When You Are With Me

by E. L. Todd

  “Well, when I see it I’ll believe it.” I grabbed the blankets I bought and put them in the crib, keeping my back to him. I just wanted something to do so I wouldn’t have to look at him.

  Ward didn’t leave. He remained rooted to the spot. “So…are you going to continue living here?”

  “For the time being,” I said, feeling sad. I didn’t get the house I wanted. But maybe I could save some money in the next year or two and then find something else. Property in the city was so expensive.

  “So, you aren’t actively looking?”

  Why did he care? “No.” I refused to tell him I couldn’t afford anything. I didn’t need his pity. Maybe I couldn’t build a crib by myself but I would figure out how to raise my baby.

  “This place is a good place to start,” he said. “You got plenty of time to decide where you might want to live in the future.”

  At least he wasn’t being a jackass about it.

  “Well, thanks for coming by and helping with the crib…and apologizing.” I just wanted him to leave. I didn’t feel comfortable around him anymore. His hatred leaked from his skin. It formed a cloud and filled the room.

  He rested his hands on the crib and took a deep breath. “Heard from the father?”

  “No,” I said without meeting his gaze. “I’ll never hear from him again.”

  “If you get his name you could sue for child support. It might not be much but you could set it aside for college.”

  “I didn’t know his last name.” I didn’t want that to hurt Ward by making it sound like I slept with some random guy off the street but I couldn’t think of a better response.

  “Oh.” He fell into an intimidating silence.

  I sensed another fight was coming on. “Well, you should go. I need to get to bed.”

  He stayed next to the crib and gripped the wood tightly. Then he released it and walked to the door.

  I didn’t say goodbye because I feared another word might set him off. When I used to strip, he would explode at any moment. He would fall under the weight of his grief. I knew the best thing to do was remain silent.

  He stepped across the threshold then turned around.

  I faced him, wishing I didn’t have to look at him.

  “Did I…” His voice faltered when he stared into my face. “Did I honestly mean anything to you?” His voice was weaker than I’d ever heard it.

  “Of course you did.”

  He stared down at his shoes for a while. “And this is how our lives go? You are knocked up by a guy you hardly know and I…” He didn’t finish the sentence. “This is it?”

  His words hurt. “Yeah…I guess.”

  He took a deep breath before he walked away without looking at me again.

  I stood in front of the open door long after I heard his footsteps fade. Then I shut the door quietly, like I didn’t want to disturb anyone to any sound I could possibly make.

  Chapter Twelve

  Trinity

  My clothing business was doing better than ever before. It surprised me how quickly retailers were getting me into their stores. I was sitting at my desk one afternoon ordering flowers for the wedding when my assistant said the director of Target was on the line. When they offered to feature my clothes in their stores, I almost passed out.

  I was grateful this was happening but it couldn’t come at a worse time.

  I was getting married in two months and I was throwing everything together at the last minute. I didn’t even have time to pick out a dress. The next best thing would be to make it.

  I had several more employees and I had different companies that were providing the fabric and clothes. My designs were more expensive than regular clothes you would find at Target but that was because I didn’t outsource my business. I paid American workers livable wages, not citizens of a third-world country twenty cents an hour. It just wasn’t ethical to me. My dad ran his company the same way, and he taught me right from wrong a long time ago.

  Someone knocked on the door to my office and I didn’t bother to look up. “Come in.” I was looking at the prints for my new gown and I didn’t have time to entertain anyone.

  “You aren’t even going to look at me?” Slade’s voice came into my ear.

  I looked up and saw the most handsome man I’d ever known. “Well, I didn’t know it was you.”

  “Well, stop looking at this damn paper and give me some sugar.” He leaned in and gave me a hard kiss on the lips.

  I kissed him back and felt the usual chemistry. “What brings you by?”

  “Lunch with my lady.”

  I sighed. “I really don’t have time today.”

  “You’ve been saying that all week.”

  “Well, I’m busy.”

  “And when you’re home you’re still working.”

  “Well, I’m planning an emergency wedding,” I argued.

  “Take a fifteen minute break.” He winked at me. “We both know I can get you to come in five.”

  I ignored his perverted remark. “How about tomorrow?”

  He grew irritated. “You seriously can’t have lunch with me?”

  “You can get lunch and eat it in here.”

  “And you aren’t going to get anything?” he asked incredulously.

  I was sticking to my diet even if I wasn’t going to tell him. “I already ate.”

  “What?” he asked. “A pencil?”

  “We have sandwiches in the break room.” In actuality, I hadn’t eaten anything but a few nuts and pieces of fruit for the past few days. When I had dinner with Slade, I just pushed my food around and pretended to eat. Since I didn’t eat much anyway, he didn’t notice.

  “Well, I want to get away with you,” he said. “Come on. Mega Shake is your favorite.”

  “Slade, I said no.” I didn’t mean to snap but I was growing irritated. Being constantly hungry and stressed out was making me aggressive and grouchy.

  He finally backed off but he was clearly pissed off. “Well, I’ll let you get back to whatever the fuck you were doing.” He walked out without looking at me, and without saying I love you or goodbye, he left.

  ***

  When I came home that night, Slade wasn’t there. He probably was out on purpose because he was mad at me. I decided not to bother him. He would come home when he was ready. But I didn’t bother making dinner since I knew he wouldn’t eat it. Instead, I worked on my wedding gown. I had the fabric I wanted and the lace. I had a deep purple blanket I could throw over it whenever Slade was around so he wouldn’t be able to see it. I knew exactly how I wanted the dress to fit. I was excited I would have a one-of-a-kind gown—literally.

  When it grew late, I started to worry. Slade hadn’t called or checked in. I decided to call him.

  It rang then went to voicemail.

  I texted him instead. I don’t care if you’re mad at me. At least tell me you’re okay.

  Whoa, you aren’t too busy to check on me?

  I ignored the jab. When are you coming home?

  What does it matter? You’ll be working anyway.

  I sighed, knowing this was going to be a bad fight. Please come home so I can apologize in person.

  Maybe I don’t want to hear your apology.

  Slade, please come home.

  He didn’t respond.

  Slade?

  No response.

  I growled then texted Cayson. Do you know where my man is?

  I haven’t talked to him.

  Are you lying?

  No.

  I can’t find him and he won’t talk to me.

  Try his dad’s place or the shop.

  Those were two good places. Thanks.

  Hope you find him.

  I texted Ryan next. Is Slade there?

  He responded immediately. He told me he’s sleeping here but didn’t say why.

  Well, I’m coming to get him. Don’t tell him I’m coming.

  Please take him. We don’t want him here.

  I knew h
is dad was half-joking, half being serious.

  ***

  I entered the apartment then searched the living room. Ryan was sitting on the couch and Janice was laying in his lap while reading on her kindle.

  “You have the straight jacket, right?” Ryan asked without looking at me.

  “Where is he?” I asked.

  “In his room,” Ryan said dismissively.

  I was so embarrassed Slade came to his parents place. We were getting married in two months but we couldn’t fight in the same house. I walked into his bedroom, ready to give him an earful.

  He was lying on the bed with his ear buds in. His eyes were closed and he was keeping the beat by patting his chest. Seeing him relaxed and listening to music just pissed me off more.

  I jumped on the bed and made him bounce into the air.

  “Shit!” He rolled over with the force of the moving mattress.

  I yanked his ear buds out then grabbed him by the t-shirt. “What the hell are you doing?”

  His eyes narrowed when he realized it was me. “Fuck, you scared the shit out of me.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I said sarcastically. “You scared the shit out of me when you didn’t come home.”

  He pulled my hand off his shirt. “Get off my case and just go.”

  “Slade, we’re engaged. You need to come home even when we fight.”

  “I would if you wouldn’t be a brat.”

  He was driving me crazy. I was sick of him always taking off every time we had a fight, and he always got mad over the dumbest things. “Slade, I have responsibilities and obligations. It’s called being an adult. I’m sorry I don’t run some run-down tattoo parlor. I’m starting an empire from the ground. I won’t be able to have lunch with you every day. So get over it.”

  “I’m your fiancé,” he snapped. “You really couldn’t give me fifteen minutes?”

  “I’m your fiancé,” I snapped. “You really couldn’t just respect what I asked you to do?”

  Now he was red in the face. “You’ve been working non-stop lately. I’m sick of it.”

  “It’s called being an adult. You should try it sometime.” I was mortified we were screaming at each other and his parents could hear everything. “Just because we have a fight doesn’t mean you take off and run to your parents like a child. You go home and work it out with me. I’m sick of you taking off every time there’s a little bump in the road.”

  “Well, I’m sick of you treating me like dirt. I come first.”

  “Treating you like dirt?” I asked incredulously. “You come first? Slade, you do come first. But not for every little thing. If something serious happened, I would drop whatever I was doing for you. But you can’t expect me to come to your beck and call every time you want to get lunch.”

  “I come to your beck and call.”

  “I never stop by your office and demand to go to lunch with you!”

  “Just get the hell out,” he hissed. “I don’t want to look at you right now.”

  Doubt welled up inside me and I suddenly felt terrified. Would Slade always act like a child? Would he always be stubborn like this? I didn’t mind that we argued often but the fact he took off every time was unacceptable to me. We were getting married. Married couples didn’t just take off. “You know what…” I held up my hand. “I can’t do this anymore. This isn’t the kind of relationship I want.” I pulled my ringer off my finger and set it on his nightstand. “This isn’t going to work.”

  Slade’s eyes were the size of melons. He stopped breathing and stared at the ring on the nightstand.

  “Good bye, Slade.” I tried not to cry as I walked out. I passed his parents without looking at them. Once I was out the door, I started to run. I wasn’t sure where I was running or what I was running toward. I just needed to flee.

  “TRINITY!” Slade’s voice came from behind me, and he sounded a little crazy.

  I left the lobby then ran up the street. A guy just happened to get out of a taxi so I dove inside. Just drive.”

  “You got it.” The cab pulled onto the road.

  When I looked out the window, I saw Slade burst through the doors then look in both directions up the sidewalk. He was breathing hard and I’d never seen him look so scared in my life.

  ***

  My office was the one place I’d be safe for the night. I had changes of clothes, make up, and a nice couch to sleep on. My phone was off and I refused to turn it on. Slade would blow it up all night long and I didn’t want to talk to him.

  Something inside me snapped. I loved Slade with everything I had but I was tired of the childish way he handled our relationship. When things got tough, he took off and forced me to track him down like his mother. His reaction was always to run away but that wasn’t right in a relationship. I was tired of being the responsible one, the calm one. And Slade always flipped out over the dumbest things. When I forgot to wear my engagement ring he refused to come home and acted like I didn’t wear it on purpose. When I didn’t greet him right when he got home, he was pissed off at me. There was always something new with him.

  I knew he had a hard head and I was fine with that. But he needed to grow up if we were really going to get married. The fact he ran to his parents like a child thoroughly embarrassed me. I hated the fact they heard our entire fight. I felt like a stupid teenager. I was tired of him doing the running. And I was tired of me doing the chasing.

  I couldn’t sleep because I felt so depressed. Just because I took off the ring and said we were done didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. It nearly killed me. I kept assuming that marrying Slade would solidify us and unite us. But why would anything change? He would still take off every time there was a bump in the road. I wanted a man who came home to me every night, regardless how pissed off he was. The constant silent treatment got old.

  I pulled a few coats over me while I lay on the couch. The city lights were streaming through the window so it wasn’t that dark. The neon signs were distracting. I closed my eyes so I could forget about the brightness.

  Then the phone on my desk rang. The sound was so loud it made me flinch. I didn’t get up and answer it because I already knew whom it was. Slade probably tried to track me down at every place he could think of. I was surprised this place came into his mind.

  I would have to leave first thing in the morning and find another place to work.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Slade

  God fucking dammit.

  This can’t be happening.

  This can’t be real.

  It was my worst nightmare.

  I pushed her too far this time.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  Her phone was off so I couldn’t reach her that way. I called Skye and asked if she was there. She said no. I called everyone else and asked where she was. The only person I didn’t call was her father.

  I would be so embarrassed if I had to tell him what happened. Trinity returned my ring and dumped me. She didn’t want to spend her life with me anymore. She was sick of my shit.

  Fuck, please be a terrible dream.

  I went to Skye’s apartment then barged in without knocking. They knew I was coming so I didn’t see the point in knocking. “Please help me. Please.” I knew I looked like a maniac right now.

  “Whoa…” Cayson gripped me then guided me to a couch. “What’s going on, man?”

  I was out of breath because I’d been running so much. “Trinity…she.” There was a stitch in my side. I pulled the ring out of my pocket and showed it to them.

  They both knew what that meant.

  “What the hell did you do?” Cayson said.

  “Did you cheat on her?” Accusation was in Skye’s eyes.

  “No, of course not.” I gripped my skull and tried not to break down. “I need to find her. Please help me.”

  “Tell us what happened first,” Cayson said.

  I told them the story and the fight we had in my old bedroom.

  “What did you say?” S
kye asked. “You must have said something to set her off—something really bad.”

  “No…I can’t think of anything. It’s nothing I haven’t already said before.”

  “That might not be a good thing,” Cayson noted.

  I was starting to have another meltdown. “Please help me find her. I can’t let this happen. I can’t live without her. I need to get her back.”

  “Okay, okay,” Cayson said. “Stay calm. We’ll figure it out.”

  “How can I fucking stay calm?” I snapped. “My fiancé just left me. I always knew she was too good for me.”

  “Well, she’s not here, obviously,” Cayson said.

  “Maybe she went back to the apartment,” Skye said.

  “I already checked.” I gripped my skull so it wouldn’t cave in on itself.

  “Maybe she’s with Conrad?” Cayson asked. “He is her brother.”

  “No, I already called,” I said.

  “Roland?” Skye asked.

  “No,” I said.

  “Where else would she go?” Cayson asked.

  “I tried her office but there wasn’t an answer. I doubt she would go there,” I said.

  “She’s probably at her parents,” Skye said. “Did you check?”

  That’s what I feared most. “No…I didn’t.”

  “Then call!” Cayson looked at me like I was stupid.

  “I…I don’t want to call.” I was ashamed to admit it.

  “Why?” Skye asked.

  “If she’s not there, her dad will wonder why I’m looking for her. And If I tell him the truth…he’ll probably hate me again. I want to avoid that at all costs.”

  “He won’t hate you,” Cayson said. “He knows couples fight.”

  “But she dumped me.” The words hurt on the way out of my mouth. “We’ve fought before and it’s never come to this. It’s just so sudden…”

  “Maybe there’s been something bothering her for a long time,” Skye said. “And now it exploded.”

  I nodded but that didn’t make me feel better.

  “Drive to Mike’s and see if her car is there,” Cayson said. “Then you’ll know.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I guess I could do that.” I jumped to my feet and Cayson did too. “Call me if she comes here.”

  “I will,” Skye said.