When You Are With Me

by E. L. Todd

  “Literally?” he asked. “Isn’t that a good thing…?” A slight smile was on his lips.

  His joke made me laugh. “No, not literally. Then we wouldn’t have a problem.”

  “So, he’s just pushy?”

  “He keeps bugging me to do it.”

  He shrugged. “Then why don’t you just do it?”

  “Slade and Trinity are getting married soon,” I said. “I don’t want to be the talk of their wedding.”

  “Well, don’t make out with Heath in front of everyone and you should be good,” he said with a laugh.

  “But if I tell my parents, they’ll tell everyone else. Gossip flies, man.”

  He drank his beer. “Honestly, I don’t think the wedding has anything to do with it.” He gave me a pointed look.

  I averted my gaze because he was onto me.

  “You’re making excuses and Heath knows it.”

  “Regardless, I’m not ready to tell my parents. It’s a really big deal.”

  “Dude, they aren’t going to care,” he snapped. “Trust me.”

  “We don’t know that for certain,” I argued. “Clementine is pregnant and Cortland flipped out about it.”

  “He didn’t flip out,” Conrad argued. “He just needed space for a while. That’s not the same thing at all and you know it.”

  I couldn’t win this argument. “He still needs to be more patient with me. I already told you and Skye. That should be enough for now.”

  He turned to the TV and dropped the subject.

  I fumed silently.

  “I love you, man. But I’m with Heath on this one. If I was in love with a girl and she wouldn’t tell her family about me I would be pissed off. This isn’t any different.”

  “But it is different,” I snapped. “My dad could never speak to me again.”

  “Sean would never do that,” he said. “Being gay is really going to change your relationship that much?”

  “It might. We don’t know.”

  “Well, if this is who you are you’re going to have to come clean eventually. And I suggest you do it soon before you lose Heath. He’s a really cool guy and everyone likes him. I suggest you hold onto him. I don’t know anything about being gay, but I can tell he’s a catch.”

  “He is a catch,” I said immediately. “He’s the greatest guy I’ve ever known.”

  “Then don’t blow it, man. Take the hit and deal with it. Remember, you got me forever. If your parents turn their back on you, I’ll always be here. We can ditch them on every holiday and drink beer. It’ll be fine.”

  “Well…thanks.”

  “Now don’t be a pussy and just do it.” He turned back to the TV.

  A blonde came around the corner with only a towel wrapped around her body. “Con, can I use your shower?”

  “Of course, baby. Go ahead.”

  She walked through the living room then entered the bathroom.

  I turned to Conrad and gave him an incredulous look. “Uh, who was that?”

  He held up his finger to silence me and then he turned back to the TV.

  Was he seriously not going to tell me who she was?

  When she turned on the shower, Conrad turned back to me. “You remember that girl I came all over at that party?”

  “Bathroom girl?”

  “Yeah. That’s her.”

  That was random. “How did you find her?”

  “I was having lunch with my dad when she waltzed in there. We’ve been fucking ever since.”

  “Like, you’re fuck buddies?” I asked as I drank my beer.

  “Yeah, pretty much.”

  “And that’s it?” I asked incredulously.

  “Dude, it’s so fucking nice. There’s no drama or bullshit with her. It’s straight sex and sometimes we hang out afterwards and go to the movies and stuff. She’s really cool.”

  “And that’s it? No strings attached?”

  “Not a single one, man.” He turned to me with a wide grin on his face. “It’s so awesome.”

  “And you don’t have feelings for her?”

  “Hell no,” he said immediately. “I mean, I care about her. If something bad happened to her I would be there for her—as a friend. But that’s the extent of my feelings.”

  “And she feels the same way?” That was the part I was doubting.

  “Yeah.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “She’s not like other chicks,” he said. “She doesn’t say she’s okay without a commitment and then try to get me to fall in love with her. She’s the exact opposite. She’s a sex psychologist and doesn’t believe in love or relationships.”

  “A sex psychologist?” That was pretty good.

  “And she’s amazing in bed—like, wow.”

  “Sweet,” I said.

  “My life is awesome right now.” He drank his beer again and released a happy sigh.

  “And how long will this last?”

  Conrad shrugged. “Until one of us gets bored. I have a feeling she’ll want to end it first.”

  “Why?”

  “She’s just…free. She doesn’t like to be tied down to anything, even for a short period of time.”

  “And you’re okay with that?” This had heartbreak written all over it.

  “I’m more than okay with it. I told her I’m never going to have another relationship and I’m certainly never going to get married. This is perfect for me.”

  “Never?” I asked in surprise.

  “Never,” he said firmly.

  I hated the fact my friend was burned so much. Relationships had their cons but they had their perks too. Heath and I were fighting right now but there was a lot of goodness to the love we shared. “You shouldn’t let what Beatrice—”

  “Don’t say her name,” he said immediately. “She’s in the past and I never want to talk about her again.”

  It sounded like he still had emotions to resolve. “My point is, I think a relationship would be a lot different if you had it with the right person. That’s all. So don’t swear off relationships altogether.”

  “I’m a big boy, Ro,” Conrad said. “I know what’s best for me.”

  It didn’t seem like anything would change his mind. “Slade was the exact same way and look at him now.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Don’t compare me to Slade.”

  “I’m just saying, when he met the right girl he changed. That’ll happen for you too. Now he’s ridiculously happy.”

  “Trinity just dumped him,” he argued. “He pissed her off and she gave him back her ring.”

  “Then they made up.”

  “But that still hurt like hell,” he snapped. “Why would I ever want to go through that?”

  “Well, Slade is an idiot. He probably did something stupid. You don’t do stupid things.”

  He released a sarcastic laugh. “Say that to my dad. He’ll tell you otherwise.”

  The shower turned off and Conrad gave me a look that told me to be quiet.

  I didn’t speak again.

  She came out of the bathroom with her hair pulled in a bun and the towel wrapped around her waist. “Your shower has nice water pressure.” She had a playful smile on her lips. She leaned over the back of the couch and looked down at Conrad.

  “Thank you,” he said. “It’s why I picked the place.”

  She chuckled then gave him an upside down kiss.

  Conrad gripped the back of her neck as he deepened the embrace.

  I just watched them, seeing the natural chemistry between them. They seemed too comfortable around each other for fuck buddies. Their body language hinted at a mutual understanding of one another.

  She ended the embrace then came my way, still wearing a towel. “And who are you?” She extended her hand to shake mine. “I’m Lexie.”

  I took it. “Roland.”

  “It’s nice to meet you,” she said. “I apologize about the towel. I didn’t know Con was having company.”

  “It’s okay,” Conrad
said. “He’s gay.”

  “Oh.” She nodded her head slowly. “Well, that’s good to know.” She chuckled then patted my shoulder. “Well, I’m going to get dressed.” She walked down the hall and back into the bedroom.

  “Do you really need to tell everyone I’m gay?” I asked.

  “What?” Conrad said. “It was an important piece of information.”

  “Not really,” I said.

  “I just wanted her to know you were off limits.”

  “She wasn’t checking me out.” The only guy she seemed to notice was him.

  “Better to be safe than sorry.” He kept watching the TV.

  Lexie came out a few moments later, wearing a black dress with flats. “Well, I’m heading out.”

  Conrad looked at his watch. “Baby, why don’t you just sleep here? It’s late.”

  “I have a very busy day tomorrow.” She headed to the door.

  Conrad abandoned his beer then met her at the entrance.

  I watched them out of the corner of my eye, trying not to stare.

  “It’s late,” he said. “It’s not smart to walk around at this time of night.”

  “I won’t be walking,” she said. “I’ll take a cab.”

  “You could just stay here. I don’t mind.”

  “I don’t do sleepovers,” she said immediately. “And you know that.”

  “Well, I think you can make an exception with me. You know I’m your friend and I’m just looking out for you.”

  “That’s sweet, Conrad,” she said. “But I don’t need anyone to look out for me.”

  He leaned toward her and gave her a kiss. “Miss Independent…that’s hot.”

  “I’m glad you aren’t intimidated.”

  “No, just turned on.” He grabbed his jacket. “But I’m going to walk you home anyway.”

  “That’s so unnecessary.”

  “Hey, I’m not letting a pretty girl walk alone in the dark,” he said. “My dad would beat me to a pulp if he knew I let you out of here at this time of night.”

  “You really are overreacting.”

  “I don’t care, baby.” Conrad turned to me. “I’m going to walk Lexie home. I’ll be back in a little bit.”

  I rose from the couch and joined them by the door. “I should get going anyway. I need my shut eye.”

  “Well, that’s all you’ll get because I’m sure you’ll be sleeping alone.” Conrad winked at me as he teased me.

  I shrugged because I knew it was true.

  The three of us crossed the threshold and Conrad locked the door behind him. After we made it to the street, we went our opposite ways. Conrad and Lexie walked one way while I headed in the opposite direction.

  I don’t know what possessed me to do it but I stopped and turned around.

  Conrad had his arm around Lexie as he walked with her. She laughed at something he said and he pulled her closer into his side.

  I had a feeling Conrad was in for a lot more than he bargained for. He’d just hadn’t realized it yet.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Cayson

  I entered Skye’s office but she wasn’t there. Instead, Ward was sitting at her desk looking through his drawers.

  “Whatcha doing?” I asked, wondering why he was snooping around.

  “That brat took my favorite pen.” He opened another drawer. “I know she has it in here somewhere.”

  “I doubt she cares that much about your pen.” Being friendly with Ward was still weird. I hadn’t gotten used to it just yet. There was still some unease deep below the surface but I tried to forget about it.

  “That’s where you’re wrong, my friend.” He placed a stack of folders on her desk then snooped deep inside the drawer. Then he sighed and returned everything to its place. “Damn, she must have it on her.”

  “What’s the big deal about this pen?” I asked.

  “It has pizza slices all over it.” He gave me a meaningful look that said, “I told you so.”

  “Oh, now I see,” I said with a nod. “Yeah, she would love that. Where is my betrothed anyway?”

  “She’s in a meeting,” Ward said. “She’ll be back any second.” He left her desk then sat in the chair near mine. He rested his ankle on the opposite knee then straightened his jacket. “So, how are you?”

  This was still weird. “Well. You?”

  “I’ve been working a lot. It never seems to stop.”

  “Why is that?” I asked. “Skye gets off on time.”

  He shrugged. “I guess I find work to do as a distraction…” His meaning was implied.

  “So, Clementine being pregnant really shook you up?”

  “Have you ever had your heart broken, Cayson?” He was being serious.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, that’s exactly how I feel.” He looked out the window and didn’t turn my way.

  “But you’ve been broken up for a long time…”

  “When someone is the love of your life, the time you spent apart is irrelevant. It kills me that she’s doing this alone. I would much rather have her have fallen in love again and now they were having a family. It would have hurt, of course, but it would have been better than this. I hate knowing she’s alone. I’m not saying she can’t handle it because she’s a smart girl, but…she shouldn’t have to.” His voice carried his sadness. “She shouldn’t even be working, and she shouldn’t have to give up music just to have a decent job that pays the bills. It haunts me, Cayson. Truly.”

  Perhaps I misjudged Ward. It seemed like he really cared about my sister, even after all this time. “She’s not alone. She’s got me. I’ll be there for anything she needs. And she’s got everyone else. I already know what I’m getting her when the baby comes.”

  “What?” he asked quietly.

  “A C.D. it’s a savings bond with low-interest. Basically, I’m putting enough money inside it that when Clementine’s baby turns eighteen, they’ll have plenty of money to go to college wherever they want.”

  He nodded. “That’s very thoughtful, Cayson.”

  “It’ll be one thing Clemy doesn’t have to stress about.”

  Ward ran his fingers through his hair and released a deep sigh.

  “You still love her?” I don’t know what possessed me to ask this. It just came out.

  “Always.” It was all he said.

  “Because she’s under the impression you hate her.”

  He shook his head. “I was just really angry that she didn’t talk to me for months. We broke up over a stupid reason and it never should have happened. I resent her for taking away the thing that’s given me the most joy. And I lashed out at her, wrongfully so. Now I regret it. Of course I don’t hate her. I’ve never hated her.”

  “Hopefully, she’ll realize that in time,” I said.

  “I’ve been behaving like a mature adult lately. Hopefully, she’ll see that.”

  “Yeah, maybe.” I thought about the fact that Ward spent so much time with Skye. “So, you’re with Skye pretty much all day?”

  He groaned in response. “Cayson, I don’t want her. I just—”

  “That’s not what I meant. Just answer the question.”

  “Yes, for the most part. My office is just down the hall but we work together all the time. And we usually get lunch if you aren’t around.”

  At least she had another man to accompany her when I wasn’t around. And he was fairly big and strong.

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Just curious.”

  Skye entered her office with the pen tucked behind her ear. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

  Ward was immediately on his feet. “Give me that pen, brat.”

  “What pen?” She played dumb and covered the pen with her hair.

  “I just saw it,” he said with a growl. “If you like it so much, get your own.”

  “Ward, I didn’t steal your pen.”

  “You’re the worst liar ever, you know that?” he said.

  She rolled her eyes t
hen handed the pen over. “Geez, what’s the big deal?”

  He took it and stashed it into his pocket. “My nephew gave this to me a few years ago.”

  Skye’s face softened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “You shouldn’t knick people’s things, regardless,” he countered.

  “Sorry, I won’t take it again.”

  “Thank you.” He sat down.

  Skye narrowed her eyes on his face. “Clementine told me what you did for her the other day.”

  He looked away. “I don’t understand your meaning.”

  “You took her to the hospital when she was having Braxton hicks. She said she was really scared but you took care of her.” Skye continued to look at him.

  I turned in his direction, surprised I didn’t know about this.

  He shrugged. “I did what any man would do.”

  “That was really sweet, Ward,” she said quietly. “I know her being pregnant isn’t easy for you.”

  He fell silent, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

  “How about we get lunch?” I said, dissipating the silence.

  “That sounds like a great idea,” Ward immediately said.

  “We’re having pizza.” Skye grabbed her purse and walked out.

  I turned to Ward now that we were alone. “Thanks for doing that for my sister.”

  He put his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground. “I would do anything for her. So don’t thank me.”

  ***

  Skye and I finished dinner then sat on the couch and watched TV.

  “You know, I’m really glad your apartment building is being renovated,” she said. “I like having you here all the time.” Her arm was hooked through mine, and my elbow was pressed into her boob.

  “Yeah?” I asked. “I like being here all the time.” We were just playing house but I really wanted the real thing. I wanted to come home to Skye every day and call her my wife. I wanted a marriage, to solidify our love and declare it to the entire world.

  But I couldn’t.

  Goddammit, Slade.

  If he hadn’t gone first, I would have gone. And now I had to wait. I couldn’t do it immediately after their wedding because that was tasteless. I would have to give it some decent time before I popped the question.

  Sometimes I fantasized about the glow of her face when I asked her to be mine forever. I imagined the tears that would fall down her face. The feeling of warmth spread through me even though it wasn’t real.