enough to show her appreciation. It involved taking a hired hack to his house well past a decent hour and she was glad to have made it there safely.
When no response came, she knocked again. Then she knocked a third time. Frustrated, Eloisa wondered if anyone was home. Afraid she might lose her nerve, Eloisa tested the doorknob and found it unlocked. Knowing it was wrong, Eloisa slipped inside the house and silently went upstairs. It wasn't hard to guess which door led to his bedroom.
It took a few minutes for her eyes to adjust to the dim light cast into the room from the window. Quietly she snuck over to where he slept in the bed. She had never been in a man's room before and wondered if she should feel more embarrassment. Instead she was curious.
Thomas lay in the bed on his back with the blanket pulled up only to his waist. He wore no shirt, and she guessed he wore nothing beneath it. Even in his sleep the sleek muscles of his body appeared taut. Her hands itched to reach out and touch that golden skin. Continuing to gaze at him, she looked at his sleeping face. The soft lips were parted slightly while he slept soundly. Recognizing how vulnerable he was, she felt ashamed of herself for sneaking in. She had just turned to leave when his voice caught her attention.
"You know it's considered rude to stare."
When she looked at him again his eyes were still closed but there was a thin smile on his lips.
"I tried not to wake you." Eloisa wondered if she should move away from the bed. "You looked tired after this evening. I shouldn't have come here so late."
"You might have gotten away with sneaking in to my house if I wasn't such a light sleeper."
"Not everyone can sneak into bedrooms like you can."
She regretted reminding him of that once she saw the darkened look on his face. She would never have thought he would feel guilt over her feelings. This man was so much different from the heartless god he had been. Without thinking, she reached out to touch the tightened lines of his face. Abruptly he grasped her wrist and she gasped.
"You shouldn't have come here, but it's too late to turn back now." His voice was coarse as he stood, still not letting go of her hand.
Eloisa felt her heart begin to race as she realized that her real reason for coming to his house had nothing to do with thanking him. She had wanted something, something to remember after she was gone. She had been planning to be with him, even if she hadn't admitted it. Now it was too late to change her mind if she wanted to.
Slowly Thomas slid his hand down her arm until he reached her elbow. Then he was able to pull her closer to stand between his legs. Her hand was still stroking his face and now her other hand reached out to touch his bare chest. The skin was firm and warm beneath her fingers, she watched him close his eyes and for the first time felt the power of being a woman.
Compelled by her new found confidence, Eloisa moved closer. She could feel the heat of his bare body through both her nightgown and wrapper. It made her skin tingle. When the blanket fell to reveal more of his handsome body. She let her hand move from his face down to the expanse of his chest.
"Are you sure?" Thomas asked through clenched teeth.
"Yes."
That was all the encouragement he needed. Quickly his strong arms were wrapped around her, pulling her hand against his body. One hand reached up to pull her head down to his. Then he kissed her in a way she never thought possible. It was full of hunger and desperation. She could barely breath as he rolled her under him and onto the bed.
The weight of his body was heavy but not uncomfortable. The blanket and her clothes still formed a barrier between them. She didn't know what to do with her hands so she just let them fall to her sides on the bed. He pulled away then, propping up on his arms and focusing those blue eyes on her.
"I wish I could see you," he said. "I wish I could watch you experience this for the first time."
His confession brought a blush to her cheeks. "You could try to see me with your hand, like you did in the library."
His lips curled into a slow smile. He shifted to lie on his side beside her, allowing his hand to be free to reach for her. Her body trembled as he stroked from her neck, to her shoulder, to the neckline of her nightgown. Without asking permission, Thomas slipped his hand beneath the thin fabric to cup her breast. The feeling of his hand on her flesh brought another gasp from her.
"This would be easier if you were wearing less." Thomas pulled his hand back and she felt a sense of disappointment. She felt nervous as he removed her clothes and pulled her down to lie naked beside him.
His hand returned to her breast and she held her breath. His hand cupped the small weight of it and the thumb tormented her delicate nipple until it became tight. He felt satisfied with that response and his hand moved to get the same response from the other breast. Without thinking she arched her back to press more firmly into his hand. That got a chuckle from him.
His hand moved lower, sliding across the smooth skin of her belly. She was grateful now for her slim figure as he stroked each of her narrow hips. Then he moved to press his body on top of her again. Without anything between them, she could feel the hardness of his manhood pressing against her.
His mouth was on her again, first kissing her lips and then moving down her neck. His tongue slipped out to trace the line of her collarbone and she could no longer lie still. Her hands started exploring his arms and back without her conscious thought.
Thomas moved slowly, taking his time tasting her body. His mouth played with her hard nipples until a moan came from her. Then he looked up at her with a look of male arrogance.
He began kissing her again and then she felt his hand slip between them. Her legs were open to make room for him, but she was surprised when she felt his hands between them. One lone finger slipped into the folds of her body and found her wet. She wiggled as his finger stroked and circled her wetness, building tension inside her.
Before she could reach some unknown goal, he removed his hand and she felt his manhood replacing it. He pressed slowly, trying to give her tight body time to adjust to him. She felt him pause for a moment, then push through the barrier to bury himself within her. The sharp pain made her bite down on her own lip and she tasted blood.
"I'm sorry it hurt," he mumbled against her neck. "It's only like that once, I promise. The rest will make up for it."
She nodded against his cheek but doubted what he said was the truth. As her body stretched for him, she could only feel the pain of his intrusion. All the pleasure she had felt before was gone
. She now only wished it would be over quickly.
Thomas began to move on top of her, sliding in and out of her body. Using her legs Eloisa encouraged him to move faster. Within a few minutes he grunted into the crook of her neck and fell against her. This must mean they were finished with it.
When Thomas rolled off of her Eloisa felt relieved that her body could now relax. She tried not to be disappointed by the ending. The beginning had been pleasant so she thought about that instead. Thomas pulled her up against his side ad she winced at the ache between her legs.
"Did you find pleasure, my dear?" he asked as he laid her head on his shoulder.
"Parts of it were nice."
"Which parts?"
"The ones where you were touching me with your hands." It embarrassed her to talk about such things.
"I already knew that. I meant after I had claimed you. Did you enjoy that part?"
"No, but that part didn't last long."
Something about what she said must have been wrong because he growled and rolled away from her. Confused, she reached to cover herself with the blanket.
"You were supposed to find that part the most enjoyable." Thomas ran his hand down his face.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know."
Eloisa didn't know what to say to make the situation better. She hadn't meant to upset him, especially after such an intimate act. She would have preferred he continue to hold her at least until she had to leave. Now she thought it might be better to leave immediately. She reached for her nightgown when he grabbed her hand to stop her.
"I can do better." He sounded determined. "I know I can do much better."
She started to protest, to tell him he didn't need to bother but he kissed her again before she could. The mating part had been uncomfortable but she did enjoy the kissing. Relaxing back into the bed she tried not to think about anything but the taste of him. She wasn't eager to endure the lovemaking again but his kisses made it worthwhile.
This time when his hand skimmed along the length of her body she knew what to expect and opened her legs for him. She moaned as his fingers explored her and began teasing her again. The tightness in her body returned, only this time he didn't stop. His finger kept circling her until the tension finally broke and she cried out into his mouth. After that she throbbed between her legs but no longer in an uncomfortable ways. She felt a tingle all over her body.